I stared at him, so mad I could barely speak. Yeah, I had every intention of selling his fame to keep my face out of the papers, but he had kissed me out of anger. That didn’t happen … except in novels. And now I was officially gossip fodder.
Jenning’s laughter mocked us from behind. “The crass American is right, Dancey. The story isn’t here. Is it?”
Wait, what was she saying? If the story wasn’t here, where was it? My own Mr. Darcy—well, not mine; I wouldn’t call him mine after this. But apparently the guy did have a protective instinct, just not for me. He didn’t want the paparazzi near the man that he thought of as a brother. Dancey had depth. Of course, it didn’t matter now; not for me. We’d both ruined whatever budding romance that lay between us. I had a talent for it.
Dancey had almost disappeared from the clearing, and I jerked to attention. Would he make me walk home? I still had to get Taylor’s mints! I ran after him to catch up, but I couldn’t speak to him. I was angrier than I thought as the injustice of what he had just done came to me. Little sparks of rage ran through me until I felt my hands shake. I wouldn’t let him ditch me at Brightin Beach when I was the one who should do the ditching.
He wordlessly pulled his keys from his pocket and unlocked the Jaguar from a distance. Striding ahead, he jerked open the passenger side door and waited for me to get in. Not meeting his eyes, I dropped into his passenger’s seat, trying not to say or do anything that I’d regret. I’d already made too many mistakes.
This was far from our happy little drive on our way over. How long had Jennings been trailing us to the place that I once loved? First Austen had ruined it with tainted memories, now Dancey. I guess I had a hand in its murder too. I now officially hated Brightin Beach.
Dancey dropped into the driver’s side, the car sinking under his weight. I knew that he was mad. I was, too. He jerked the mirrors back into place. I crossed my arms. I was the crass American who didn’t care about his friends and used his fame to get what I wanted. He was the guy who forced a kiss on me. We’d probably never go out again. He threw his arm around my seat so that he could speed back in reverse.
“Where to?” he asked, not looking at me.
I clenched my arms tighter around myself. “North Abbey.” Forget the mints; my stomach tightened against the worry of what I’d find at home if this got out.
Dancey took me there. I glared at the palm trees speeding past. This was what happened when I went for someone that I hardly knew. Dancey didn’t know that I’d never intentionally hurt Taylor. She was the one who had given me the idea in the first place—she hadn’t actually been against the paparazzi taking a few snapshots. Of course, Taylor hadn’t meant for them to cover her whole wedding, but it was much better than shadowing her big day with my scandal.
Examining my own motives, I realized that there had also been a lot of self-preservation in my pitch to Jennings, but so what? I wasn’t as evil as Dancey imagined that I was. I’d used Dancey’s fame to get the heat off me, but he had used me when he kissed me, so we were almost even … except I was starting to wonder if Dancey had played me from the beginning. How else could he toss me aside so easily after our first argument? Or maybe he had just put me on a pedestal and gotten upset when I fell? He might’ve believed that I was that sweet American that Jennings had first called me.
But I wasn’t sweet. I was just normal, and as much as I hated it, I had panicked. Dancey was a romantic, just like me; but unlike me, he didn’t stick through with his wild fancies when things got tough. The thing that killed me the most was that I should’ve known better. Dancey went through women like I went through dog-eared novels.
There was something about him that we all loved.
As soon as Dancey parked next to the curb of North Abbey, he touched my arm. It happened faster than I had time to think, and I whipped his hand aside before he could get a word in. His eyes were awash with the same regret that I felt. He reached over me to get my door for me. As soon as he got it open, the door ran into a male body standing outside the car.
“Hey there.” A hand caught the top of the door and a face lowered down to peer at me. The man had slicked-back, dirty-blond hair and wore dark glasses. “So, this is what you’ve been up to, Dancey?” he slurred. “I thought you had business in L.A. today?”
I stared up at this new guy. Everything about him screamed slick, from his fitted grey Armani suit with a silky finish to the smoke dancing from the cigarette that dangled artfully through his fingers. “I heard Jennings was in town and got here as soon as I could.”
Well, he was too late. The newcomer’s eyes went from me to Dancey as if he knew everything. He treated me to a dry smile and put his hand out to me. “DeBurgy, Dancey’s PR manager. And you are?”
Not this time. I pushed out of the car and made my walk of shame to the front doors of North Abbey. I squared my shoulders before going in. This was it, the moment when everyone’s eyes would go to me, when the yelling would start. I pushed the door open and waited for the explosion. Ann-Marie passed me on her way to the piano. She disappeared into the Allenham Lounge and played a sweet little tune, so lacking in passion that I wondered if it actually had come from her.
My eyes traveled to the checkout counter. Austen hadn’t come in yet. I wandered from the lobby into the lounge where the bridal shower would be held later today. Taylor busied herself with the decorations on the table. She wasn’t supposed to be doing that. The setup crew should’ve been on it, but after a quick scan of her face, I decided that she wasn’t in angry mode. I dragged my feet over to where she was working and tried to nudge her aside so that I could take over.
“No,” Taylor said. “I like it. It calms me.” She was working with the old-fashioned pink roses. Arranging flowers usually put a smile on Taylor’s face, though I wondered about her sudden aversion to California poppies. They had been her favorite flower until she’d decided to get married. “Did you get the mints?” she asked.
“No.”
“Good,” she muttered, “I changed my mind about those.” She gave me a weak smile. “I want those darling cupcakes from Bates.”
“I’ll make the call.” I pulled my phone out with numb fingers.
“I haven’t seen Chuck all morning,” Taylor said. “He’s probably embarrassed about what happened last night. At least his parents talk to each other, right? Mine don’t even care enough about each other to fight.” She glanced over at me. “What’s the matter, Jane?”
I blinked up at her and forced my face to look pleasant. “I’m fine.” But I wouldn’t be once the word got out. “Uh, Taylor, how well do you know Dancey?”
Her face grew guarded—just like Dancey’s had when I’d asked him about her. That must’ve been some fight. She shrugged. “Take away the fame and the money and he’s just like any other guy.” Her gaze turned sharp. “Why?”
I shook my head and made the call to Bates. After I had finished ordering four dozen cupcakes, Taylor was still waiting impatiently for my answer. I had been so caught up in my misery that I hadn’t realized she was staring at me.
“You didn’t go off with him, did you?” she asked.
I considered lying, but that would only make it worse when she saw the headlines. “We went to get mints at Lamberton Marketplace,” I said.
“But you forgot them.”
“Yeah.”
Without a word, Taylor marched out of the room. There was a fire in her eyes and it wasn’t directed at me. I gnawed on my lower lip, not sure what I had just done. My nails were the next to feel my abuse, and I wasn’t even a nail biter. I decided to put my nervous energy to use and put the finishing touches to Taylor’s bridal shower. By the time Taylor returned an hour later, I had ribbons and roses dripping from the columns, tables, and doorframes.
Taylor nodded at me, still furious, but she had a satisfied gleam in her eyes. A sense of purpose hummed through her as she straightened the tablecloths. I wasn’t sure why. “Where did you go?” I asked.
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She shrugged. “I went to visit an old friend, that’s all.” Her tone told me that it was useless to ask for more information.
“Did you need me to do anything else?” I asked.
“No, just come back at five-thirty. I want you to be here a half an hour before the bridal shower starts.”
I waited for her to open up to me, but when she didn’t volunteer any information, I left for my room, flushing like I had been caught with my hand in a cookie jar—a particularly vicious one that liked to snap off wrists.
Chapter 16
“You must really begin to harden yourself to the idea of being worth looking at.”
—Jane Austen, Mansfield Park
I tightened the laces on my sneakers and tied them into a neat little bow. Knowing I had three more hours left before I had to go to the bridal shower, I had changed into my worn jogging shirt and shorts. These clothes definitely fit my style more than the fancy dresses I had worn to Taylor’s parties. I didn’t belong in luxury cars, or mingling with elevated company while holding a slender glass and attempting to make brilliant small talk.
Closing my bedroom door silently behind me, I made my way down the hall past the Dashwood room where Eddy McFarey sat on the bedspread and worked on his laptop. The reverend’s suit was like a second skin that he never took off, though for the moment his bowtie had been tossed to the side. His wife, Elly, was hauling a bucket of ice into their room, still wearing her pajamas, the bottoms of which were rolled up to reveal a pair of black rain boots. She stopped to smile at me. “So nice to see you, Jane.”
Eddy lifted his head from his work. “Hi, Jane!”
“You’re doing wonders with my cousin’s wedding,” Elly said, touching my arm in her comforting way. “I’ve never seen such fabulous work. And believe me, I’ve been to a lot of weddings.”
Her husband’s occupation would ensure that. I was touched. I was so starved for compliments lately that Elly’s words felt like a gourmet meal. “Thank you,” I said.
“Elle,” Eddy called out to his wife. “I want your advice. Jane, you too. I’m working on my sermon for next Sunday. I want to make a bowl of cream cheese fudge on the pulpit and leave out the powdered sugar so I can compare it to our lives without charity. Would making fudge in church be too distracting?”
I imagined powdered sugar flying onto his congregation.
With a wink at me, Elly turned to her husband. “Just be careful that you don’t let me near the fudge after you put the sugar in, or I might attack it before you’re through. Now that might be distracting.”
“Hmm, you are distracting.” He studied her with a smile. “I’ll have to feed you more so that you won’t ruin my sermon.”
Despite the turmoil of my emotions that felt like someone had taken a concrete mixer to my heart, I appreciated how cute Eddy and Elly were together. I waved to them on my way down the hall. They were my proof that love could be good. It just never turned out for me, and I didn’t understand why it was so hard. I hurried down the flight of stairs to the lobby and kept a lookout for Austen. I didn’t want to run into him, and I especially didn’t want to see Dancey.
My world was falling apart. With the loss of North Abbey and Austen, I felt like I was losing treasured memories from my past. And now with my failed relationship with Dancey, my future felt grim, too, as if I couldn’t love. I was only left with the present, and that was closing in on me with the threat of Jenning’s candid photographs.
I took off through the little thicket of trees making up Maple Grove as if I could outrun the troubles chasing me.
“Are you running away?”
With a start, I glanced behind me to see Harry Crawley at my heels. He easily caught up. I went faster, heading towards the silvery water washing up against the beach. When that didn’t lose him, I tried to go painfully slow. But no matter how much I tried to shake Bigley’s stepbrother, he kept up with my pace.
“Hey,” he said. “I thought we made our peace yesterday.”
We had. I even thought he’d make a cute couple with Bella. I tried to relax. “Yes, we did. Sorry, my mind isn’t here.”
“Who is it with?” he asked. Astute. I glanced over and gave him a weak smile. He’d know soon enough. The dread was killing me. “You can trust me,” he said. “I’m not so different from my brother.”
I studied Crawley. They were only stepbrothers, but they both had an open expression, the same eager blue eyes, that fair-haired-child look. Bigley’s dad really had married the same woman twice. Knowing Crawley’s life history with his two demon mothers made me more sympathetic towards him. I took a deep breath and tried to change the subject, “Speaking of your brother—where is he? Taylor’s worried.”
“Nope, not giving out that information. Someone’s got to cover for him.” He laughed when I made a face. “Have you seen his mother?” he asked.
“Oh, so that’s what’s going on.” Bigley was keeping a low profile from his mom.
“We’ve been doing this since we were little,” Crawley said. “I can keep a secret. I told you that you can trust me, Jane. Talk.”
I hesitated, but I had no one else to confide in. The concern in his eyes loosened my tongue. I had to talk to someone. “I just made a mistake,” I said. “I should’ve known better. That’s all.”
“What did you do … generally speaking?”
“Um, well, I let someone get too close and he had no idea who I was, so when I showed him my true colors, he didn’t like it.”
That was an understatement.
“So you’re saying you took a chance at love?” He waited for me to nod, and when I did, he smiled to himself. “Jane, you did the right thing. How is anyone supposed to get together if they don’t just go for it?”
“Yeah, and it blew up in my face.” I wracked my brain to figure out what did make love work. “I think you have to sneak up on love. Be a snake in the grass … and just be friends. At least at first.”
“Is that what you do?”
“No.” I shook my head, my mind going to Austen. “Actually, only guys can get away with that. Playing the friend card doesn’t work for girls.”
“What does?”
“Nothing … and I don’t care.”
We rushed over the wet sand, our feet making hollow indents behind us. His forehead wrinkled. “So you got hurt?”
I laughed, feeling the bitterness consume me at all the bad romance in my life. “Yeah, but doesn’t everybody?” He was silent, and I realized that he was waiting patiently for me to continue. I had seriously misjudged Crawley. No guy listened like this. I felt like I could trust him. “So I like two guys,” I admitted, “and I’m pretty sure one will find out about the other one really soon.” Just the thought of Austen seeing the results of Jenning’s photo shoot made my feet go faster.
“Two guys?” Crawley asked with some surprise. “I didn’t think you were that kind of girl.”
“I know.” It felt good to get some of this rottenness off my chest. “But I’ll get mine, Crawley. I’d say in about two hours I won’t have to worry about either of them liking me. I’m a horrible person.”
“No.” He shook his head, slowing down. “Not you. You have stars in your eyes.”
I twisted around and stopped running. “What?”
“You really do.” He dimpled and reached out to brush my cheekbone with the back of his knuckles. “It’s actually just in the corner of your eye—I almost missed it, but it sparkles when the light catches it. And when you smile, the whole world goes bright.”
“That …” I felt my throat constrict at his kindness, “… that was a really nice thing to say, Crawley.”
“It’s the truth, Jane.” He bumped me playfully with his arm. “A star doesn’t belong in a cramped attic. Whatever you do with your life will be better than anything you can imagine. You can’t help but go up, Jane.”
With that, he flicked my chin in a consoling gesture and jogged away. My head whipped around to watch h
im go. I was completely dumbfounded. How poetic. How touching. He knew I lived in the attic and that I was a hopeless romantic? I leaned my head back and stared up at the clear blue sky. Was it true? If I believed in myself, could I ride this problem through?
I found my way back to North Abbey, feeling a little stronger and a lot sweatier. My confidence crumbled when I heard Colin’s voice in the lobby. Taylor was with him, and I could tell that the two were arguing. I rested against the doorframe, trying to decide if I wanted to face Colin after all of this.
“We have a piano player?” he asked. “Just taking up residence here all day, playing who knows what? Why?”
“Ambience,” Taylor answered. I peered around the hall. Her face was red.
Colin sat across from her on the sofa. He had frost-tipped his chocolate brown hair. His new bouffant style took crazy and out of control to a new level. It didn’t mesh well with his hipster clothes. “It’s an unnecessary expense,” he said. “I want her out.”
I pushed through the door to protest. Colin couldn’t just sack Ann-Marie. She’d be heartbroken; and besides that, she needed the work. The guests loved her. “Colin!” I called out.
He gave me a sickly smile and mashed his hair against his forehead in a self-conscious way. The guy had an obsession with me that I couldn’t quite figure out, and it didn’t seem diminished today, though my hair was in a greasy ponytail and sweat had plastered my T-shirt to my body. I should’ve planned my entrance better than this if I wanted him to listen to me.
“I just heard you discussing our pianist.” I gave him my most pleasant smile. “She’s a gem. You wouldn’t believe what the other resorts try to do to steal her from us.”
“Do they?” He seemed suddenly unsure.
“Yes, yes,” Taylor took up where I left off. “But of course, our Ann-Marie is much too loyal to leave us.”
“Thank goodness.” I waved a hand over my face in faux relief. “So were you just taking a tour of North Abbey, Colin?”
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