by Rachel Burns
“Would you rather get a rash there? I don’t think so. You want to look as good as you can on your wedding day.” She rubbed the oil in then.
I thought I was going to die. It felt like I must be bleeding, but there wasn’t any blood on her hands.
“We’ll have to repeat the oiling over the next couple of days. I hope you won’t fuss about it.”
She’d never scolded me before. I didn’t want her to be mad at me. “I’m sorry, Nanny, I’ll be good.”
“That’s better. Let’s get you in a nice warm bath and make sure we get all that wax off you.” She let warm water into the tub and added lots of bubbles. I dried my eyes while I waited for her to motion me forward. She took a washcloth and cleaned me up.
When she deemed me clean, she let the water out and had me stand up when the bath was finished. She showered all the soapsuds away from me. She even lifted up my breasts and showered under them too, just like she washed under them too. I often longed for the old days when I got to do everything for myself.
She dried me off with a soft towel and oiled me again. I behaved while she did this and didn’t say a word, but she was still a little mad from before. “I think a nap before lunch would be a good idea.” She dressed me in a robe and marched me back to bed.
She held the covers up and waited for me to get in. I thought about how I’d feel if I were her, and I had to remove someone’s hair down there and then have them be so unthankful about it. “I’m sorry, Nanny,” I said as I got into the bed. “Thank you for helping me. I’ll try not to be such a baby about it next time.” My stomach did a little flip at the words next time. I was glad that I hadn’t eaten breakfast.
Nanny kissed the top of my head then tucked me in lovingly, like she always did. She closed my curtains to darken the room before she left.
I drifted off to sleep quickly, forgetting my nervousness about the wedding and the wedding night.
When I woke up, I needed to be oiled again. I tried to be very adult about it, but I still hated it.
Nanny got me dressed in a business suit like dress. She sat me down to a healthy lunch. She always ate with us. When he wasn’t here, it was just the two of us.
“Today you have an appointment with the pastor who will be marrying you. He’s the family pastor. He wants to talk to you and him all alone.” Her eyes darted over to Brian’s empty chair. “I can’t go with you. I’m depending on you to be very good and not to embarrass him.”
I nodded. Meeting the pastor was something to take very seriously. I had thirteen years of catholic school to train me for this day. I wasn’t too worried.
The limo brought Nanny and I to church. Brian had phoned that he was running late. Nanny was very nervous. She cautioned me to be good and not to babble on about anything. I agreed with everything that she said.
The pastor was waiting for me when I drove up. Nanny decided to wait in the limo.
I got out and shook his hand. His eyes were on the limo as he ushered me into the church. It was one of those old gray stoned types.
It was beautiful, just what I pictured. I stared in awe and looked around. He gave me a tour of his church and explained things to me. I loved history so I even knew the right questions to ask.
“I was surprised when your fiancé contacted me that he wanted to get married, and so soon. Why didn’t you two want to wait? Why is everything happening so quickly?”
“That’s kind of my fault. Circumstances made it necessary for me to move in with him already.”
His eyebrow rose up.
“Please, don’t worry. I have a chaperon with me at all times, she’s waiting in the car right now, but something like that would only work for a week but not longer. Our reputation is important to both of us. We want to do this right.”
“I understand, but still I feel that it’s going very fast.”
“Sometimes, it’s better to do things quickly and appropriately. I realize the idea is very old fashioned, but sometimes a romantic gesture is needed to prove sincerity.” I was blushing and shrugging when the door opened, and Brian came in. He went right to the pastor and shook his hand and then smiled at me as he took his place next to me.
After the greetings, the pastor went right back to his questions. “Your wedding is the smallest we’ve ever had here. Usually people want to share their love with the world. Why do you want such a small wedding?” His eyes rested on me.
“He’s doing it out of respect for me. No one from my side will be able to attend.” I hung my head feeling all the shame that my father wanted me to feel from his hate.
The pastor dropped the topic and talked about the wedding itself.
Brian held my hand most of the time. I said little. Brian was the one who had everything under control. He knew all the answers to the pastor’s questions, when the florist was coming, when the organist and so on. The wedding didn’t sound so small to me at all.
The part that scared me the most was when the pastor said I had to walk down the aisle all alone. That felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach.
I tried to settle myself down by telling myself that lots of fathers died before their daughters got married. I wasn’t the first one to have to do it alone. The problem was my father wasn’t dead; he just didn’t want to be by my side today.
When the discussions were over, Brian claimed to have a lot to do, so Nanny and I went home alone.
Once we were at home, she insisted that I be oiled up again. Even though I got to lie on my bed for it, I still hated it. I could do this myself, but I had a suspicion that a protest wouldn’t be well received.
Brian had so much to do. I didn’t have anything to do.
They’d always made it sound like my life would be so busy and full. I was basically twiddling my thumbs, reading my new books and worrying about the future.
I did the latter the most. I was worried that everything wasn’t on the up and up here.
Was this all some joke, and my father would end up laughing at me? I mean, what are the chances that Sir just so happens to be there on the day I come home from school?
This was probably all just a cruel joke, but why had they spent so much money on me?
Meeting with the pastor didn’t fit into that picture, either. I was so unsure.
Sir was at home for supper. We all took our places at the table. I wasn’t all that hungry or talkative.
I noticed them exchange lots of glances.
Brian sighed, loudly. I looked up at him without saying anything.
“Amelia, you’ve hardly eaten. Aren’t you feeling well?” he asked with that soft patient tone of his.
I looked down at my plate. It was still full. I’d thought I’d eaten more than that. “I’m fine don’t worry about me.”
He exchanged another glance with Nanny.
I got the feeling that not eating wouldn’t be tolerated. I wasn’t used to anyone caring whether I ate or not.
That got me to thinking about what I had to say to the pastor today about no one from my side coming. Tears filled my eyes, and I hung my head.
“Amelia, could I have a private word with you in my office?” He was already standing up and helping me with my chair. I stood, and he took my hand. His hands were so warm and strong. I wished that this was all real, a real happy family.
He sat me down in a chair facing his desk. I still couldn’t look at him. He leaned back against his desk. “Amelia, tell me what is wrong.” His voice had that same strict tone to it, but it was filled with sadness too. He’d never sounded so sad before. It made me look up at him. His eyes were sad too.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
Sir nodded without saying anything. He went around and sat behind his desk. He slumped down. I hung my head again. The silence surrounded us and suffocated me.
He got up again and came back to me. He laid his hand over my folded ones on my lap.
“I’m being a baby, aren’t I?” I looked at him to see if he was losing his patience.
�
��I need you to tell me exactly what is bothering you.” He looked somehow happy. Was he so sure that he could help? He couldn’t. My problems burdened my shoulders and not his.
“I’m sure it’s just nerves.” I wiped away the tears that had collected in my eyes again.
“Tell me everything. I’ve got plenty of time.” He knelt down in front of me and looked at me with so much concern. His care for me brought even more tears to my eyes.
He swooped me up in his arms and carried me behind his desk. He sat down with me on his lap. I laughed a little at that.
He smiled at me too. “Can you tell me now?”
I laid my hand on his chest. He was so strong. He had so easily picked me up. “I’m sorry you can’t have the wedding that someone like you should have, because of me. A wedding should be a such a happy time and now because of me you feel you can’t invite your friends and family just because I don’t have any.” Everything spilled out in one breath. I sobbed onto his chest.
He held me tightly, patting my back like you do with a baby. “The only thing I want out of our wedding is you.” I believed him. He loved me so much.
“We should get married in Vegas. A no questions asked wedding might be better.”
That had him chuckling again. He seemed to think I was cute.
“You deserve a better wife.”
“No, sweetheart, it’s you who deserves a better husband. Look how selfish I am.” He held me with one arm while he opened a drawer. He pulled out two empty silver picture frames. “One is for this desk here, and one is for my desk at work. I was going to put our wedding picture in them. I think I’ve spent too much time getting everything ready for the wedding that I forgot to get you ready for it too. My lack of attention appears to make you feel unwanted, or you wouldn’t be worrying about such nonsense.” He held me even closer.
“Why is it, that you always worry about me, Amelia? Do you ever think about yourself?” he asked, smiling.
“I don’t understand. Why is having a frame for wedding pictures make you a bad husband?”
“I envisioned the picture of us in it. The perfect church wedding, you in a beautiful white dress, me in a tux.” He smiled at me. “I realize that guys don’t often dream about weddings, but I’ve become obsessed with making things up to you. I wanted to start with the perfect wedding.”
He pulled me even closer to him. His lap was the most comfortable place in the whole world.
“I need to spend time with you too. What do you want to do tonight? A date?” He was laughing at me.
That’s when I realized that he’d made me completely forget why I was upset. The trick hadn’t worked long. I pushed away from him and stood up. “I’m sure you have more important things to do.”
“What was it? What did I say that pushed you away? Tell me. I’ll never do it again.” He got up and moved so he was standing in front of me.
I had to lift my head up high to see him. He looked like he was filled with regret.
I smiled at him. I wanted to reach out and touch him. My hand started to reach up to his face, but I was too shy. I slowly pulled it back. “You didn’t do anything. I realized it was a trick to make me forget why I was sad. It was very nice of you. I’ll just go to bed early tonight.”
“No.”
I looked at him surprised.
“You may not go to bed now. I know you’d lay awake and worry about all that and whatever else you can think to worry about. We’ll watch a movie tonight. Eat popcorn and get lost in whatever world the silver screen shows us. I insist, sweetheart.” He held out a hand to me.
I tried so hard not to smile. I wanted to give in, but I was pretty sure that he didn’t have time for something like that. “I know you don’t have that kind of time. My father worked all the time too. I’m fine, but thanks for the offer.”
“Amelia, I’ve already warned you about back-talking me. Don’t start with anything like that. I know your father took very bad care of you, but I’m your daddy now, and I’ll take very good care of my little girl. Come with me. I have a surprise for you.”
I took his hand. I couldn’t take a scolding. I felt so ashamed of myself.
He pulled me out of his office.
Nanny had been waiting on a bench outside.
“Nanny, we’re going on a date.” He grinned as he informed her. “We won’t be needing you for a couple of hours. I’ll bring her to your room afterwards.” He pulled me up the stairs.
Nanny looked surprised too.
“Don’t worry Nanny, the movie theater is in the house with plenty of servants. I’m sure that I’ll behave myself.” His mood was incredibly good.
We went up lots and lots of stairs. There was really a movie theater at the top. I’d only seen the first two floors when he showed me the house. He turned on a computer, and servants came racing up the stairs. Lights were being turned on. The smell of popcorn started to fill the air.
“Sweetheart, come here. What kind of movie do you want to see?”
I shrugged. “I’ve never been to a movie, you choose.”
At first, he looked surprised, and then he shrugged. “I think we should watch a comedy.” He typed into his computer, and then he stood up. A servant took his place at the computer. He took me by my elbow and led the way to the snack counter.
“Two buckets of popcorn, please.” He was really playing this up. “What would you like to drink?”
“Water, please.” I smiled and played along too.
“Don’t you want a soda?” He looked amused with me again.
“No, I don’t like that either. That gives me a tummy ache too,” I apologized.
“That’s a new one. I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t like soda, but it explains your perfect teeth.” He was still smiling at me.
I licked over my teeth sensitive about them immediately.
“They’re perfect,” he assured me. “Do you want something sweet, sweetheart?” His eyes were positively dancing.
I shook my head and raised my shoulders. I didn’t know what was what.
“Let’s start with something simple. Milk chocolate?”
I nodded; he remembered what I’d said about that. He turned around and led me into the theater. It had several huge cushiony chairs. There were three rolls of seats. He led me to a sofa seat. I felt unsure what to do. He waited for me to sit down. Then he joined me. Servants brought in our things.
There were little tables to put the popcorn and drinks on. The servants did that for us, and then they left.
The theater darkened, and little floor lights came on. Then the curtains opened, and a screen appeared. The movie started. It was a kid’s movie about an old couple and balloons.
Brian moved over to me and laid his arm around me. We laughed together even though it wasn’t for our age. This was something like we’d watch at school around Christmastime. The movie had me laughing and then crying. He got me a tissue when the wife died. He held me even closer.
I hardly ate anything. I was so nervous, and I was afraid of an upset stomach.
As the movie ended I sighed, a happy sigh.
He helped me to my feet and walked me down to Nanny’s room. He was beaming as he knocked on her door. She opened it quickly, holding it open wide for me to come in.
“Thank you. I had a lovely time.” I turned to look at him before I walked in. He still looked very pleased. I went in.
Nanny stepped out into the hall and closed the door behind her. I took the chance to go to the bathroom all by myself. I was already in my pajamas with my teeth brushed when she came in.
She smiled at me nicely too. “Let’s get you oiled, and then you can go off to bed.”
My jaw dropped. I’d been in such a good mood. That was over with. “Oh.”
“Yes, oh. I know it embarrasses you, but it needs to be done.”
I nodded in defeat. She started unbuttoning my pajamas. I felt so ashamed.
“Amelia, I wish you’d have had a nanny when you were a
child. You seem to be so ashamed of yourself. You don’t need to be. You’re a very well behaved and smart girl. I think you did a wonderful job taking care of yourself. How you managed without a mother or a nanny impresses me, but there are things a person can’t guess at. You can lean on me. I’ll take care of you in every way. You’re in no way disgusting or an unattractive girl. You should be happy about that. It was your beauty that caught his eye, but it was your sweet innocence that caught his heart. He loves you so much. He wants you to be happy.” As she spoke, she went about her task.
I fell into her arms afterwards and sobbed until Brian came in to see what was wrong. He stayed behind the closed bathroom door as he spoke with Nanny.
Nanny explained that I’d clung to her after a scolding. She helped me into a robe.
“What did you scold her for?” I heard him ask.
“Not thinking she was worth all the attention that she gets.”
He came in and took me out of Nanny’s arms. He carried me to bed. Nanny pulled back the blankets, and he laid me in bed so gently. He kissed my forehead and then sat down on the bed.
I don’t remember what happened next. I must have fallen asleep.
The next day, Nanny kept me busy at my desk. I figured they thought it would be better to keep me busy.
Nanny said she wanted to test me in the different areas. She was very pleased that I did well in all the areas.
She told me the test usually took two days. We finished up after lunch.
She gave me embroidery to do. I worked quietly at my window seat. My nerves had settled down a lot.
I kept thinking about Brian, about how he was there for me when I needed him. I had a good feeling about our marriage now. He really did seem to like me.
Nanny checked on me before supper. She sat down next to me and looked at what I’d done. She looked surprised. “Have you done this before?”
“Yes, I think it was in the fifth grade we made butterflies, but it was different. We had to made X’s.”
“That was cross stitch this is different. This you’ve never done before?”