A Complicated Love (Complicated Love #1)

by D. M Midgley

  Annabelle thanking me was the last straw of my resolve. She looked so vulnerable and innocent. When I got out of the car and kissed her, it was explosive. I’d been waiting to do it for ages. Even before I found out that she was pregnant, I wanted her. I want to spoil her and in a way, prove that I want to get to know her. Arranging the dinner cruise on the Thames was a first date that I thought she would love. Asking her over text was not the most brilliant idea, but I couldn’t wait. I had to ask her out. I wasn’t sure what to make of the kiss in the last message from Annabelle. It must mean that she cares about me? When I got up the next morning, I decided to give Annabelle the day off. I want her to take it easy when she can, and I was picking her up for our date in the evening. I wanted her to feel relaxed and I’m glad she did. She was breathtaking in that purple dress she wore. She was beautiful. She was a knockout. The date couldn’t have gone any better, and I really wanted to end the night on a high, but I want to take it slow with Annabelle.

  We have done this all backward and I can’t rush it. I don’t want to. I want her to know I want her, and not just the baby, so rejecting her that night was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I know I hurt her. I could see it in her eyes, but I’m hoping I made it better by sending my message about why I had to leave before things went too far. I couldn’t believe I put ‘made love’ in the message. I hit my head against the wall when I realised what I’d typed. I was hoping that I hadn’t scared her off.

  I’m ashamed about that night as I never appreciated her, and it was so stupid after realising how brilliant she is and how wonderful. The next time I have sex with Annabelle it will be because I love her and want to worship her. I mean it when I told her in that message that I want to make love to her. I will wait for as long as possible to be with her again.

  Being at the scan with Annabelle was amazing and a wonderful experience. Seeing our baby on the screen was beautiful. I got so choked up, but I didn’t want Annabelle to see me crying. Call it a male pride thing. I had to have a picture to keep with me. Sometimes I just take it out when I have a few minutes, and look at this beautiful little person that we have created.

  I’m a bit concerned at Annabelle’s concern over looking for somewhere else to live. She has told me she won’t be able to afford the rent on her own and she seemed really shocked when I suggested buying it. If I can keep Annabelle and our baby with a roof over their head, then I’m going to do it. I don’t want her to worry about anything, and that includes work. If I could, I would fire her and have her living with me. She doesn’t have to work because I will take care of her. I’d do anything for her. I earn enough money to support all of us, but I don’t suggest it as she has her own pride and wants to make her own money.

  Giving her the day off again so she could spend time with Tracy on her last day in London was my way of keeping her away from the office. I’d been looking into getting another PA to work alongside Annabelle so she can do light work while pregnant. I know she won’t stop working, so it was the only option I had. I couldn’t stop myself from just checking in with her. I miss her every single time I’m not with her. She tells me that they are off to Blue Bliss for a girl’s night. I’m not too keen on the idea, as Blue Bliss gets quite rowdy and there have been major issues in there and I don’t want Annabelle in that type of environment. I suggest that they go to Sienna’s instead. It’s not because I can keep an eye on her. Okay, not really. I did ask Dave, the bouncer in the VIP section to keep an eye on her, but not to let her know that he is. I was going to join her later on, but a business meeting had come up and I couldn’t get out of it.

  She did suggest meeting her at her place after I’ve finished and I’m definitely meeting her there. I can’t wait to just hold her and I love waking up with her. I haven’t told her yet, but I want to take Annabelle to meet my mum. Danielle is on a break from Oxford University, so she’s staying with my mum until she has to go back. I thought it would be the perfect time to introduce them to Annabelle. They know she’s pregnant. Mum wasn’t exactly happy with the way things panned out between Annabelle and me, but she’s coming to terms with it, and the last conversation I had with her, I told her my feelings for Annabelle have grown. She’s finally coming around to the idea of being a grandmother and Danielle is thrilled for me.

  The business meeting is dragging really slowly. I can’t help checking the time and wondering what Annabelle’s up to. I’m dying to see her, and I’d rather be with her than with these business suits. My phone starts buzzing in my pocket and I discreetly pull it out to check. I see Annabelle’s name lighting up the screen. I stand and quickly excuse myself. I hope she’s all right. I check the time and see it’s just after 11:00 p.m. so I’m guessing she’s checking in after getting home. I swipe the screen.

  “Hey beautiful.” I frown as I hear sniffling on the other end of the phone.

  “Joshua… it’s Tracy… um… Annabelle… has had… an accident.” She’s sniffling so badly that I’m finding it hard to hear what’s happened.

  “Tracy, take a breath and calm down.” I hear her breathe deeply and it's gone quiet on her end. “What’s happened, Tracy?”

  “Annabelle fell down the stairs at the club and she’s being taken to the hospital.”

  “Is she okay?” I clutch the phone tightly.

  “She’s unconscious. An ambulance was called and they are taking her there now. I’m going to go with her in the ambulance.”

  “Okay, I’m on my way now.” I hang up and grab my car keys. I don’t wait around to tell the business suits what’s going on.

  I try to drive carefully through London, but I’m worried about Annabelle and our baby. I can’t live without them. London traffic is terrible and it’s taking a long time to get across town.

  Half an hour later and I arrive at the hospital. I park or maybe abandon, should be the correct word, my car and rush in the double doors toward reception. After explaining why I’m here and who I am, she gets hold of a nurse to take me down to where Annabelle is located. I’m led into a small room that’s white from floor to ceiling, and going around the sides of the room are plastic chairs. I see Tracy seated in one of the chairs. I rush over to her.

  “Tracy, how is she?” Tracy looks up and her eyes are really red and puffy. She’s clutching a tissue while her lips tremble. She’s trying to stop herself from crying.

  “I don’t know… they haven’t told me anything yet.” She blows her nose. “As soon as we got here they wheeled her through those doors out there and directed me in here. They haven’t been in since.” She starts slowly crying. I sit down beside her and wrap my arm around her.

  “It’s okay Tracy, she’s going to be fine. I know she is.”

  “How can you be so sure?” She buries her head in my shoulder while she sobs uncontrollably.

  “Because I have to Tracy. I have to believe it.” I get choked up and swallowing becomes uncomfortable. I can’t lose her. We have so much happening right now. I reacted badly when I found out she was pregnant, but since then I’ve loved spending time with her and getting to know her. She’s wonderful, smart, caring and I couldn’t imagine my life without her. Annabelle and our baby are my future and I will do anything to keep them with me.

  Two hours later and Tracy has fallen asleep on my shoulder. She cried herself to sleep while I kept watching the clock. The waiting room door opens and a doctor walks through. I tap Tracy on the shoulder and she jerks awake instantly. We both get up and rush toward the doctor.

  “Are you here for Miss Connor?”

  “Yes doctor. How is she?” I don’t see a smile on his face and he’s freaking me out.

  “Miss Connor is doing relatively well. The neurologist sent Miss Connor for an MRI scan and you will be glad to hear she hasn’t sustained any broken bones. She has a gash on her head that we’ve bandaged for now until it heals a bit more. She’s still asleep at the moment, but it won’t be long until she’s awake. She will be very groggy at first.” I breathe a sigh of
relief. She’s going to be okay.

  “And how’s the baby doing?”

  “Well, Miss Connor was brought in as soon as possible and we had to whisk her straight into surgery.”

  I swallow hard. “Surgery?”

  “We discovered that Miss Connor was bleeding rather heavily when she was brought in. We took her straight to surgery to see what was going on. I’m sorry, but there was nothing we could do. Miss Connor had a miscarriage.”

  I feel like I’m floating. I feel weightless and free in this bubble I’ve created. All around me, I see bright, white light.

  Am I dead? I don’t think so.

  The white light is calming and I feel so rested here. I don’t know where here is, but I like it. I’m not sure why, but I’m afraid to go back. Back to my life… I think.

  I hear a beeping noise, just beeping, beeping, beeping and it’s getting incredibly loud. As the beeping gets louder, the bright white light is getting brighter and brighter and it’s beginning to hurt my eyes. I don’t understand how I know, but I do that I am waking up.

  I feel this deep ache in me, telling me that I can’t wake up. That I shouldn’t wake up. That I need to be strong for whatever awaits me.

  The bright light gets unbearable for my eyes… I wake up.

  I open my eyes and I’m unsure of where I am. Everything in the room is white and the light above my eyes is shining really brightly and beginning to hurt my eyes. I blink a few times to try and clear my blurry eyes. I turn my head to the left and see a machine. The wires seem to run down into my arm, and I’m not quite sure what’s going on. I turn my head to the right and Joshua is sitting on a chair by the side of my bed. He’s clutching my hand tightly with his head resting on the bed. He’s asleep and looks like hell. I gently squeeze his hand. He jerks up suddenly and his eyes widen when he sees me looking at him.

  “Oh God, Annabelle, you’re awake. Are you okay? Are you feeling okay?” He leans over the railing of the bed and I can see the concern in his eyes.

  “Water… please,” I croak. Joshua releases my hand and makes his way over to a trolley near the wall. He pours me a glass of water and places a straw in it for me.

  “Gently sip it, beautiful.” He smiles and brings the straw to my mouth. I take a little sip, not wanting to drink too much too soon.

  “What happened?” I look around and I know I’m in a hospital, but I’m not sure what happened to me.

  “You had an accident when you went to Sienna’s with Tracy. You slipped down the stairs. You don’t remember?”

  I shake my head and try to remember, but I can’t. I remember being at the club with Tracy, but I don’t remember much about that night.

  “How long have I been here?”

  “Not long really, just from last night when they brought you in.” I see it’s dark outside so it must be evening, but I’m not sure of the time. I hear the door open and a dark-haired doctor walks in.

  “Ah, Miss Connor, you’re awake. How are you feeling?” He smiles, but the smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

  “I’m okay, I guess. Just a little sore and a bit stiff.”

  “Well, you do have some heavy bruising which will eventually clear up, but you need to get plenty of rest when we discharge you.”

  “And the baby? It’s okay? Joshua says I fell down some stairs.” The doctor looks over at Joshua and I know they’re having a silent conversation. I don’t like this. What’s going on?

  “My baby is okay… right?” I looking between the two of them and my heart literally stops. I can’t breathe properly. I try to take in steady breaths, but I can’t. My head is getting cloudy and I’m scared of what I will hear next. Joshua takes my hand again, and I see a tear slowly glide down his cheek.

  “Annabelle, baby.” He tries to smile but fails miserably. “When you fell, the paramedics found that you were bleeding heavily and there was nothing they could do,” he starts to choke up and I know what’s coming next. “Beautiful… you had a miscarriage.” He breaks down and places his forehead on my hand.

  I literally crumble.

  I can’t speak.

  There’s nothing to say that will make this go away.

  My baby has gone.

  One stupid fall and I lose my baby.

  “No! No, no, no, this isn’t happening. Please tell me this is wrong.” The barrier breaks and I start to sob uncontrollably. Joshua tries to hug me and console me, but I push him away. This is the worst pain I’ve ever felt.

  “I’m so sorry, Miss Connor. We would like to keep you in for tonight and you can be discharged tomorrow afternoon. I will leave you alone and check on you later.” He quickly turns and disappears out the door. I’ve gone back to not speaking. I don’t know how I’m feeling. What can I say? I turn onto my side, facing away from Joshua and stare at the awful white wall. I feel numb inside, and I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do now. I can’t control my tears as they travel down my cheeks. I hear Joshua sob softly behind me, but I can’t find the strength to comfort him. We stay this way for hours. Both contemplating the next step and what this means for us.

  It’s late evening and we haven’t spoken since this morning. The doctor has been in and out all day checking on me and how I’m doing? I don’t seem to know how to answer that question. My tears have subsided, and all I feel now is numb. I’m sitting up in my bed with Joshua by the side of me. He looks awful, but he won’t leave my side. He wouldn’t even leave to get some lunch or dinner, so the nurses have been kind enough to provide him with meals too.

  Tracy came in to see me this afternoon and I was completely shocked to see her. She was supposed to be in Los Angeles, but she told me she couldn’t leave, not after my accident. I reassured her that I was fine and to go, but she was adamant that she would stay. It was Aunt Sylvia that eventually talked some sense into her. She finally admitted that she wouldn’t be getting paid for staying over here while looking after me, so Aunt Sylvia told her to go. After a while, Tracy chose to go to Los Angeles. I will miss her so much, but she needs to do this and I have Aunt Sylvia and Joshua.

  Aunt Sylvia is coming to stay with me for a few weeks or so, until I’m back on my feet. I’m still really sore, so it will be great to have her around.

  I haven’t talked much to Joshua. He’s been with me constantly and has made sure I have everything I need, but we don’t seem to know what to say to each other. It’s so awkward. Everything was happening so fast with us and now I’m not sure where we stand.

  This afternoon, I’m being discharged from hospital and I can’t wait to be in my apartment again. I’ve packed up the few essentials I had and am waiting for Joshua to get back from speaking with the doctor. Joshua insisted on driving me home and Aunt Sylvia will meet me there. The door opens and I’m hoping to see Joshua so I can get out of here, but I look up to find two women. The short, black haired woman smiles at me. She has shoulder length hair that is tied back in a ponytail. She’s wearing a dark green checked skirt with a white blouse and a greenish blazer. She has on black ballerina flats and the amount of jewellery she has on is overwhelming. She has bracelets all the way up to her elbows on both arms, big hoop earrings and a nose piercing. The older woman is impeccably dressed. She’s wearing a light blue tunic with white linen trousers, complemented with silver sandals. Her hair is the same colour as the older woman, but it’s a lot shorter and curlier. She looks quite intimidating. I smile at the younger one again and she smiles back. She seems friendly.

  “Annabelle?” she questions. I nod my head, finding it hard to speak.

  “I’m Danielle. I have heard so much about you. I’m Joshua’s sister.” I must have looked confused because she felt like she had to tell me who she was. “And this is my mum, Sienna.” I look over at Sienna and she doesn’t look very happy to be introduced to me.

  “Hi Danielle, Sienna, come in.” They walk in and take a seat by the side of the bed. I’m so glad I’m ready to go home and dressed, otherwise this would have been awkward.<
br />
  “We are staying with Joshua for a few weeks and we heard what happened, so we came straight here. How are you doing? I’m so sorry, Annabelle.”

  I smile and tears escape my eyes. I quickly wipe them away. I hate meeting Joshua’s family like this. Me crying and looking a mess is not the way I wanted to be introduced to them.

  “I’m doing okay, thank you.” I don’t know what else to say. I look over to Sienna and she is looking anywhere but at me.

  Have I done something to offend her?

  “Joshua has been amazing and has been taking such great care of me,” I say this as I look straight at Sienna. She gives me a tilted smile but doesn’t say anything to me. Danielle looks at her mum and frowns. It seems like she doesn’t like the way her mum is acting. At that moment, Joshua walks in and takes a look at all of us sitting there awkwardly.

  “Mum, Danielle, what are you doing here?” He looks concerned that they’re here and I’m not sure why.

  “We just came to see how Annabelle was, and to give you both our condolences.” She smiles and stands up to give her brother a hug. “We just arrived and knew you would be here, so we came to the hospital before going to your apartment. I hope that was okay?”

  “Of course, it’s fine. I was just shocked to see you, that’s all.” He gives her a peck on the cheek.

  “I’m so sorry big bro, it sucks.” She makes a face and gives him another hug. They seem so close. I look at his mum and find that she’s not looking at them. Instead, she’s staring right at me. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong, but I’m starting to get the impression that she doesn’t like me. I give her a small smile, but she frowns and turns away.