‘I – I... No, I – Glenn. I –’
‘Ruth?’
‘I – s’over.’
‘RUTH!’
Caren didn’t give her time to reply again. She ran out of the house and down the avenue towards number thirty-two. ‘Ruth!’ She banged on the front door. She raced to the window and banged on there too. ‘Ruth! It’s me, Caren.’
‘Does anyone have a spare key?’ Gina had come running up behind her with Claire.
‘I don’t know. Claire, run round to Mrs Ansell’s and see if she has one.’
Claire took off and Caren went to try the back door. ‘Ruth!’ She tried the handle. ‘It’s open.’ She looked at Gina. ‘Should I go in?’
‘Of course you should. Something spooked you on the phone.’
Caren knocked and went in. ‘Ruth?’ She gasped as she spotted the array of things on the kitchen table. A blister-pack of painkillers sat next to an empty bottle of vodka. She noticed the writing on the notepad and picked it up.
‘Oh, God,’ she covered her mouth with her hand as she read it. ‘We need to find her! RUTH!’
Both women checked downstairs but didn’t find her. Caren ran up the stairs two at a time. Into the bathroom, into the back bedroom and then into the front bedroom. Ruth lay on the bed, another vodka bottle on the floor beside her.
‘Ruth?’ Caren shook her but there was no response. ‘Ruth? Talk to me. It’s me, Caren. Talk to me! Gina – in here!’
Ruth moved her head and muttered something unintelligible.
‘Get her to her feet and walk her around.’ Gina pulled on her arm. ‘We need to keep her awake.’
Claire appeared in the doorway. ‘Ohmigod, is she okay?’
‘She will be,’ said Gina. ‘Ring for an ambulance.’
‘No.’ Ruth muttered again. ‘No – blance.’
‘You don’t have any choice in the matter.’
‘No…’ said Ruth. ‘No choice.’ Her head flopped to the side.
‘Ruth!’ Caren slapped at her face and took another few steps around the room, dragging her along with Gina. ‘Ruth. Stay with us, Ruth!’
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Josie pushed opened the gate to number thirty-two Stanley Avenue. As she walked up the path to the front door with trepidation, she wondered what sort of welcome she would receive. Was it too early for a support call? Would she be accused of poking her nose in again? Would she even be allowed in?
But she needn’t have worried at all.
‘You look better than the last time I saw you,’ she smiled widely as Ruth led her into the living room. ‘How are you feeling now?’
Ruth smiled too. ‘I’m feeling good, thanks,’ she acknowledged.
In actual fact, Ruth was feeling exceptionally well. It had been two weeks since her suicide attempt. She wasn’t self-conscious about it, more embarrassed by the fuss she’d caused. People around her had been so nice, kind even, afterwards. She’d had her stomach pumped and a stern lecture off a doctor half her age. But the nugget of information that she’d left the hospital with – hope and a reason to survive – had re-enforced how precious life could be.
Josie held up her hand. ‘I’ve got the paperwork you requested. Sorry it’s been a while for me to get it to you.’
‘Oh, that. I don’t need it anymore.’ They moved into the living room and sat down before Ruth replied. ‘I’ve decided to stay here,’ she said.
‘Here?’
‘Yep.’
Josie shook her head. She frowned and then she smiled. ‘I’m shocked. I thought you hated living in Stanley Avenue.’
‘I did, but the grass isn’t always greener and all that malarkey.’
‘I’m glad because I would have only been able to get you transferred into a flat anyway. And I think you’d be better staying in a house, in case things change in the future.’
Ruth knew she was referring to the boys coming to stay. Last week, she and Josie had gone to see the social worker with a view to meeting up with them for a one-off visit to start off with. It wasn’t going to be easy. She didn’t know if they’d want to see her again and rejection would hurt like hell, but she felt she had to give them the choice and then to stand by their decision.
‘I’m scared of it not working out,’ she told Josie, unaware she was wringing her hands.
‘But you’ll never know if you don’t try and that would be much worse,’ said Josie.
‘I don’t mean for me. I mean for them. What happens if one of them doesn’t want to see me? Jamie might be able to be won around because he’s younger but Mason probably won’t ever forgive me. And it’s not just that, it’s upsetting their new routine by imposing myself on them again.’
‘Imposing yourself on them?’ Josie sounded shocked. ‘You’re their mother!’
‘Yes, but I gave them away.’
‘Only because of how you were feeling at the time. Now you’re back on the straight and narrow, anything’s a possibility.’
Ruth sighed. ‘I suppose so. I’ll just have to take one step at a time.’
‘Talking about steps,’ Josie stood up. ‘I’d better be making a move. I can see my work here is done before it’s even started.’
Alone with her thoughts again once Josie had gone, Ruth flopped back in the settee and hoisted her feet up onto the coffee table. She rested a hand on her stomach, feeling the tiny bulge that had started to form over the past week. Now wasn’t the time to tell Josie, or anyone else: she needed to be sure there weren’t any side effects from her suicide attempt first. Not for another couple of weeks at least, or until she could hide the little life growing inside her no more.
What a predicament to be in. She wasn’t sure if the father was Martin or Pete, but she knew she wouldn’t be making the same mistakes with this one. She was going to be a better mother to this child, try her best and give her or him her undivided attention.
And now that she had a friend in Caren, she didn’t feel so alone anymore.
Ruth took the plate of chocolate muffins through to the living room and slid them onto the coffee table. She wondered if Gina and Caren would like the cake that she’d made especially for them or would it be over the top? She had never hosted a coffee morning before.
She’d been surprised when Caren had told her she’d invited Gina along too. Surprised because Gina Bradley was the last person she’d thought would want to walk through her front door, even with an invite. It would be the first time she’d seen her since she’d been taken away in an ambulance.
The knock on the door had her heart pounding in her chest. She checked her appearance quickly in the mirror, smoothing down her hair.
‘Hi,’ said Caren, handing Ruth a carrier bag. ‘We have cake, biscuits and more cake. And before I go home, I’m going to have one of everything.’
‘I fear we have enough cake to last us a month.’ Ruth smiled shyly as Gina hovered in the doorway. She beckoned her in.
Coffee made, Caren started the conversation off.
‘How are you feeling today, Ruth?’
‘I feel a little delicate, I suppose, but other than that, I feel great.’
‘You gave us a real fright,’ said Gina, wanting to join in but not sure how much she should say.
‘I think I frightened myself a lot more.’ Ruth picked up a cake and began to nibble at it before replying again. ‘I had no idea that I was going to do something so stupid.’
‘It’s stupid, all right,’ said Caren. ‘But I happen to believe that suicide is really brave. Just think how hard it must be to end your life. I can’t imagine throwing myself in front of a train or hanging myself.’
‘Or taking tablets and getting blotto, like I did? I suppose it was the easy way out but I wasn’t thinking of anyone but myself. It was selfish, really.’
Caren paused. ‘It might have felt like that, but it was a cry for help.’
Ruth shrugged.
‘Did you want to kill yourself?’ asked Gina.
Ca
ren tutted. ‘Trust you to come out with the one question I needed an answer to but wouldn’t have dared to ask!’
‘I’m a Bradley,’ said Gina. ‘It’s my job. Unless,’ she glanced at Ruth, ‘unless you don’t want to talk about it.’
Ruth shook her head. ‘It’s okay. I’ve thought about nothing else since.’
After Caren and Gina had found Ruth near unconsciousness that night, at the hospital she’d had her stomach pumped out and stayed in overnight to be observed. What she’d found out while she was in there had been her saving grace.
‘The worst thing was that I can’t remember doing it,’ she admitted, her cheeks colouring. ‘I must have been so drunk that I wasn’t thinking straight. I was really upset about not going to Rachel’s funeral and you blaming me for it.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Gina said quietly.
‘No, I’m not blaming you,’ Ruth said quickly. ‘But I think, in a way, I was still grieving for the loss of my family.’
Ruth launched into her past. When she’d told them about Glenn and how devastated she’d been by his death, how she’d thought she was being punished by losing him and how she found it hard to cope with life without him, Caren and Gina finally understood why she had given her boys over into the care of the local authority.
‘That’s some story,’ Caren said, wiping a tear from her eye. ‘And I thought my life was shit when we lost our house. Have you ever thought about getting the boys back?’
‘Lots of times, but I know it’s not the right thing to do.’
‘Says who?’ asked Gina. ‘A bunch of social workers? They don’t know what’s best for you.’
‘They’re not interested in what’s best for me,’ said Ruth. ‘They’re interested in the welfare of Mason and Jamie, and so they should be. They are the most important people in all of this mess. I – I miss them so much but I think what I did was for the best.’
‘Maybe for now, but you should see what you feel like in a few months when you’re more able to cope.’
Ruth nodded. She had been thinking about her future a lot over the past week.
‘How’s Claire doing?’ she asked to take the heat away from her.
‘She’s starting to attend school on a regular basis. Seems she doesn’t want to waste her life now. I think she might be finding her feet more as an individual.’
‘Wow, that’s great.’ Caren picked up a biscuit and raised her cup in the air as a toast. ‘I do hope she settles down. It must be so hard for her.’
Gina felt her eyes brim with tears. ‘It’s so hard to be in that house every day without her. Everywhere I look, there’s a reminder of her.’
‘But that will be a great comfort in time,’ said Caren.
Gina wasn’t so sure. ‘It feels so empty now.’ She smiled. ‘I hadn’t realised how much she and Claire argued. The noise was deafening but the silence without it is so much worse.’
‘I was such a bad mother,’ she added, moments later.
‘I bet you weren’t.’ Ruth smiled. ‘We always feel that everyone else’s life is perfect, that we’re the only ones that aren’t doing it right?’
‘Human nature, I suppose.’
Caren held up her cup. ‘Any chance of another.’
Ruth stood up. ‘I have a bit of Tia Maria left if you fancy adding a tot to it? There’s enough for the two of you.’
‘Aren’t you having any?’ Caren teased.
‘No.’ Ruth placed her hand on her tummy discreetly. ‘I think I need to look after myself a bit better from now on.’
She rejoined them minutes later with fresh drinks. She gave them each a mug and then raised her own high in the air.
‘Here’s to new beginnings,’ she toasted, smiling shyly.
‘And new friendships,’ said Caren.
Gina laughed and raised her mug in the air too. ‘And here’s to no more fighting for survival!’
EPILOGUE
‘Is that the last of everything?’ John asked as he packed another suitcase and a box into the back of his car.
‘I think so,’ said Gina. ‘Everything else has gone ahead in the van – unless Claire has anything to come.’
‘I’m done.’ Claire came up behind her. She placed both of her hands on Gina’s shoulder and rested her chin on them. ‘Feels strange, doesn’t it?’
‘Yeah.’ Gina saw her mum walking towards her. Across the road, Ruth was rushing over. Some of the neighbours were already standing on the pavement. Surely they weren’t all coming to see them off? Oh, God, she was going to cry.
‘Bleeding hell, I’m only moving a few streets away.’ She waved her hands in front of her face and blinked back tears.
As everyone crowded around to say goodbye, Gina noticed Pete in the doorway.
‘Ready to go then?’ Caren asked a few minutes later.
Gina held up her hand. ‘Give me a minute?’ She made her way back up the path.
‘You off then?’ he asked.
She nodded, seeming a little shy with him.
‘You don’t have to leave.’
‘Yes, we do.’
Pete stepped down to her and took hold of her hand.
‘Please stay.’
Gina had never seen him looking so forlorn. He looked like he hadn’t eaten much for days – actually she knew that he hadn’t. My God, she realised. He really was going to miss her. But she wasn’t backing down now. The hardest decisions had been made. She turned to leave.
‘I’ll always be around,’ he told her.
But I won’t always need you.
‘I know,’ she replied.
Claire was already in the car. Before she joined her, Gina stopped and looked back at the house.
‘Goodbye, Rachel,’ she whispered. She continued to stare, as if she expected the ghost of her daughter to run across the garden and stop them from leaving.
‘Goodbye, Stanley Avenue,’ Claire said as John drove off.
Gina smiled at her daughter and squeezed her hand. Good riddance more like, she thought. She’d lived her life on Stanley Avenue, moving only from number twenty-eight to number twenty-five. Moving to a flat in Harrison Court was a whole new journey for them both. She was frightened, yet excited; nervous yet intrigued. Could they make it on their own?
Caren thought they could.
Ruth thought they could.
Her family thought they could.
Even Josie Mellor thought they could.
So she’d have to give it a damn good try – even just to prove them all wrong. She’d never done anything on her own before; neither had her daughter.
‘Here’s to our future.’ She smiled at Claire. ‘We’re finished with the scummy side of the street. From now on, it’s Happy Road for me and you.’
###
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ALSO BY MEL SHERRATT
Somewhere to Hide
The Estate, Book One
Liz, with her young daughter, runs from her husband, the man who has beaten her senseless on several occasions.
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SOMEWHERE TO HIDE is psychological suspense that will test your every emotion. So pound those streets, open those doors, pull back those curtains and take a peep into the lives of the people from The Estate – because you really wouldn’t want to live there…
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In the midst of it all, Josie has secrets of her own. Trapped in a loveless marriage, she struggles to escape her controlling husband. And as her home life deteriorates, she realises only a thin line separates her from the people she’s trying to help. Can Josie save herself and return the estate to relative normality when a spate of burglaries causes havoc and deadly violence erupts? Or will both she and her tenants become victims of violence that no one will see?
BEHIND A CLOSED DOOR - lies, dishonesty, heartbreak and betrayal... and the feeling that you’ll never trust anyone again.
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'A slick debut from a writer to watch out for.' Mandasue Heller.
Fighting for Survival (The Estate, Book 3) Page 27