While I waited for the bartender to notice me, I felt a warm hand squeeze my shoulder. I craned my neck up to see an annoyed Oliver. “What is Emily’s problem?” He shouldered past me and leaned on the bar. I couldn’t stop watching the muscles in his back stretching under his white shirt. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and his forearms pressed against the top of the bar. My eyes fluttered closed for a second.
I opened them, gave myself a silent pep talk, and said, “She thinks you’re going to seduce me.”
A muscle in his jaw twitched. “Why would she think that?”
I raised my hands in defense. “It wasn’t me! I just—I was with a guy for a while who didn’t treat me very well, in Emily’s opinion, and she thinks men like that gravitate toward me.”
“Cliff?”
“Cliff.”
“And you told her I wasn’t attracted to you?” Oliver said.
I felt my cheeks burn as I nodded. “Of course. Many, many times.”
He stared off past me. “I mean, what is her problem?” I shook my head, but he wasn’t even looking at me. “If I were a woman, she’d probably be high-fiving me and telling me how amazing I am for being sexually liberated. But because I’m a man and not in a committed relationship, I’m a fucking predator? That is bullshit.”
A bartender finally approached and I ordered as Oliver slipped away to the restroom, his jaw still working. His spot was replaced quickly by Emily. “I want you to stay far, far away from your neighbor,” she said, glaring at the bathroom door.
“He’s a nice guy,” I said.
“Tell me why you’re friends. You have a lot in common? He’s generous and kind? Has he stopped constantly insulting you?” She put her hands on her hips.
“He’s…” I said.
“He’s up to something. Guys like that are not nice to women like you for no reason.”
“Ouch.”
Ursula came up, too, and said, “Wow, Emily, bitch much?”
“I was just trying to make sure Michael was a good guy,” Emily said.
“And you’re being cruel to Delaney because...?” Ursula asked.
“I didn’t mean to imply that Delaney isn’t great. She’s great.” Emily turned to me and put a hand over mine. “You’re great. You’re beautiful and smart and kind and you can have anyone you want. But you’re obviously not Oliver’s one-night-stand type and yet he keeps looking at you like you’re a hambone and he’s a starving cartoon cat. And you shouldn’t want Oliver just because he wants you.”
“He doesn’t want me!”
“Give that line a rest. Please,” Emily said, rolling her eyes. I pouted. “But Oliver just reminds me so much of Cliff. And I blame myself for not telling you how much I hated Cliff. I don’t think you should regret your time with him, because you seem so much stronger now, but—”
“You’re stronger now? What was she before?” Oliver asked, gently parting Emily to the side so he could stand next to me, putting an arm around my shoulder.
“A puddle of goo,” Emily said, and Ursula nodded. “We just want you to be happy,” Emily said.
“I am happy. I was even happy with Cliff,” I said. Oliver’s grip on me tightened and I snuck a look at him. The muscle in his jaw was twitching again.
“But then you weren’t. And if I had told you my suspicions, well, maybe nothing would have changed, but I wouldn’t be standing here wondering if it would have turned out differently,” Emily said.
“I’m lost,” Oliver said, and Emily said, “Good. Stay lost.” He stared at her for a minute and then shook his head, patted my shoulder, and walked back to the booth while muttering curses at Emily.
“I’m serious. Stay away from Oliver,” Emily said. Ursula said, “He’s a really great person, but his relationships are pretty one-dimensional. That’s how it’s always seemed, anyway. I think if you dated him, he’d get the wrong idea.”
“He doesn’t have any ideas about me,” I said. “And how did this evening turn out to be about Oliver? We need to go back to Michael.”
“Yeah,” Emily said with a smile. “Yeah,” Ursula said with a sigh.
“And don’t worry. Oliver and I will only be friends.”
“Never say never,” Emily said, and I said, “I didn’t,” and Emily said, “Smartass.”
“And I know you don’t believe me, but Oliver is not like Cliff.”
“He’s really not,” Ursula said. “But you still shouldn’t date him.”
Emily sniffed. “He’s egotistical and knows he’s good-looking and intelligent like Cliff.”
“But unlike Cliff,” Ursula said, “Oliver doesn’t use people. And you didn’t see it because you were too busy scaring the life out of my boyfriend, but Oliver was watching Delaney. He cares about her.”
Emily sighed. “He did call her sweet.”
“Exactly,” Ursula said. “He really likes her. I’ll be more worried about what’s going to happen when he realizes just how much.”
Ursula gave me a weak smile, but I was too stunned to smile back.
Oliver
Delaney sat back down in the booth across from me and mouthed, “I’m sorry.”
“Where’d you go this afternoon?” Michael said.
“Chicago.”
“And you’re back already? You must be exhausted.”
“I couldn’t miss this party,” I said.
“Who was in Chicago?” Delaney said, all eyes as she looked at me.
“His whole family is,” Michael said to Delaney. “Well, his brother.”
“Whose wedding he’s not going to, for some reason,” Ursula said pointedly. “I sent in my RSVP card a month ago.” I sipped my beer, avoiding everyone’s stares, thinking of how Mia looked when I’d seen her earlier today. I’d gotten a glimpse of her before she noticed me, and I stood there watching her. Her blonde hair fell around her, different colored strands of yellow going down her back like an exploded paintbrush. Her lips appeared baby soft and smooth, and she had a tiny ski slope of a nose. She was perfect.
I sat down across from her in the coffee shop, pulling off my hat and combing my fingers through my hair, hoping it wasn’t sticking up everywhere. “Hi.”
“Oliver, hi.” Her forehead wrinkled adorably, and then she smiled at me, and I knew I hadn’t imagined any of my feelings for her.
“You look great. Beautiful,” I said, and she looked away uncomfortably, and then turned back, focusing on a spot somewhere behind me. “Thanks,” she said.
“I’m not here to make you feel weird. I promise. I just…I wanted to see if I was making up everything that happened between us.”
She leaned forward. “Nothing happened.”
“Then how come I feel like this?”
Her eyes fell to the table. “I’m sorry. This was a bad idea.”
“There’s also this girl. This woman.” Her eyes met mine for the first time, and she said, “Go on.”
“She’s not—”
“She’s not?”
“She’s not a lot of things, but she’s even more things. And I have feelings for her, but I don’t know if it’s a good idea to get involved with her. She just got out of a terrible relationship, she’s a mess, and I don’t want to make it worse.”
“Then don’t make it worse.”
“I’m trying. That’s why I’m here. I wanted to see you, to prove to myself that there was nothing going on with Delaney, that it was all in my head, because the way I feel about you is crazy.”
“I don’t want you to feel crazy about me.”
“I know you don’t. And I’m trying. I’m not going to the wedding. Brad isn’t even talking to me, and my mother calls me five times a week, which is five more than I can handle, but I’m not going. I’m trying.”
“I’m sorry. About Brad and your mom, I mean,” she said miserably.
“I know.” I reached out my hand to caress her fingers, but she slipped them away. “Tell me about this woman.”
I shook my
head. “I don’t know what I’d say. She’s not you.”
“This is impossible. You know that. Me and you is impossible. I can’t even look at you without feeling guilty about it. I’ve been with Brad for eight years. He’s the love of my life, and I can’t change the way I feel about him, even if I also feel….things for you.”
“I’m sorry you feel things for me. I wish this was a one-sided crush. It would be easier.”
She frowned. “No it wouldn’t. At least now I know what you’re going through.”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah,” she said. “Maybe you should give this woman a chance. She could be a trial run girlfriend. Nothing serious.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever feel serious about anyone but you,” I said, and Mia’s gaze fell away again, because of course she couldn’t say the same.
Back in the booth at the bar, I tipped back my beer and then said to Ursula, “Trust me, it’s better for everyone that I don’t go to that wedding.” I stared at Delaney, thinking about what Mia had proposed. Maybe I just needed someone real to get my feelings for Mia to go away, someone I knew.
Delaney shifted in her seat. “What? What are you looking at?”
“Nothing.”
“You looked lost in your thoughts.”
“Nope,” I said. “I’m right here.”
Delaney
Oliver fell into step next to me as I walked my bicycle across the crosswalk. The hospital was only a few blocks from the library, and now that Oliver wasn’t working nights, we kept bumping into each other on the walk home.
Now he walked home with me every day, and he was eerily nice about it all. He zipped up his gray hoodie against the fall chill in the air and pointed to the bike. “It’s squeaking. You should oil it.”
“Yes, Father,” I said.
He squinted. “Cliff should have done it.” He always said Cliff’s name with emphasis.
“Cliff didn’t do stuff like that.”
“Like what? Take care of you?”
“I can take care of myself, so no. He didn’t. It’s insulting.”
“No, it’s kind. It’s just a kind act,” he said. “I know you can. It’s not the ability. It’s the gesture. When you’re with someone, you want to take care of them, not because you feel like she can’t do it herself, but because you’re constantly trying to show her how much you love her. Life is short, and there’s not enough time for selfless acts, so you have to fit it in anywhere.
“And it’s not just that, it’s because you want to. You want to make her better. You want to be the best person you can.” A strange expression crossed his face, and he ran a hand over it as if he could erase it.
“Oh.” I wanted to ask him more, but his expression was closed off and angry, so we walked in silence.
As we reached the Victorian, Oliver opened the door for me and my bike, and then waited on the stairs while I stored it in the basement. We fell into step side by side as we made our way to the third floor, and when I opened my door and offered some leftover enchiladas for dinner, Oliver nodded gratefully and made his way into my apartment.
Except when I walked into the kitchen, Oliver trailing right behind me, someone was sitting on the countertop, reading something on his phone. I stopped and Oliver collided into my back as I stared at the man in front of me.
Cliff’s head popped up at the sound of our footsteps and he said, “Delaney! You’re home!” and hopped down to give me a big hug, Oliver stumbling backward as I said, “Cliff.”
“Cliff?” Oliver said. Cliff let go of me only for a moment, to pull me to his side and rest a hand on my hip.
“Nice to meet you.” Cliff held out a hand to Oliver, but Oliver just stared at Cliff.
I gave Oliver an apologetic glance. “Rain check on the enchiladas?”
Oliver didn’t say a word, just backed out of my apartment.
Twelve
Delaney
I freed myself from Cliff’s side. “What are you doing here?”
“Didn’t you get my texts? I was in town to see my parents, so I thought I’d stop by.”
I frowned down at my phone. “Sorry, it’s been off all day because of meetings. But how’d you get in?” He inched back toward me and nuzzled his nose in the crook of my neck, wrapping his arm around me, which always made me sigh. “Cliff?” I said in a strained tone.
“Your landlady,” he said with a wink.
“Mary? You seduced Mary?” I said, a hand fluttering to my chest.
“I didn’t seduce her. I was nice to her. I talked with her.”
“You seduced her. Worse, you charmed her.”
“Charm is bad all of a sudden?” he said, smiling at me charmingly.
“Why are you here?” I said as I stepped once more out of his reach, bumping into the counter behind me.
“I missed you, Laney. Aren’t I allowed to miss you? I haven’t seen you in months.”
“What could you have possibly missed about me? You were never in the same place as me. My ass-dent in the sofa? The pre-warmed TV? The leftovers in the fridge?”
His face scrunched unattractively as if he were thinking very, very hard. “You never used to swear.”
“Ass is hardly a swear word.”
“Is that guy who was in here your boyfriend? Is that what this is about?”
“No. God. No.”
“Then who is he?”
“Just my neighbor.”
“Just?”
I squirmed.
Right then, Jenny came up to me and I went to scoop her up. “What is that thing?” Cliff asked from behind me. “She was barking at me earlier. She nipped at my shoe.” He pointed to his foot and I stupidly looked down at it.
“It looks fine.”
“It is fine, but your dog tried to attack me.”
“Is that why you were on the counter?”
“Yes.”
“You were scared of her?” I examined the twenty pounds of terror, and then looked back at the two hundred pounds of terror standing next to me. “This is Jenny. She’s a Rat Terrier, and maybe something else mixed in.”
“Honestly, Lane, you got a dog with ‘rat’ in the name? What were you thinking? That dog is ugly.”
I cooed into Jenny’s big floppy ear, “I missed you. Let’s go for a walk.” To Cliff I said, “I was thinking that we’re kindred spirits. We’re both ugly, so we understand the world in a way you wouldn’t.”
I got Jenny’s leash and slammed the door on Cliff.
Oliver
Laney and Jenny came out the building as I was pacing, smoking a cigarette. When Laney saw me she stopped so suddenly that Jenny’s leash went the full length before Laney turned and blinked at her dog. “You smoke?” she asked, in a bit of a daze.
“That’s what you’re going to say? After that?” I said.
“After what?”
“Cliff! Jesus. Cliff.”
“What about Cliff?” Jenny tugged on her leash again, and Delaney started walking. I followed her, putting out my cigarette on the sidewalk when her eyes lingered on it. “You’re a doctor.”
“I know better. That’s why I’m done. And what do you mean, ‘What about Cliff?’ Don’t you think you could have once mentioned that Cliff was Cliff Burns? I have to know if that’s his real name.”
She gave me a tight smile. “Why would I mention Cliff, or his job? I never want to talk about Cliff.”
“Cliff Burns! From Next Door. Jesus.”
“Are you star struck? I can ask him for an autograph, but he might say no,” she said.
I shook my head. “Definitely not.”
“Then what?”
“Cliff Burns,” I muttered. I kept thinking about the man Delaney talked about. He was a jerk, and a loser, and a bum. But Cliff Burns was broad and muscled, with a granite jaw and movie star blond hair with a widow’s peak but somehow no receding hairline. It was Hollywood magic. And he wasn’t as tall as me, but his face was unreal, like a painting, like someon
e had conjured him.
I pulled my hand through my hair, remembering it was greasy as it stuck to my scalp after a long shift. Cliff Burns did not have greasy hair.
This was the guy Delaney had left. This was the last guy she’d been with. I wiped my hand down the front of my scrub shirt and saw a glob of the candy bar I’d eaten on the walk home with Delaney. Cliff was probably Scotchgarded against things like this.
Delaney turned the corner and I stopped. “What’s wrong?” she said, waiting for me.
“Nothing,” I said, and turned and walked back to the apartment to get more cigarettes. But I bumped into Cliff near the mailboxes. He lifted his head and said, “Hey.”
I gave him a curt nod and walked past him to the stairwell.
“Is she doing okay? Laney?” he said to my back.
“Laney’s fine,” I said without turning. “Tough like always.”
Cliff barked. “Laney is tough? Since when?”
I turned to meet his gaze. “Since always. She’s an independent spirit.”
“Huh,” he said, and leaned on the mailboxes and crossed his ankles. “You into her?”
“She’s a friend,” I said, not answering his question.
“Yeah, that’s the great thing about Delaney. She’s so shy, and she’s so afraid of what people think that she never flirts with guys. She’s grateful, you know? She’s grateful for attention, and she’ll do anything to make me happy. I get that now.”
I gritted my teeth. “I think we’re talking about different women.”
He wasn’t listening as he blathered on. “That’s the thing about girls who think they’re ugly.”
I balled up my fists and he must have noticed, because he said, “Hey, man, I didn’t say she was ugly. She’s gorgeous. I know that. It’s what she thinks, though, right? It shows through. Guys leave her alone because they can’t see it. That’s what’s so great. She’s never going to be the type of girl who leaves me for another guy. Not even when I make a mistake.”
“I don’t get it. Didn’t she leave you? Isn’t that why she’s here?”
He shook his head. “This was temporary. She’s coming back.”
“She told you that?”
“She will,” he said with a smile, and brushed past me, taking the steps up, two at a time.
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