“No!”
Xave smiles, hopeful. “O-kay. I’ll stay.” He sits back down.
After a moment of awkward silence, during which I try to get my thoughts organized, Xave seems ready to try a new approach.
“Are you mad at me?” he asks.
“No, of course not.”
“Okay. Not mad. That’s good, right?”
We exchange smiles.
I push up on the pillow. “I’m just trying to … find the right words.”
He gives a slow blink, straightens on the chair and widens the distance between us.
Man, I’m really screwing things up. That has got to be the stupidest thing to say at a moment like this. There can be no wrong words when you’re giving your heart away. When you’re about to break one, though …
“Get closer,” I order him.
He stares at me confused for an instant, then scoots his chair toward the bed.
I take his hand back and his sudden vulnerable expression make me feel all warm inside. I can sense his expectation and doubts. I just hope that what I say next is as perfect as what he told me. No pressure, right? I take a deep breath and begin.
“I’ve been worried about you, too,” I say. “You’re my best friend.”
Xave’s body language tells me he would be sobbing if it wasn’t unmanly. God, I might sob myself. I suck at this. Friend?! I want him to know he’ll always be my friend, even if we become something else. Not going as planned.
“Wait, let me start again.”
He rubs the back of his neck, and I wonder if he’ll survive this conversation. “Look, I understand.” He starts to pull his hand away from mine.
I tighten my grip, lock my gaze to his. “You’re not going anywhere until I tell you how I feel about you. Even if it kills you.”
“Are you sure? ’Cause it might.” He puts a hand on his chest and grins.
God, why is the fact that he’s able to joke about this so … so … hot?
“It won’t,” I say. “I promise you.” My voice is low, flowing in a suggestive cadence that seems to come out of nowhere.
Xave’s eyes widened, but he recovers quickly. “Is that so?” he asks, matching my tone.
“I was worried about you, too. Did they tell you I kept calling your name?”
“No.”
“I had to know if you were okay, had to see you. That’s why they came and got you.”
“Aydan didn’t say anything.”
I shrug. Aydan doesn’t matter. Whatever his problem is, he doesn’t matter. Right now there’s only Xave.
“If I acted that way at the arcade it’s because … it hurt,” I continue. “It hurt like hell to see you with someone else.”
Xave gets up from the chair and sits on the bed. Leaning in closer, he gives me a huge smile. “Jealous then?”
“Very,” I whisper, staring at his mouth, which he’s lowering closer and closer to mine at the pace of my thudding heartbeat.
“Why?”
“Same reason as you.” I know it’s a lame answer, but his mouth has hypnotized me. I can hardly breathe, much less think of a clever way to tell him how much he means to me.
Xave shakes his head. “Oh, no. I won’t let you off the hook that easily. Why?” he asks again.
“Because … because …” Damn, this should be easy. All I need to do is tell him the truth. I take a deep breath. Okay, here it goes.
“Because ever since you showed up in my neighborhood splashing through puddles in those fireman rubber boots, I’ve thought about you every single day.
“Because you shared your Peeps with me every Easter, even though they were your favorites.
“Because you held me the day Dad died.
“Because I couldn’t imagine my life without you.”
His eyes seem to waver for an instant.
“Do I need to keep going?” I ask through the burning knot in my throat.
He shakes his head. “I always thought those Peeps might do the trick.”
I sputter, trying to contain the laughter, the relief bubbling in my chest.
“You think I’m kidding?” he asks. “It was part of my master plan.”
I feel so happy, so undeniably ecstatic that I think nothing else matters. Just this moment, just us. Not the world and this messed-up war we’re in. Not Mom. Not Luke. Not anyone else.
He laughs and I try not to. Then we do it together, like we’ve always done everything, like it’s meant to be.
“Can I kiss you?” he asks, stopping his laughter abruptly. “I’ve always wanted to kiss you.”
A chill runs the length of my body and in the next instant I turn hot. My breaths speed up so much that my ribs begin to throb in sync with my heartbeat, but I don’t care. Xave’s mouth is only an inch from mine. His eyes are lighter now, a happy green. I’ve always loved the way they reflect his mood, revealing exactly the way he feels.
He licks his lips. Rumor has it he’s a good kisser. Nerves grip me. I hope he doesn’t find my kisses half bad. I close my eyes and wait to reach the sky.
“Oh, sorry.” An intruding voice slams me back down to earth.
Really?! Could their timing be any worse?
Xave springs to his feet and smooths his shirt. “Hey,” he says, wearing an innocent expression that makes him look seventeen again. And here I was thinking he was all grown up.
This business will not remain unfinished. I have to confirm if the rumors are true.
Chapter 47
Kristen strides in the room, wearing a stethoscope around her neck. Her white coat has her name stitched on the left breast pocket, and I wonder if this is from a previous job or if she’s like James, living a dual life.
“How are you feeling?” she asks.
“I feel great.” I look at Xave with a smile, knowing he’s responsible for how surprisingly awesome I feel.
Kristen doesn’t look happy about my response and gives me a disapproving glace.
She sets a long tube of cream on the side table to my right. “This is for your forehead. We’ll change the dressing every day and apply this liberally on the spot. It will prevent scars.” Her tone is clipped.
I blink slowly and take a calming breath. Kristen’s attitude is stirring a bit of anger inside me, but I need to cut her some slack. It’s not like she’s ever treated me badly. She’s actually been extra nice to me. She’s probably stressed right now, with everyone here at The Tank and most of us injured. The thought makes me wonder how the others are reacting to meeting Kristen, especially Blare with her distrustful nature and bitchy personality.
“Xave, right?” Kristen asks, turning her attention away from me.
“Yeah, nice to meet you.” Xave smiles.
“I’m Kristen Albright. It’s nice meeting you, too.” She pauses, then adds, “I need to check Marci’s bandage, would you mind … ?” She looks toward the door, subtly.
“Sure, no problem.” He walks away. When he reaches the door, he gives me a backward glance that says it all. We’ll finish what we started. I smile, until Kristen enters my field of vision, obstructing the view.
I wince while she checks the bandage around my ribs. “You’re healing nicely. Make sure to wear this and the bandage on your head for a week or so.”
Healing nicely? One week? That’s it?! I must really be a wimp, thinking I was going to die, when all it’ll take is one week to get better.
Kristen narrows her eyes, noticing my reaction. “You make sure you wear those bandages, okay? Especially around here,” she says in an irritated tone.
“Huh?” What is wrong with her? “Sure, I’ll wear them till I’m feeling better. No worries.”
“No, Marci. Not till you’re feeling better! I know it’ll be a pain, but you need to wear them for at least a week. Longer would be nice.” She says the word “nice” as if I wouldn’t know nice if it crawled up my nose.
I can honestly say I tried to give her a break. I’m not thick-headed; I know it’s been an
awful day for everyone. But why has she suddenly become such a hag? I got injured risking my skin to save the day, while she sat here, all safe and prissy in her immaculate lab coat. I’ve had it.
“Hey, I don’t know what’s wrong with you today, lady, but you need to back off. Besides you’re not making sense, I’m injured. Of course I’ll do what I need to do to get better. I’m not an idiot. I’ll wear the stupid bandages.” I’m amazed by my voice’s resonance in the small room. Earlier, I could hardly breathe, now I’m practically screaming.
Kristen’s eyebrows shoot up. “You don’t know?!” she says in an amazed half-question.
“What?” I say defensively, my mind racing to figure out whatever she means.
“I asked you to wear the bandages for at least a week, because you’ll be all better by tomorrow,” Kristen says. “That’s the one universal benefit of having an agent inside you.” The way she says it suggests she thinks I’m dumber than a bag of bricks.
I blink in quick succession. As soon as her words sink in, I know they’re true. All along I just thought I was healthy. I’ve had scrapes, a sprained ankle once or twice, stomach viruses and colds, but nothing has ever lasted for more than a few hours or a day at most. Even when everyone at school was laid out with the flu, I never missed a day due to illness. Suddenly, I remember Dad’s jokes about how the fact that he was a doctor was wasted on me.
“I see,” I say, staring at my hands, my voice void of all feistiness. “I’ll keep the bandages for as long as you need me to.”
Kristen goes through the motions of taking my pulse and blood pressure. She listens to my chest for what feels like ten whole minutes. But it’s just me and this awkwardness I’ve laid out in front of us. Still, she has to realize she was being bitchy about it.
“Everything looks perfect,” she says, taking three steps back.
I watch her as she stands there, looking hesitant. It’s like she wants to say something else, but she’s considering whether it’s wise or not. Finally she says, “Perhaps I shouldn’t meddle, but I don’t think it’s wise for you to … pursue your romantic interest in Xave.”
My jaw drops. So this why she’s being such a witch. How dare she? I didn’t ask Dr. Love for her advice. What I do or don’t do with Xave is my business and no one else’s. She needs to butt out.
With the calmest tone I can manage, I say, “It’s none of your concern.”
“You’re wrong. It does concern me and it will concern James even more.”
I throw the sheets to one side and stand, putting the bed between us. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“Save yourself the heartache, Marci. It can’t end well,” Kristen says.
“And how would you know that?” I press the back of my stupid hospital gown together, trying to keep my dignity.
She nods, a sad, faraway gloom in her green eyes. “Oh, believe me, I know. But that’s neither here nor there.” She waves a hand. “This is work,” she continues in a businesslike tone. “What we do here is important, crucial to IgNiTe’s success. You can’t mix business with pleasure. It’s a bad idea under normal circumstances. Under yours, it’s a huge mistake.”
“So what are you gonna do? Fire us?”
Kristen walks right up to the bed, locking her eyes with mine. “Do you love him?” she asks in a low whisper.
“Again, that’s none of your business.”
“My guess would be that you do. First love,” Kristen says in a mocking, dreamy voice.
My bile stirs, the stainless steel water pitcher on the table shakes with a faint metallic sound. Kristen doesn’t seem concerned by the telekinetic disturbance. But she would be, if she knew I’m considering dousing her with ice water.
“How long do you think you can lie to him?” She pauses, but I don’t answer trick questions. “If you truly love him, do you think that’s a good way to start a relationship?”
“He won’t care,” I say, yearning for it to be true. But the reality is, I don’t know what Xave would do if he knew I’m a monster.
Kristen sighs. “Go on telling yourself that,” she says bitterly.
I know what I’m about to say should probably never cross my lips, but she’s asking for it. “Just because someone dumped you doesn’t mean it’ll happen to me.”
An injured expression flashes through her eyes, but it’s gone in an instant. “We’re trying very hard to keep Oso, Blare and Clark from asking too many questions about The Tank, about me. We can’t risk them learning what we are. There are other pods across the world also led by Symbiots, Marci. We can’t have anyone in the ranks suspecting the leaders are the very creatures they’re trying to destroy. We’re dealing with something serious here, too much to risk on a mere teen crush. How much longer do you think you can keep up appearances? I wager not long, especially if you become romantically involved.”
I hate Kristen for being right. It’s been hard hiding things from Xave through the years, like the day I crashed Clark’s bike. Mostly, I let him believe what he will, but I doubt that would work if we start … dating. The idea fills me with giddiness and happiness, and in spite of everything, there’s no way I would give up these emotions to keep James and Kristen from being disappointed in me. Maybe it’ll be harder to hide my true nature from Xave, but I’ve done it this long. How much harder can it be?
I’ll train harder. If I subdue my agent completely, Xave never has to know about it unless … unless someone tells him. I stare at Kristen suspiciously. No, she wouldn’t tell him. No one here would. She just said they’re trying very hard to keep it a secret. All they can do is kick us out of IgNiTe. I can take that chance.
Once my mind is made up, I feel myself relax. The anger I felt toward Kristen dissipates.
“I will lie to Xave for as long as I have to. My personal life won’t become an issue here. You have my word,” I say. More tentatively I add, “If James feels I should leave, then I will.” The way my voice cracks at the last word betrays my true feelings. I’ve finally found a place where I fit in. Leaving would be difficult.
Kristen’s shoulders fall a few inches and a thin smile stretches her lips. “I’ve nothing against you, Marci. You’re a brave girl who knows what she wants, and I admire that.” She nods, walks to the door and before leaving she adds, “Just consider this, you have more than yourself to think about.”
Her last words, although gentle, feel like a slap in the face. They echo inside my head over and over, an undeniable truth. She just called me selfish. The shoe fits all too perfectly.
Chapter 48
Just as Kristen is about to close the door, James walks up. He gives her a gentle smile.
“How is the patient doing?” he asks.
“See for yourself.” Kristen slips past, leaving him behind with a puzzled expression on his face. I look at the wall straight ahead and try to get my frustration under control.
James walks in and closes the door behind him. “Something the matter?” he asks.
“No,” I lie.
“Good.” He sits on the chair to my right. “So, you feeling all right?”
I put a hand on my ribs. “Yeah, still a little sore, but not much.”
“You gave us quite a scare.”
“How bad was it? I mean, it felt pretty bad. I actually thought I was going to die, but I guess it mustn’t have been that bad since …”
“Oh, it was bad. Your lung was punctured. We got you here as quickly as possible. Kristen did a fantastic job putting you back together. She has experience with Symbiots and their injuries. She knows just how to take advantage of our healing abilities.” He sounds as if he’s thinking about all the times Kristen has put him back together. A rueful smile stretches his mouth.
I nod, eyes set on the door knob, feeling ungrateful and rotten. James is too lost in his own recollections to notice.
He shakes his head and continues. “But only Kristen and I know how close you came to … you know. We’ve told everyone else it looked worse t
han it was.”
“Are they buying it?”
“Everything happened too fast for them to really notice. Besides, they’re too focused on asking questions about this place to worry about much else.” James rubs his chin, looking preoccupied. “But they’ll get over it. We just have to make sure not to slip up,” he says, eyebrows raised questioningly as he tries to make sure I catch his meaning.
“No problem. I’ll watch what I say.”
“Good, good.” James leans forward, hands on his knees. “That was some work you did out there. You … saved my life. I want to thank you for that.”
“Oh, that was … nothing.” I worry at a loose thread on the sheet. I don’t want to think about what I did. That’s the only way I’ve been able to deal with the fact I killed somebody.
He was a monster.
There was a human being in there, too.
No cure. There’s no cure.
Yet.
I set him free from torture, from prison.
Keep telling yourself that.
James takes my hand in his. “You’re going to make a hole in that sheet.”
“Oh, sorry.”
“Don’t let remorse build up. You have to nip it in the bud. This is war, Marci. It’s them or us. You understand?”
I swallow and clench my teeth.
“We may never find a cure,” he continues. “And I feel we must operate under that assumption, because if we don’t, any scruples we have about our enemies will mean the death of our race.”
“I—I just …”
“They have no scruples. They won’t think twice about destroying us. We have to do the same if we want to survive. I know you’re too young for all this, but you have amazing powers and what you did out there was … necessary. I’ll understand if it’s too much for you, but I truly hope you stick with us and continue to fight.”
James holds my gaze, waits for me to say something, but I feel overwhelmed by his request. He sounds as if he’s counting on me, but it’s not just that. There’s something else. He sounds as if he actually needs me, like I’ve become indispensable. I wonder if he’ll feel the same when he hears about Xave and me.
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