by A. L. Duncan
Teddy closed his tearful eyes, his bitterness and mourning another teardrop. After a moment, he took a breath and met Janie’s intense gaze. “I was the only one who survived. My assistant was found twenty feet from the embassy door, impaled on the iron fencing, his skull fractured. The students met a death even less kind.” He threw his head back and swallowed the last of the brandy.
“And you took shrapnel in the legs.”
He nodded. “Once in hospital, I found out I was hit pretty badly. My wounds became infected. There was nothing that could be done, so they sent me home.” He pulled deeply on the cigarette. “Dr. Collier means well, but he is not aware of my infected organs. Those files, I purposely burnt.”
“Why the hell did you do that?”
He shook his head. “It’s too late.”
“But Teddy, I’m sure there’s—”
“It’s too late!” He tossed the cigarette butt into the fire. “Ilene doesn’t know any of this. Please, I don’t want her to know. She’d be horrified. Promise me you won’t tell her.”
Janie knew there was something more, a gleam in his eye that issued a resolution in his breath. She stood with a steady gaze, sensing a voluntary air of solitude about him that he alone had mastered. She saw a transformation from the crumbling edges of inadequacy to the courageous standard, which flew atop ramparts reaching for that last furl in the wind before being pulled down the pole to a lost battle. “What don’t you want me to tell her, Teddy?”
As she waited for his answer, she realized what was behind his copious drinking. He was working up his nerve. He was not planning on being alive to see another sunrise. She grasped hold of his arms. “Teddy, for God’s sake, think about what you’re planning!”
“I have thought about it!” he raged, tearing away from her. “I’ve thought about it day and night since I’ve been in this goddamned chair. The pain only gets worse. It gets unbearable, driving me more and more insane. I can’t sleep, can’t eat... I want it to stop. Christ, I want it to stop.” He smashed the glass in the fireplace. The flames sizzled over the wet shards as he rolled his chair to the center of the room. “I will not linger away to die a slow death on my bed for my sister to weep over my living corpse. I can’t do that to her.” His face was streaked with tears. “I don’t want her to see me this way. I couldn’t bear to see her suffer over me. I just want it over with.”
Teddy inhaled sharply. “I’ve written her a letter. Would you please give it to her? But, not until tomorrow.”
Janie sighed heavily. “When are you planning on doing this, this...final act?”
“In the morning. Father keeps a pistol in the top drawer of the desk.” He gestured to the desk behind him.
“And that’s supposed to be easy on your sister, seeing your brains splattered all over the room?” Janie barked. “Jesus Christ, Teddy, think.”
“Would you give me a little credit? I’m not an idiot.” He wheeled to the door in heated fury. “We’re done with this conversation.” Opening the door, he peered back over his shoulder. “Will you give her the letter?”
Janie sat back down on the ledge and rubbed a hand through her hair. The weight of his decision was overwhelming. “Where is it?”
“Between the pages of the book in front of you.”
Her eyes darted to the small table. A large copy of Homer’s Iliad lay on its surface.
“Will you?” he pressed.
After a moment, she replied, “Yeah.”
The door closed and Janie’s mind shifted to the obstacles that Teddy would have to overcome in order for his plan to be successful. She pushed them aside and went to look at the book. The envelope poked out from within its dense pages. She opened the book, withdrew the envelope, and read the words of Homer that lay before her eyes:
“Horror to freeze the heart! Oh how I wish
that first day my mother brought me into the light
some black whirlwind had rushed me out to the mountains
or into the surf where the roaring breakers crash and drag
and the waves had swept me off before all this had happened!”
Chapter Seven
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JANIE SAT AT the quaint writing desk in her room and slipped a letter to Frank into the addressed envelope. She was thinking of Teddy, just as she had now for the last nine hours. It was nearly 2 a.m. The small bouquet of flowers dropped a petal on the edge of her paper. A stem had become dislodged from the arrangement, and its bloom had wilted from lack of water and wilted on itself.
Lounging back in the chair, she stubbed out her cigarette in the antique brass ashtray and mused over the tiny indication of neglect. Was this bloom so different from Teddy, a part of the whole yet separated, without life?
Lightning flashed over the house and a thunderclap rumbled through the skies, shaking the manor and all within it, startling Janie from her deliberate meditation. The storm was as Gil had said: great and furious.
There was another roll of thunder, more distant, then Janie heard a rap on door. When she opened the door, Ilene stood on the threshold. She was still wearing the dress she had worn the day before. “Can’t sleep?”
“Um, I was reading, and that last clap of thunder was loud enough to be frightening.” Ilene said sheepishly, “I’ve never been very good in thunderstorms.”
“You’re living in the wrong place for that.”
Ilene slipped through the narrow opening Janie was allowing her, brushing against Janie as she passed. The scent of honeysuckle tantalized Janie’s senses as she nudged the door closed until it latched. Her skin tingled from their brief contact. She had a sense that whatever Ilene was afraid of, it wasn’t the thunderstorm. Ilene was standing startlingly close. “That’s not why you came, is it?” Janie murmured.
Ilene searched Janie’s eyes. Their gazes met and held. Hesitant, Ilene breathed, “I do know what I want.”
Ilene’s breathing rose and fell, and her breasts brushed against Janie’s, igniting a fire between them. Janie knew that Ilene had kept herself as far away from Janie as possible, denying the need. Now, standing this close, the attraction was intoxicating, intense, calling them to submit without hesitation.
Janie held her breath, reining in her lust as Ilene’s fingers ran down her arm and then twined around her hand. Janie cupped Ilene’s delicate face, brushed her own cheek against Ilene’s and then gently kissed her cheek and eyelid before nuzzling her nose. Their lips moved closer together, until they were only a breath apart. Oh, how long Janie had wanted to touch her, to kiss her. Now, the siren was before her, waiting, wanting. A blaze to quench with lips, a taste most yearning.
Muffled shouts echoed urgently from outside the room. The desperation and alarm in Anna’s voice startled the two apart before their lips could touch. They bolted out into the corridor. Anna stopped midway up the stairs, breathless with exertion, and with concern.
“Anna, what on earth?” asked Ilene.
“He’s gone!” Anna gasped. “Can’t find him anywhere!”
“Who?”
“Your brother, Missus. I went to check in on him, as the Major asked me to do, and he wasn’t in his room or the loo.”
“Don’t be silly,” Ilene chided. “Teddy’s probably in the living room.”
“Try the library?” asked Janie.
Anna nodded. “I’ve looked all over!”
Janie’s heart sank. She knew that he wouldn’t be found in the house. She dashed past Ilene.
“Nonsense,” Ilene said. “He couldn’t have gone far.”
“Should I wake the Major?” Anna asked.
“That won’t be—”
“Yes!” Janie shouted as she descended the stairs.
Ilene called after Janie, “Carolyn, what’s going on?”
“Quickly,” Janie urged Anna as she reached the foot of the staircase.
Janie raced down the hall and burst into the library. At the desk, she yanked open the to
p drawer and saw that the pistol was missing. She spun around and found Ilene standing at the door. The look of anguish on her face told Janie that Ilene knew what was kept in the drawer.
Ilene composed herself with visible effort. “Where is he?”
Janie wracked her brain. Time was running out, if it wasn’t already too late. She ran trembling fingers through her hair and cast an eye around the room. She glimpsed Homer’s Iliad still lying open on the fireside table. She remembered the passage she had read of Helen of Troy’s grief, and her wish to be swept up by the seas.
“Jesus Christ,” Janie growled. She exited the library, Ilene close behind.
The Major was coming down the stairs. “Will someone tell me what in bloody hell is going on around here?”
Janie dashed into the foyer, stopping only long enough to tell the Major, “Find Gil, and meet me at cliffside.” She turned to Ilene. “Don’t worry. I’ll find him.”
NAILS OF LIGHTNING stabbed the sky, and pelting rain engulfed the manor and its surrounds. Janie flinched at the sudden shock of stepping into its icy fury. She had intended to find the tracks of Teddy’s wheelchair and follow them, but under such conditions, and in pitch darkness, it was impossible. She decided to stop at the greenhouse for a lantern.
With the light, she immediately picked up deep ruts in the mud. She had no idea how long ago he had left, and she hoped that the terrain would slow him down long enough for her to get to him in time. No crisis could have been more perilous.
He had made it to the cliff’s edge.
“Teddy!” Janie yelled. He turned, and a look of shock appeared on his face.
“Stay back.” He pulled the pistol from his blazer pocket. It was pointed toward her.
“Teddy, put the gun down,” she said calmly, taking a step forward.
At that moment, the Major, Ilene, and Gil came puffing up behind her. Proceeding with more caution, Anna trudged behind them under her umbrella, followed by Liz, Michael, and Peanut.
The pistol wavered in Teddy’s hand. “Leave me alone!”
“Son, for God’s sake, what are you trying to prove? Give me the pistol!”
“Don’t,” Teddy warned when his father took a step forward.
Janie pressed a hand against the Major’s shoulder, holding him back. She started off, one step at a time, coming nearer to Teddy’s shivering form.
“Stop, Carolyn, goddamn you!” Teddy bellowed.
She took another step. Then another.
“Don’t...don’t make me shoot you!”
“Would you shoot me, Teddy?”
“Oh, dear God,” Anna murmured.
Janie took another step.
“Carolyn, no!” cried Ilene.
“Stop this!” shouted the Major.
“Piss off!” Teddy cried.
Janie took another step. And another.
The hammer clicked back beneath Teddy’s thumb. He gritted his teeth. “Don’t.” His determination dissolving into remorsefulness, he wept. “Don’t.”
Janie swallowed hard, steeled herself, then took another step, eye on the pistol.
Suddenly Teddy turned the piece on himself, and the hammer fell. Everyone flinched.
Click.
Everyone released the breath that had caught in their throats.
Wide-eyed with disbelief, Teddy glared at the pistol then held it to his head and pulled the trigger.
Again a click sounded, faint within the fury of the storm.
“I took the bullets out when you left the room,” Janie said, though she had been afraid that he might have noticed, and reloaded.
“I trusted you!”
“For Christ’s sake, you think I was going to just stand by and watch you kill yourself?”
“Teddy, why?” cried Ilene.
“You weren’t supposed to see me this way!” His quivering finger pointed at his sister. “I didn’t want you to see me this way.” He growled in frustration, and with what little strength he had remaining, he pitched himself backward, the wheelchair diving off the cliff’s edge.
Ilene and Liz screamed.
Janie led the rush to the edge, dropped to her knees, and peered over into the darkness. At first she saw nothing but jagged, unforgiving rocks below. Then she saw him. A ledge jutting out from the rock face had stopped his fall. To the left, there was a vertical thrust of rock. To the right was another shelf just above him. Below him, there was no protection. It was a drop straight down into the boiling waters.
Janie called, “Gil, get me some rope.” She threw her legs over the edge to climb down to Teddy, but was stopped by the Major’s hand on her shoulder.
“See here, it’s too dangerous.”
“Do you want him to die down there?”
The Major rocked back on his heels. “He may already be dead.”
Janie would not even consider the possibility. She jerked her arm away, then carefully began her descent. The rocks were slick with the constant wash of rain. Now and again, her hand or foot would slip.
The tempest intensified. Thunder rolled a symphonic accompaniment to the foaming waves rushing against the cliff, with her and Teddy caught between sky and sea. He could have picked a better night to attempt suicide, Janie thought darkly.
When she reached him at last, he was on his back, arms splayed out over the rock’s edge. At first, she thought he was unconscious, but as she grabbed hold of his jacket collar to lift him up, a pained moan escaped his lips.
“All right,” she said. “I’ve got you.”
“Let me die,” he murmured with labored breath.
Her breath came in puffs. “Sure I will. In a nice warm bed. Surrounded by people who love you.”
He coughed. “I hate you for this.”
“Well, I can’t please everybody.” She grunted as she lifted him to a sitting position.
Gil threw a rope down to her and she wrapped it around Teddy’s waist. Teddy summoned the strength to try and push her away. “Don’t you dare fight me,” she growled, wrapping the rope around his chest, “or I’ll slug you...and don’t think I won’t.”
With the last knot tied around her own waist, she tugged on the rope. Gil and Michael started hauling them up, and, together, Janie and Teddy were raised off the ledge. When they were partway up, Michael slipped in a puddle and Janie and Teddy were swung out over the violent surf below.
“What the hell are you doing up there?” Janie yelled.
The rope suddenly snapped.
Janie and Teddy plummeted into the enormous, curling waves. The formidable sea cast its towering vehemence upon the two with unrelenting indignation. Janie struggled to the surface, coughed, and gasped in a lungful of air before pulling the rope toward her. To her surprise, Teddy was no longer attached to it.
“Teddy!” she cried. “Teddy!”
Before Janie could swim over to where she thought she saw him, the waves rushed in and swamped her. When they had receded, she reached out and grasped hold of his back, keeping his head above water as best she could.
Janie felt the water lift her, and before she could turn around, she and Teddy were pitched on the rising tube and were being pummeled toward the breakers. She let go of him so she could absorb the impact. She was dashed against a breaker, then thrown against another rock face. Janie wrenched with painful submission. She instantly knew that at least one rib was broken. The ebb released her into the foaming flow, casting her about like a plaything as she fought consciousness before reaching the surface. She searched the surf, crying out to Teddy. It was becoming more and more difficult to stay above the swallowing fists, which pounded again and again against the black teeth of the rocks. The disappearance of Teddy burned in her soul. She swore she could hear the sea laugh in its triumphant bellow. Finally, she was compelled to find safety for herself knowing the struggle to keep Teddy failed.
She reached for a craggy lip and pulled herself up, every movement painful. Janie stubbornly ignored her injuries and the icy water; it was meaning
less to the consequence of being alive when the sea was insistent on wanting them both. The wash ran over her as she clung on with one hand, the other grasping onto her aching ribs. With each breath she squinted into the berserker waves looking for that one hope Teddy would be seen somewhere, anywhere. It was no use. It was over. Teddy was gone.
“Damn you,” she seethed tearfully at the sea. “God damn you!” She clubbed the water in anguish and rage.
When Janie attempted to pull herself from the nudging tides, she was surprised to find Gil bending over above her, lantern in one hand and reaching down to her with the other. For the first time since she’d known him, a small grin played around his lips. He seemed relieved to have found her. She reached up to him. His large, callused hand wrapped around her forearm and lifted her to safety.
DR. COLLIER HAD come over soon after Anna’s call. He tended to Janie’s two broken ribs, and the cuts on her forehead, left shoulder and arm. She sat before the fire in the library where Gil had placed her. Her hair was still wet. It dripped from her bangs to the wool blanket wrapped around her. She stared into the flames reflection of her bitter remorse.
Dr. Collier hovered near, closing up his medical bag. “You’re a very lucky woman, Miss Vaughn,” he said in his brisk, professional tone. “You were in a most perilous situation.” He said. “Things could have been much worse.”
“It’s okay,” Janie replied. “I’ve been beaten up worse by a priest.” Realizing disquieted stares were focused on her, she backpedalled. “It’s a...long story.”
After a moment, Collier cleared his throat and smiled weakly as he turned back to Ilene. “See to it she gets some rest. I’ve left sedatives...for all concerned,” he added pointedly. “I’ll return frequently to check on each of you.”
“Thank you, Doctor.” The Major gestured toward the door. “I’ll see you out.”
Collier picked up his hat and fingered its brim uneasily. “I am very sorry for your loss, Ilene.”