by Rachel Burns
He left then. I was on pins and needles as I waited. Would I really get to see my baby now?
I didn’t have to wait long when he came in with her in his arms. I sat up and held my arms out for her. I warned myself to be careful. Not to be too emotional. He laid her in my arms. She was even awake.
“Okay you two, cuddle in.” Daddy retrieved the book as I lay down with my baby and snuggled close to her. She smelt different. I had to admit better. Whatever terribly expensive stuff they were pouring on her it smelt delicious.
I smiled at her and listened to Daddy reading. I was truly happy. All to soon the story was over. Daddy stopped reading. This was the moment where I had to be very strong and not cry.
He stared at us for a while, and he was smiling. “I’ve got the prettiest little girls in the world.” He reached for Sarah.
“One last kiss,” I begged.
He sat down on the bed. I gave Sarah a kiss on her forehead. She stretched and looked around.
Daddy was beaming at us. “She sure is cute. We got lucky. She looks like you.”
I laughed surprised that he had made a joke.
He picked her up and kissed me good night. “I don’t want any trouble from you tonight. If you don’t sleep, Santa Claus can’t come.”
I snuggled in and closed my eyes, pretending to care about Santa Claus.
“Sleep well, sweetheart.”
“You too, Daddy.” I dreamt I was holding my baby in my arms.
“Sleepyhead, it’s time to wake up.” Daddy was sitting on my bed. He was already dressed. I yawned, stretched and reached up to him. “Merry Christmas, Daddy.”
“Merry Christmas, sweetheart.” He hugged me and sighed. “I am so glad you are home again.”
“Me too Daddy. Thank you for looking for me.”
“Daddy will always look for you, but my plan is to look after you better than I did before, so you stay nice and close to Daddy.”
I nodded at him. I wished that things had gone differently too.
He had laid out a beautiful red dress for me to wear today. I ran my fingertips over the fabric of it. “It’s so pretty. Thank you, Daddy.”
“You’re welcome, sweetheart. Come on, your bathwater is waiting.”
I slipped out of bed and grabbed his hand, as I would have done a year ago. He washed me and dressed me so prettily. I wondered if Sarah would really have the same dress on as me. Daddy took me down to breakfast. The butler brought me hot chocolate.
Nanny came in and smiled at us. “Merry Christmas, everyone.” She was dressed in her formal Nanny uniform with white ruffles peeking out of her collar. She sat down with us, and we began eating.
We had lots to eat. Everything was especially delicious this morning. When we were finished, Daddy got up and said he wondered if Santa had come last night.
He nodded at the butler who left and came back a minute later and nodded at Daddy, confirming that Santa had been here. Daddy went out the door.
I got up and stood next to my chair.
“Amelia, Santa was here.” Daddy peeked in the door. He had Sarah with him in his arms.
I moved around the table and went to him. “Merry Christmas, Sarah,” I said. She was sleeping.
We went into the living room. The tree was lit up so beautifully. “Oh Daddy, it is so beautiful.” There were tons of presents wrapped up in colorful paper. I hoped they were all for Sarah. Plates of cookies had been set out.
“Do you want me to sing you a song, Daddy? I’m afraid I don’t have anything else for you.”
“Don’t worry about that. I want you to sing later when Sarah is awake. Right now I think you should open your presents.”
I blushed. “Presents for me? But I wasn’t good.” I got even redder, as I spoke.
“Amelia.” He stepped closer to me. “I will decide what you deserve and what not. Go sit by the tree and read off for who the presents are.”
I went and sat down by the tree. I picked up the first box. “Sarah,” I read aloud. I set it to the side. Daddy and Nanny had sat down on the sofa.
“Amelia, open it up for her,” Daddy suggested. He still had Sarah in his arms.
I smiled and carefully started opening it. “Teddy bear towels in red, extra for Christmas.” I set them on the coffee table.
I picked up a little box. I read Nanny aloud and moved to give her the gift. She thanked me and began to open her gift. It was a new watch from Daddy. She thanked him very politely.
The next gift was for Sarah too, a teddy bear. She got lots of dresses and toys. Her nursery would be filling up nicely.
I found a gift with my name on it. I had started to think that he didn’t have anything for me. I opened it very carefully. I didn’t trust him not to give me another doll as a punishment, but it was a music box. It was of a Christmas tree with angels decorating it. It was very beautiful. I had to pull a wooden stick with a ball at the end to get it to go. It played, Oh Christmas tree. I hummed along.
“Thank you, Daddy. I really like it.”
“I thought something like that would suit you.” He smiled pleased with himself.
The next present was also for me. It was also a musical box, but this depicted a scene in spring. I didn’t recognize the tune, but it was very beautiful. I thanked him again.
We were running out of presents. I opened a couple more for Sarah. She got a rattle. It was a toy that she could play with soon. The last box was huge. It was so heavy that I couldn’t lift it. I had to rip the paper away. The box said it was filled with wooden blocks. Most were plain wood color but some had been painted beautifully.
“In case she takes after you. Now you will have something to play with her when you visit her in the nursery.” Daddy laughed.
I smiled at him. He had been very generous to our little Sarah. He was still holding her, and he really looked happy.
I could be very good for him if he was very good to her. I would do my best that she didn’t realize that there was anything wrong with our family. She could grow up very happily here with a mother and a father.
I went over to him and sat down by his feet and smiled at the tree. “I think the tree is even prettier than last year, Daddy.”
“It sure is,” he agreed with me. “That reminds me, I wanted to get some pictures of you two in front of the tree. Stand up and take Sarah, Amelia.”
I eagerly jumped to my feet. Daddy positioned us in front of the tree. He was just as bad as Martin was when he had a camera in his hands. He kept taking pictures until I had to laugh because it had been so many.
My laughter woke up Sarah. She cried and rubbed her head into my chest. I automatically wanted to open my clothes up and give her something to eat, but my dress closed in the back.
“I’ll give her to her nanny. We’ll get her back after she has eaten.”
I was left feeling hallow. Daddy had so much power over me. He had even decided that I couldn’t breast-feed my baby.
He was right. This was going to take a long time to get over.
He wasn’t the only person who had to do a lot of forgiving.
***
Tony Senior hugged his daughter, surprised at how good she looked. He showed her the bread he baked for her, and they told her about the trip in the private plane.
Cindy was pleased to have her family with her. She looked over at her husband and introduced him to them. At first, they were cold to him, but when it became obvious that he loved her, they started to relax.
One of the bodyguards stepped forward and gave Tony an envelope. He opened it and saw a picture of Amelia holding Sarah in front of a Christmas tree. She was laughing.
He showed his wife the picture. “We did the right thing.”
Both were relieved. They turned to their daughter and showered her with attention.
End of Part 1
Part 2 - Betrayed
Chapter 9 – Trust Comes And Goes
Brian saw that Amelia was happiest when she got to see Sarah. Some d
ays, he felt that she just tolerated him so she could see her daughter. He doubted her every word, and second-guessed her actions.
Instead of relaxing the reins, as he had planned, he tightened them. He had Nanny give her lessons and lots of homework.
Amelia never complained.
He was purposely pushing her, so he could feel when resistance started and see when she finally fought back. She didn’t, ever.
Was this the proof that he was looking for?
This could only be a farce. Brian felt that there was nothing lovable about him.
What reason would Amelia have for loving him?
There were moments when he couldn’t be in the same room with her. His thoughts would run away with him, telling him that she was faking it, and that she hated him.
He looked at her in her beautiful clothes and thought that they were costumes, and she was the actress and this was her star performance. Hadn’t her mother loved her stage life too?
He didn’t want her to pretend. He wanted to know that she meant every word she said and everything that she did.
Brian had stopped touching her at night. She never complained. Brian figured that she didn’t seem to miss his touch. The feel of her under his fingertips disgusted him. Those were the days he didn’t want to see her face either. He felt that she had betrayed him and made him look like a fool.
He just couldn’t believe that she had thought him capable of killing their child. Even if she was scared for the baby, she could have asked him what would happen if she were to get pregnant, not confessing that she was. She hadn’t dropped any hints. She just ran.
Wouldn’t a normal person at least have tried to ask him about it before they had to live on the streets?
In other moments, he hated himself and wouldn’t blame her for hating him too. She had to suffer because he had been so abrupt with her, and with that specific topic.
Pride cometh before the fall. That was so true. He had fallen so hard. He never wanted to go back to that limbo that he had lived in while she was gone. It had hurt just to breathe and not know if she were breathing too.
He was so glad that she was alive. He wanted to hug her and hold her in those moments, needing to feel that she was really there beside him.
Brian went to his office and carefully put a picture of Sarah in a silver frame. He needed to repeat his actions five more times before his task would be finished. One picture was for this desk. He already set that one up. Another was for his Uncle Ned, another was for Nancy and Martin and the other two were for his desks at work. He wanted to show off his daughter to the world.
The trip to the photographer had been so much fun. He had dressed her in the dress that Amelia had bought for her. Brian had to admit that his wife did have good taste in clothes.
Nanny Dobson had done up Sarah’s fluffy hair, tying it with a matching ribbon. Sarah was very photogenic. It had been hard to choose pictures. Her big blue eyes had been open wide in all the pictures. Sarah just looked so awake and intelligent.
There was a knock at the door. Brian raised his had, annoyed that some servant was bothering him while he was in such a good mood. “Come in,” he called out as he centered Sarah’s picture in the frame and laid the glass down over it to protect the picture. He made sure that he didn’t leave fingerprints on the glass, and he carefully guided it into the frame.
“Sir, I wanted to talk to you about Amelia. I’m worried about her.”
“How so, Nanny Prim?”
“She is so quiet. She never talks anymore. I give her lessons, and she says what she must and nothing more. What I’m trying to say is that the spark in her eyes is gone.”
“Make your point, Nanny Prim. I’m sure you have an idea what I should do to put the spark back.” He laid the glass over Sarah’s picture. It shifted. He needed to restart and his mood was shot to hell because of this conversation.
“I was thinking that instead of tying Amelia down that we could give her more freedom. She needs to be able to see her baby whenever she wants.”
“I understand, Nanny. Your loyalties are, of course, to Amelia. There is nothing wrong with that. But I have the responsibility for my wife as well as for my daughter. I can’t allow anything to happen to my Sarah. It’s too risky.”
“How so? She had Sarah to herself and did a marvelous job caring for her. I’m sure her short visits to the nursery are pleasant for everyone as well.”
“Nanny, Amelia didn’t care for Sarah. Cindy’s mother did. Amelia worked in the bakery. I saw her with my own eyes.”
“She was earning her keep. Both hers and Sarah’s,” Nanny protested.
“My decision stands.”
“She cries herself to sleep, every night. It’s cruel to keep a mother away from her child. Amelia is trying so hard not to complain because she fears that you will take away what little time she does have with her daughter. This isn’t the way to gain her trust and even less to gain her love. All you are doing is showing her that you are more powerful than she is.”
She loves me, Brian thought. She had said so while attached to the lie detector.
“Mark my words, she will try to kill herself again, just so she can see her child from heaven.”
“That’s enough, Nanny Prim. I have obviously been too kind to you. You have been taking on airs that don’t suit your position. I let you get away with that, but that is now over. The only reason that you are still here is because against your opinion I love my wife, and she likes you. However, if you ever overstep the boundaries again, I will fire you regardless of that fact. Another nanny would be found to tend to Amelia, one who knows her place. This discussion is now over. Go back to my wife and do your job.”
“Sir, my conscience won’t let me leave without a last warning. You won’t want the shell of a woman that will be left when you are done punishing her.”
“I’m not punishing her. I could have done so much more, and any other man would have. I was more than generous about what happened. Amelia isn’t right in the head anymore. I’ll take care of her.”
“Really? Because it looks like you already found a replacement,” Nanny spat back, pointedly looking at the pictures of Sarah.
“I don’t have to share my reasons for what I do with you. You will just have to believe that I am acting in Amelia’s best interest.”
“You thought that she was crazy before. Do you remember the episode with the doll? You were wrong then, and you are wrong again.” Nanny turned to leave. She felt that she had said her piece.
“Nanny, I want you to eat in the kitchen with the rest of the staff. The table in the dining room is just for the family.” He hated doing it, but Nanny needed to learn her place. Brian went back to work on the picture. It went together perfectly. Everything was falling into place.
Nanny left the room with her head held high. Her chin wanted to quiver so badly. She figured that he would take Amelia away from her bit by bit until it was time for her to look for another job. He was doing to her what he was already doing to Amelia, slowly destroying her.
Nanny went up to her room and then checked on Amelia who was working at her desk. Nanny had a need to see her child. She thought of Amelia as her daughter. Her loyalties were just to her. “How is your work coming along?” She hoped she sounded peppy. Amelia had enough problems of her own. Nanny mustn’t dump anymore on the child.
“I’m finished, Nanny. I’m very sorry about my penmanship.”
“I’m sure it is fine.” Nanny picked up the paper. Amelia’s handwriting had never been worse. Some of the words were written so badly that she couldn’t even guess at what they were. “Fantastic. You’re improving.”
“I am?” Nanny could see a bit of hope in Amelia’s eyes.
“Definitely. Would you like to work on the picture that you are making for Sarah?”
“Yes, please.”
“Of course you may. You are such a good girl. Sarah is lucky to have you as her mother.”
Nanny immediately
saw that she had said something to hurt Amelia’s feelings. “What’s the matter? Don’t you believe me?”
Amelia hung her head as she got up and fetched her sewing basket.
“Amelia, look at me.”
Nanny saw tears running down the side of Amelia’s face. That face was the most precious thing in the world to her. It broke her heart to see her so sad. “Listen to me. I understand why you did what you did. I wish,” Nanny closed her eyes, “with my whole heart that you had come to me. I will always help you.” Nanny could clearly see that Amelia didn’t believe her. She too had made so many mistakes.
“You did what you felt you had to for the sake of your child. That’s admirable. I feel very honored to be your Nanny.”
“It wasn’t admirable. It backfired. It was all for nothing. I made a fool out of myself. She’s forgetting me anyway. She prefers him to me, already.”
“I’m sure that isn’t true.”
“I’m afraid it is.”
Nanny watched Amelia sit down and work on a picture for the nursery. It was a very complicated one of a little girl having a tea party.
Nanny prayed to God that something would happen to bring this family together in a positive way while Amelia worked.
Brian put Amelia to bed early again that night. The evening meal had been extremely quiet. Amelia gave her nanny a puzzled look when she didn’t join them at the table, but she didn’t comment about the situation.
Brian had to grin to himself when he thought about Nanny Prim sitting down between the maids, house handymen and their driver. Her pride would take a major hit for that. Perhaps she would learn to behave thanks to her new eating accommodations.
Brian still had work to do and tried to throw himself into, but he couldn’t.
A little while later he found himself standing in the nursery. Sarah was awake and drinking her bottle. He insisted that he take over.
Nanny sighed as she gave him the baby, but she smiled. He at least cared for his daughter. Mrs. … never stayed long. She looked so unsure what to do with the child, especially when she was hungry. She just stood still and watched Mr. … give Sarah her bottle. Nanny Dobson always comforted Sarah after Mrs. … left.