‘I’m here, Abby, if you ever need to talk.’
Abby did need to talk, she knew that much. But to whom? Shelly and Kell were hardly objective and her family, when she’d broached the difficult subject on the telephone, had practically choked with laughter at the vaguest prospect of Abby staying in Tennengarrah.
‘Thanks,’ Abby said lightly, but both women knew it wasn’t going to happen. When make-your-mind-up time came, Abby knew she was on her own.
Though obviously thrilled to see her, Kell frowned a bit when she came in. ‘Can’t you stay away from the place? I thought you were off this afternoon?’
‘I’m just dropping a sample off.’ Abby shrugged. ‘How has it been?’
‘Quiet as a mouse. Clara’s out on a home visit, then she’s going to head straight home and Ross is going out on a mobile clinic. Poor guy. It’s a big one today and it will take for ever in this heat.’
‘What about you?’
‘I’ll just twiddle my thumbs here, I guess, in case someone does come by.’
The clinic was supposed to be open till four and though they often worked way past that, sometimes even with inpatients, there was still a measure of guilt in shutting up early, just in case someone was banking on them being open.
‘You go with Ross,’ Abby offered. ‘I can watch things here.’
‘You’re sure?’
‘Of course I’m sure. Anyway, I’ve got a pile of notes I should have written up ages ago.’
Ross and Kell didn’t take much persuading. In ten minutes flat they were out of the door and Abby made herself a coffee, sitting in the air-conditioned comfort of the clinic with her feet up on a stool, actually quite appreciative of a chance to tackle some paperwork.
The silence didn’t last long.
‘Hi, Abby.’ A nervous Martha rapped at the door, then walked in. ‘Anyone else about?’
‘Sorry.’ Abby smiled, putting down her pen. ‘Ross is out with Kell, and Clara’s gone home early. There’s only me here.’
‘You’re the one I want to see.’ Martha perched nervously on the edge of the seat Abby gestured to.
‘Trouble with your dad?’ Abby asked gently.
‘No more than usual. He still refuses to have the operation, still says that he doesn’t see the point. Ross came to the house and spoke with him yesterday but Dad’s still adamant he doesn’t want any surgery and he doesn’t want to be resuscitated if anything happens.’
‘I heard.’ The silence around them lingered for a moment or two as each woman dealt with her own feelings—Martha wondering how she’d cope without her father and Abby wondering how, as a doctor, she could stand by and watch a relatively young man die.
‘Anyway, it’s me I’m here for.’ The words surprised Abby. Though slowly she was being accepted by the locals, a patient actually volunteering to see Abby was a rarity to say the least. ‘I know Ross wouldn’t say anything, or Kell or Clara, but, well, they’re friends, not that you’re not nice and everything…’ Martha blushed but Abby just laughed away the young woman’s awkwardness.
‘A bit of distance works wonders sometimes. I know exactly how you feel, Martha. I got the worst case of sunstroke during my first fortnight here and, believe me, coming to on a trolley with Ross and Kell checking me over was just a touch too close to home. Sometimes it’s nice just to be a doctor and a patient.’
The ground rules worked out, Martha took a deep breath.
‘I’m pregnant.’
Abby didn’t say anything, just listened and watched Martha’s body language. She was a doctor here, not a friend who leapt around the table and offered congratulations.
‘Or at least I think I am. I’m two months late.’
‘Have you done a test?’ Abby asked, then apologised straight away. ‘Silly question. You’re not exactly inundated with pharmacies here, are you?’
‘That’s what got me in trouble in the first place. They sell condoms in the store, but Darlene works there, and Shirley. He could have got some from the pub, but his dad was there.’ Her voice was angry and Abby could feel her frustration at living in such a closed community. ‘Nothing’s private here, but I know that’s no excuse for being so careless. I guess you think I’m stupid.’
Abby didn’t think that for a second.
Who was she to judge?
After all, Kell’s skimpy denim shorts hadn’t exactly had room for a tiny foil package and Abby herself hadn’t come to Tennengarrah equipped for a night of spontaneous safe sex.
Her period had been anxiously awaited and for once gratefully received!
‘My dad’s going to kill me, if the shock doesn’t kill him first.’ The tears came then and Abby sat quietly, opening a box of tissues and letting Martha cry for a while before she spoke.
‘Why don’t we do a test first, make sure of the facts before we work out what you’re going to do?’
Martha gave a watery nod, and took the specimen jar Abby gave her. Abby set about trying to find the pregnancy testing kits, which proved a bit harder than it first appeared. None of the cupboards or drawers held anything and she was half-tempted to give Shelly a quick buzz, but, bearing in mind Martha would be back any second, she didn’t want to upset her patient further. Martha might think Abby was broadcasting the news.
She found the tests eventually—locked in the drug cupboard, of course!
Where else would they be?
‘It’s positive, isn’t it?’ Martha’s fearful voice broke the tense silence.
Oh, it was positive all right. The blotting paper had barely been dipped before a dark pink cross had appeared!
‘It is,’ Abby said, peeling off another wad of tissues as the inevitable tears came again. ‘But it’s not the end of the world.’
‘Oh, it is, Abby, it really is. What am I going to do?’ Martha wailed. ‘What am I going to do?’
‘Cope.’ The one word stopped the tears in their tracks and Martha looked up sharply.
‘You’ll cope Martha, because if there’s one thing I’ve learnt in my time here it’s that they breed them tough in the outback. The women here can cope with anything that’s thrown at them—snakes, bites, droughts, even pink crosses on pieces of blotting paper. Now, first up I’m going to examine you, check that your dates correspond with your size…’
‘And then…’
‘We’ll do nothing.’
‘Nothing?’ Martha looked up, aghast.
‘We’ll let the news sink in for a couple of days. At this stage a few days either way isn’t going to make much difference. But I have to tell you, Martha, that at this stage of pregnancy a couple of days is really all I can—’
‘I don’t want an abortion.’ Martha’s voice was the steadiest it had been since she had arrived at the clinic, and Abby gave a small nod.
‘Then you won’t have one. But when you’ve calmed down we’ll have a long chat and work out exactly what it is that you do want.’
‘I want to have the baby, Des does, too.’
‘Des is the father,’ Abby checked needlessly, the glow in Martha’s teary eyes an obvious indicator. ‘And you’ve both discussed it?’
‘It’s all we’ve spoken about for the last few weeks. It’s just how we’re going to tell Dad that’s sending us into a spin. Des is a farmhand. Dad even likes him, which is saying something! But it’s going to kill him when he finds out. And I’m serious. Dad could have a heart attack when he hears the news. I’m only eighteen, and if Dad dies, how will I manage? How are we going to cope with the farm without Dad? I need him, Abby, especially now, even though I don’t want him to know…’
‘Martha.’ Abby’s voice was sharp, but her eyes were still gentle. Bill’s reaction to the happy event had flicked through Abby’s mind and Martha had a valid point—given the shape Bill’s heart was in, a defibrillator on hand when they broke the news might just come in useful!
‘I’ll come with you,’ Abby said immediately, and Martha let out a sigh of sheer relief. ‘I’ll e
ven tell your father for you if that will help, but all that is a while away. For now all I want you to do is calm down and for you and Des to get used to the idea that you definitely are pregnant, then I want you to come and see me and we’ll go through everything from antenatal care to how to tell your father.’
And with that Martha had to make do. As good a doctor as Abby was, there was no magic wand she could wave, no handkerchief to pull out of the hat or puff of smoke that would make the endless problem, faced by women the world over, disappear.
By the time Abby had examined Martha, a cuppa or two shared and the best part of a box of tissues used up, Martha was finally ready to face the world and go home. Abby at last had a chance to tackle her notes, though her mind wasn’t really on the job, and she happily put down her pen again as Kell and Ross stomped through the clinic, downing a jug of iced water before they even graced her with a greeting.
‘Sorry about that.’ Kell grinned, managing to look hot and bothered and sexy all at the same time as he refilled the jug from the tap then banged ice cubes from the tray into it. ‘It’s boiling out there.’
Kell made way as Ross splashed his face with cold water then went the whole hog and put his blond mop of hair under the jet. ‘He’s right,’ Ross moaned, filling yet another glass. ‘I’d better head off and see how Shelly’s coping. I gave Kate her immunisations today, and it’s hardly the best weather for a febrile baby. I bet the air-conditioner’s struggling to keep up. Any problems while we were out?’
‘None.’ Abby smiled.
‘Any patients?’ Ross checked.
‘None,’ Abby lied, deliberately omitting Martha’s visit. ‘Just me and my notes.’
‘Well, why don’t you head off?’ Ross suggested. ‘Kell can lock up, and if anyone comes they can buzz me at the house. And, by the way, thanks for this afternoon—it made a helluva difference, having Kell there.’
Now that Abby didn’t need to be told!
Ross was out of the clinic in double time, anxious to get back to his beloved Shelly, and Abby fiddled hopelessly with her notes, all too aware that she and Kell were alone.
‘Go,’ he said, as he picked up files and pushed trolleys against the walls. ‘I’ll just make sure everything’s set up for the morning, or if Ross needs to open up during the night. You can start the shower running!’
His lazy smile had her stomach in knots, and if it hadn’t been over forty degrees outside Abby would have run all the way home!
CHAPTER TEN
ABBY needn’t have rushed.
In fact, by the time she had showered—slowly—dressed—slowly—and stretched out on the sofa, Kell still hadn’t arrived. She didn’t meant to fall asleep but only when she heard someone banging around in the kitchen did she open her eyes to the delicious sight of Kell, with a welcome glass of water in one hand.
‘What time is it?’ Abby asked as the ball of his thumb brushed a piece of sleep out of the corner of her eye.
‘Seven.’
‘Seven!’ Sitting bolt upright, Abby looked around the darkening room.
‘Why on earth didn’t you wake me?’
‘You looked tired,’ Kell said easily. ‘I thought I’d let you sleep. I’ve fixed dinner.’
Indeed he had.
A tray laden with huge slices of smoked salmon salad was carried through, followed by crusty damper and a massive jug of lemonade. ‘Looks delicious,’ Abby murmured, licking her lips appreciatively. ‘You spoil me, you know.’
‘You deserve it.’
They ate, but for once the silence between them wasn’t like the silence of so many carefree, lazy evenings they’d spent together. She could feel Kell’s eyes on her, almost taste the tension as he refilled her jug and every now and then opened his mouth to speak.
‘What is it, Kell?’ Abby asked finally, when she’d chased the last caper around her plate with her bread and drained the last of the lemonade from her glass.
‘What?’
‘Something’s wrong,’ Abby said bravely, more bravely than she felt. Her departure was only a few short weeks away now and serious, in-depth discussions were proving far too painful.
‘Nothing’s wrong, Abby. In fact, everything’s perfect—too perfect, I guess.’
Here it came. Levering herself up, Abby moved from the floor to the sofa, but there was no solace from his gaze there so she rose and padded over to the window, watching the one dark tree on her horizon, the fire of the sunset revving up for its nightly show. She’d seen it, heard it all before and simply couldn’t go through it all again.
‘Is it so impossible to envision us being together?’ Kell asked as Abby let out a slow long sigh. ‘I know I’m probably not what you expected in a partner, I know I’m not exactly highbrow, but, Abby…’
She turned, her eyes wide, appalled at what she was hearing, appalled that Kell could even consider the problem was him. ‘It’s not you, Kell. Hell, you’ve accused me of being a snob before but surely you don’t really think that I’m that shallow?’
‘Of course not,’ He stood up, walking over to the window to join her, but for once there was nothing confident in his walk, and the hands he laid on her shoulders were loaded with uncertainty.
‘Kell, we’ve spoken about this,’ Abby said wearily. ‘You know I hate the thought of leaving just as much as you do, but we agreed to just leave it, to just enjoy our time together.’
‘That was before.’ His black, unreadable eyes met hers then and she felt his hands tighten on her shoulders.
‘Before what?’
‘Why didn’t you tell me, Abby?’ Kell rasped. ‘You know we can work things out.’
He’d lost her now. Abby stared at him with confused eyes, the conversation truly leaving her behind now, her bewilderment only deepening as Kell took a deep breath and carried on talking. ‘I found the test.’
‘What test?’
‘The pregnancy test. I wasn’t snooping or anything like that, but when I was clearing up I saw it as I emptied the bin.’
‘It wasn’t mine…’
‘Well, it wasn’t mine or Ross’s! Oh, come on, Abby, you said there had been no patients. Look…’ His voice trailed off as she started to laugh.
‘So this is what the evening doze was in aid of, and making my supper? You thought I was pregnant! Oh, Kell…’
But Kell didn’t join in with her laughter, his hurt, confused eyes meeting hers as he checked and checked again that Abby really wasn’t pregnant. ‘You’re sure you’re not hiding anything from me?’
‘Of course I’m not, so you don’t have to worry. Nothing’s changed.’
A look she couldn’t read flashed over his face—relief, disappointment, she truly didn’t know—but as she stood there Abby knew how hollow her words were. She could scream from the rafters that nothing had changed but for an hour or two Kell had glimpsed the possibility of a future, a future that could never be, and losing it was only going to hurt.
She forced a giggle, a bright smile. ‘Nothing’s changed,’ Abby insisted, and as the ringing phone shrilled it was a laughing Abby that picked it up.
She wasn’t smiling as she put it down.
‘Bill’s on his way in—he sounds bad.’
They ran over to the clinic, an anxious Ross meeting them at the door as he fumbled with the large lock. Pushing in the security numbers on the alarm panel, he briefed them.
‘Martha rang. She said that the GTN spray wasn’t working, so I told her to stay there, that I was on my way, but, par for the course, Bill insisted that she bring him in.’
Kell was turning on the lights as Abby pulled up some drugs and turned on the oxygen.
‘She’s only a couple of minutes away. She just rang and said he’d got worse, he’s barely breathing.’ Tyres screeched outside and the trio rushed to the doors, but Ross put a warning hand on Abby’s shoulder. ‘No heroics, Abby, just the basics, remember. He doesn’t want Intensive Care and he doesn’t want to be resuscitated.’
Thank heavens for brute strength.
It took every inch of brawn to carry a limp grey Bill from his vehicle through the clinic as Abby waited with red dots and oxygen mask in hand. Martha was screaming, completely distraught, one look at her father enough to convey the gravity of the situation.
That this was surely the end.
‘Don’t let him die,’ she intoned, clutching at Abby who slipped the mask over Bill’s slack jaw, knowing with a sinking heart that his minimal respiratory effort wasn’t going to hold out for much longer.
‘Please, Abby, don’t let him die, not without him knowing.’
Abby’s long fingers probed the clammy neck but almost as soon as she located the flickering pulse there she lost it again, and as Bill sank further back onto the trolley Abby looked up urgently. ‘He’s arrested.’
His chest was so wet with perspiration the red dots wouldn’t take, and Abby had to rub his chest with alcohol swabs to enable them to stick.
‘Abby.’ Ross’s voice was sharp. ‘Bill didn’t want this.’
Looking over at the monitor, Abby saw the wavy irregular line of ventricular fibrillation. A single shock from the defibrillator could make it revert it to normal. A possible miracle was in her hands and Ross was saying no.
‘Please, Abby!’ Martha was pleading now. ‘Do something!’
‘Charge the defibrillator.’ It took a second to realise that she’d spoken, that the firm, crisp order had actually come from her own mouth, but as Ross shook his head angrily Abby knew that indeed she had, and that, what’s more, she was on her own.
‘Abby.’ It was Kell speaking now, Kell shaking his head as he wrapped an arm around a hysterical Martha. ‘Bill knew this would happen.’
‘Fine,’ Abby said through gritted teeth, flicking the charge switch and placing the gel pads on Bill’s chest. ‘I’ll do it myself. If it’s the nurses’ board you’re worried about facing, Kell,’ Abby added, with a slightly bitter note as she carried on with cardiac massage while waiting for the machine to charge, ‘I’ll take full responsibility.’
She knew she was out of line, knew Kell’s reluctance had nothing to do with legalities, but as she shocked Bill, the predicted miracle didn’t transpire, and it took three further shocks and a couple of lonely attempts at cardiac massage before Kell reluctantly joined her.
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