She deserved all the happiness in the world. He was determined to be the one to give her another child to change her life and keep her smiling. To keep her safe and close and to watch over her the way he intended to watch over Sunny and Alice.
He made sure Sunny was all right alone before he joined Kat beside the fountain. When he reached her side, she didn’t attempt to make small talk, nor did she try to assure him that Dodge was in a better place. She simply took his hand, squeezed it, and tried to smile.
“It’s so peaceful here.” Her gaze drifted over to Sunny and Alice. “I’ll have to thank Sunny for trusting me with her.”
Alice started fussing and tugging Sunny toward the garden gate. Sunny looked back at them apologetically.
“I’ll wait by the car, Dad.” She used the word dad easily, as if she’d done it all her life.
Kat squeezed his hand again, and he looked down into her upturned face, into her dark, soulful eyes, wishing she would smile.
“Oh, Ty. She just called you Dad.” Her gaze swept his face and he could tell that she, above all people, understood exactly what he was feeling.
He would have answered, but he couldn’t. Not with his heart in his throat.
Chapter 38
THEY WERE ABOUT to leave the garden when Kat took his hand and said, “Ty, wait.”
He turned expectantly. “What’s up?”
“I’ve decided not to go back to Twilight.”
“Are you all right? Are you dizzy?”
She shook her head. “It’s nothing like that.”
“Then what is it?”
“I . . . I’ve changed my mind. I can’t go back with you.”
“It’s no problem. Sunny will follow us in your car. She promised not to go over eighty.”
She wished she could smile.
“That was a joke, Kat.”
“I know.” She dropped her gaze.
She heard Alice outside the garden wall, fussing, and knew he had to go.
“Look at me, Kat.” He cupped her chin in his hand and forced her to meet his eyes. His gaze was full of concern, and something greater. She recognized the love in them and felt like an impostor.
“What’s going on?”
“Jake will be home in a few days. There’s really no reason for me to go all the way back.” It was hard to believe over five weeks had come and gone since the day she’d wondered how she was going to deal with the peace and quiet of Twilight Cove.
“No reason? I’ll give you one good reason—me. I want to take care of you. Soon you’ll be a hundred percent again.”
She knew as long as she lived she’d never be one hundred percent again, but that’s the way life goes. She’d made a decision and she was going to stick to it.
“I can’t go back, Ty.”
“You mean you won’t go back. I love you, Kat. I want you in my life. I want to marry you.”
“Oh, Ty.”
He started to go down on one knee. “I wasn’t planning on doing this today, but you leave me no choice.”
She grabbed his arm and glanced around the garden. “Don’t, Ty!” Then she lowered her voice and begged, “Please, don’t.”
“Will you marry me, Kat?”
“No.”
“What do you mean, no?” He stared at her in disbelief.
“No, I won’t marry you.”
“Why not? I know you love me.”
“You deserve the family you’ve always wanted.”
“So do you. I want to have it with you.”
“I can’t—” She shook her head, choking on the words, unable to say anything.
“Don’t tell me you can’t. You love me enough to have put your life on the line for Sunny. I’m even willing to hang in there until you’re absolutely sure. I’d stake everything I’ve got on us making it work.”
“Ty, please don’t—”
“Don’t what? Don’t love you? Don’t want us to be together? I know that terrifies you. I know falling in love is probably the only thing that you’re afraid of in the entire world, but I’ll never hurt you, Kat. Ever.”
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
His mouth tightened. “What happened?”
She looked away. “I saw your face when Sunny called you Dad. I know how much you treasure Alice. You’ve turned your life upside down for them.”
“Don’t you think I can love you as much as I love them?”
She started to reach for him, then realized it would only make things worse. She was afraid to touch him, afraid her resolve would crumble.
“Whenever I think with my heart, I end up in a mess, but right now I’m thinking with my head, and it’s telling me we’ll both be better off if I walk away.”
“I think that wound is affecting your mind. Why in the hell won’t you give us a chance? The other night, when you opened up to me, I thought we were finally getting somewhere. Five minutes ago, I thought you were going home with us.”
She had to clear her throat before she could go on. “I can’t have any more children, Ty. Ever since the accident. I . . . my uterus was ruptured. When I lost the baby, they took everything.”
He stared into her eyes for so long that she wanted to gather what was left of her soul and walk away. Then he took her face between his hands and made her look into his eyes.
“So you can’t have kids. So what?”
“So you just admitted you want a big family.”
“I have Sunny. I have Alice. I want you to be one of us. Yes, I want a family—one with you in it.”
“Right now you think that’s enough, but what’s to keep you from regretting it later? What if you wake up one day and realize you want more children of your own? What happens when Sunny gets married and Alice goes to live with her? How will you feel about me in a few years, after you realize what you’ve given up?”
The silence between them was so thick it was almost deafening. It drowned out the sound of the fountain and the birds. Her cell phone went off in her pocket, reminding her that she still had her business. She could bury herself in it again.
She ignored the phone, wished Ty would say something, anything, and stop this gut-twisting free fall.
“You want to end this, fine, but when you get home and you’re all alone again, just remember it wasn’t me who broke your heart on Kauai. And that I’m not the one making an issue about you not being able to have children.”
Before she could move, right there in the middle of the hospital garden, he pulled her into his arms. There was no gentleness in his kiss this time. None at all.
She understood he was a man fighting for what he wanted, fighting to hold on. It was clear in the desperate way he kissed her, in how his grip tightened around her upper arms.
A heady dizziness came over her. It might have come from nearly having her head blown off seventy-two hours ago—but she suspected it was because of the way he was kissing her.
Breaking his hold would have been simple, but even a black belt was defenseless against her own heart.
He kissed her until Sunny called through the gate.
“Dad?”
Kat quickly backed away. Ty ran his hand through his hair, took a deep breath, exhaled.
“In a minute,” he called back.
Sunny looked at Kat through the wrought-iron gate and blushed. “Alice is throwing a fit. We really ought to get her something to eat.”
“We’ll be right there,” he promised.
“I’m taking a cab home, Ty. There’s no sense in you driving an hour out of your way to take me back to Long Beach.”
“You’ve already got this all worked out, haven’t you? What you want. What you think I want. I guess there’s nothing left to say but good-bye, is there, Kat?
”
“I’m sorry, Ty.”
“Hey, don’t feel sorry for me. You’re sorry enough for yourself. How long do you think it’ll be before you atone for what happened? The fact is, you must not think that you deserve to be happy, otherwise you’d take a chance.”
She did want to be happy, but more than that, she wanted him to be happy. She wasn’t changing her mind and she wasn’t going to argue anymore. As stubborn as he was, she knew this could go on and on.
Somewhere close by, a dog barked. Dappled sunlight streamed through palm fronds. Their shadows lined the walk. Ty’s hair glistened where the afternoon sunlight touched it.
He was staring at her so hard that her cheeks burned with embarrassment. Her lips had been bruised by his kiss. She could taste him still.
“Your heart will be safe with me, Kat. Love will take care of the rest.” He stared deep into her eyes, as if fighting to connect with her very soul.
Her eyes stung, betraying her. When his image blurred, she turned away, refusing to let him see her cry.
“I’m not strong enough to find out, Ty. I can’t risk another broken heart.” It was a weak excuse at best, but it worked.
Ty started to walk away, but before he left, he paused at the gate long enough to stop and say, “Then you’re not the woman I thought you were.”
Chapter 39
A WEEK LATER Sunny carried Alice through the parking lot of the marina at Gull Harbor, trying to ignore her jitters as she strolled along the dock toward the Stargazer.
R.J. was easy to spot silhouetted against a crisp blue sky, tall and rugged on the open deck. His hair, long enough to reach his collar, was ruffled by the wind.
He was a man who didn’t care about convention or appearances, yet with his sun-streaked hair and soulful eyes, he was striking enough to turn a woman’s head, no matter her age.
Alice had been fussy all morning. By the time they reached the Stargazer, she was fighting to get down. R.J. spotted them and walked to the port side. He waved.
“Ahoy!” Sunny called out. “Can we come aboard?”
Even though she was wearing sunglasses, she had to squint against the bright light, and shaded her eyes with her hand when she tipped her head back to look up at him.
He leaned down the ladder to take Alice from her. The toddler stopped whining the minute R.J. set her on his hip. Sunny grabbed the rails and followed. As soon as her feet hit the deck, she felt as if she’d just reached the finish line of a long-distance race.
She loved the sway of the boat beneath her feet, the rhythmic slap of water against the hull. She took a deep breath of air seasoned with the salty tang of the sea and let her gaze wander to the horizon, where clear blue sky met sparkling water.
She studied the eroded face of the sandstone cliffs that sheltered the harbor, a host of stately Mexican fan palms swaying in the onshore breeze. A fishing boat with full bait tanks motored by, headed toward open water. A noisy flock of gulls circled and dove into its wake.
Despite the upheaval in her life, despite her recent loss and the abrupt break from everyone connected with her past and the pending trials in Los Angeles, standing there on the open deck of the Stargazer she knew a surprising sense of peace.
Maybe I’ll make a good Chandler after all.
R.J. recognized her need for silent communion with the sea. He left her standing alone as he walked to the bow with Alice and pointed out a seal sunning itself on a buoy. Sunny walked along the deck until she reached his side. Alice was engaging him in deep conversation—all toddler gibberish. He responded with an explanation of why seals sun themselves. It was worthy of the Discovery Channel.
Sunny couldn’t help but smile, for the moment content to watch and listen. When Alice reached for R.J.’s sunglasses, he didn’t pull away or tell her no. Instead, he slipped them off and handed them to her for inspection.
It wasn’t until he turned around that Sunny saw the uncertainty on his face. After the way she acted the last time they’d been together, she couldn’t blame him.
“How’s Kat doing?” he asked.
She knew Ty had told him everything about her life in L.A. and about what had happened. There were no secrets left to hide.
“Kat’s doing fine. She’s back in Long Beach working full-time.”
“How’s Ty handling that?”
She shrugged. “He pretends he’s okay and that he doesn’t miss her.”
Glancing at Alice, she noticed that her daughter had dropped her head on R.J.’s shoulder and was sucking on the frame of his sunglasses. “They don’t really talk. I call her once in a while.”
“How are you doing?” he asked.
She stared at the Keds she’d bought when she started working for him. They weren’t pristine white anymore.
When she looked up, she thought about how natural he was around French Fry. Her daughter had fallen asleep against his shoulder.
“I’m doing okay. I came by to apologize.”
“Look, Sunny—”
She thrust her hand out like a traffic cop, effectively silencing him. “Let me finish first, okay? I was scared when I first got here, scared the guys in L.A. would track me down before I was sure this was a good place for Alice. My feelings were all over the map.”
“You’d been through a lot.”
“I was pretty screwed up, but you were always honest with me. You didn’t try to fix me overnight.” She shrugged. “You went out on a limb to hire me, and I almost came between you and Dad and I’m sorry.”
“Things were as much my fault as yours. You know that, don’t you?”
She nodded. “Maybe. Yeah, I guess.” She was thankful that she was wearing sunglasses, hoping he couldn’t hear her uncertainty.
“It was just a kiss, Sunny. Just a kiss.”
“Yeah. That’s all it was,” she said softly—not quite sure at all.
“What are you going to do now?”
She walked over to the rail, watched the chocolate-brown seal rouse itself, clumsily shift its bulk around until it slipped back into the sea. Once in its element, it immediately became graceful, a shimmering dark streak cutting through the water.
“We . . . my dad and I . . . were hoping you’d go with us to spread my . . . Dodge’s ashes.”
“I’d be honored.” There was no hesitation. She could tell he meant it sincerely.
“I’ve decided to get my high school diploma, then go to junior college part-time next spring, after the trials are over.” She wished she hadn’t blown things with him. Nervousness had her talking a mile a minute. “I know you’ve had to hire someone else, but I was wondering if there’s a chance I could work some of the cruises for you again. Part-time, maybe? If you ever need somebody. Probably not, though, huh?”
He gently shifted Alice without waking her and leaned against the hull of the cabin. “I hired someone, but on the condition that if you came back, the job would be yours again. I’d already okayed it with your dad, of course.”
It was an odd feeling, this buoyant, fragile contentment, but one she wouldn’t mind getting used to. She hadn’t had much experience with dreams ever actually becoming reality, not until Ty Chandler walked into her life. Ty, and Kat, and R.J.
“Really?”
“I had a feeling you’d be back, Sunny.”
“What made you so sure?”
“You’re a Chandler, aren’t you? They always find a safe harbor in Twilight Cove.”
Chapter 40
Kauai, Hawaii
December . . .
TWO WEEKS BEFORE Christmas, Kat stepped off the plane in Honolulu and Hawaii embraced her. The air was thick with humidity, spiced with the heady mixture of plumeria and ginger, sensual as plush velvet against her skin.
She took the Wiki Wiki shuttle to the I
nterisland Terminal and caught the connecting twenty-five-minute flight to Kauai. Mixed feelings of elation and dread unsettled her nerves as she anticipated being with her family again.
She’d expected Sonya or one of her kids to pick her up at the airport in Lihue. What she hadn’t expected was the whole family to turn out dressed in bright aloha shirts and long floral-print muumuus, looking like escapees from a Hilo Hattie clothing factory tour.
As soon as she wheeled her carry-on out of the baggage claim area, everyone from Mom and Pop to all the nieces and nephews nearly toppled her with hugs and kisses and then buried her up to her chin in leis—all kinds of leis—from mokihana and maile grown high in the mountains, to Anahola plumeria, Vanda orchids, ti, white ginger, and puakinikini.
As they ushered her to the car, everyone talking and laughing at once, she felt like a float in the Rose Parade. The leis quickly grew hot and heavy, but they were so much a part of the island homecoming ritual that she didn’t dare remove any of them until they reached her parents’ place in Kapa’a.
She quickly changed into shorts, a tank top, and rubber thongs—or slippers, as everyone called them here—but it was impossible to slip into her old life. The carefree young woman she’d been while growing up here was long gone.
She might look the same, but she was no longer the Kat they once knew, the sister/daughter they remembered. The trouble was, she was no longer that other Kat, either, the hard-hearted mainland P.I. she’d been for a while.
No matter how hard she tried, the emotional armor she’d forged no longer fit.
She’d fought the changes, but she’d lost. She had plenty of new clients to keep her busy and a new partner who didn’t mind her taking time off now and then. The world was full of cheating spouses, embezzlers, fraudulent workers’ comp cases. There were court papers to serve. Missing persons to track down. Business was great.
On the mainland she’d tried not to let anyone see the changes or the confusion in her, but she was with her family now. There was no hiding anything from family.
She had hoped the island would help her settle into a middle ground and find the answers she was looking for. She was no longer the wounded young woman who had lost her first love and her baby, nor was she the bitter workaholic. She’d opened her heart and taken a chance, walked away from Ty for his sake, and ached ever since.
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