“Now,” Willa gasps against my lips, breath shuddering. “I can’t wait any longer. I can’t.” With force, she shoves against my shoulders, pressing my back against the couch. Lifting up onto her knees, Willa shuffles backward on my thighs. Her fingers attack my jeans, tugging and tearing at my button and zipper.
Blown away, all I can do is sit back and watch in awe as Willa takes exactly what she wants from me. Releasing a sadistic chuckle, she reaches into my pants to free my cock. With a grunt, my hips buck off the cushion when her fingers wrap around my flesh and yank violently.
“Good God, woman! Don’t unman me,” I warn, shoving at my jeans until they’re past my ass and to my knees. “Your hungry kitty can wait until I get my dick out.”
“Fuck too, it can,” flows in a throaty demand as I’m shoved firmly against the back of the couch. I’ll surely have palm-shaped bruises to my shoulders come tomorrow morning. Hitching her leg, Willa reaches down to grip my cock and stand it upright. My eyes glue to the vision of her hand wrapped around my length. Sitting down hard, we both grunt in shock as her body swallows mine– ass meeting thighs.
Back arched, neck straining, fingertips clutching the cushion, my mind can’t absorb all the stimuli. It’s been so long since I’ve been inside a woman, and it was never this hot and tight. Offering me no comfort, Willa yanks my hair roughly to force my eyes open.
Demanding I maintain direct eye contact, a tiny palm clutches the front of my throat, fingernails digging into my flesh. Partially choking me, Willa uses my neck as leverage to roll her hips in a wave, riding me as promised.
My eyes venture downward, taking in how glossy my cock looks as Willa flows up and down my length. Disappearing and reappearing, I feel disconnected from my own dick, like this can’t be happening but it’s the wildest fucking thing I’ve ever experienced.
I’m being owned by my sister-in-law and reveling in the sin of it. When we reach the pearly gates, one can’t say they’ve truly lived unless there’s a bit of tarnish on their soul.
A strained sound gurgles from my lips just as fingertips clench so tightly I choke. “Eyes up here, Royce-baby,” Willa not-so gently reprimands me.
Manhandling me, I return the favor by gripping her dress and tearing it down the front, buttons pop from the fabric to fly through the air and ping off flat surfaces. No amount of choking returns my eyes to Willa’s. Exposed, framed by innocent white cotton, tiny tits so firm they barely shake, let alone jounce with her movement, hold my undivided attention.
Palm lying flat against Willa’s back, my thumb rests on one side of her ribs and my fingertips splay on the other. She’s a dinky little thing with the personality of a dictator, making her seem larger than life.
Leaning forward, I wrap my lips around the tight bud of her nipple, feeling it bead against the curl of my tongue. Purring in pleasure, Willa’s movements falter. Opening my mouth wider, I suck her entire tit into my mouth, teeth clamping down to bruise her flesh. Pussy clenching in spasms, Willa’s reaction proves she’s a masochistic little bitch.
Mouth still latched, my hand slides to cup her ass, giving it a sharp smack. The girl in my arms shatters apart, nearly taking me with her. Holding her by the ass, fingertips accidently brushing her pucker, I pick her up, still attached at the cock and pussy. Flipping her to her back on the couch cushions, I show Willa the one position I know she’s never been in.
Still coming, soaked pussy milking at my cock, I lie down on top of Willa and roll my hips in a slow yet deep wave, not wanting this to end for me too quickly. I want to make it last.
In juxtaposition of Willa violently fucking me, I make love to her like a husband ought to his wife. Now I hold her eyes, and she’s the one having a difficult time connecting with me when the emotions are softer, more mature, less angry but no less intense.
Kissing her softly, I allow Willa to shut her eyes, to hide from me. But I draw her back to me with my kiss, with the rock of my hips grinding my pelvis against her clit, with the deep slide of my cock in and out of her body. Relenting. Give and take. Willa surrenders.
“Royce,” Willa moans, voice awed with innocence. She’s no longer calling me that derogatory endearment of Royce-baby in a patronizing tone. “Royce,” she repeats over and over again with every thrust I take.
Instinct taking over, Willa spreads her legs wide, heels resting at the top of my ass. Her hands grip my shoulders, fingernails leaving their mark of possession. Losing the fight to last, I rest my lips against her ear, whispering the dirtiest, most depraved things I plan on doing to her for the rest of our lives, whether she likes it or not, because Willa promised that once I was inside her, she’d be the last woman I ever entered.
I always keep my promises.
“Willa,” I gasp, unable to hold back. The muscles in my back and ass clench, causing Willa’s fingertips to slide in my sweat. The thief takes from me, counterthrusting from beneath– one roll of her hips and I erupt, flooding her body with my release and changing the course of our lives forever.
Present
“How were you able to look your brother in the eye after you had sexual intercourse with his wife, in his living room, on his sofa?” Dr. Cassidy’s question holds no judgement, just morbid curiosity and fascination.
Next to me, Willa has turned inconsolable, unable to handle reliving such a pivotal moment in our lives. As I shared our past sins with our therapist, I experienced every single emotion as though I was reliving them in the present.
Walking across the office, I grab a tan, chubby teddy bear from next to Dr. Cassidy’s desk, and return to hand it to Willa. She immediately accepts my offering, cuddling it with her knees tucked against her chest. I don’t move to comfort her, knowing she’s too raw to accept my touch.
“After Willa fell asleep in my arms that night, I immediately got up to get dressed. My brother came out to the living room as I was lacing my boots. He couldn’t look me in the eye, not the other way around.”
Dr. Cassidy is fast to hide the shock written across her face, but not fast enough. “Was it awkward when you spoke of it?”
“No, because we never did. Not once,” I say with conviction. “It was just one of those things that could be left unsaid. It was what it was, and it was done and over with and nothing was going to change it. Donny feared if we talked about it, he’d have to explain what the hell was going on with Sean… which I still don’t know or understand.”
“So, it was just a one-time proposition?” Dr. Cassidy asks, already knowing the answer.
Leaning forward, bending nearly in half, I wrap my arms around the back of my head like in a bomb drill. “One-time proposition…” Manic laughter flows from my mouth, bubbling up pure insanity. “One-time?” My laugh dies out. “I’ve had a nine-year affair with my sister-in-law. Fucking her countless times, but making love to her more often than that. We’ve created two incredible children together… my only regret is that Corbin didn’t come to me, asking me to marry Willa.”
“From what I’ve gathered, I doubt you would have taken Corbin Gillette up on his offer.” Dr. Cassidy proves she knows me better than I know myself.
Smirking with disgust, I shake my head left and right as I put my thoughts into working order. “Everybody looking at me sees this great, honorable man…” I spread my arms like, ‘look at me’ and then let them drop. “And I ain’t saying I’m not him. I am. I wholeheartedly believe in the words I preach and the way of life I lead. But I’m also flawed. I’m human, and my sons take after me.”
“Brennan and Hayden?” Dr. Cassidy fishes.
“No, all of my sons. I’m more than what I project. The only reason I can give advice is because I’ve fucked up royally and crawled my way out of the shit I’ve created.” My eyes dart to the side, checking on Willa and finding her avidly listening to me. “Every morning I wake up and slap on this uniform, and I never take it off. I call it Dad.”
“So you’re saying the person everyone sees isn’t really yo
u?” Dr. Cassidy asks, already knowing the answer.
“I’m him. He’s me,” I repeat. “But I’m more than the sum of my parts. I’m not only what I project. Kade is the closest to my personality, equally dark and light. Brennan, he’s like me in the way he pretends to be someone he’s not. Wynn… Wynn’s the goodness in me. Kade can handle the shit I’ve been through and no one would be the wiser. Bren would suffer with it, but he’d survive. Wynn is too kind, and it would murder his soul. Hayden, I’m raising him so this shit doesn’t touch him.”
“Speaking of the shit you crawled out of,” Dr. Cassidy uses my own words against me. “How did it feel to have to adopt your own children? Did you resent Willa while going through that process? Did you feel helpless and out of control?”
Breaking the rules, I lunge from the couch to pace around the room. I can feel Dr. Cassidy’s eyes boring into my back as I move about. “We need to get one thing clear,” I grit out in a voice brooking no room for argument. “Not once have I ever blamed Willa for anything. Just like I might have been frustrated and angry with Donny, I’ve never blamed him.”
“Royce,” Dr. Cassidy stills me with her authoritative voice. “I ask the same question in different ways, not because I feel you should resent Willa, but because I need you to learn how you really feel about a certain situation. No one is more capable of lying than we are to ourselves.” She turns around slowly in her chair because I’m standing behind her seat. “I believe you. Your actions have never contradicted your words. Please, go on.”
Anger deflated, I make a few passes around the room, eyeing the big, black teddy bear who looks like he could give really good hugs. Dr. Cassidy misses nothing. “After the beginning, Donny treated Willa as if she was my wife. With respect, companionship, and space. Sean never laid another violent hand on her after she became pregnant. Bren and I spent a lot of time with them, and Donny seemed happier than ever.”
Willa’s nodding along as I speak. I pause, thinking she might like to add something, but she remains silent and watchful.
“There was never… how do I put this into words?” I stalk around Dr. Cassidy’s chair and retake my seat on the couch. I try to get her to understand, even though I know that’s not the point of therapy. I need to understand– Willa needs to understand. “There was never a sense of betrayal. It was something we kept behind closed doors, no one but the three of us knowing what was happening.”
“So no one suspected?” Dr. Cassidy sounds incredulous. “Not Bren? Not Sean? What about Corbin and Cora, or Warren? Anyone close to you would have recognized how you looked at each other.”
Laughing darkly, “I’m a saint, remember?” A blush creeps over my cheeks– part shame and all embarrassment. “No one would have ever believed me capable of the things I’ve done. That’s part of the reason Corbin hated me for so long, thinking I thought myself better than him. That I was this moral man without sin.”
“And you believe nothing could be farther from the truth?” Dr. Cassidy coaxes.
“No, I don’t. I believe I’m human, just like everyone else.” Lifting my hips slightly, I yank the pillow out from behind my back and grip it to my chest like armor against the painful truth. “I believe I’m a good person with flaws. Now that I’m older, more experienced, I do have regrets. I think Annie chose me because of the same thing Sean saw in Donny– prey. Easily manipulated. I still loved her in spite of it, and feel she was my best friend.”
“Do you regret marrying Annalise?” Dr. Cassidy’s question throws me, and I really have to think about it.
“Yes,” flows without hesitation. “Wynn thought I was being a nosy dad and treating Kade with disrespect when I tried to put a stop to their relationship. I did it for Wynn, but not against Kade. I wished someone would have stepped in and stopped me. Annie got me when I was twelve and she was nearly fifteen. She picked me and shaped me into the husband she wanted, and I didn’t want that to happen to Wynn. I wanted Wynn to be Wynn when he connected with Kade. Kade and Wynn, not Kade’s version of who Wynn should be.”
Shifting in her chair, Dr. Cassidy sets her pen down on her notepad. “Did Kaden understand that?”
“Yes, I believe he does now, but not at first he didn’t.” Sighing, I turn contemplative, thinking and speaking of the things I’ve long buried. “I loved Annie– I did. But after she died, I didn’t know who the fuck Royce Kennedy was supposed to be without her. I was stunted. The only thing I knew how to be was a husband and father, but not an individual. I’ve spent the last eleven years finding that man, and I have few regrets even with all of my fuck-ups.”
I turn to Willa, not sure if what I’m about to say will do more harm than good. “I regret that Willa was so young when I met her, when we started our relationship. But I was wiser after being married, and I knew the effects of pressing your will upon another person. Until I shipped Willa to rehab, I’d never forced anything upon her. Not once. That lively, crass girl was one-hundred percent unique and original, and allowed to grow on her own.”
“Do you regret having children with a young woman who was essentially a child herself?” Dr. Cassidy pulls no punches.
“No,” I answer without hesitation. “I regret Sean and Donny. If I had met Willa, connected with her, it would have been a different journey with the same destination. No, Willa didn’t get to go to college, get a job, find a husband, and start her own life. But whether Donny intervened or I did, that wasn’t the path a woman of her upbringing would have ever been on. I believe Willa being with me is what saved her, and I know that sounds like I have a god-complex. I don’t. She would’ve gotten knocked up by some worthless asshole, and lived a life of domestic violence. I know it. Willa knows it. Dr. Cassidy, you know it.”
Baiting, Dr. Cassidy rips a reaction out of us. “So you were the lesser of two evils?”
“No!” Willa speaks for the first time this session. “No. It wasn’t like that with Royce and me. I ain’t talking… shit,” she hisses. “Don’t get me upset because my diction shifts,” Willa reprimands, the ‘you bitch’ going unvoiced. “I’m not going to go all moony-eyed and say when we met worlds collided and it was love at first sight. Girls where I come from who think that bullshit get hurt. We’re not like you,” she points at Dr. Cassidy. “There is no teenage crush stage– it’s the get hitched stage. Annie was doing to Royce what she was taught. We’re taught from a young age to target a man to take care of us. But being young means we usually pick the wrong target.”
“I wish that hadn’t been the case,” I mutter underneath my breath, feeling surer of the Life Skills Center by the second.
“Young or not, I wasn’t stupid. I have a good sense of people when I meet them. With Royce, it’s like we’re connected somehow and we can communicate without speaking. We just feel how the other person is feeling, and have respect enough to leave them be.”
“When I met Willa, I thought she was a little brat and she intrigued the hell out of me,” I say with amused affection lacing my voice. “It was this uncontrollable need to be inside her.” I blush bright red to the roots of my hair. “That was not a pun. Honest. I meant inside her mind. She is the oddest creature I’ve ever known, and to understand her is a gift– that’s what I meant.”
“That’s what I meant about others not noticing the dark secret you kept hidden while Willa was still married to Donny,” Dr. Cassidy brings us back full circle. “They had to have known on some level.”
“They did,” I finally admit. “At least not those so close to us they were blinded by it. I was in the delivery room when the twins were born, Donny saying he would faint at the sight of blood. But the doctors and nurses knew I was the father. I held my daughter first, then my son… and learning that I couldn’t be on their birth certificate killed me.”
“Royce.” Willa’s hand latches onto mine when a single tear slips free.
“By law, if a child is born in a marriage, the husband is the legal father, even if he is not the biological father. Don
ny was placed on the birth certificate, even with Willa and me fighting it. Donny begged me not to take it to court because of whatever the fuck was going on with Sean. So after I got Willa help, I was able to adopt my own children… adopt my own children.” My head falls into my hands, Willa’s still twined with mine. “I had to ask my brother’s permission to adopt my own children. The court knew the twins were mine, but it didn’t matter. Live in sin, get treated like a criminal. I own that.”
“So now the proper names are on the birth certificates,” Dr. Cassidy tries to comfort me, and on the heels of that, she sucker-punches me. “Which is why in a few days there will be no more secrets.”
“No more secrets.” Willa and I promise in unison. “No more secrets and lies.”
Curtains
Emotionally, physically, and mentally drained, Willa and I stroll hand-in-hand up the front walk to our house. I can feel her need to talk more hovering in the air, but neither one of us are up for the challenge.
“We’ll get it all ironed out before the group session,” I comfort Willa, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. “Dr. Cassidy is saving the worst for last.”
She tugs me to a stop just before I open the screen door. “I’m thankful you don’t blame me–” she stumbles over her words. “But what about all the time I was… sick? You should blame me for that at least. I know I do.”
Using her hand to control her, I drag Willa against my chest. Only a few inches shy of my short height, I grip her chin in my fingertips. Smirking, I whisper, “Shut up,” against her parted lips, words fraught with affection no matter how rude they may sound. Fluttering a kiss, “Only I get to decide what I regret and who I blame… and I don’t even blame myself. So shut up.”
“Yes, sir,” Willa teases me, when we both know she doesn’t take orders from anyone. “I know you get sick of pizza, but I’m too drained to cook tonight.”
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