by Rachel Burns
It was so unlike her check-up at the hospital when she had been born. The doctor seemed to be in such a hurry that it was like pulling teeth to get him to say anything about her.
This was so much better for Sarah. She was really safe here. Everything had turned out all right in the end.
Chapter 11 – Unexpected
Brian was getting a very comfortable and relaxed feeling with Amelia again. He still had an urge to check on her to make sure that she was still there, but it wasn’t a constant need anymore.
They spent every weekend together, the three of them. Amelia was very careful with Sarah. Brian felt that she was doing a good job with her.
He would read stories to his girls and play the piano, so Amelia could sing to Sarah.
Brian wanted Sarah to hear as much music as possible. He wanted her to be a prodigy.
There was a comfortable family feeling when the two nannies left them alone. Brian was glad to see that Amelia was capable of changing Sarah’s diapers. He honestly believed that she had been sick with the baby blues, and that she was now slowly recovering. He had forgotten that it had been a lie that he had made up to keep Amelia away from Sarah.
Brian got such a high when their two faces were close together. They looked so much alike. They were his family.
He hadn’t been this happy since before Amelia left.
***
Daddy and I were lying in bed one morning. He was telling me about some of his patient’s parents that he didn’t like. He was sounding off. His oath didn’t include me. He told me lots. It was safe because I would never meet any of these people. Daddy thought that parents should love their children and be really interested in them.
He was very interested in his children, Sarah and me. He looked over each of my tests point for point and made comments. Daddy praised me when I did well, but I had been slacking off lately. He never mentioned that.
On the days that I hardly got to spend time with Sarah, I didn’t sleep well at night. I was having nightmares about her nanny running away with her. I didn’t care for her nanny.
Better said, I didn’t think that her nanny cared for me.
Daddy was complaining off about a parent. “We both make sure that we spend time with Sarah every day even though she has a nanny. Some parents just really don’t care. Yesterday a woman came in with her kid. One leg is longer than the other. She was talking on her cell and arguing with me at the same time. She wants me to operate. Either I should make the one leg longer or the other leg shorter. I wanted to spank her so badly. I explained again and again that her kid is still growing, and that it can’t be done. All her kid needs is a special shoe. She doesn’t want that because others could see that something is wrong with her daughter. Amelia that lady really took the cake. I doubt she even loves her kid. How could a parent just not care like that?”
I got up and ran to the bathroom. I threw up. He came in right behind me. He wrapped his arms around me and apologized for being so insensitive.
The funny thing was I hadn’t even thought about my father. I had been feeling sick before that too.
Daddy washed me and brought me to bed. I had the shivers, and they just wouldn’t stop. Daddy said he would call school and explain that I was sick. He felt really bad.
He was very nice to me, and Nanny sat by my side all day and night. However, a week later I had gotten worse, and not better. Daddy and Nanny were worried that I had something serious. They spoke of a terrible flu that was going around.
Daddy took some blood one morning and took it to work with him. He sent it off to a lab, and we would get the results in a couple of days. He assured me that he would be able to make me better then.
Daddy pampered me and brought home ribbons for my hair.
Nanny was really worried because I wasn’t eating anything at all.
I was sad because I wasn’t allowed to see Sarah. I missed her so much.
“Get up.” Daddy kicked my bed with his knee.
I woke up and looked at him confused. He was really mad. He was holding a urine cup in his hand. I lowered my feet to the floor and sat up. My fingers went to my temples; just sitting up was hard work for me.
He grabbed me by my arm and pulled me into the bathroom.
I was shaking and scared.
He thrust the cup at me. “Pee in it, now.” He was being so cold and mean.
“I don’t understand?”
He slapped me, and the cup flew out of my hand. He picked it up and twisted my arm behind my back. “What’s not to understand?” He let go of my arm and gave me the cup again.
I took the cup and lifted up my pajamas. I sadly went to the bathroom and set the cup down on the counter as I sniffled.
He was being mean again for no reason, the return of Mr. Hyde. No wonder that movie had made such an impression on me.
He took the cup and tested it while I washed my hands.
“Can I go back to bed now?”
He grabbed me by my arm and set me down on the side of the tub. I land hard on my backside. I sniffled some more. I could hardly hold up my head, and he was making me cry.
He gave a loud exasperated sigh. “That’s what I thought.” He turned on me, and my arms went up to protect my face. “You little whore.”
I was so shocked that I just let him hit me. I didn’t understand what I had done.
He pulled me out of the bathroom by my forearm and shoved me onto my bed. He headed back to the door then.
“What did I do?” I cried out after him.
“Don’t pretend you don’t know, you little slut.” The door slammed and then locked.
I cried hurt and confused. He had never called he names like that before. I could hardly breathe. Was this shock? Was I about to pass out?
I only concentrated on my breathing.
I tried to collect myself. I needed to go to sleep and get some more rest, so I could build up my strength.
I would try to get well really soon. Maybe he would like me better then.
I didn’t get better, and he came into my room every day. He called me terrible names before he left again.
Nanny never came.
I cried day and night. I really felt like a little girl. I felt so small and unloved again. No one wanted me anymore. Daddy even hated me, and I was so sick and so tired.
Daddy grabbed me out of my bed, waking me. He pulled me into his room and pulled my clothes off of me. I had no idea what he wanted now.
My hands flew to cover me. “Daddy, whatever I did I am truly sorry.”
He laughed at me. “Now you’re modest?” He grabbed me by my hips and turned me, so I was facing away from him. He was going to make love with me, but I was really sure that he didn’t love me anymore.
I was right. He took me roughly and said terrible things to me. He fell on top of me when he was finished. “And don’t think that I will take care of your bastard.” He got up and left.
What bastard? What was he talking about? Had he done something to my precious Sarah? I forced myself to get up. I went into the bathroom and threw up. I thought about what he had said. He had even admitted to the other men that Sarah was his. He’d had her tested.
Unless, I thought about being so sick lately. He thought – I was pregnant again, and he thought it wasn’t his. My hands went to my stomach.
There was nothing to see there.
Could I be?
He must be mistaken.
Every day was the same. At some point, he would show up and shake his head at me. Once a week, I guessed Saturday or Sunday he took me to his room for sex.
The first couple of weeks, I begged him to believe me that I had never been with another man. In the meantime, I had just given up. I said nothing, nothing at all.
I was losing my feeling for time. I just knew day and night. The week was measured from visits to his room.
I was so hungry all the time. He didn’t even give me food to eat on a daily basis. When he did, I rationed it and hid som
e in a bathroom drawer for the days he forgot.
Except, I didn’t think that he forgot.
But my hunger wasn’t satisfied. I had taken to biting the flesh around my fingernails. They often bled when I bit off too much. I drank water from the faucet.
I washed myself and cleaned my room and the bathroom every day just for something to do.
He had denied me clothes once I started to show. One day, he had just marched in, and he had started packing my things, saying that they didn’t fit anymore.
He left me with nothing. No clothes, no books, and none of my learning things. The only thing left was my bed and thank god the blankets. My stuffed animals had all been in my window seat. He must not have seen them because they were mostly hidden behind the curtain.
I was hungry, cold and so lonely. I wrapped myself in my blankets and cuddled up with my stuffed animals.
What was going to happen to me?
What was so wrong with me that no one could ever love me in the long run?
Chapter 12 – Happy Birthday
Brian didn’t think about Amelia at all anymore. Instead, he watched his daughter growing up. He was there when she crawled for the first time and when she pulled herself up to standing. She was so advanced for her age.
He held her until she fussed that she wanted to play again.
Sarah needed to move around a lot. She was always striving for the next step in her development. Brian gave her all of his attention.
He spoke with Sarah’s nanny about ways to challenge Sarah. He wanted her to advance her forward as quickly as possible, so she would be satisfied for once.
When he left the nursery, he had a smile on his face. That smile faded the closer he got to his room. He was all too aware what was on the other side of the wall.
Amelia was rounding out. Another man’s fruit was growing inside of her. Another man had laid his dirty body over her and had been inside of her.
Brian had been clear from the beginning that he only wanted a virgin. A man like him didn’t share. It was an act of constraint that he didn’t wrap his hands around her neck and squeeze. He was being gracious and charitable.
After he was in bed with the light turned off, he remembered that he hadn’t brought her anything to eat. He could hear her crying on the other side of the wall. Her cries were muffled, like she didn’t want him to know that she was crying.
Did she regret it?
He figured that she and Tony Junior had hit it off. They lived together in the apartment and work together in the bakery. They would have slowly come closer, and she would have quickly forgotten about him. He was just the guy who kept her locked in and forced her to pretend that she didn’t notice. He had made her wear old fashion things and punished her when she didn’t fit into the mold that he wanted her to fit into.
The good news was that Nanny Prim hadn’t ambushed him in the hall this evening. She sometimes did, asking about Amelia and begging to see her.
As soon as he decided what he was going to do with Amelia, he would fire Nanny Prim and be rid of both of them.
Brian woke up early. A year ago he had also gotten up early on this day and planned Amelia’s birthday party, wanting everything to be perfect. It had been a waste of his time. He should have locked her in back then already. Asking himself if she loved him was better than knowing she didn’t.
His wife was a woman who would do anything she necessary to get what she wanted. She would even pretend to be a little girl if it got her his favor.
Brian had an idea. He would go into her room and celebrate with her. He just needed a cake.
***
The door opened to my room. It hadn’t been light for very long, so it was probably a weekday. He was carrying a plate with cake on it. A candle was lit.
He looked at me and smiled. It had been so long since he had smiled at me that I smiled back at him. Did he know that the baby was his? I hoped so.
He came in and sang happy birthday.
I sat in bed and cried at his cruelty, but at the same time I wondered if he would really let me eat the cake. I was so hungry.
He sat down in bed next to me. “Blow out your candle and make a wish.” He sounded chipper as he spoke. He held the plate up to my face.
I closed my eyes and wished that I would get to eat the cake. I felt a tear run down my cheek. I opened my eyes and blew out the candle.
“That was really great, Amelia. You didn’t even fuss this year.”
I was looking directly into his smiling eyes.
“You’re twenty, that’s a lot of spanks.” He patted his lap as he spoke. “Come over my lap.”
I hung my head and cried.
“If you don’t come on your own, I’ll double it.” He was still in an extremely good mood.
I trembled as I stood and went over his knees. I had to get this over with as quickly as possible for the baby’s sake.
He brought his hand down very hard, and my whole body jerked up. “One,” he said happily.
My chewed up fingers were quivering in fear.
“Two, three, four, five. You are getting nice and red back here. Six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Do you want to count out the last ten?” He brought down his hand with even more force than before.
“Eleven,” I whispered.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. Did you say something? I couldn’t hear you. If you could please repeat it again?” He brought his hand down even harder.
“Eleven.” I was a little louder this time but not by much.
“You’ll have to speak a lot clearer if you ever want to get finished.” Smack.
I screamed eleven.
“You will not yell at me. We will repeat that stroke.”
He brought his hand down again, and I lost it. I just bawled over his knees unable to count. He continued his pace never stopping.
I envisioned myself losing the baby. “You are killing your own child.”
“Don’t you lie to me.” The spanking turned even more brutal. He hit the back of my thighs and legs. I just lay over his knees with one hand holding onto his leg.
I always tried to touch him as much as I could when he was here. He was the only person I came in contact with. I needed to feel his warmth.
He shoved me off of his knees without warning.
Daddy scooped up a piece of cake with his hand and shoved it in my mouth. He held his hand over my mouth until I had swallowed. The sweet taste of the cake was mixed with the taste of my stomach acids as they came up to protest the lack of air.
He scooped up the next piece.
I gasped for air and quickly swallowed the food that was still in my mouth.
“Keep in mind that you are eating for two.” He shoved the next piece in.
My hands pounded on his hand. I needed air so badly that my nostrils were flaring. He first removed his hand when I was seeing stars. I had stopped trying to fight him.
“I almost forgot to give you one to grow on.” He smacked my bottom hard. “And a pinch to grow an inch.” His fingernails pinched deep into my already punished behind.
I howled and tried to get away, but he wouldn’t let go.
He must have pinched into me for over half a minute before he finally let go and left.
I lay on the floor and just gave up. My breath jerked in and out through my nose. I had no reason to live. He would never let me see Sarah again. This baby he was trying to kill. He didn’t want me at all anymore. Cindy’s family had probably gotten in trouble because they had helped me, and my father had also had a chance to help me, but he didn’t. My father knew what was going on here. He saw me and talked to me. He certainly didn’t offer any help.
No one was going to come and save me. A dream I had given up on as a child. I was just so hated.
I sobbed louder as I thought about how true my thoughts really were.
“Amelia, your present.” He had come back. It wasn’t even over for today. “Open it up.” He shoved a box under me.
I s
at on my knees to open the box. I already had a feeling about what it could be. I sobbed as I opened it. Sure enough, it was the doll, the one that he had given me at the beginning of our marriage. The one that looked like me and thus also like Sarah.
“Well, that’s all I have planned for today. I want you to enjoy the rest of the day.” He collected my stuffed animals. “You won’t need these anymore now that you have her back.” He left. He even had a spring in his step.
As soon as he was gone, I snatched the doll into my arms and hugged her. I ran my hand over her hair. “Sarah, my Sarah. Mommy loves you so much.”
I held her tightly all day. It was the best present that I had ever received.
I feasted on the cake crumbs on the floor and really did enjoy the rest of the day. Now that Sarah was with me things were a lot better.
Chapter 13 – Depression
Nanny paced up and down in the hall. She knew that something was wrong. Why was he hiding Amelia away from her? It didn’t make sense.
The school director had called her and asked what was going on. When Nanny had to admit that she had no idea what was going on, or if Amelia was even still in the house, the director wanted to call for help. Nanny hadn’t heard from her since.
The only thing she knew for sure was that Amelia hadn’t been seen by anyone. None of her laundry was piling up and none of the servants were taking food to her room. Nanny feared that Amelia had run away again. Or worse yet, he had killed her. She had been so sick, and then the locks had been changed.
Nanny could no longer enter Amelia’s room. No sounds came out of the room either. Amelia never knocked.
Mr. … continued to pay her, but he avoided her at all costs. That didn’t make sense. If the child were missing, that man would have shown up and asked her a million questions, like last time. That only left death.