The next text came through: HELLOOOO
Brie quickly texted a response: Thought you were someone else
She watched the screen. Please don’t text back. Please don’t text me back.
Then it came: Jake don’t be like that just give me another chance please I promise you won’t regret it
Another chance? It is Sarah. Breathe, she told herself.
Then, another came: JAKE?
Relax. Breathe. Brie stared at the screen.
F U JAKE. Where were you today? Did you ever find your frigid loser gf I heard you were looking all over the place for her. YOU AND RYAN he wants her too you know that right? Ryan dumped Kelly right there at the dance cuz of your little ho he just left her there its all over school everyone knows that ho was leading you both on
Ryan dumped Kelly? At the dance? Brie felt sick. Did I lead Ryan on? I didn’t. Did I? Okay, there was a time when I thought, maybe. I sat with him at the pep rally. No, he sat with me at the pep rally, instead of Kelly. And, afterward, I went out to Champions with him. He paid—he wouldn’t let me. Oh no! Did he think . . .? What else would he have thought? I didn’t know he was with Kelly at the dance, until he told me. What have I done?
She looked up Alec in Jake’s contacts. What if he doesn’t answer, and Alec does? She stared at the phone before working up her nerve. She sent the text: Jake?
Hey
This time she waited. Come on.
Trust popped up on the screen.
Brie relaxed, but hesitated.
Brie you ok?
How could she tell him she screwed up? She texted: I got a text on your phone and thought it was you I forgot to wait for you to text trust Jake I’m sorry
He texted back: And?
I think it was her
Her who?
Your x
Sarah?
Yeah
Are you ok?
Yeah
Brie wait a sec brb just got another text don’t go anywhere! I mean it!
She stared at the screen, waiting.
Brie? You there?
Yeah where would I go :)
LOL just got a very very personal text from Julia - Alecs gf
LOL Did you tell her you’re taken? I can’t believe I just texted that. Her heart raced, waiting for his response.
I like the sound of that if your talking about you
Yep :)
Brie do you want to tell me about that other text or would it be easier to forward it?
I’ll forward it I can’t deal with what she texted
Ok send it to me Brie I’m over Sarah. Have been for a long time even before I met you. You know that right?
Yeah I know She spotted his hoodie at the bottom of her bed and reached for it. She held it to her face, inhaling that wonderful aroma of him.
You’re ok right?
Yeah. Someone’s coming gtg
Friday
With her sketchpad propped up on her knees, Brie paused her birthday video and outlined the boy and girl exactly as they appeared on her laptop monitor. Absorbed in her work, the vibrating phone startled her, but then she remembered. She groped inside her pillowcase for the prized possession.
She read, Hey trust
Hi it’s early you got the prepaid phone? It doesn’t show as Alec
Yeah gave Alec back his just got on bus didn’t wake you did I?
No I was awake guess what?
Your getting out of there?
I wish! Guess again
You can have visitors? Because if you can I’m on my way over there as soon as I can get off this bus
She smiled. Definitely my Dream Guy. LOL unfortunately no it’s actually something you forgot
I have no idea not your birthday that’s in the summer
LOL you forgot your hoodie I slept with it last night She sucked in her swollen lower lip waiting for his next text.
Lucky hoodie
A shivering rush passed through her. “He did not just say that.” She texted: LOL it smells like you
I bet it smells like you now ;)
She felt her face warm. Maybe Oh wait Troy texted you I didn’t answer and he didn’t text back again and you got a call from Kal
Alright I’ll give them my new number don’t worry if anyone else texts or calls just don’t answer them. What did Troy want
He texted that he covered for you and it was no big deal that’s all I saw Jake did I mess things up for you?
No and don’t worry bout that he covered for me with coach at practice yesterday
Brie heard the meal cart rattling by her door. Jake someones coming gtg
Ok bye brie I’ll text after the playoff game tonight XX
“Oh my gosh,” she cooed, stuffing the phone back into her pillowcase.
Her door opened and a hospital volunteer carried in her breakfast tray.
The cafeteria was getting crowded. Jake dropped his lunch bag onto the table across from where Brie had been sitting last week. Since he’d been in touch with her, it was getting easier sitting across from her empty seat. But, not quite sure how he would react, no one dared sit there since she went missing.
Troy bumped fists with Jake. “Oh Gordon, I forgot to tell you at the lockers. We get out after sixth period today. Coach wants to go over some video and debrief us on the Hornets’ players.”
“Hornets? You mean bumblebees! We got this so wrapped up!” Marcus high-fived Danny.
“Is she gone?” Pam sneered, taking her seat across from Troy, next to Jake.
Jake looked at her, sitting next to him, as if she had grown another head. “Are you talkin’ to me?”
“Uh, yeah.” Her eyes widened, and she flipped her silky, long, red hair back. “Well, is she?”
“Knock it off, Pam,” Troy warned under his breath.
Pam motioned her head toward the empty seat at their table. “I heard she transferred.”
“Pam!” Troy hissed.
Jake stared her down, until his fist suddenly crashed down on the table. “What’s her name!”
Pam jerked back. Everyone else at the table quieted.
Standing, Jake looked down at Pam. “Her name is Brie. Screw you, Pam. What makes you all that? What makes you think you’re so much better than everyone else?” He sneered. “You don’t know a damn thing about her.” He grabbed his lunch and stalked off.
Troy pushed his chair back “Jake, hold up.” He looked at Pam. “Couldn’t you just leave it alone?”
Jake assaulted the heavy silence that filled the cafeteria. “I don’t care, Troy! I’m tired of their shit!”
Troy took one last look over his shoulder toward the table they had just left, then took a seat across from Jake at the table where Brie sat on her first two days.
Pam stormed out of the cafeteria, leaving her lunch at the table.
Finally. Brie tapped in his passcode then read: Hey TRUST Game over. Most of the guys are still out there on the field. Couldn’t wait to get in locker room to text you. It was even better than homecoming game. We’re going to States in Baltimore!
She texted back: So you won. :) That’s awesome! Would much rather have been there than here. Did you score again? Of course he did.
Yeah, 2x Marcus and Danny scored too Vic had two interceptions Kal returned the first kickoff for fifty yards and got two QB sacks! Final score 31-21
Sounds like a great game. Are you going out now? Must be a party. She sighed. What would that be like, going to a party with Jake after a football game? Parties weren’t her thing, too many people. But, if she were with Jake, she wouldn’t feel alone.
The guys want me to. At Danny’s dads farm on other side of Frederick a field
party prolly bonfire a party doesn’t sound like much fun if you’re not gonna be there with me
No doubt those catty cheerleaders will be there though, but still texted: You should go don’t want you to miss it cuz of me btw the charge on your phone is really low now. I’m going to shut it down. Miss you. ttyl
Wait
Waiting, she watched the screen without texting anything else. <3 Miss you too. Brie touched the heart on the screen of his phone. He owns my heart.
:) xo She turned off the phone and laid her head on her pillow, hugging his hoodie.
Chapter 20
The Gordon family attended mass most Sundays. Their parish was thirty minutes away, not the closest parish to their neighborhood, but it was the same one their family had attended for three generations.
They walked to their usual pew, the third row on the left side. Jake and Teagan usually claimed the end seats so they could get out to perform. Usually the youth choir sang and Jake accompanied on the guitar, but today only a few girls from the choir would be singing backup, Teagan and two others. Father John had selected a song for Jake to sing as a solo.
“Jake, let me sit on the end today,” his father whispered. “I’m doing the scripture readings.”
Nodding, Jake followed Teagan into the pew.
Before his dad exited the pew to read, Jake met his eyes. “What?” Jake whispered with a curious grin.
Giving a slight shake of his head, his father dismissed his question and walked to the pulpit. “Our scripture reading is from the Letter of Ephesians, chapter four, verses thirty-one and thirty-two. ‘Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger . . . Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other . . .’”
Watching his dad, Jake listened to the passage. Forgiveness. His dad’s eyes settled on him. Jake gave him a slight nod of support. It had been a while since his dad had done a reading. When he returned to his seat, Jake smiled. “Good job, Dad.”
His dad nodded. The priest’s eyes settled on Jake as he began. Jake scanned the congregation. Father John focused completely on him, just as his dad had. What the heck?
Wandering between his own thoughts and Father John’s words, Jake glanced toward his father, who stared straight ahead.
“Jake, come on,” Teagan whispered, tugging at his sleeve, interrupting his thoughts.
Maneuvering out of the pew, Jake glanced again at his father, who stepped out of the pew so Jake and Teagan could get out.
“We need to talk,” Jake hissed, at his father.
“You’re right. We do.”
After shooting his dad another confused look, Jake took his spot at the microphone just below the pulpit platform to sing the Jars of Clay song, “Worlds Apart.” For the first time, instead of focusing on harmony, Jake felt the words of the song. As the tempo increased toward the end, it suddenly hit him: he’d been set up. After finishing, he packed his guitar and walked out of the church, leaving his dad and sister to sit through the rest of the service.
After the service, Jake’s dad opened the passenger door of the Nissan. Jake had been sitting in the driver’s seat for the past half hour.
“Thanks for waiting,” his dad said, a failed attempt at humor, before he shifted into his seat.
“Save it. Where’s Teag?” Jake barked, starting the car.
“I told her to give us a minute.”
“Why?” Jake turned off the ignition. “What was that all about? Me? You set me up.”
His dad chuckled. “Every single person in there would have benefited if they listened. But, yes, Father John and I did mean for you to gain an understanding from that message. I should have had this talk with you a long time ago. So much time has passed since she left, almost ten years. I didn’t know any other way. It seemed like the right time came and passed, and then I couldn’t bring myself to tell you.”
Almost ten years. She left. Jake nodded and swallowed down the lump forming in his throat. Mom. So, that’s what this is about. “Did you forgive her?” He leaned his head back against the headrest and stared straight up.
“A long time ago. She loved you, Jake. You and Teagan.”
“Not enough to stay,” he bit out in anger. “Did she love you?” Jake cast a look of disdain at his father before looking away.
“Yes, she did. In that letter she left, she wrote, ‘Take care of my babies. I love them.’ She asked me to forgive her. She also asked that I don’t look for her, that I wouldn’t understand. But, I did understand, and I did look for her.” He whispered, “I did, Jake.”
Jake looked at his father. “Then, why? Why did she leave? Did she say?”
“No. But, I know why.” He sighed. “Your mother was an addict. When she was in high school, she was bounced from one foster family to another. God only knows what she went through. We met through Young Life, the campus ministry at the community college. She’d been clean for several months. I knew all of that before we married, but I thought it was all in the past.” He looked away from Jake, out the front window, but continued talking.
“I thought I would be enough to make everything right. She never really recovered.” He looked back at Jake. “Staying away from drugs and alcohol, it’s like running a never-ending marathon. Former addicts can tell you how long to the day they’ve been clean, but there’s never a finish line. If they slip, they start the marathon all over again, from the beginning. Your mother, she started using again, and I didn’t even know it. She hid it from me, and she didn’t get help.”
“Why are you telling me this? Why now? Because you know what? I don’t give a damn about her anymore. I grew up without a mother. Teag grew up without a mother.”
“I’m sorry I waited so long. At first, I thought I’d find her, and we’d be a family again. I carried the burden and blame for her leaving. Then, two years after she left, I got a call. She overdosed on pain killers and alcohol.” He gulped back a sob.
“What? She . . . she’s dead?” Jake panicked.
His father closed his eyes and gave a hesitant nod.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Jake’s voice broke. He closed his eyes and pictured her from his childhood memories: cheerful, adoring, loving, beautiful. Now, all of a sudden he was supposed to forgive her? And, at the same time he felt as though he should be grieving for her, grieving for himself, grieving not only for his loss, but for his hatred and anger. His eyes filled. She’d been gone so long, so why the tears now? He looked away from his dad, swiping at his eyes.
His dad broke the silence. “I wanted to tell you. But, you were only eleven. You had just gone back to school. You were doing better, making friends.” He grinned. An attempt to lighten the atmosphere? “The day I found out was the same day you, Troy, and Danny had that All-Star baseball game at Ripken Stadium.”
Jake thought back to that day. How could he forget playing at that field, at that stadium? The stands with individual seats, not benches, the perfectly manicured field, the locker room, and the real dugouts were incredible, even the parking lot was huge. They were living a dream. It was like they were professionals. He played shortstop, Danny pitched, and Troy played third base. They won the game in extra innings.
He’d been stoked, but when he went to find his family, Teagan was with the Campbells, Troy’s mom and dad. Mr. Campbell had said, “Great game, guys. Jake, your dad had an important phone call. He had to leave, but he saw most of the game, including your triple. Whadda you say? I’ll take you home after we go out for pizza.”
I actually high-fived Troy because we got to hang out. Jake’s eyes welled up, again. I high-fived Troy when Dad got called because Mom died. “You should have told me,” he choked out. “I was celebrating. I was glad you left me with the Campbells. You left me there, and Mom was dead.”
“Jake, you didn’t know—”
“Damn right I didn’t know. I didn’t even ask why that phone call was so important. I didn’t care! I only cared about myself.”
Jake wondered now why he had never questioned his dad about it. I was selfish. His world fell apart and mine revolved around me. “Dad, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Jake’s hoarse whisper broke the brief silence.
“I just . . . I couldn’t bring myself to tell you. I kept waiting for the right time, when you were old enough to understand. But, the right time never came. And now, after ten years . . . That’s not what I want for you. That’s not what she would have wanted for you.”
“What? What do you mean? What she would have wanted for me? What are you talking about? What did she want for me? She left me. She left Teag. She left you. She killed herself!”
“Jake, it wasn’t about us.”
“Was she ever happy? With us?” Jake’s anger mixed with grief. How many times had he said, she’s dead to me. And, now he discovered she really was. He swiped at his eyes again.
“Yes, you know she was. You can see it in the photos and videos. That was real, Jake. She loved you. She loved Teagan. I don’t know when she relapsed. If it was gradual or sudden, I just don’t know.”
“So, I’m just supposed to forgive her? For leaving us? For doing that to herself?”
“Yes. Forgive her. I did.”
Jake looked out his window again, away from his father.
“Jake, it can be a powerful thing when someone needs you, and you think you love them. You really believe you can make a difference, that you’ll be enough to fix everything, no matter what the problem is.” He waited. “That’s not always the case, son. Sometimes there’s nothing you can do to help them. They have to want to get better.”
Sublime Karma Page 16