Under the Stars

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Under the Stars Page 6

by Chelsey Nichole


  “Khlo?” He grabbed my hand over the table. “For the record, I’m not letting you go. I’ll never stop chasing you. I let you go once, and that was the worst mistake I have ever made. I can and will never let you go again,” he said, squeezing my hand.

  I didn’t want him to let me go. It felt natural being with him. I felt at home with him. But Ben was such a sweet guy. We had been together for a long time, and it wasn’t fair to just dump him and move on. He deserved explanations, reasons behind my decision.

  And just like that, I had made my decision.

  The waiters appeared again. “Bacon wrapped filet mignon with potatoes and snapped peas.”

  I took a long sip of wine, hoping it would clear the fog from my mind.

  “You okay?” Colton asked as he cut into his steak.

  “Fine,” I lied.

  He looked at me, his eyes piercing into my soul. He knew I was lying, and I was waiting for him to question it, but it never came. We both took a drink of our wine, changing the topic and falling into easy conversation. I tried to answer his questions with honesty, but Ben clouded my thoughts. I didn’t want to hurt him, but at this point, hurting him was inevitable.

  After dinner, we walked back to the car.

  “Thank you for tonight,” I sighed. “It was amazing.”

  He smiled. “You’re welcome, babe.”

  My stomach did flips. Butterflies threatened to escape as they filled up my stomach. The things he did to me, the way he made me feel was something I hadn’t felt in a very long time.

  We pulled up to the cottage and Colton parked next to the driveway.

  “Are you not coming in?” I asked.

  “I can’t. I have to be somewhere,” he said, unbuckling his seatbelt and climbing out of the car. He opened my door and pulled me into his arms, our faces just inches away.

  “Don’t leave,” I whispered into his mouth.

  “I wish I didn’t have to.” He captured my lips with his, all my worries vanishing. “I’ll be back in the morning, is that okay?” he whispered.

  I nodded. “I love you.”

  “I love you too, baby.” He kissed my forehead then took my hand as he walked me to the front door.

  I opened the door, and he smiled as he turned and walked back to his car, smiling at me before driving away. Jolts of energy went through my spine and I couldn’t wipe the stupid smile off my face as I shut the door and turned on the light.

  “So, I send you down here and you start sleeping with another man,” a voice boomed.

  Well, that was one way to wipe the stupid smile off my face.

  MY HEAD QUICKLY SNAPPED to the living room. Ben was sitting on the couch, hands in his lap and one ankle resting on his opposite knee. I put my hand to my chest as I tried to calm my breathing.

  “Ben,” I whispered.

  He stood up and crossed his arms over his chest. He must have come straight from work. “You look surprised. Did you forget about me waiting for you at home while you were shacking up with that guy?”

  “Can I change and then we can talk? I’ll tell you everything, I promise.”

  “Sure,” he sighed as he sat back down on the couch.

  I walked back to my room and shut the door. He was mad and hurt, which he had every right to be. I had let this go on for too long.

  I changed out of my dress, being careful to put it neatly back on the hanger, then threw on some comfy shorts and a tank top.

  “Do you want something to drink?” I asked, walking into the kitchen. Lord knows I needed something a lot stronger than wine, but it would have to suffice.

  “No, your answers are all I came for.”

  I nodded, even though he wasn’t looking at me. I poured a glass of wine and walked into the living room. I sat on the loveseat opposite of him and took a sip of my wine.

  “I found this,” he said, holding up my engagement ring. “I told myself when I found this on your dresser that this was answer enough for me. I mean, why would a woman who was madly in love with someone take off her engagement ring?”

  “Ben, just listen, okay? I came here having full expectations of thinking about everything, thinking about us. The guy that I told you about when I was … drunk, his name is Colton. When we were younger, we dated and promised each other that we would get married. Well, he joined the Army when he turned eighteen and I never heard from him again. He’s the one who was at the bar. And, when I came here, I ran into him and found out that his uncle owns this place.”

  Ben rolled his eyes. “Of course he does.”

  He didn’t understand, and as much as I tried to remind myself he had every right to be pissed, it still hurt thinking he was turning into someone I didn’t even know.

  “I didn’t have anything to do with you sending me here if you remember. You’re the one who told me I needed time to figure out what I wanted and who I wanted that with. And while I agree and am thankful for that time, here we are.”

  “But I thought you would pick me, Khloe!” He stood up, throwing his arms at his sides. “I thought what we had was real.”

  I stood too. It was a common technique to stand over someone who is sitting, to show you had control, and I had to show Ben he did not have control over me. “I thought I would too, Ben, but the feelings I have for Colton, the history we have together, is something I can’t deny.”

  “And what about me, Khloe? Am I just supposed to go on with my life and forget about you? Forget about us? What can I do to get you back, Khloe? I do love you and I know once upon a time, you loved me too.”

  “I still love you, Ben. I’ll always love you. You’ve been a part of my life for so long.”

  “I want you, Khloe. I need you in my life. Please,” he choked back the tears, “…don’t leave me.”

  “Ben, this isn’t easy, and we both know it. But I think you deserve to be happy, and would you really want to marry someone who isn’t in love with you anymore?”

  As soon I uttered the words, I wished that I could take them back. The pain and hurt that flashed in Ben’s eyes and lingered on his face was enough to break me. He sat down on the couch like he had just been punched in the gut.

  “So that’s it, just like that. You’re not in love with me because an old boyfriend showed up? Were you ever in love with me to begin with?”

  I sat down next to him. “I think I was. I think I’ll always love you, but we both deserve happiness. You deserve a woman who is madly and unconditionally in love with you. You deserve a woman who feels about you the way that you feel about her.”

  Ben was there for me when nobody else was. He didn’t deserve this, but he sure as hell didn’t deserve a loveless relationship or marriage either. I took another drink of my wine, waiting for him to talk … to say something, anything.

  He stood up, shaking his head. “I guess that’s all the answers I need then.”

  “Ben,” I whispered, standing up.

  “Don’t, Khloe. Just call it like it is. It’s over, we’re through. You’ve clearly moved on and I need to as well. I can’t say it’ll be easy, but it is obviously what needs to happen, for both of us.”

  I didn’t say anything because it was the truth. I couldn’t force myself to fight for him, for us. I had to let him go. My heart and soul were with Colton.

  “I’ll have your stuff packed up and moved for you so you don’t have to worry about that. Where do you want your stuff sent?”

  “June’s.”

  “She knows about this?”

  “No, but I’ll call her.”

  He headed towards the door and I followed him. He leaned over and kissed my cheek, letting his lips linger on my skin. It didn’t feel right … his kiss was forced and not as sincere as it used to be.

  “I need you out in two days. Otherwise, I’ll transfer the rest of the bill to you.”

  “I understand,” I whispered. He couldn’t pay for me to stay here forever to be shacked up with Colton.

  “Good luck, Khloe. Really.
I hope you end up very happy.”

  “Thank you. I wish the same for you.”

  His smile was strained as he walked out the door. I closed it behind him and immediately fell to the floor, banging the back of my head on the door as the tears ran down my face. I’d hurt Ben. I’d hurt him a lot and I deserved this.

  I pulled my knees up and wrapped my arms around my legs. My heart was broken. Was it possible to love someone and be in love with someone else? Was I making the right choice? Was I being selfish? Was I a bitch? I didn’t want to find the answers. I wanted to feel horrible as a way to remind myself what a good person Ben was … still is. Even after everything tonight, he never once called me any horrible names, and he could have. I deserved them after all.

  I eventually picked myself up and walked to my bedroom, throwing myself on the bed. I buried my head into the pillow, crying harder and thinking about Colton. I was exhausted. My brain was dead, just sitting in my head and serving no purpose. I cried into my pillow until the sobs eventually ceased and I let sleep take over my trembling body.

  I jolted awake, my body covered by something … someone. I opened my eyes and turned my head. Colton was sprawled over me. My heart settled, but all the memories of what had happened earlier came flooding back into my brain and I had to hold back my sobs. I shifted out from under him, trying not to disturb him, then tiptoed to the bathroom and washed my face. My eyes were swollen from the tears and my face was splotchy and red. I had to get myself under control.

  I brushed my teeth and brushed out my hair, sweeping it into a bun on top of my head before going back to the bedroom. Colton was sitting on the edge of the bed, wiping the sleep away from his eyes.

  “When did you get here?” I asked.

  “I think it was about two.” He stretched, revealing his muscles. His pajama bottoms worn loosely around his torso.

  I looked at the alarm clock by the bed. It read almost four-thirty a.m.

  “Do you wanna tell me why you were crying when I got here?” He coughed. “Well, crying in your sleep, I mean.” His eyes bore into mine.

  I went to the dresser and got a pair of running shorts out. “I’d rather not talk about it,” I said, slipping my comfy shorts off and slipping these on.

  “So, you’re running just like you always do, Khlo, and I don’t mean literally. You’re running from the situation at hand here.”

  I exited the room to find my running shoes.

  “Khlo!” Colton hollered as he came out of the room, stepping into the small hallway. “Don’t you walk out that door. Talk to me. I left and you were fine. Then I come in and you’re sobbing a heartbreaking cry while you’re sleeping.”

  “Colton, let it go,” I said, clenching my jaw.

  What did he not understand about me not wanting to talk about it? After I’d slipped on my shoes, I grabbed a water bottle out of the fridge before grabbing my phone and earbuds. I headed towards the door and looked up to find Colton blocking my exit.

  “Khloe, I won’t let this go. Don’t shut me out,” he whispered.

  “Who said I was shutting you out?” I locked eyes with him, he wasn’t winning this one.

  “You leaving and not talking to me is shutting me out.”

  “Or maybe it’s that I need to run and clear my head.” My body ached to run, to feel the cool, salty air in my lungs, to feel the burning of my muscles with each pound into the sand.

  “Clear your head from what?”

  “From whom.” I folded my arms over my chest.

  “Then who the fuck is it, Khloe?”

  “Ben, okay? He was here when you dropped me off!” Now I was pissed. I hadn’t had time to completely process everything.

  “Shit,” he whispered, running his hands through his hair.

  “Shit is right, Colton! He was here, sitting on the couch, and I had to tell him our engagement was over! I had to tell him I didn’t love him back! Do you know how fucking hard that is?”

  “Khlo—”

  “Don’t, okay? My life was fantastic before you showed up. I had a great job, a man who worshipped me, a best friend, a home. Now what do I have? Shit, that’s what I have Colton. All. Because. Of. You.” I jabbed my finger into his hard chest with each word.

  “Don’t say that, Khlo. Just the other day you said you had nothing before me and now you’re saying you have nothing because of me? Make up your mind.”

  “Stop fucking calling me that! I don’t know, Colton.” I threw my hands in the air as I turned away from him. ”Just stop it all, okay!” I was on a roll, I wasn’t about to stop now.

  “You fucking left me, Colton. You left after you promised me that you would come back for me. Then twelve years later you show up and expect me to drop my life for you.”

  “No!” His voice boomed through the living room. “I tried to leave. I tried to tell you we shouldn’t do this. You’re the one who told me to stay.”

  He closed the space between us, quickly standing in front of me. “Why?” he whispered.

  “Because you cloud my mind. I can’t think straight when you’re near.” It was the truth. I crossed my arms over my chest. He would not win. “Please let me go running, Colton.”

  “Not until you’re honest with me and with yourself. I’m not saying ending things with Ben wasn’t hard, but be honest with yourself, Khloe. It’s always been me and you. I know it took twelve years to come back for you, and I’ll spend the rest of my life apologizing for that, but you can’t run every time things get rough, Khlo.”

  “I hurt another human being. I hurt someone I care about,” I said, putting my hand on my chest. “Someone who cared deeply about me. All for what?”

  “All for us. Dammit, Khloe.”

  “Just let me go.” I meant to run, but maybe I deserved to be alone. Maybe I didn’t deserve happiness.

  Colton took a deep breath before stepping to the side. “If that’s what you want,” he whispered.

  I walked out of the door, putting my headphones in letting “Breathe Me” by Sia flow into my ears as I took off running towards the beach. I didn’t look back at the cottage.

  Our first fight in twelve years.

  Maybe our last fight.

  I kept running until my lungs burned. I stopped and collapsed on the beach and looked up at the dark sky. I needed to be under the stars.

  This was all too much to handle.

  IT HAD BEEN EXACTLY one week since I’d seen Colton … or talked to him. He’d left after our argument and never returned, and I’d moved in with June until I could get enough money saved to get a place of my own.

  Life goes on, right?

  I buried myself in my work, not focusing on anything else. Anytime I had a spare moment, my heart crumpled all over again and the pain was excruciating.

  The days dragged on, and before I knew it, seven weeks had passed since I’d talked to Colton. I tried to tell myself things were better this way, but something deep inside still ached, and I knew I was lying to myself.

  I woke up one night with my stomach begging me to purge the dinner I’d enjoyed a couple of hours ago. I ran to the bathroom and hugged the toilet. Once I had nothing left to empty, I picked myself up and looked in the cabinet above the toilet for something to take to ease my stomach. I shuffled some things around, finally coming to the box of unopened tampons.

  I’d cringed as I mentally tried to figure out how long it had been since my last period.

  I’d missed an entire month.

  I sat at the doctor’s office, legs crossed, looking at my phone and begging to wake up from this nightmare.

  “Khloe!”

  I looked up at the announcement of my name. Standing in the doorway were dark, clouded blue eyes. I sunk into my chair. Please go away, Colton. Just, please go away.

  “When were you going to tell me?”

  “Tell you what?”

  “Uh, maybe, I don’t know? That you’re fucking pregnant?” He stood a couple of steps away from me.

 
; I stood. “Can we take this outside, please?” I grabbed my purse and went out the door he just came in through. Once we were outside and safely away from the front of the small office building, I turned. “How dare you!”

  “So, you were just going to keep it from me? Not tell me?”

  “How’d you find out?”

  “June. Now answer my question.”

  Damn her and her loud mouth! “This is my first appointment, Colton. I was planning on telling you after it was confirmed. And who’s to say it’s yours?” I asked, knowing full well it was. The timing pointed to our time at the cottage.

  “Can I please go in with you?” he asked quietly, ignoring my implication that it may not be his child. He knew, deep down, the baby was his.

  I sighed. “Yes.” This was his child. He deserved to be there too.

  We walked back in just as the nurse was calling my name. We both went back. The nurse checked my weight, took my blood pressure, then took a urine sample for a pregnancy test which, of course, came back positive.

  “Well, let’s get a look at this baby,” Dr. Evans said as she walked in, turning the lights off.

  Colton grabbed my hand as she put a good amount of cold, blue gel on my stomach. She turned the monitor on and waved the wand around my stomach.

  “There it is,” she sang out as a tiny little peanut came into view.

  “Oh my god,” Colton whispered.

  I stared at the screen, not believing what I was seeing as Colton squeezed my hand even tighter.

  “Looks healthy. You’re measuring at about nine weeks.” She smiled, printing off the first pictures of our baby. She turned the screen off and wiped the gel off my stomach. Turning the light on, she grabbed my file. “You’re not taking your birth control anymore, are you?”

  I sat up, pulling my shirt down, still staring at the picture in my hand. “Uh, no. I stopped after I realized I was pregnant.”

  “Good, good. You’ll need to start prenatal vitamins if you haven’t already.” She smiled. “I think it’s best to see a high-risk doctor. I know you were only fifteen when you had a miscarriage, but we should confirm you can carry full term.”

 

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