by LA Witt
And with a single nod, he took us from fooling around to playing with fire.
I cleared my throat. “So, you’re enlisted, then.”
One eyebrow flicked upward. “Is that…an issue?” Beat. Enlightenment widened his eyes. “You’re an officer.”
I nodded. It was only now that it dawned on me I’d never even thought to ask him what branch he was in, never mind what rank. Enlisted guys didn’t usually pique my interest, and most of the guys who came to Palace Habu were officers anyway, so I never really thought about it.
Fucking another guy couldn’t get me in trouble anymore, but getting caught with an enlisted guy? Adios, career.
So much for making a habit of this.
Eric groaned and covered his face with one hand. “Fuck.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled hard. Half a dozen curses came to the tip of my tongue, but before I could bring them to life, he lowered his hand and met my eyes. “So I guess there’s no point in exchanging numbers after all, is there?”
I watched my hand drift up and down his waist. “No. Probably not.”
There was no probably about it. In theory, we could be friends. I wasn’t in his direct chain of command. He didn’t answer to me. The only problem was we were gay. Someone saw us hanging out together on a regular basis? There was only one conclusion they’d draw, and that conclusion was both true and a kiss of death for our careers. In a time when the military was downsizing and people were still hostile to DADT’s repeal, we were pretty much handing anyone who wanted it an excuse to get rid of us.
But even being friends could be dangerous, and it went deeper than simple fraternization. That could get us both into some trouble, but officers and enlisted men were like two social classes in a strictly separated society. Two classes that did not intermingle. It simply wasn’t done. It was an ironclad Navy tradition, one that, when broken, could kill a career. Or two.
It didn’t even matter that DADT was a nonissue now. The fact that we were gay was the least of our problems if we kept doing this. If we were younger, things would have been different. If I were a freshly commissioned ensign and he were a seaman straight out of boot camp, we wouldn’t have had so much at stake. As it was, we were both too close to retirement to fuck up our careers. Some twenty-one-year-old getting kicked out still had a chance to start a new career. A thirty-five-year-old who pissed away a solid fifteen-plus-year career with an other-than-honorable discharge due to conduct unbecoming a gentleman? Yeah, that would look fucking spectacular on a résumé.
I sighed and met his eyes. “No one has to know about tonight. You’re already here, we’re already in bed, so we might as well finish what we started.”
“And after tonight?”
I watched my thumb trace his lower lip. “I think we both know what has to happen after tonight.”
“Then I guess we should make tonight count.”
“I guess we should.”
~*~
My ears rang from the gunfire. My mouth was dry and tasted like sand. Cold sweat cooled skin that still burned from the phantom heat of the desert sun.
I opened my eyes.
Bedroom. I was in my bedroom. An all too familiar sense of relief rushed through me, and I exhaled. Another dream. Just another damned dream.
I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands and sighed. At least I didn’t wake up quite so disoriented anymore. The first few months of postcombat nightmares had me shaking and panicking every damned morning, wondering where the fuck I was until I remembered I was in my own bed. I was much better these days, and if this was the worst PTSD I had—crazy vivid dreams that left me thinking I had sand in my mouth—I’d take it.
I turned my head to look at the alarm clock beside the bed and startled.
Oblivious to the fact that I’d completely forgotten he was even here, Eric was still sound asleep. He was on his stomach, facing away from me, and his hair as disheveled as it could be when it was cut that short.
Goose bumps rose on my back and arms, and I shivered away the chill of my nightmare. I smiled to myself as last night came flooding back.
I still couldn’t believe my luck. I’d been at Palace Habu for a good half hour or so when Eric emerged from the crowd and stepped up to the bar. I’d nearly dropped my drink and cut a quick path across the room, hoping I’d get to him before another guy realized such a gorgeous man was among us and moved in ahead of me.
Oh, but I was already too late. Of all people, that fucking jarhead had set his sights on Eric and had already gotten his attention.
I would have backed off the second I realized Eric was there with someone else, but since it was that guy, I made an even faster exit to avoid a scene. After they’d moved to a booth on the other side of the room, I wasn’t the only one in the club who kept throwing glances toward them. Even while a friend—and occasional booty call—and I chatted over by the deejay, we both kept an eye on Eric just to make sure the Marine didn’t get out of line.
Just try it, Jarhead. I dare you.
He tried it, all right, and several of us were on our feet, ready to intervene, but we all stopped dead when Eric shut him down. The stunned Marine released his arm, and Eric stormed out.
I’d probably never know if anyone said anything to the jerk at that point. Maybe they threw him out. Maybe everyone just rolled their eyes and wished he’d find another place to troll.
The object of my interest, however, was on his way out of Palace Habu at that moment, and so was I.
And now, here we were.
Watching him sleep, I sighed. Here we were, and this was the last place in the world we should have been. God damn it, why did the first guy to come along post-DADT with some potential have to be the worst possible choice for me? Every fucking time I found someone who might get my hopes up, the Navy found some way to shoot it down. Deploy me to the Sandbox long enough for my wife to find someone else. Transfer me out of Sasebo right when things with Emiko looked like they might get serious but weren’t serious enough for us to get married. Forbid gay relationships so the paranoia drove Paul and me apart, and the secrecy exhausted Gerry and me until we couldn’t take it anymore.
And then, right about the time it was okay to be gay, Eric. Eric who was my match in the bedroom, and Eric who was fucking enlisted. Guess it was back to the drawing board. Back to Palace Habu. Groan.
But he was here now, so I slid a little closer and gently rested my hand just below his shoulder blade. He tensed but then relaxed. As I slid closer to him, he rolled onto his side, his back against my chest, and clasped his fingers between mine as I put my arm around him. The heat of his body made me shiver, and when I inhaled the scent of his skin, goose bumps rose along my spine and my arms.
“Morning,” I said.
“Is it? I could’ve sworn we just went to sleep.”
“I think we did.” I laughed and pressed my lips to the back of his shoulder, grinning when he squirmed and pulled in a breath. “We were up pretty late.”
“Mmm. It was worth the lost sleep.”
“God, I hope so.” I deliberately let my unshaven chin brush his shoulder.
“It was. Believe me. It was.”
And it was also a good hour before we made it out of bed, grabbed a shower and got dressed. A very good hour.
~*~
In the kitchen, I handed him a cup of coffee.
I held my own in both hands, waiting until it cooled before I dove in. “So, how do you like Okinawa so far?”
He shrugged. “Haven’t had a chance to see much of it.”
“Work?”
“Well, that,” he said. “But it’s just me right now. I don’t really know anyone who knows their way around the island.”
“So?” I grinned. “That’s half the fun of a place like this.” I gestured toward the window, as if to indicate everything that existed beyond it. “You go out, get lost and find stuff.”
“Yeah, I’m not a huge fan of getting lost.”
I chuckle
d. “Eric, the island is seventy miles long. I think the widest point is like eighteen miles. There’s only so lost you can get on a chunk of rock this small.”
“Hmm. Okay, good point.”
“That, and most of the cool shit, you have to get lost to find it.”
“Such as?”
“Some of the castles.” I sipped my coffee carefully. It was still a little hot, but I liked it that way, so I drank a little more before I continued. “Some of the best beaches on the island are out in the middle of nowhere. There’s shrines, tombs, memorials, shops.” I shrugged again. “You just have to get out and find them.”
“And if I get lost,” he said with a smirk, “I can call you and have you help me find my way back, right?”
We both laughed, but I stopped quickly and so did he.
“Right,” he said, dropping his gaze. “I suppose calling you would be a bad idea.”
“Well, I mean, we won’t get in trouble if you’re just lost and asking for directions,” I said quietly.
He nodded but said nothing. He probably knew as well as I did that it wasn’t so simple. No, a phone call asking for directions wouldn’t get us into trouble. It would, however, put us in communication. Which might lead to a longer conversation. Which might lead to getting together just once. Or twice. Or three times.
Can’t I have just a little bit of peril?
Eric cleared his throat and gestured at a framed photo on the wall. “Those your kids?”
Thankful for the subject change, I nodded. “Yeah. Jason and Jessica.”
“They twins?”
“Yep. They’ll be nine soon. Hard to believe.”
“Tell me about it.” He shook his head, then carefully sipped his coffee. “Mine’s graduating next year.”
I almost choked on my own coffee. “You have…you have an eighteen-year-old?”
“Well, seventeen.”
“Are you serious?”
He nodded, chuckling. “I started young, what can I say?”
“Apparently so.”
Eric exhaled. “Still, hard to believe that one more year and I’ll have a high school graduate.” He whistled and shook his head.
“Man, I’ve got a ways to go before I have to deal with that.” I paused. “I can’t even imagine what they’ll be like as teenagers. They’re already hellions.”
“With your genes?” Eric laughed. “That doesn’t surprise me at all.”
“Uh-huh.” I raised an eyebrow. “Something tells me yours is a handful too.”
“Mine?” He put a hand to his chest and feigned offense. “Please. I’ll have you know my kid is the most mild-mannered, well-behaved—”
“Bullshit.” I snickered. “No way in hell I’ll believe that.”
“Okay, you got me. She’s definitely her father’s daughter.” Eric grimaced. “Her poor mother.”
At that, my humor faded a little. “She lives in the States?”
He nodded slowly. “Yeah. Still adjusting to that, believe me.”
“I know exactly what you mean. Mine live with their mom in Pennsylvania.”
“How do you deal with it?” he asked, barely whispering. “Being this far away for so long?”
I rested my hip against the counter and set my coffee cup down. “Same way you deal with anything when you’re in the service. One day at a time.”
“Amazing how quickly one day at a time adds up to most of your life,” he muttered.
“No shit.”
Eric was quiet for a moment, drumming his fingers on the counter and staring into his coffee cup. I was about to change the subject to something a little less depressing, but then he suddenly looked me in the eye.
“You know what?” he said. “I don’t give a fuck that you’re an officer and I’m enlisted.”
I blinked. “You…what?”
“Look.” He set the cup down and hooked his thumbs in his pockets, holding my gaze with that intensity that had intrigued me the first night. “We’re both a million miles from our kids. I’m sure you’ve had to give up as much of your life as I have. And I’m…” He paused, then shook his head. “I’m tired of it, Shane. As long as no one knows, why can’t we do this?”
“Besides the part where this is a small island?” I said. “Tiny commands, tinier gay community. Word is bound to get out.”
He gestured around the room. “There’s no one here but us. No one knows we’re here together. There’s no reason anyone needs to find out about it.”
I swallowed hard. He was right, but this was the sort of thing that had a bad habit of finding a way to get out. And there was so much at stake.
The distance between us shrank. So did my lungs. As the room spun around me, Eric leaned in, and his gaze only broke away from mine long enough to flick toward my lips.
“As long as no one knows about it, no one can give a shit about what we’re doing.” His voice hovered between a whisper and growl. “And I don’t imagine you’re any quicker than I am to tell anyone who cares. Unless you think it’s a bad idea?”
“I know it’s a bad idea.” I slid my hand over his. “But you’re right. We’ve both given up a lot for this life.” As his other hand snaked around to my lower back, I said, “And what can I say? You’re fucking addictive.”
He laughed quietly, shifting his gaze away from mine. A hint of color bloomed in his cheeks, but when he met my eyes again, there wasn’t a bit of shyness in his. “As are you. So I don’t see why we can’t keep doing exactly what we’re doing as long as we keep it behind closed doors.”
“So,” I said. “You’re suggesting we just get together and fuck whenever the moment strikes us?”
Shrugging, he grinned. “Put it like that, it sounds even hotter.”
I laughed. “I like the way you think.”
Eric kissed me lightly. “Too bad I’ve got absolutely nothing left, or I’d say one more for the road.”
“Well,” I said, “all the more reason for us to get together again, right? Since we didn’t get it all out of our system already.”
“Get it out of our system?” He laughed. “Yeah. That’s gonna happen.”
If it was going to happen, it sure as hell wasn’t happening today. Like Eric, I was completely spent and exhausted, so neither of us even tried to go anywhere near my bedroom again for now. After a pot of coffee between us, I called him a cab.
We double-checked we had each other’s numbers, exchanged one long, last kiss in the safety of my apartment, checked our phones again, and said good-bye.
In my silent, otherwise empty bedroom, I lay back on the rumpled bed and laced my hands behind my head. Staring up at the ceiling, I couldn’t figure out just what I thought of this situation.
Last night, I’d thought the odds were a million to one I’d even see him again. It didn’t occur to me there was a legitimate, nonnegotiable reason I shouldn’t see him again.
I wouldn’t get in trouble for being with a man now that DADT had been repealed, but I could certainly cause myself some headache. Getting caught with a man couldn’t officially hurt my career, but it could unofficially ensure I didn’t stand a chance in hell of putting on captain.
But an enlisted Sailor? That could be anything from a letter of reprimand—which would also cost me any chance of making captain—or a dismissal. I could end up at admiral’s mast. He could wind up at captain’s mast. If a higher-up really wanted to make an example of us, we could both face court-martial. This wasn’t something to fuck around with.
Idiot that I was, though, I had his number in my phone. He had mine. We’d both alluded to seeing each other again very soon.
And for that matter, I was lying if I told myself I only wanted him in bed. Even before he’d told me he was enlisted, he’d piqued my curiosity. He had a vibe about him, a laid-back, relaxed side that completely contradicted his in-your-face aggressiveness in the club. I wanted to know more about him. Trust me not to leave well enough alone. Maybe it was because he was forbidden now, maybe i
t was because he intrigued me anyway, but I had a feeling I’d be missing out if I didn’t also spend time with him between orgasms.
Right or wrong, I wanted to know him.
Chapter Nine
Eric
Oh, the joys of being a watch commander. Even on my day off, my phone wouldn’t shut the fuck up.
Someone couldn’t find the keys to the training building. Why they called me, I didn’t know, because I sure as hell didn’t have the keys or know where to find them. Then one of the patrol vehicles wouldn’t start, which was somehow my problem. And what I was supposed to do about the malfunctioning air conditioner in the guard shack at Camp Shields, I had no idea.
It’s my day off, fuckers. Call your own watch commander.
More than once, I debated having a beer, but I hadn’t decided if I was staying in or going out tonight. Of course, I could take a cab, but I rather liked the freedom of driving wherever I wanted and not paying through the nose for the privilege.
So, for the time being, I settled for a soda while I kicked back and played video games. Around quarter after five, right around the time I’d finally figured out how to get past one level that had been driving me crazy, my phone beeped. Again.
I groaned. God, what did they want this time?
It wasn’t anyone from work, though.
A text popped up from Shane: Busy tonight?
I smiled to myself. Too busy for him? Not a chance. After a week and a half or so of covertly seeing each other, I was lucky I could walk more often than not, but I damn sure had time for him.
I sent back, No, I’m free. Your place or mine?
But when he replied, he had something else in mind: Can you meet me at Katsuren Castle in an hour?
I stared at the message, furrowing my brow like my phone or the words on the screen would suddenly explain where he was going with this. Shane must have anticipated my reluctance, because a second text came through: Trust me.
This wasn’t a good idea. No way in hell. Sleeping together behind closed doors was risky enough. Being seen out in public together was the mother of all bad ideas for us.