by Ruff, K. S.
My eyes softened with regret. I slowly shook my head. “I wish I could, but I need to get a handle on this Ukraine project, and I have Russian immersion classes every afternoon this week.”
He kissed me softly on the nose. “Can I swing by and take you to lunch?”
I ran my fingers over the stubble that darkened his jawline. “I would love to go to lunch with you. Are you free at noon?”
Rafael kept a firm hold on me as he rolled over. I giggled as he pulled me on top of him. He sat up and pulled my legs around his hips. “I think I can make that work.”
I locked my arms around his neck, then squealed as he rose from the bed. “Wait! What are you doing?”
He grinned as he strode toward the master bathroom. “I’m collecting on that rain check.”
* * * * * *
I spent the entire morning holed up in the conference room with Shae, Sammi, and Cory. We firmed up tasks and our agenda for Ukraine before practicing one of our simulations. We broke for lunch shortly before noon.
Rafael was leaning against the reception desk when we filed out of the conference room. His hair was pulled back into a neat ponytail. He was wearing black cargo pants, a black short-sleeved shirt, and black combat boots.
Sammi’s jaw fell open when she saw him. “Who’s that?”
I smiled. “That’s Rafael.”
Rafael looked up from the desk and waved.
I linked arms with Sammi. “Come on. I’ll introduce you.”
Rafael pushed off from the desk. He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. “You look beautiful,” he breathed in my ear.
Heat flooded my cheeks. I was wearing a simple heather gray sheath dress. “Rafael, this is Sammi. She is the program manager for our train-the-trainer program.”
Rafael reached for her hand. “Nice to meet you, Sammi.”
Sammi blushed as she shook his hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
I glanced at Cory and Shae as they joined us in the reception area. “You have already met Shae…”
Shae smiled. “Hey. You ready for a rematch on that Scrabble game?”
Rafael laughed. “Anytime.”
I turned my attention to Cory. “Cory, this is my boyfriend, Rafael.”
Rafael glanced at me in surprise. He quickly recovered as he reached for Cory’s hand. “Nice to meet you, Cory.”
I continued the introduction. “Cory is the director of our conflict resolution skill building program.” I waved at the entire group. “This is the team of people I will be working with in Ukraine.”
Rafael smiled. “Cory is a lucky man.”
“I think he’s going to have his hands full with us girls,” Shae countered with a laugh.
Cory rolled his eyes. “I’m pretty sure I can handle the three of you.”
Rafael handed Cory his business card. “You let me know if you need any help, Cory. This one here…” he nodded toward me, “has a habit of getting into trouble.”
I nudged his shoulder. “I do not!”
Shae laughed. “Oh, yes, you do.”
Rafael’s hand settled on my hip as he draped his arm around my back. “Are you still free for lunch?”
I smiled as our eyes met. “As long as we’re back by one-thirty so I can head over to the Department of Agriculture for our Russian immersion course.”
“Would you guys like to join us?” he asked, shifting his attention to my colleagues.
They exchanged glances.
“It’s fine,” I said. “You won’t be crashing our date.”
Cory shrugged. “Sure, why not?”
“I’m in,” Shae responded emphatically.
Sammi looked undecided. “Where are you going?”
Rafael looked at me questioningly.
I briefly considered the options. “Why don’t we just go hang out at Cosi? They have those comfy couches, and it’s within walking distance.” I glanced up at Rafael. “I think you’ll like their menu. They have TBMs.”
“TBMs?” Shae asked curiously.
“Tomato, Basil, and Mozzarella sandwich,” I replied.
“Ahh. That’s what you ordered last time,” Shae responded. “I need to grab my wallet. Do you want me to grab your purse, Kri?”
I nodded gratefully. “Yes, please.”
Cory, Rafael, and I waited in the lobby while Sammi and Shae retrieved the purses. The two men chatted amicably as we exited the building and walked to Cosi. Rafael held the door open as we filed inside. “Are you sure you don’t need a security detail for this trip? I can assign a couple of guys to tag along.”
Cory shook his head. “No. I think we’ll be fine. We were invited by the government, so I‘m sure they’ll have people assigned to us while we’re there.”
Shae nabbed a round couch and two chairs as a group of people got up to leave. Rafael, Shae, and I took the couch. Sammi and Cory settled into the chairs. The waitress dropped some menus by and took our drink orders. I already knew what I was ordering, so I studied the dessert menu instead.
Rafael continued his conversation with Cory. “The government will have people assigned to you, but they will serve more as minders than a security detail. They’ll be monitoring everything you do.” He studied the menu briefly, then continued. “Have any of you been to the former Soviet Union before?”
Sammi, Shae, and Cory shook their heads. “We’ve worked primarily in Africa and Israel until recently. This is a new region for us,” Sammi explained.
Rafael set his menu down. “Well, the offer stands in case you change your minds. I wouldn’t trust the government to keep you safe, though. Government officials aren’t necessarily the good guys in places like Ukraine.”
Cory nodded. “We ran into that problem in Uganda. We’re used to working in places where the government is corrupt and where they don’t always behave in a legitimate manner.”
The waitress set our drinks on the table. She blew her bangs out of her face as she pulled a notepad from her apron. “Okay, do you know what you’d like to eat?”
A huge smile spread across my face. “I’d like the TBM.” I glanced at Rafael and spoke as innocently as I could. “Will you help me eat dessert if I order the chocolate mousse?”
Rafael choked on his coffee.
I tried not to laugh as he reached for a napkin.
His eyes raked over my body. A wicked smile danced across his face. “That depends on whether you want to eat it here or save it for later.”
I laughed as I continued torturing him. “Oh, I definitely want to eat it here.” I looked up at the waitress. “Actually, I’d like to eat my dessert first.”
Sammi drew in a sharp breath. “I like that idea! I want my dessert first too. I’ll take the crème brûlée cheesecake and the Tandoori chicken sandwich.”
Shae eyed me curiously, but she rose to the challenge. “I’ll have my dessert first too. I’d like the Cosi bread pudding. I’d also like the TBM.”
Cory looked baffled. He ran his hand over his short black hair. “I don’t know what just happened, but I’m not about to be the odd man out. I’ll start with the Mississippi mud pie. I’d also like the Cosi club sandwich, but hold the mayo, please.”
Rafael looked thoroughly amused by the developments. “Well… evidently, I’ll be helping the lady eat chocolate mousse. I’d also like a TBM when we’re done with dessert.”
The waitress stared at us, completely dumbfounded. “You all want to eat your dessert first?”
I laughed. “Why would we have it any other way?”
She shook her head as she walked away. She returned with our dessert a few minutes later. “Let me know when you’re ready for your sandwiches."
Rafael hooked his arm around my neck as I picked up the plate and handed him a fork. “You’re going to pay for this later,” he whispered playfully.
I laughed as I dug my fork into the mousse. “I was sort of banking on that.”
* * * * * *
I was sitting on a bench in the center of R
afael’s gym, wondering where the last two weeks of my life had gone. Rafael and I had stayed close to home so I could study for final exams. If I wasn’t falling asleep at my computer, then I was buried in bed under a pile of books.
Rafael took it all in stride, either carting me off to bed or digging me out from under the books so he could hold me while I slept. He also made it a point to nudge me outside for yoga or to picnic alongside the river when the weather was nice.
I breathed a sigh of relief. I had submitted my final paper this morning. Spring semester was officially over. Summer semester would begin as soon as I returned from Ukraine.
My pulse quickened. I couldn’t believe I was leaving for Ukraine in four days. This trip had snuck up on me. There had been an endless list of things to do at work, and I had been so immersed in finals that I hadn’t really comprehended how soon we’d be leaving… until now.
I twisted the lid off of my water bottle and took a drink as my thoughts returned to Rafael. I was surprised by how easily he had slid into my crazy life. He made very few demands on my time and was incredibly supportive while I was pouring myself into my coursework. We hadn’t spent a single night apart since I’d shown up on his doorstep. I found it much easier to sleep when Rafael’s body was wrapped securely around mine. I no longer needed sleeping pills, and I hadn’t suffered a single nightmare since we’d begun sleeping together again.
I tilted my head back as I took another drink of water. Rafael and I had just spent a good hour working on my self-defense skills. He’d announced that he had a surprise for me before abandoning me in his gym.
Bottled water sprayed from my mouth as I caught sight of him. I wiped my face with the back of my hand and laughed. “Why are you dressed like a red Stormtrooper? Halloween is in October.”
I could barely see his face behind the heavily padded mask. “You leave for Ukraine in four days. I told you that you’d beat the snot out of me before you left. Now’s your big chance.”
I stood and eyed the bright red padded suit, face mask, and helmet that covered his body. Clearly, he was serious. He was even wearing goggles under the face mask. My eyes narrowed. “So I can hit you as hard as I can, and you won’t get hurt?”
He nodded. Well, he sort of nodded. “You can bite, scratch, kick, and hit. You can even try to poke out my eyes.”
I set my water bottle on the bench. I laughed as he waddled toward the mat. “I think I should take a picture of you with my cell phone, first.”
Rafael growled. “Get over here and beat the snot out of me already. It’s hot in here.”
I circled around him teasingly. I was still cracking up when I reached for his shoulders and turned him toward the mirror. “Come on. Look in the mirror. Who wouldn’t want to see you dressed up like that?”
Rafael chuckled. He shrugged my hands off of his shoulders and slowly began circling around me. “Okay. So I look funny. Can we focus now?” His voice turned serious as he stilled. “Look, I’m not stopping until you knock me on the floor and get down the stairs to the front door. If I fall, I’m going to have a hard time getting back up and an even harder time getting down those stairs. Don’t hold back, Kristine. Let everything go… scream, cry, swear. If the memories come back, embrace them. Use it to your advantage. Draw on that anger and pain. Ready?”
I took a deep breath and blew it out. My pulse was already racing. My emotions scattered as fear raised its ugly head. “Okay.”
Rafael lunged for me.
I reached for his wrist and elbow like Kadyn had shown me, but he threw his weight against me and broke my hold. I stumbled back a few feet. I immediately raised my left fist in front of my face. I kept my chest and abdomen angled away from him. I quickly jabbed him in the neck, then kicked toward his groin.
He grabbed my leg and yanked it up, throwing me on my back.
The fall knocked the wind out of me, but I rolled away as he attempted to pin me in place with his knee. I quickly scrambled to my feet. I kicked him behind the knee, then bolted toward the door.
Rafael tackled me in the hall, just before I reached the top of the stairs.
My forehead hit the floor. “No!” I screamed. Fear and adrenaline coursed through me. My fingernails clawed at the wood floor as I tried to crawl away. I beat at his face as he flipped me onto my back.
He pinned my hands above my head with one hand while covering my mouth with the other. “Stop screaming,” he gritted out.
My pupils dilated as Rafael’s house faded away. I was suddenly staring at an open beam ceiling built entirely from pine. Justin was suffocating me as he tried to rape me. “Please, Justin, don’t do this. Please don’t do this,” I mumbled against his hand. I bucked against his body, struggling to get loose. Then I closed my eyes and sobbed as I bit his hand.
He immediately withdrew his hand. He reached for my hair as he forced me to my feet. He locked my back against his chest, then wrapped his forearm around my neck. He dragged me back toward the gym. “Shut up, bitch.”
I clawed at his arm, then froze. I was suddenly lost in the arms of another man. You stupid fucking bitch shredded my brain, then echoed through the pieces that remained. I shook my head as I tried to dislodge Tom’s snarling face. “No,” I whispered. “You don’t get to hurt me anymore.”
Rafael continued dragging me backwards down the hall.
I bent forward as hard as I could. Then I threw myself back until my head slammed against his. I turned as he released me. I kneed him in the groin. I kicked him in the shin as he bent forward. Then I brought my elbows down on his back. I turned and ran for the stairs as he fell to the floor.
I didn’t stop at the front door. I ran to the edge of the river, then fell to my knees. I curled in on myself and began sobbing as I wrapped my arms around my head.
My tears had subsided by the time I heard his voice. “Hey,” he said softly. He kneeled beside me. “You did it.”
I removed my arms from my head as I turned to face Rafael. Thankfully, that horrid suit was gone. He was wearing a pair of blue jeans with a black short sleeved shirt. I shook my head as he tried to touch me. I narrowed my eyes at him. “Don’t ever ask me do that again. I’d rather die at someone else’s hands than relive those moments.”
Rafael reached for my hand. “But you did so well. You worked through those memories, and they didn’t leave you frozen in fear.”
I swiped at my tear stained face. “Promise me you won’t make me do that again.”
Rafael wrapped me in his arms as he tugged me onto his lap. “I promise.”
I gradually relaxed into his chest. A few minutes passed before I spoke again. “You promised you’d never be the cause of my tears,” I whispered accusingly.
Rafael cupped my face in his hands as he forced me to look at him. “Was I the cause of those tears?”
I reflected on what had happened. “No,” I finally conceded. “Justin and Tom caused those tears.”
Rafael released the breath he’d been holding. “I’m sorry I scared you. I know those memories are painful… but for what it’s worth, I think you stand a good chance of getting away if anyone ever tries to hurt you again.”
My eyes locked on his. “You really think so?”
He nodded. “I do. I think we should celebrate. Look at everything you’ve accomplished this month. You completed your first semester of graduate school. You finished your Russian immersion course and your self-defense training, and you finished developing all of the training materials for Ukraine. That’s huge.”
The tension in my shoulders eased a little bit more. “I was hoping we could celebrate the end of finals, although I haven’t given much thought as to what we should do.”
Rafael lifted me from his lap. He reached for my hand as he stood. “I know exactly what we should do.” He led me back toward the townhouses. “Why don’t you change out of your gym clothes and meet me in my garage in thirty minutes? I need to take a quick shower.”
We returned to Rafael’s house
so I could retrieve my keys. Rafael gave me a hug and a quick kiss before I left. I felt gritty and my muscles were already beginning to ache, so I jumped into the shower as soon as I got home. I contemplated my clothing options while I toweled off. I had no clue what we were doing, so I wasn’t sure how to dress.
I settled on a soft yellow sundress and strappy white sandals in the end. I thought the outfit might help lift my spirits. I was feeling down, and I wasn’t sure whether it was due to my self-defense lesson or the fact that I was leaving for Ukraine in four days. I suspected it was a combination of the two.
Rafael’s face brightened when he saw my dress. “You look great.”
I smiled as I ran my fingers through his damp hair. “And you look… wet.”
His hands cupped my bottom as he pulled my hips against his. “I bet I can make you wet too.”
I swatted at his arm. “Rafael! That’s terrible.”
He nipped at my bottom lip. “I know just the thing to make you forget all those bad memories…”
I swayed toward him as he spun my need. “What?” I whispered breathlessly.
A smile tugged at his lips as he loosened his hold on me. “This,” he said, slipping the keys to his car in my hand. “You drive this, and you won’t be able to think of anything else.”
I stared at the keys in my hand, thoroughly confused. I bit back a smile when I realized he had been toying with me all along. I pasted an innocent look on my face. “I can’t believe you trust me with this car.”
Rafael helped me into the driver’s seat. He walked around the car and slid into the passenger seat. “Well, I trust you with my heart, why wouldn’t I trust you with my car?”
I shrugged as I toyed with the paddles on the steering wheel. “Well, I have been in a number of accidents and earned quite a few speeding tickets…”
Rafael’s jaw fell open. His eyes suddenly narrowed. “You have not.”
I laughed as I started the car. “Nope. I’ve never been in an accident, and I have yet to earn a speeding ticket, but there’s a first time for everything.”
Rafael hooked his hand behind my neck. He pulled me toward him, then kissed me forcefully. “You are not wrecking my Ferrari.”