“Hmph,” her mother sighed. “A nice man, a man of means, a handsome man who wants to date you. That’s who you can’t see a future with. But Indiana Jones, that’s who you are pining over.”
“I’m not pining,” Eleanor insisted.
“You haven’t answered my question,” Allie told her. “Do you have feelings for him? Mom obviously thinks you do.”
“Of course I do. It was right there on her face when she saw him again. Like she couldn’t look away.”
Was it? Eleanor wondered. Was it right there on her face?
“Mom, I don’t get it,” Allie said. “If you think she still has feelings for him, why wouldn’t you be encouraging her to see where those feelings might lead? He is her husband, after all.”
“Because he’s going to hurt her,” Marilyn told her younger sister. As if Eleanor wasn’t sitting at the same table. “Again. And frankly, I don’t want to have to pick up the pieces. If you were supportive of your sister, you wouldn’t want that to happen, either. You’re getting married in a few months. Right now, everything is hearts and flowers with you. All you want to see are happy endings and that’s simply not reality.”
“Just because you and Dad weren’t happy, that doesn’t mean nobody can be happy,” Allie said.
Which caused her mother to gasp.
Eleanor, too, for that matter. Allie was the quiet one. The pleaser in the family. It was Eleanor who was usually the source of her mother’s upset.
“Allison Ann,” her mother said tightly. “How could you?”
Immediately, Allie ducked her head. “I’m sorry, Mom, but it’s true. If Dad hadn’t died so young, can you honestly say you wouldn’t have thought about getting a divorce?”
“Never. Divorce was simply not an option for us. Your father’s and my relationship was...complicated. We’ll leave it at that.”
“All I’m saying is that Max and Eleanor are complicated, too. Maybe she shouldn’t write off her marriage so easily.”
Starting to get annoyed with the way they were talking about her, Eleanor said, “I love how my little sister is telling me how to live my life.”
Allie picked up her orange juice and flashed Eleanor a bright smile. “Only when I’m right.”
Marilyn picked up her plate and silverware, signaling an end to both breakfast and this conversation. She would, however, have the last word. As always.
“Eleanor, you’re going to do what you want. You always do. But know this—men don’t change. It’s simply not in their nature. He left you, and he will leave you again. Trust me on this.”
With that, she took her plate to the sink, then left the kitchen in typical dramatic form.
Eleanor looked at her sister. “What were you thinking bringing up Dad like that?”
“I’m tired of lying about it. We know how it was like between them right before he died. But of course, we can never discuss it. I guess maybe what you said last night at the party rubbed off on me. It’s time to start speaking my mind. Time to stop worrying about everyone else’s feelings. I think you should give Max a shot. More than that, I think you’re looking for any excuse to do it.”
Eleanor sighed. “He hurt me, Allie. Bad.”
“You were different then. Not as independent as you are now. I don’t believe what Mom said at all. I think people do change all the time. Things happen. Max almost died! You don’t think that had any effect on him figuring out what he wanted in his life going forward?”
“Another good point. What if wanting me back has nothing to do with me?” Eleanor suggested. “What if this is just him clinging to any part of his former life? He came home to nothing.”
“And if it’s not?”
How did she explain her fear? “I wasn’t enough for him back then, Allie. As much as he loved me, I wasn’t enough.”
“I don’t believe that for a second. Because if that were true, really true, he’d divorce you and move on. You know what I think? Maybe back then you weren’t strong enough to handle what you two had. Maybe that’s why those long trips freaked you out. I know for a fact that’s not the case now. The Eleanor Harper I know can definitely handle it.”
Eleanor eyed her sister. “When did you become so wise?”
“While you all weren’t looking. Look, you already agreed to go away with him. I’m just saying keep an open mind.”
Eleanor didn’t know if she could agree to that. But she also knew the only way out of her marriage was through Max. Nothing was going to change that. And this was the last piece of his parents that he had. Being there for him wasn’t out of the question.
“I should probably tell Daniel.”
“Yeah, if it were me, and I had no shot with you, I would want to know, too.”
“Allie!”
“Sorry. I’m Team Max hashtag teammax. All the way.”
* * *
IT WAS SUNDAY NIGHT, and Eleanor was in her condo in downtown Denver. She’d spent the past few hours dealing with emails that had backed up over the weekend. Now that she was caught up, there was no use denying to herself that she’d been putting off the inevitable.
Eleanor looked at the phone in her hand. It would be so easy to just text Daniel. Did one dinner and one disastrous engagement party really make him eligible to be updated about her personal life?
That justification was a defense mechanism, though, and she knew it. She’d found him attractive. She’d had a nice time on their date. Who knew? Maybe a few more dates and she would have slept with him.
Eleanor thought about what that would have meant. If Max hadn’t come back when he had. She would have been still married—
Then she remembered the man she had never told her mother about. The incident. That one aberration when she’d been traveling to California to meet with another woman who had a similar company, although geared toward women. Rather than be competitive with one another, the other owner had encouraged Eleanor and had given her some amazing advice.
That night, alone at the hotel bar, she’d been approached by a handsome man. Another business traveler. He’d offered to buy her a drink and she’d—
Eleanor couldn’t think about that. It had been so awful. So...off the entire time she’d been with him. The morning after had been worse. It was as if she’d betrayed Max in some fundamental way.
Now she knew that she had. It wasn’t fair she should feel so guilty about it. She thought he was dead at the time. Never coming back.
You’re going to have to tell him.
Eleanor shook off that thought, as well. She had absolutely no obligation to tell Max anything. He should have been her ex-husband by the time that encounter happened. She would have been free to do whatever she wanted with whomever she wanted.
Not that she had since. Much to her mother’s despair, Eleanor had had absolutely no interest in getting serious with anyone until Daniel had pursued her. Even the few blind dates she’d accepted, mostly suggestions from Selena, she’d argued against until ultimately she capitulated.
But with Daniel pursuing her hard and talking about things as if they could be long-term between them, Eleanor realized if she was going to marry again, have children, dating was going to be a requirement.
The truth was after that first date, she’d been interested in seeing him again. Yes, he had a tendency to come on a little strong, but still, she’d asked him to Allie’s party. That had to mean something.
Which meant he was owed an explanation for why she was going on an overnight trip with her husband.
Taking a deep breath, she brought up his contact information on her cell and punched the button to call.
“Eleanor.”
See, she thought. No silly nickname. Just her name. Like everyone else called her.
“Daniel, how are you?”
“Better now that I’m talking to you. How did thing
s work out?”
“Uh, as good as could be expected.”
“So he’s agreeing to the divorce. That’s excellent news.”
Eleanor winced. “Not exactly. He’s got some conditions.”
“Conditions?”
“You know that cabin in Breckenridge I told you about? That was actually his parents’ cabin.”
“Interesting fact, but somewhat off topic.”
“Not really. He wants me to go there with him for a few days. To help him grieve his parents. To talk things out. Bring some closure to our relationship. I think—I think...it’s something we probably need to do.”
“I agree,” Daniel said.
Eleanor blinked. It wasn’t exactly the reaction she was expecting.
“Oh. Good. I thought...well, I wanted you to know.”
“I’m glad you did. It means you respect that there was a brief connection between us.”
“Was?” Eleanor repeated, interpreting his use of the past tense as his way of telling her it was over between them. She thought about how she felt. Maybe a little sad, but relieved, as well. With Daniel came all this pressure. For things she wasn’t ready for with him.
“Or is, I suppose. Depending on how those few days go.”
Eleanor frowned at the phone. “I’m not sure I understand what you mean.”
“Eleanor, in a classic twist of irony, I was trying to explain to you at the party that dating you was not easy because there was always the ghost of Max Harper to overcome. Then said ghost walked through the front door. Not exactly what I was expecting. But the reality of him, while more real now, doesn’t change anything. You need to decide where you are with him. Because until you do, you’ll never be able to really move on with your life. I want to date you, Eleanor. I want a relationship with you. I’ve made that clear. But I don’t want any of that if, deep down, you’re still hung up on your would-have-been, could-have-been ex-husband.”
“I am over him,” Eleanor insisted. She had to be. She couldn’t possibly believe that, after more than two years of thinking he was dead, all the feelings she’d had for him were still there.
Could she?
“Take the time with him. Find out for certain. And remember, it took me three attempts just to get you to agree to dinner. Three times. And I’m very rich and very handsome.”
Eleanor chuckled.
“I did mean what I said, Eleanor. I care about you, and I want what’s best for you. If that’s me, then I would feel honored. But I think you need to consider how thick and heavy those walls you’ve built around yourself are. More importantly, you need to figure out why you put them up in the first place. Those answers, unfortunately, are with Max. If you can’t, I don’t know that you’ll find that happiness I’m hoping for you.”
“You should also add very insightful to your list of qualities,” Eleanor said.
“Did I mention I’m also very well endowed?”
Again Eleanor laughed.
“You’re laughing. No man likes laughing after a statement like that.”
“You’re being nice to me. Thank you.”
“Because I’m a nice person, Eleanor. Mostly. Good luck. With everything.”
“Good night, Daniel.”
“Goodbye, Eleanor.”
Eleanor disconnected the call and thought about what he said. Could she admit she had walls? Yes, absolutely. She’d loved. Harder and deeper than she’d imagined she could. She’d given Max everything for a time. And for a time, he’d given her everything in return.
Then he’d broken her heart, and she never wanted to feel that pain again. So, yes, she was cautious with men. Wary of them. She had made Daniel jump through hoops before she agreed to go out with him.
But if she had walls around herself protecting her from other men, then she imagined she would need walls, a moat, barbed wire and any other fortification she could make to keep her safe from Max Harper.
Chapter Six
MAX LOOKED UP at the brick building and checked his phone to see if the GPS had taken him to the correct spot. They were going to drive up to the cabin together, but Nor had told him to pick her up at work. It was after seven in the evening, which he thought was fairly late, but he’d already made the mental note not to comment.
The first thing they needed to do was get rid of the baggage between them. With a hatchet if necessary. Then there were truths about what they had been, and the hope of what they could be still.
It was going to require total honesty. It was going to mean bringing up a lot of pain for both them.
Max knew, without question, their time together at the cabin was going to be way harder than surviving a shipping accident for more than two years.
He reached for his right thigh and rubbed it in a gesture that had become almost instinctive. The pain was there as a low, dull throb. But at this point, he felt it was manageable and saw no need to cling to drugs he’d been given when he had his physician check out the break to make sure it had been set properly.
The doctor offered him the option of surgically breaking it again to reset it a little straighter, but at the end of the day, with a break in a bone as large as a femur, that pain was going to linger.
So no drugs, no surgery, just a barely noticeable limp and some low, dull pain. It was something he could live with. Max walked toward the building until he found his way up to the fourth floor. A label on the elevator told him it was the headquarters for Head to Toe.
Nor, I can’t be the only thing in your life. That is not the woman I married. You’re not this clingy, weak thing. You’re Eleanor Gaffney. You’re the girl who shook off her small town, who found a way to put herself through school. You were going to rule the world. What happened to that girl?
He remembered every word of that fight. Every moment, ever tear.
He’d been cruel. Looking back on it, it had been easy to see that he’d been dealing with his own guilt. Guilt for leaving her when he said he wouldn’t again so soon after being back. Guilt for bringing her to Norway where she had no support at all. Not from family or friends. Not from him when he was away.
But the work...back then it had always seemed so important. So imminent. As if he didn’t take this one trip, didn’t find this one bit of data, then all would be lost for everyone. Because he’d had to show everyone the ocean was changing. Not just that sea levels were rising but that the chemical components of the seawater were experiencing a negative impact by the increased planetary temperature.
It was yet another thing living alone in a solitary community, separated from the outside world for two years, had taught him. He’d been truly arrogant about his work.
The truth was he wasn’t that important to the world. The world got along just fine without him. Other oceanographers took his place, continued his work and published papers related to ocean changes and climate warming, and nobody missed a beat.
The elevator dinged, and the doors slid open. He was greeted by a massive, open space loft. Certain areas seemed to be defined by opaque separators. It was quiet, though. There was no one behind the front desk, even though the phone was still ringing. He assumed there was some automated system set up to answer the phone.
It was the other eerie thing about being back in the States after so long. The noise. Even on the outskirts of northern Norway it had always been quiet, peaceful.
Boring if there was nothing there for a person to do.
Nor had never complained. Never about the quality of her life there. Only ever about him leaving her alone.
He made his way through what he felt was a natural corridor to the rear of the office space. That was separated by a halved glass wall. Two equally sized offices on either side.
The one office was empty.
The other office was occupied by two women huddled over a laptop, their backs to him.
Then he realized for all he knew there was security. Maybe she’d left the elevator open because she knew he was coming. And for all he knew the offices in front of him could have locks. The glass could be bullet resistant.
Max recognized the long, wavy, dark hair of his wife. Even from behind, even after all this time, she was familiar to him. The shape of her. The way she cocked her hip and tilted her head.
The woman next to her had short, blond hair, wore a neat white suit with pants that tapered to thin ankles that were supported by ridiculously high heels.
He tapped on the glass of what he assumed was the door. The two women jumped, then turned.
Nor bit her lip, clearly not sure if she was happy, nervous or dreading seeing him again.
The other woman looked to Nor and said something.
He could read Nor’s lips. Yes, that’s him.
It wasn’t a given that the glass was bulletproof, but it was obviously soundproof.
Eleanor stepped forward and opened the door. “Hi.”
“Hi,” he answered, feeling suddenly foolish. As if he was back in high school showing up for his first date.
“Max, this is Selena. She’s my number two at Head to Toe.”
The woman stepped forward with her hand outstretched. There was hesitancy there, but Max could see she was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. He took her hand.
“Nice to finally meet you, Max.”
He nodded, because he wasn’t sure what to say to that.
“You both look busy. I can come back later if you need to continue working.”
Nor shook her head. “I think we’re done.”
“We’re done. After all, once you’ve spent all your money there is not much to do after that.” Selena chuckled.
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