Tarnished

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Tarnished Page 26

by Erica Chilson


  Shrugging, the three of us eat quietly, all smiles when Willa plunks another sandwich before us. As entertainment, we watch the interplay between the others like we’re eating in front of the television in the den.

  Jack and Bren are whispering furiously in the entryway, evidently arguing as usual. I have no idea what’s been going down with Bren, but whatever it is has pissed his buddy off royally. If Bren isn’t moping, he’s fighting with Jackson.

  Wynn and Kaden are leaning against the counter wearing blushes. Even the tips of their ears are bright red. Staring at the floor in front of them, their eyes keep darting to the side to look at the other.

  “Sage Fischer liked ya, didn’t he?” I nosh on a pickle. “The both of ya?”

  Embarrassed, Wynn turns his back to us. Laughing heartily, Kade blushes more for the both of them. Then he’s leaning over to peck a quick kiss to Wynn’s neck. “That boy is trouble. Jesus. Unrelenting little shit. Apparently Wynn is the spirit and image of the guy’s homeboy. Some kid named Weston.”

  “Sage said Weston is off limits, but I’m not.” Wynn’s shy voice is quiet, wavering with mortification but also a hint of something else entirely.

  Baffled, Willa and I share a look, unsure how Kaden and Wynn are attracted to the same guy but he’s the complete opposite of who they are. We shrug at the same time, letting it go.

  “Two choices,” Willa announces, calling out to Bren and Jackson. “Either eat, or take your teenage angst outta my kitchen.” My son glares at her but doesn’t speak. Jack flashes Willa an apologetic look.

  “How about a third choice, sis?” Wynn pulls the recipe out of Willa’s hand. “How about I help you set up for later?”

  “Ever the golden boy,” Kade mutters, voice amused. “My golden boy.”

  “Last I checked,” the Kennedy erupts in me. We’re jealous and possessive. “Wynn’s my golden boy until tomorrow.”

  “We’ll share,” Kade surprises me. Then he turns to Wynn and says, “I’m willing to share,” and it holds hidden meaning.

  Pointing at the doorway. “Take your pissing contests outta my kitchen,” Willa orders in her momma voice. “Eat or help.”

  The twins and I eat, and the boys get to helping.

  Sunshine Bear

  Antsy, I’ve been patrolling the house all morning, unable to sit still. “Cupcakes?” I stare down at the spread Willa’s putting on the coffee table. A mix of sweet and salty, and it’s all fattening. “It’s ten a.m. and we’re not having a party.”

  “I’m being hospitable,” Willa says innocently, batting her eyelashes at me. Annoyed, I swat her ass for good measure.

  “It’s our kids.” I just gawk at her, trying to get her to see how ridiculous cupcakes and fried cheese bites are for a dirty secret reveal.

  “Fat is better than passing out booze to get through this,” Willa reminds me. Shifting the platter on the table until she thinks it’s perfect, Willa stares down at the cupcakes in Old Gold & Blue for West Virginia University’s Mountaineers. But we’re not having a going away party.

  Pointing down at the absurdity, “What are the tiny blue and pink ones for?”

  Willa stares at me, not blinking, so I wait her out. Challenging each other, we listen to the kids running around upstairs. How such tiny creatures can sound like buffalo is beyond me. It’s almost as odd as having cupcakes on a day like today.

  “Open one,” Willa orders me.

  “You’re such a weirdo.” I snatch a pink cupcake off the platter, glaring at the woman. “Succubus thief.” I mutter a few unsavory compliments underneath my breath as I split the cupcake in half. “The fuck…”

  “Think of it as a gender reveal for a baby shower.” Willa takes the piece of paper out of my hand. “This is insurance in case you don’t have the balls to say it out loud.”

  “I’ll show you balls, little girl.” I just stop myself from cupping my nuts.

  The pink cupcake had a note inside saying Royce Kennedy is Hayley Kennedy’s biological father.

  I tear into a light blue cupcake, knowing damn well what I’m going to find. Royce Kennedy is Hayden Kennedy’s biological father.

  Sputtering, flabbergasted, nearly speechless… “What is this, Maury Povich meets Martha fucking Stewart?”

  Maintaining a straight face, “Royce, you are the father,” Willa mimics Maury.

  I ignore her, knowing she’s laughing on the inside. I grab to find out what’s in the huge gold and blue cupcakes. IOU: Daddy buys your textbooks.

  “A truth reveal and a bribe?” I stare down at the slips of paper, mind reeling. I stalk to the kitchen, pitching the cake, wrappers, and incriminating evidence in the trash. “Wait a cotton picking minute!” I charge back into the den to confront Willa. “You don’t think I’ll do it?”

  “Now I know you’ll do it,” Willa says with a smirk.

  Finding her irrational, “Do all the big cupcakes have textbooks in ‘em? I mean, there’s at least three dozen West Virginia U cupcakes. How many textbooks do Kaden, Wynn, and Brennan possibly need?”

  “Thirty cupcakes to be exact.” Willa’s still wearing that satisfied smirk. “Three sets of ten different prizes. If they get duplicates, they only get it once, and the other kids lose out. It’s about teamwork. Now one of them is out some textbooks. Pity.”

  “What about those?” I point at the evil cupcakes. “Do they have prizes?”

  “Nah…” Willa’s grin gets larger. “Having you as a daddy is reward enough for the twins.”

  “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” I tug Willa into my arms. “You love yanking my chain and twisting my balls.”

  Nuzzling the side of my neck with the tip of her nose, she whispers to me like I always do her. “You have nothing to be scared of, Royce.” She flips my off switch and I relax into her. “The kids instinctively know you’re their father. Always have. Always will. This is not a surprise for them.”

  “Wynn,” I whisper my biggest fear.

  “He’ll get over it. Eventually.” Willa squeezes me tighter. “It’s in his nature to forgive.”

  “Oh, but it’s also in Wynn’s nature to turn into the world’s biggest asshole.”

  Willa’s evil chuckle is answer enough.

  “Royce?” Kade’s hesitant voice flows in from the entryway. “Dr. Cassidy’s here. Do you guys need a minute?”

  “Do I need a minute?” I laugh without humor. Try another decade. I pull away from Willa, heart beating out of control. “Nope, guess not.”

  “It’s nice to finally meet you, Dr. Cassidy. Warren is always singing your praises.” Kaden escorts our therapist into the den. “You’re a miracle worker. What classes do you suggest I should–”

  “Son,” I call out to stop him in his tracks. “Go get the kids.” I catch Willa rolling her eyes in my peripheral vision. Whether it was meant for me or Kade remains to be seen.

  Hiding something behind the sofa, Dr. Cassidy distracts me with her words. “I see you baked the cupcakes I suggested.”

  “Of course she did,” I mutter, dropping down onto the sofa, and Willa joins me. My eyes roll heavenward when the stampede moves through the upstairs hallway to the staircase.

  “Old floors?” Dr. Cassidy smirks– sarcastic old bat. “Don’t go blaming me for your current predicament, Mr. Kennedy,” she answers my unspoken thoughts. “Once this is over with,” looking at her watch, “I’d say ten minutes from now. It will be my job to make sure you don’t make any further lifelong mistakes. But we’ll cross those bridges when we get to them.”

  “Sorry,” I mutter, properly cowed. I dig my elbow into my knee, and then rest my cheek in my open palm. “I know I’m being an asshole, but I’m terrified. Either I’m closing in on a panic attack, or this old man is gonna have a heart attack.”

  “Royce,” Dr. Cassidy says firmly. “You’re gonna get through this and be stronger for it.”

  “Starting now.” I snap to attention when the herd of children descends.

  �
�And you’re not old,” Willa reminds me, and Dr. Cassidy adds, “I’m closing in on old, and even I’m not there yet.”

  “Cupcakes!” Wynn licks his lips while plopping down on the loveseat, with Kade landing next to him. “Can I have one, sis?”

  “Me too!” the twins chirp together, deciding to sit inches from the coffee table where the treats are. They stare, refusing to blink, like the treats will disappear before their very eyes.

  “Mountaineer cakes are for the big kids. Tiny cakes for the little ones.” I turn to face Willa, horror etched across my expression, and all she does is smile sweetly at me.

  “Oh! What’s this?” Bren fishes out a piece of paper, then pops the cake in his mouth. “Mmm… Yummy! IOU: One pass at saying it’s none of our business. Daddy promises not to meddle. Sweet! I’ll be keeping this piece of paper handy.” Bren digs out his wallet, and tucks the IOU behind his license.

  “I got an Amazon code for a fifty dollar gift card,” Kade mumbles, obviously disappointed. “The note attached said it’s for school supplies. Can I switch? Please!”

  “Thanks!” Wynn says brightly, snatching the code from Kade’s outstretched fingertips. “I could use some Sharpies. This one is definitely for you.”

  Taking the paper, Kade reads it in a flat voice. “Kentwood County Obedience School. Really, Willa? Really?”

  “I was really praying you’d get that one.” Willa flashes an innocent smile. “I put extras in the cupcakes just to be sure.”

  “Uncle Kade?” Hayden tries to gain his attention. “Is that where they spank big kids?”

  A miracle occurs. Dr. Cassidy barks a laugh, finally proving she’s human. She covers her mouth with a palm, obviously embarrassed. A flush is creeping up her cheeks to hide behind her bifocals.

  “Kid, it’s for Perty. Willa’s not looking forward to cleaning up his accidents while I’m away at school.”

  “Not to be rude or anything,” Wynn begins hesitantly. “But who is she?” He points at Dr. Cassidy, and then his eyes light on the paper in Hayden’s hand. “What was in your cupcake?”

  Hayden’s fingertips clench, hiding the evidence. Freezing like a scared rabbit, his eyes connect with mine, and he says absolutely nothing.

  I can’t look away from my youngest son, neither one of us knowing what to do. But one thing is certain, Hayden wasn’t surprised. Panic setting in, I begin to sweat profusely. My skin feels tight. I can’t get enough oxygen in my lungs. My heart is stuttering.

  What do I do? What do I say?

  “What’s going on?” Wynn demands. Eyes flicking from face to face. “Sis?” When she doesn’t speak, he tries Bren. When Bren doesn’t react, he seeks the most reliable source. “Kaden, if you don’t answer me, you’ll regret it.”

  Kaden just stares at me, mouth hanging open, words frozen on his tongue.

  When the twins were toddlers, I didn’t stop them from calling me daddy. But after the assault, I was firm about them calling me Uncle Royce. The cupcakes weren’t for the kids. They were for me. Willa and Dr. Cassidy wanted to assure me that Hayden and Hayley already knew. It took away some of my stress so I could deal with Wynn.

  Dr. Cassidy isn’t here to mediate. She’s here to manage me. They’re all here to manage me. My kids are leaving in a few hours– moving away from me. And Wynn may never speak to me again. The good doctor is here to make sure I don’t lose my shit.

  I can’t get the words out. My brain won’t move my tongue. My lips won’t form words. I can’t do it.

  I can’t.

  “Just rip the Band-Aid off and get it over with, Dad.” Brennan leans forward, grabbing a pink cupcake. “Catch!” In slow motion, we all watch it arc across the coffee table to land directly in Wynn’s outstretched palm.

  Wynn already looks betrayed because we all know something he doesn’t, and I don’t think I’m ready for him to grow up and realize I’m just as flawed as his actual father.

  Desperate, “Don’t!” flows from my mouth, hand held out in a stop motion. But it’s too late. Wynn is splitting the cupcake, then his deft fingers pluck the piece of paper from the center.

  I can’t breathe.

  No one speaks.

  All eyes are on Wynn.

  Molars grinding, jaw clenching, fist obliterating the cupcake to crumbs, Wynn stares directly in my eyes with utter betrayal written across his face. Lunging to his feet, I can’t get a single word out before he’s out the front door and tearing across the yard.

  Stunned, I want to go after him, but I can’t get my limbs to move.

  “Warren’s waiting in the yard. We knew this was exactly how it would play out.” Kade tries to reassure me, but it doesn’t work. “Don’t worry about Wynn, Royce. He just needs to cool off. Warren’s gonna drag his ass to see Corbin, anyway.”

  “Great! Just what he needs,” Brennan mumbles, and he’s not being sarcastic.

  “Are you okay, Daddy?” Hayley sets her tiny hand on mine, and I choke on a sob. Suffocating, I can’t seem to relearn to breathe. All my sins have been brought to light, and the person with the most goodness in their heart will never see me the same way again. I’ll never be Wynn’s mentor– his dad.

  “Mr. Kennedy?” Dr. Cassidy’s no longer calling me Royce, so I know that’s a bad sign. “It was under your control when, how, and whether or not you ever told the truth. It is not under your control on how the other person will react to said truth. You are not responsible for how Wynn feels. But you will be held accountable for your actions and the consequences they create.”

  “You mean losing my son?”

  “No, I mean finally acknowledging your children.” Dr. Cassidy reminds me, causing my eyes to flick down to meet first Hayden’s then Hayley’s eyes. They’re sad, only because they’re worried about their daddy.

  “I’m fine,” I mutter numbly. “We all knew how this would go down.”

  “Royce?” I’m Royce again. “Wynn will either come around or he won’t, and that is entirely up to him. Let him know you’re open to answering any questions he may have, and that you want to rebuild the trust back, but don’t push.”

  Hayley crawls into my lap, resting her head against my shoulder. I wrap my arms around her tightly and thank God for what I do have.

  “This is for you.” Dr. Cassidy retrieves whatever was hidden behind the sofa– the Sunshine Bear. I take Wynn’s yellow teddy bear from her, and Hayley and I share it. “The teddy bears were to comfort only you. They represent the most important people in your life. Royce, you need to learn to let go. The bears are your focus objects.”

  “Like Suicidal Tendencies is mine.” Kade reaches over to shake Sunshine Bear’s hand. “Sometimes– sometimes how we feel is overwhelming and if we unleash it on the people we care most about, we’ll push them away. Talk to the bear, Royce. Yell at it. Hug it. Punch it. Whatever it takes. But don’t keep putting on your dad uniform and calling yourself an old man. Live.”

  “On Monday, we start individual counseling, Royce.” Dr. Cassidy drops a bombshell. “I allowed you to use Willa as a crutch in our sessions all summer so that you’d actually come and get some help. It’s time to move past that and really heal.”

  “What is this?” Those particular words together should sound defensive, but they come out confused and terrified. “Is this my intervention?”

  “Yes,” Willa answers for everyone without hesitation. “Yes.”

  “Fine,” I mutter belligerently. “I’ll go. But until then I need to process. No more managing Royce for the rest of the weekend.”

  “That’s very fair, Royce. And I appreciate that you called yourself Royce just now, not Daddy.” Dr. Cassidy gets up from her chair, and I assume she’s leaving. But instead, she starts dragging teddy bears out from behind the sofa. It’s so bizarre I start laughing hysterically.

  Hayley crawls out of my lap, and she and Hayden jump into the pile of teddy bears. Hugging and squeezing, guessing whose bear is whose. I better not add any more important people to my
life, or I will need to build a room just to house the dang things.

  I turn to Willa. “What’s your focus object?”

  Smiling sadly, she leans into me to whisper. “You are, Royce. You’re my focus object. I can always count on you, no matter what. You believe you need to take care of us, so you won’t allow us in. That’s why you have the bears. You need to trust that we will always be there for you, and someday you might allow us to do so in the flesh.”

  “Royce, you’re not alone,” Dr. Cassidy states the obvious. “You counted on Annie and your father, and when you lost them it terrified you. You clung to the notion you had to be everything for Bren, and you never again allowed anyone to take care of you. Maybe a little bit with Donny, but he let you down in the worst possible way, and you still refuse to be angry about it. It isn’t selfish to put your needs above others.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it anymore today,” I mutter, emotionally exhausted.

  “Then I’d suggest you stop asking questions that open avenues to things that we must acknowledge.” Eyes narrowed, I stare at Dr. Cassidy like she’s nuts. “You asked Willa what her focus object was. She told you. The answer opened up for more questions. You’re in control.”

  “She means shut up, Royce,” Willa teases me.

  I don’t shut up.

  Sunshine Bear is still clutched to my chest. “Kaden, why didn’t you go after Wynn?” I’m surprised. I would have thought Wynn would have been priority number one for Kade.

  “Because there’s a part two.” Kade flashes a sad smile while pointing at Bren. “Batter up!”

  “I’ma use this right now.” Bren pulls out his wallet and searches around inside for the IOU.

  “Brennan,” Dr. Cassidy turns her doctor voice on my eldest. “I suggest you rip your own Band-Aid off this time.”

  “I pity your children.” Kaden chuckles, and Dr. Cassidy joins him. “I wanna grow up to be just like you.”

  “Then you have better study hard, Mr. Marx.”

  We all bust out chuckling at Kaden’s expense. A much-needed laugh about something that isn’t funny. A cathartic release.

 

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