Under the Stars

by Chelsey Nichole

  I slammed my head into the palm of my hand as I sat down on the couch.

  “Excuse all the language that’s about to fly out of my mouth, but what the fuck were you thinking? I mean, you’re fuckin’ joking, right? Please tell me you’re not talking about this asswipe who’s been stalking to you!”

  Silence.

  “Khloe!”

  “Just listen, please. Listen to me. This was an accident.”

  “He’s a great fucking guy, Khloe, and you’re going to throw all of that away because some hot stalker dude has shown up and now you’re questioning what? Your love for Ben?”

  “June, I feel like I’ve met Cole before. Like we’ve known each other and that’s what worries me. And no, I’m not questioning my love for Ben.” I rolled my eyes. “I have always loved Ben and will always love him no matter what, that’s not the point.” I paused, taking a deep breath.

  “Then please, explain the point because I’m so fucking confused!”

  “The point is, when I get married I want to be married for life. If I’m questioning my marriage with him while we’re engaged, don’t you think I should figure out if I even want this? We both deserve that, don’t you agree?”

  “Yes, I do agree. But usually, that’s what people figure out before they get engaged.”

  “I know, I know.” I stood up and starting pacing the length of the living room.

  “So this random guy comes along and now you’re unsure. Whatever, Khloe. You know that I love you, and as your best friend I’m here to tell you that I’ll support you no matter what, but you should know you’re making a huge mistake. Don’t throw away everything between you two for a random stranger on the road. I don’t care if you think you know him or not.”

  “I know,” I whispered.

  “Just get your shit together and come back home.”

  “I will.”

  “All right. If you need me, call me. Love ya, sis.”

  “Love you,” I sighed as I hung up the phone.

  I took off my bracelet and engagement ring and set them down on the kitchen counter. I told myself I took it off because I was going down to the ocean but something deep, deep inside told me I was only lying to myself. I took it off because the questions swirling around my head, the ring was growing tighter around my finger. I needed to breathe, to think clearly.

  I plugged my headphones in and put on my flip flops. I made my way down to the beach and turned on “The Only Exception” by Paramore. I sat down, looking out into the ocean.

  June loved me and I loved her. There was no doubt about that. But leave it to her to give it to me straight. She was never one to sugarcoat anything. She didn’t care if it hurt your feelings, and she didn’t care if you hated her afterward. She was a straight shooter. I admired her for that. I wasn’t sure where I was before her.

  Stars have always been my go-to. There were times I’d sit on my roof and cry my heart out, telling the stars all of my secrets. When June came along, she became my star. She listened to me; she let me tell her my secrets, and she talked back. She gave me the advice that I needed and so desperately craved.

  And now she was right, just like always. Was I going to throw everything with Ben away because of this stranger? My brain said no. But my heart … my heart was completely different. My heart begged me to find out why this stranger was making m question everything. My heart begged me to figure out where this could lead.

  It was dark outside and the salty air mixed with the beautiful stars above was paradise for me. I slipped off my flip flops and stood, walking towards the ocean. The water covered my feet and I wiggled my toes in the water.

  “Home” by Phillip Phillips came through my earbuds. I took a deep breath, turned around, grabbed my flip flops and walked back up to the cottage, letting the cool, salty ocean whip around my toes. What I would do to have this all the time, to feel this relaxed. There was something about the ocean that carried away all of life’s problems and just let you breathe.

  I walked back into the cottage, putting my shoes down next to the front door. I was drained both emotionally and physically. I needed a good shower, something to eat, and a comfy bed to sleep in. I took a long, relaxing shower with my iPhone playing in the background. Music helped me escape, and it was perfect on this mini vacation I was having.

  After I dressed and towel dried my hair, I went into the kitchen and found just the basics in the fridge. I made a quick egg sandwich and grabbed a water bottle. It wasn’t long before I’d made my way to the bedroom and laid down in the bed. I put the feather down comforter at the end of the bed and covered up with the sheets.

  I left the bedroom windows open. It was pretty cool outside, but the ocean breeze felt amazing. It wasn’t long before I closed my eyes and let sleep take over. I had a lot to think about, a lot to get together before I could go home and face Ben again. I’d hurt him. I’d hurt him a lot. I had never seen him cry like that, and I never wanted to see him cry again.

  He deserved to be happy, but so did I.

  “ROOM SERVICE.”

  I awoke the next morning to a knock on the door. I got up and rubbed my eyes, the sun lighting up my room. I rubbed my eyes again and stretched the muscles in my body. Crap, I thought, I forgot to put the ‘do not disturb’ sign on the door. I opened the door, and the sight was enough for my jaw to hit the floor.

  Cole stood in front of me¸ his blue eyes taking me in. His hands were shoved in his jeans pockets and a white T-shirt was hugging his muscles tight. He obviously hadn’t shaved in a couple of days.

  I panicked and slammed the door shut, leaning my back against the door. “Cole, I’m really beginning to think you’re following me,” I said behind the closed door.

  Silence.

  I waited a few moments, but he never spoke. I slowly stood up to peer through the peep hole. He was gone. There was nobody there. Was I losing it?

  I slowly opened the door, expecting him to jump out, but he wasn’t there. I stepped out on the porch and looked around ... I must be going crazy. I needed to get a grip, but first I needed breakfast.

  I quickly got dressed, straightened my hair, put on some light make-up, grabbed my purse, and headed out the door. I needed to get some sun, but that could wait until later. I got in my car and drove to a small diner a couple of miles away. I sat down and ordered breakfast, then unlocked my phone to a text from Ben.

  Ben: Hey…

  I debated replying. It’s not that I didn’t want to, it’s just that I didn’t know what to say … or what not to say. I decided to reply, to at least let him know I’d arrived safely.

  Me: Hey, I’m here safe and sound :)

  I put my phone back into my purse as my coffee was set on the table. I smiled at the waitress as I put the hot liquid to my lips. Mmm … coffee. I closed my eyes and inhaled the coffee; it smelled delicious. When I opened my eyes, I almost dropped my coffee cup.

  Cole.

  Sitting across the table from me.

  He laughed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

  “I haven’t lost my mind,” I whispered. He cocked his head and squeezed his eyebrows together. “I saw you this morning … you knocked on my door.” I set my coffee down.

  “I did.” He smiled.

  “How did you know I was there?”

  “I didn’t. The name on the cottage is under a Ben Hamilton.”

  “Why did you come to my cottage in the first place?”

  “My uncle owns the place, and two of his housekeepers bailed on him, so I offered to help.”

  Maybe this was a sign.

  Or maybe I was flat-out going crazy.

  The waitress set my plate down and I unlocked my eyes from Cole’s to open my napkin of silverware. I needed to eat and get out of here because I couldn’t think straight with him near me.

  I shoveled the food in my mouth, not caring how it looked to him. I looked up only a few times to find him staring at me, the ends of his lips curled up. He looked en
tertained. Well, I thought, I’m glad one of us is.

  He didn’t need to be here. I had things to think about...things meaning him! I had a ring on my finger, dammit. I went to twirl my ring … crap! I had taken it off last night! He looked down at my hand and noticed the same thing.

  “Where’s that big, flashy engagement ring?” He was being cocky now.

  “Took a shower … took it off,” I said between chews. Maybe I could come off as a slob and he’d be so un-attracted to me that he’d leave me alone.

  But did I really want that?

  I shoveled the rest of the food in my mouth, trying not to answer that question. I gulped down the last of my orange juice as the waitress cleaned up the plates.

  “Can I get my check, please?”

  “Your meal has already been paid for. Is there anything else I can get you?” she asked, smiling.

  I looked over at Cole, who had an even bigger smile on his face.

  “Ugh!” I yelled as I grabbed my purse and headed towards the exit. I marched out and took a deep, calming breath as I stood next to my car.

  Don’t freak out, I kept telling myself.

  “Khlo!”

  I turned around. Cole was running towards me.

  “Don’t call me that!” I yelled as I unlocked my car and threw my purse in the passenger seat. I turned around and jabbed a finger into his chest and said, ”You don’t get to call me that, ever! Do you hear me?”

  “Khloe, I—”

  “Great! I’m glad you understand. Now leave me the hell alone! I’m supposed to be getting married, but you’ve come into my life and royally screwed it all up!”

  “You’re still just as hot when you’re mad.” He smiled as he leaned against the front of my car.

  I closed my eyes and shook my head. “Okay, creep. Either leave me alone or I’m calling the cops. See ya, pretty boy.” I got in and closed my door, locking it. I started the car as he took a few steps forward.

  “Can I please talk to you? Just let me explain.”

  I turned up my radio, letting “Make Damn Sure” by Taking Back Sunday drown him out. There was nothing to explain other than he was fucking weird.

  I put the car in drive and slowly pulled out of the parking spot and turned onto the main road. As I pulled out, I looked through the passenger window at him. He was standing there, looking at me; watching me. He was a stalker. He’d called me a nickname that I hadn’t been called in years, a nickname that I hated. It brought up too many old and hurtful memories.

  I pulled into the driveway of my cottage, grabbed my purse and got out. I looked around, expecting to see Cole pull up behind me, but he never did. Part of me was relieved, but part of me felt sad. Did I want to see him? Maybe.

  He said he needed to explain. Explain what, though? I was here because of him. I was on the fence about marrying Ben because of Cole. At least that was what I kept telling myself. It was much easier to blame this stranger than to blame myself.

  I walked up to the cottage, let myself inside, and changed into my swimsuit. I needed sun and the ocean. I grabbed my phone out of my purse, noticing Ben had sent a text back saying that he was glad I was okay. I didn’t respond. I couldn’t—I was too frazzled.

  I grabbed my water bottle, tanning oil, and a towel before headed down the small, private walkway leading to the beach. I fanned the towel out, rubbed tanning oil on, then put Muse on as I laid down. “Madness,” one of their best, was the first to play. I stared up into the sky, letting the lyrics sink into me … devour me.

  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, welcoming the salty air into my lungs. I needed this … my mind and body needed this. Hopefully, I could come to clarity soon because I needed to know what I was going to do.

  I just couldn’t leave Ben for this stranger, but Cole brought up feelings in me that made me question what Ben and I had and whether or not I wanted to spend my life with him. When he asked me to marry him, I hadn’t hesitated. I knew at that moment that I loved him and that I could see myself with him. I still love him.

  Cole was a stranger … but he didn’t feel like one. I felt like we were kindred spirits; like I had known him before … maybe in a past life? I shook my head, attempting to clear my thoughts. I needed to stop thinking about him. I took another deep breath. I needed to think about my feelings for Ben and what direction I wanted my future to go in.

  I turned over to lay on my stomach, propping my head up on my hands and looking around the beach. The ocean looked very inviting, so I took a long swig from my water bottle, letting the cool liquid slide down my throat, then took out my headphones and headed towards the water. The salty ocean cooled my body, and it felt so good to relax, to be swept around by the waves. Now, if I could just get Cole out of my head, I’d be good to go.

  Maybe I did owe it to him and myself to hear him out; to find out why I felt like I had known him, why he was always popping up. And, more importantly, why he made me question everything I had with Ben. There had to be answers to my questions, answers to the way I was feeling, and the only place I could get them from was him.

  After I’d cooled down, I walked out of the ocean, grabbed my stuff, and headed back towards my cottage.

  I walked in and noticed it had been cleaned. Cole, I thought. I set my phone on the kitchen counter and saw a note.

  I took my time showering and getting ready. Now, it was almost ten, and I’d already downed a half bottle of wine that was in the fridge.

  I looked through the closet for something to wear. I found a black dress, but this wasn’t a date, so that wouldn’t work. Instead, I chose a hot pink, loose fitting tank top, a white tank top to go underneath it, and some distressed jean shorts.

  I sat down on the couch and poured another glass of wine while I waited for the next few minutes to pass. I wish I could call June and let her pep talk me, but I knew that would be a bad idea. She would ask me what the hell I was doing. She would tell me that I was out of my mind, which would lead to her talking me out of this. But I knew differently. Something in my gut told me that I was making the right decision.

  The alarm on my phone went off, startling me out of my daydreams. I got up and clicked off the alarm. It was time. I downed the rest of my glass, slipped on my black sandals, and headed for the door.

  I walked down the walkway to the beach. He was lying on the sand, staring at the stars like he was praying to them. I got closer and he stood up, looking at me. The butterflies deep in my stomach fluttered, begging to be let out. I clasped my hands in front of me, reminding myself to breathe as I walked closer to him.

  “Hey,” he whispered. “Wasn’t sure you’d come.”

  “How come?” I asked as he put out his hand. I took it, feeling the electricity pass between us.

  “Just thought if you didn’t think I was a creeper before, you’d think so now.” He laughed as he motioned for me to sit beside him. I followed, trying to release the pent up butterflies.

  “Thought I would hear you out.”

  He took a deep breath and let go of my hand. I felt cold without his touch … alone.

  “You know, I used to go to the stars for everything. When my life got rough or I just didn’t have all the answers I needed, I would lay down, look at the stars, and somehow I felt better,” he said, looking up towards the sky.

  I stared at him. He was manly but beautiful. Everything in me begged to reach out and touch him, to feel the connection between us. “Why do I feel like I know you? Why do you feel so familiar to me?” I whispered.

  “Because you do know me.” He moved his eyes from the stars to meet mine.

  I squinted my eyes, trying to will my brain to figure out what he meant.

  “Khlo, think about it. The nickname, the stars … the feelings you get when I’m around.”

  I stood up, not able to tear my eyes away from him. “Oh my god,” I breathed, my hands going up to cover my open mouth, the tears threatening to fall. I put my hands on my chest, feeling like I couldn’
t breathe. I felt like the world was crashing around us.

  “Say it, Khlo.”

  His name got lodged in my throat. I put my hands around my throat trying to coax the name up.

  He took a step closer as I took one back. Our eyes didn’t break as tears fell from my eyes.

  “Khlo,” he whispered.

  “Colton...” I whispered as I hiccupped with the tears.

  “It’s me, Khlo. I’m right here.”

  He stood and I pushed myself into his arms. He wrapped them around me tightly, nuzzling his face into my neck as he took a deep breath. I cried into his shoulder, squeezing him tighter. I pulled him back, looking at him.

  “How … when …”

  “I’ll tell you everything, I promise.”

  I didn’t want him to tell me anything. I wanted to feel him. I leaned in and locked lips with him, sighing as he slipped his tongue inside my mouth. He put both hands on my lower back, squeezing me, pressing me harder into him. I felt his approval on my lower stomach. I kissed him deeper, tangling my fingers through his hair, swallowing his moans and replacing them with my own.

  He picked me up, locking my legs behind his back as he walked us towards the cottage, our lips never unlocking. He fumbled, finally grabbing the door knob and walking in, closing it behind him. He sat me down on the couch, unlocking our lips.

  I opened my eyes, unaware I had been crying the entire time. I couldn’t believe he was here … I couldn’t believe that this was really happening.

  “Let me tell you everything before this goes any further,” he said as he sat next to me.

  I wiped my eyes. “I don’t care,” I whispered.

  “I do. I owe you an explanation. You need to know why it took me ten plus years to find you, to come back for you.”

  I nodded. I didn’t care, but he apparently did. I stood up and walked towards the kitchen. “Wine?”

  “No, thank you.”

  I nodded and grabbed another bottle out of the fridge with a new wine glass. Lord knew I was going to need it for this.

  I sat down on the couch next to him, kicking my sandals off and putting my legs up on his lap as I poured my first glass of wine.