“Ella, I’ll apologize as many times as I need to. But it’s up to you to decide whether to forgive me,” she said gently. “I’d like to be friends with you before I leave. I don’t want to have to go while we are fighting.”
Now Ella looked directly at her with wide blue eyes.
“Where are you going?” she asked in a small voice.
“I’m going back to the States,” Cassie confessed. “I’ve decided I’m not the right person to look after you. You need someone better, someone who’s loving and patient and kind.”
Cassie planned to go into more detail about the Mary Poppins–like entity that she hoped would replace her, but she didn’t get a chance, because Ella burst into tears.
“Don’t leave,” she pleaded, sobbing.
“I have to.” Cassie scooted over to sit beside her on the bed and hugged her tightly. Guilt flooded her as she realized Ella’s body was shuddering with sobs.
“Why must you go?”
“Because I’m not happy here,” she replied. “I’m very unhappy, and because of that, I can’t take care of you properly.” Gently rubbing Ella’s back, she stared at the rain-spattered window, feeling her own eyes prickle with tears.
“Are you unhappy because someone messed up your room?”
“Yes, that’s part of the reason.”
“I’m so sorry,” Ella wailed. “That was me. I did it.”
“You?” Cassie could hear the incredulity in her own voice. She prized Ella’s arms away from her, wanting to see her face. Was she being serious? Had she really done that?
“I was so angry.” Ella looked up at her and in her tear-filled eyes, Cassie saw only honesty. “I wanted to do the worst thing I could to you. But afterwards I knew you’d be upset and I was worried you would leave, just like Hannah, the last lady who looked after us. So I took your money and passport and I put them in my coat pocket, and then I got back into bed and pretended to be asleep.”
Cassie blinked, her mind suddenly full of questions.
“Why did Hannah leave?” she tried.
“I don’t know. One day she showed me her passport and she said she was going to fly back home tomorrow, and then she left. I liked her, too. I missed her. But I like you more.”
“It was very clever of you to remember what a passport was, but you upset me a lot by stealing it,” Cassie reprimanded her.
“I gave it back to you. Your money is here, too. I kept everything safe in my pocket.”
She climbed off the bed, picked up her coat from the back of the chair, and handed Cassie a tightly folded wad of money.
Cassie stared down at the notes, unfolding them slowly with her fingertips.
“It’s all my fault. I made you sad, and now you’re leaving. Please don’t go,” Ella begged.
“Ella, I’m not the person you need,” she tried, but the young girl shook her dark head determinedly.
“Yes, you are. You’re the best,” she insisted. “We all like you, except for Antoinette, but she doesn’t like anyone. Even Marc told Papa this morning how nice you are.”
Cassie put the money into her jeans pocket, feeling at a loss. She hadn’t realized that she was so valued, and so needed, by the younger children. Ella, in particular, had far more complex issues than she’d realized. What chance did she have to overcome these challenges, living in such an unstable home? She was still so innocent, and Cassie admired the courage it had taken for her to confess what she’d done. That meant a lot.
If she left now, Ella would blame herself, and it would add more weight to an emotional burden which no five-year-old deserved to carry. Cassie knew all too well what the long-term consequences of that could be. Surely she could survive here just a little longer. If she left in another few days, Ella wouldn’t blame herself for it.
That sounded like the fair thing to do.
The only problem was that if she was staying, she urgently needed to replace her tablets. She wouldn’t be able to cope without them. There must be a doctor in town who could write her a scrip, but she’d have to go today.
Money was another serious worry. She doubted that the change Ella had given back to her would even cover the cost of the medication, so how was she going to afford the doctor?
Cassie remembered that the restaurant had promised a final salary payment at the beginning of the month, from the odd shifts she’d worked in October. She hoped it would be enough, because she didn’t want to beg Pierre for a salary advance without being able to tell him why she needed it.
When she went back to her room, though, she realized she wouldn’t need to beg.
Her eyes were drawn immediately to the small brown paper parcel placed neatly on her pillow.
Cassie checked behind her and closed her bedroom door before walking over to the bed and cautiously picking it up.
Inside the carefully folded parcel was an emerald green silk scarf, and two hundred euros in cash.
She picked up the scarf, feeling a sense of unreality. The fabric was gossamer-soft to the touch; an expensive, quality item. The crisp, new banknotes had been placed inside a white manila envelope.
Cassie felt sick with dread as she remembered Pierre’s words.
“I will reward you generously for playing the game with me.”
There was no way this was a salary advance, or a refund for what she’d already spent, or money for gas, or anything else that could be construed as innocent.
Without a doubt, Pierre had made a down payment for favors he would now be expecting in return.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Although Cassie knew Marnie had the day off, she hoped that the housekeeper might have returned from her trip to Paris. After her nightmarish encounter in the bedroom with Pierre and the gift she had found on her pillow, she wasn’t taking any chances. She wouldn’t risk spending another night here unless she could lock her door.
She headed down to the kitchen, where one of the maids told her that Marnie had arrived back just after lunch.
“Would you mind calling her for me?” Cassie asked. “I know she’s not working today, but it’s urgent.”
A few minutes later, Marnie walked into in the kitchen. Fresh from her outing, the housekeeper was still beautifully made up with her hair curling onto her shoulders, and comparing her appearance with the maid on duty, Cassie could see the differences. Now she understood the unspoken rule about work attire in the chateau.
“I need a key for my bedroom,” Cassie said.
Marnie frowned. “Why? That room is usually left open. The children need access and we have to be able to clean it. In fact, the original key is missing and the spare is the only one available.”
“I’d feel more comfortable if I could lock it when I need to,” Cassie said. “I went for an early run this morning, and while I was out, one of the children played a prank on me by messing up my room.”
“Oh, dear,” Marnie said, but Cassie could see she thought she was overreacting.
“I am sure it was just innocent fun,” she explained, wanting to protect Ella, “but it’s taken me the whole day to find my money and passport. I can’t risk that happening again. I need to be sure that when I’m out and the children are here, my personal belongings stay where they are.” She smiled hopefully.
Marnie nodded slowly. “Yes, I see that could have been serious.”
She had obviously realized there was more to the story.
“I will give you the spare key, but please keep it safe. Don’t leave it in the door, and please don’t lock the room unless you go out on your own. That way, the cleaning schedule will not be disrupted.”
Cassie wondered if the original key had gone missing after being left in the door, and if so who had taken it.
“I’ll keep it with me at all times,” she promised. “Thank you so much.”
She’d only just gone upstairs when she saw Pierre arriving back. Grabbing her purse and jacket, she locked her bedroom door, pocketed the key, and hurried down to meet him. He’d
come home later than she’d expected, and it was already a quarter to five in the afternoon. If she was quick, she might still make it to town in time.
Even though she had made up her mind to stay a few more days, she decided to use the trip to town as an opportunity to do reconnaissance. She could get the numbers of taxi companies, and also check where a phone signal was available. Then, when she was ready to leave, it would hopefully go smoothly.
When Cassie reached the front door, she saw Margot had arrived back, too. Her hair looked a few shades blonder, and was freshly blow dried. She must have spent the afternoon at the hairdresser, and been picked up by Pierre on his way home.
Margot brushed past her without so much as a hello, but Pierre paused when he saw her.
“I have to ask you a favor,” Cassie said.
“What is that?” Pierre placed his car keys in the copper bowl on the hall table. Cassie noticed Margot had turned back to them, obviously wanting to listen to their conversation.
“Could I please take a couple of hours off? I need to go into town.”
“Now?” Pierre asked, frowning. “This is not a convenient time.”
“The children have to eat dinner in an hour,” Margot observed pointedly.
This trip couldn’t be put off any longer, but with Margot siding against her, Cassie knew that she was on the verge of getting an outright refusal. Without her meds, she’d be in serious trouble by this time tomorrow, but she didn’t want Pierre to know this. It would be far better if she could give another reason for needing to go.
“I have to check in with the au pair agency and update them,” she explained. “They asked me to do it by today at the latest.”
Pierre frowned down at her.
“There is no need to drive to town for that. We have a telephone here,” he said.
“No, no,” Cassie protested, going deeper into her lie. “The phone call’s for my account; I wouldn’t want you to be charged for it. I also have to run an important errand. I—er—have to make a payment into one of my clothing accounts. It’s already overdue and today’s the deadline.”
She could see Pierre wasn’t buying her flimsy, spur-of-the-moment story.
“Don’t let her go now. Surely it can wait till the weekend,” Margot advised. With a toss of her shiny hair, she headed upstairs.
“I meant to make the payment before I left the States,” Cassie said. “I ran out of time to do certain things because of the rush to get here.”
Pierre pressed his lips together thoughtfully. Cassie wondered whether he might be concluding that she’d also run out of money, and was only able to go now because he’d just given her some cash.
At any rate, to her massive relief, he gave a reluctant nod.
“Be quick,” he said. “Even if you miss supper, you must return in time to put the children to bed.”
“I will definitely be back by then,” Cassie promised.
She grabbed the Renault’s keys and ran to the garage, wondering how she could find a doctor’s office at such short notice, so late in the afternoon.
As she was about to climb in the car, she heard footsteps behind her. Looking round, she saw Pierre had followed her.
Cassie regarded him apprehensively, wishing she could throw his money right back in his face, but knowing she couldn’t afford to.
Maybe that was why he’d agreed to the trip, knowing that spending the cash would make her even more beholden to him. Biting her lip, she waited for him to speak, wondering if he was going to try and make another pass at her, and if so how she should handle it this time.
“You are going to call the agency?” he asked.
“Yes. Yes, I am,” she lied again.
Pierre adjusted the heavy gold signet ring on his index finger.
“What will you tell them?” he said in a quieter voice.
“Tell them?” she repeated, confused, before realizing the implications of his question. She felt herself turn scarlet.
“I’ll tell them I’m happy here, that I’m settling in well. I’ll say my accommodations are very comfortable and the food is excellent and that I’m starting to make friends with the children.”
She pressed the car keys into her palm, conscious of the minutes ticking away. What time did doctors close up for the day in France?
“That is all you will say?”
“Yes, that’s all.” She felt uncomfortably complicit repeating the words.
“Privacy is very important to us,” Pierre emphasized. “Reputation is essential for me personally, and for my family’s business. I have had experiences in the past where people have lied, exaggerated, and tried to do damage. This has always resulted in very serious consequences—for them, not for me. Do you understand this, Cassie?”
This was more than just a warning, it was a threat. She felt cold inside, wondering what had happened to people who had spoken out in the past.
“I understand completely,” she whispered.
In a louder voice, Pierre continued.
“Do you have enough money to pay this clothing account in full? Here, I will give you an advance on your salary so you can be sure of a successful trip this afternoon.”
To her astonishment, he took a leather wallet out of his pocket, peeled four more fifty-euro notes from a large stack, and handed them to her. Before she could say anything else or try to give them back, he turned and left the garage.
She started the car, realizing her hands were shaking. Pierre’s message was clear. Cooperate, keep quiet, play the game—and you will be rewarded.
Cassie didn’t want to think about what the alternative would be.
*
Stressed about being too late to see a doctor, Cassie forgot to check for a cell phone signal until she was almost in the town itself. The small, scenic town was a fifteen-minute drive from the chateau and it was well signposted, so she found her way there without difficulty once she was on the main road.
After driving down the main street and back, she spotted the small “Pharmacie” signpost on a corner. She parked and ran inside, glancing at the opening hours on the door which told her that six p.m. was closing time.
“Where can I find a doctor? I need to get a prescription filled urgently,” she asked the pharmacist, who was engrossed in a game of Sudoku on his phone.
“Doctor Lafayette might still be open. His practice is at his home, just outside town. It’s not far. Do you have GPS?”
“I don’t think I’ll be able to access it without a Wi-Fi signal,” Cassie said, so he sketched a map for her.
She managed to reach the doctor just before he closed up for the day, and he agreed to see her. The practice was beautiful, set in a picturesque building among exquisite gardens. Dr. Lafayette himself was a tall, fit, middle-aged man with a sympathetic manner. He showed her into his rooms, which were decorated in plush leather with paintings of landscapes on the walls.
“You are on a lot of medication,” he said, surprised, when she told him what she needed the prescription for.
Cassie was hugely relieved that she had managed to give the Dubois family an alternative reason for coming into town, rather than having to confess she was on a cocktail of chronic anxiety meds.
“I’ve had bad panic attacks in the past,” she said. “I’ve just arrived in a new country which is rather stressful, and I don’t want to have my anxiety triggered by the change in environment.”
He nodded, scribbling on his pad.
“Are you studying or working?” he asked.
“I’m au pairing,” Cassie replied.
“Ah. For which family?”
She hesitated, remembering Pierre’s warning.
“For the Dubois family,” she said carefully, watching to see how the doctor reacted, but he was looking down at his notes and she couldn’t read his face.
“Are you aware…” he said suddenly and she tensed, already thinking what she would say if he asked her anything about Pierre. But he was only advising her about
the tablets.
“Are you aware this medication causes drowsiness?” he said. “It is better to take these tablets at night.”
“Yes, that’s when I try and take them.” Seeing him raise an eyebrow, she amended, “I mean, that’s when I do take them. At night.”
“And this other medication—your dosage is very high. Too high, in my opinion. I am going to reduce it to half a tablet per day as a maintenance dose. Take a whole tablet if you are anxious or depressed, but otherwise stick to the lower dosage. The higher dosage can cause psychotic episodes.”
“I will,” Cassie promised.
“So, how are you finding your au pairing experience?” he asked, tearing the page from the notepad.
Although it was neutrally worded, it felt like a leading question, and Cassie suddenly had an overriding desire to tell the truth. After all, if she had heard rumors about the family from other people, this doctor must have, too. Perhaps he was inviting her to explain what she was going through, and why her anxiety had skyrocketed, and how she was already on the point of giving up.
She could tell the doctor that her employer had violent sexual tendencies, and had made a pass at her and then threatened her with consequences if she disclosed anything, while simultaneously bribing her to silence. How his fiancée had verbally abused the children and physically assaulted her. She could explain that the children might already be irreparably damaged through no fault of their own, and that she strongly felt some kind of professional intervention was required, even if it was just a visit from a social worker.
She’d have to be quick, because it was already a quarter to six and she needed to get her meds today, but this might be her only opportunity to tell someone trustworthy about her fears and concerns.
Cassie took a deep breath.
“I’m not sure where to start, but I’m so relieved you asked me this. I’ve desperately wanted to speak to somebody, because there’s so much I need to explain,” she began.
And then, from the reception area, the phone started ringing.
“Excuse me,” Dr. Lafayette said. “My receptionist has already left for the day. Would you mind if I answer this?”
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