Before I have a chance to mull this over, the teacher moves forward to inspect the graffiti. This teacher has no idea who I am, which makes the humiliation even worse.
I sneak away, and Delia follows. I glance back at Dub and we lock eyes for a moment. It’s hard to read his expression, but I want him to still care about me as much as he used to.
Delia and I stay in the bathroom even though the tardy bell has just rung. She’s coloring on fresh eyeliner and eye shadow for me after my first application smeared off post–locker incident.
“I can’t believe Dub was so pissed!” Delia says.
I’m more surprised about my vandalized locker than I am about Dub’s response. He’s always looked out for me. When I try to explain this to Delia, she says, “Shh ! Calli, close your eyes.”
Why would anyone do something so mean? Mom and Liz love each other. I’m their daughter. What have we ever done?
Not like this is the first time I’ve had to deal with similar crap.
When I attended the Academy of the Holy Rosary in elementary school, there was a big stink because some parents thought I might morally corrupt the other students since I had two “intrinsically disordered” moms. I dropped out and went to public school.
I’d hoped that everyone would be more accepting in public school, but I was delusional. When people found out I had two moms, there were all kinds of rumors about them, and me too. Even Dub assumed I was a lesbian based on the things he’d heard. None of them was true, of course—I’ve always been attracted to the opposite sex.
“Stop squinting,” Delia says.
“Fine.”
When we walk out of the bathroom a few minutes later, the hall is empty except for a janitor who’s scrubbing the front of my locker. I have to give it to Dub for taking care of this disaster, though I refuse to forget that he created yesterday’s.
I have a chance to thank him after first period when he’s waiting for me in the hallway. He has my entire schedule memorized, and he usually walks me to all my classes.
“Calli, you should know I feel horrible about everything’s that happened.” Dub tries to hug me, but I push him away even though it’s incredibly hard to do.
“Thanks for looking out for me, but it doesn’t change the fact that you kissed Cherish. I need my space.” And just like I walked away from the scene this morning and ran home yesterday, I leave Dub standing there. This time I don’t look back at him.
THE DAY AFTER THE MELTDOWN, CONTINUED
Friday, April 18
THIS LONG SCHOOL DAY is finally over. Delia and I cram onto bus #72 like farm animals, which reminds me of seventh grade when Gunner got some people chanting “Moo! Moo!” after I spilled milk down the front of my shirt in the cafeteria.
Gunner mooed at me every day in the cafeteria for weeks until a cute, tall eighth grader with chopstickthin legs got in his face and told him to shut it. A fight would’ve broken out if a teacher hadn’t stepped in. After that, plus a trip to the office, Gunner left me alone . . . for the most part.
Back then I couldn’t believe Dub would stand up for me. I had no clue he knew I existed, or someone cute like him would care enough to stop Gunner’s bovine antics. We became friends after, and on May 31 of last year, we went to Spar Waterpark in Sulfer together. I slipped on some steps, falling so hard I scraped layers of skin off my knees. Dub picked me up, and when I started to cry, he hugged me. Then that hug turned into a kiss. My very first kiss. We’ve been together since.
Our anniversary is next month, which makes it hurt even worse that he kissed Cherish. I was going to give him a pair of green All Stars with red racing stripes.
I. Must. Stop. Thinking. About. Dub.
My eyes mist up. I play it off the best I can by sniffing like this old bus is aggravating my allergies.
Delia leans in to ask if I’m upset. I shake my head no even though we both know I am.
“You’ll be fine,” she says, loud enough that her friend Torey turns around.
I fake a sneeze.
While we wait for the line of students in front of us to settle into their seats, Delia digs through her bag and pulls out a pack of fluorescent green gum. She offers me a piece but I decline. Braces and gum don’t mix.
Before we slump into a seat in the middle of the bus, I scan the rows out of habit—Cherish usually sits near the emergency exit with the juniors and seniors. Ninth graders usually don’t hang out in the back, but that girl has one heck of a reputation.
Thank God she has some appointment with her caseworker, Michelle, so I don’t have to deal with her. Cherish has additional appointments tomorrow. I’m not sure about all of the fostering details, but I do know Mom and Liz drive her to quite a few places. Our lives seem to have been taken over by fostering.
After Mom and Liz sent in the paperwork to foster, folks from the Department of Children and Family Services interviewed us and inspected our house. It was like my moms were becoming spies with all the FBI and police background checks, plus training. Becoming spies probably would’ve been less traumatic.
I didn’t think Mom and Liz would be allowed to become foster parents because there are laws in place regarding gay people and stuff like marriage and adoption. At least Louisiana isn’t as strict as other states. My moms met the qualifications to become certified even if they got attitude from a few people. I think it might’ve helped that Liz grew up in the foster care system, “aging out” at the age of eighteen without ever getting adopted.
My mother’s illness was a concern too, but lupus isn’t communicable and her doctor approved the documentation. We all had to prove we were free from contagious diseases. I never thought the certification process would end, but here we are now. One big happy family.
The bus is warm. Stuffy. Delia pulls her wild, curly hair into a ponytail. Her curls are so tight and thick that the hair on top of her head looks like waves from the Gulf of Mexico. She smacks her gum and then whispers, “Well, you survived today.”
I’m still fighting back the tears, so I nod again—this time yes.
“Want to hang out?” Delia asks as the bus gets close to her stop on New Orleans Street. Delia doesn’t know about my plans. She’d tell me to let it go.
“Thanks, but my mom’s forcing me to study French.” It isn’t a complete lie.
“Okay,” she says as the bus brakes. “I’ll call you later about the Intervention.”
“Sure.” I watch as she sidesteps past all the knees jutting out in the bus aisle. After I broke down on the phone with her last night, Delia made plans for her mom to take us to Prien Lake Mall tomorrow at noon. Mom said fine as long as she didn’t have to drive us since she has plans with Cherish. I’ve been hearing that a lot lately.
The bus driver takes off quickly after Delia and another girl exit, throwing my head back on the seat. I can’t wait to get home. Only three more stops and one day before the Intervention. I start picturing pretty gowns.
Delia’s sister, Rashell, took the two of us shopping for her senior prom. She let us try on dresses too and listened to our opinions about which gown she should buy. When Rashell moved to New York for college, Delia and I had our first Intervention, trying on prom dresses in her honor at JCPenney. We named the shopping trip an Intervention after watching some after school special about a girl who intervened in her best friend’s drug abuse. Delia isn’t a meth addict (gum maybe) or depressed, although she did keep crying about how no guys were ever interested in her and how lonely it was without Rashell.
“Mom?” I call out as I unlock our front door. Whew! No answer. Fortunately Mom and Cherish are still dealing with foster stuff. Liz is busy at work.
“Hi, Sassy.” Her tail turbo-wags when I toss her a Milk-Bone from underneath the kitchen island. Before eating her treat, she tosses it in the air and rolls on it first.
My stomach grumbles and even Mom’s flaxseed oat snacks sound tasty, but time is ticking away.
I don’t dare flip on the light in Cheri
sh’s room, though it isn’t technically her room. It used to be my grandmother’s room, my mother’s mother, when she visited. This wasn’t often because she didn’t agree with Mom and Liz’s lifestyle. If she were still alive, she’d freak out that they’re foster parents. I can almost hear her hoarse voice say, “That’s not right. Unnatural, I tell you.”
A small spray of sunshine peeks through the closed blinds revealing neatly arranged piles of paper on Cherish’s desk—my old desk. I dig through the stacks to find my iPod. I could ask Mom and Liz to reimburse me like they did before with the DVDs, but they had saved up for weeks to buy it for my birthday. I know they get money for being foster parents, but they’re constantly buying stuff for Cherish. At her last foster home, she didn’t have many things, so Mom and Liz make sure she has everything she needs and more. From what they’ve said, her previous foster mother would feed her biological kids first, and it was too bad if there wasn’t food left over for Cherish and the other foster kid. Cherish had never had brand-new clothes before coming to our house. Liz took her shopping the very next day. Despite her rough past, I still think Cherish should be responsible for her actions.
In Cherish’s homework pile, I find a handwritten essay Mom has helped her write about François Barbé-Marbois. He may have negotiated the Louisiana Purchase, but to me his French name is like nails on a chalkboard. I crumple the essay.
Going through her stack of things, I also find an engraved pen that used to belong to my father. Mom had passed it on to me so I’d have something of his besides genes. I hadn’t realized it was missing. I stuff it into my pocket.
I try not to shuffle the tubes of lipstick or lip gloss in her organized makeup drawer. I keep the furniture in place so it won’t look obvious someone raided her stuff. But I still can’t find my iPod. It’s probably long gone by now, so I’ll have to take something valuable of hers.
There’s a whole stack of untouched school supplies Mom bought for her when she moved in. Things weren’t nearly as complicated then. Delia’s sister, Rashell, was home from college for Christmas break and I was still excited about fulfilling my dream of becoming a sister and making a difference in someone’s life. Mom and Liz had wanted to foster younger children, but they got word about a teen, same age as me, in desperate need of placement. From what I could gather, the girl had been abused by her stepfather in the past and didn’t exactly mind my family’s “special” circumstances. She liked that Liz had been in foster care most of her life too. Things moved forward, and I wanted more than anything else to be the sister this girl desperately needed. We even had cute sistery names: Calli and Cherish.
In the closet Cherish’s new clothes are grouped by school colors. Hunter green. White. Navy blue.
There isn’t anything valuable enough of hers to lift. I get so frantic that I dig through her underwear drawer. She has a colorful collection of thongs. My moms must not care. Delia’s mom lets her wear thongs, but my mother told me I can’t wear them until I’m at least sixteen. Too mature, she said. I’m mature, but Mom doesn’t seem to agree.
Digging carefully through the lace and the zebra patterns, I find something valuable enough. When I grab the necklace and dangle it from my hands, I realize there’s a locket attached. The picture inside is hard to make out, a faded image of an older woman.
Even in the darkened room, the gold necklace sparkles. I wonder how much I’ll get for it at a pawn shop.
I swallow hard and leave her room as organized as I found it.
Back in my room, the crumpled essay shreds easily, reminding me of the hurricane shredding the aluminum on our front porch. The wind didn’t have a purpose, but I do. I’m finally fighting back.
So why don’t I feel better about it? Ripping the essay should’ve been satisfying, but there is a knot in my throat.
I’ve never done something so wrong on purpose.
I bury the essay remains deep in my trashcan. Liz will be surprised when I volunteer to dump the trash tonight.
My fingers clasp the necklace until the metal is the same temperature as my hand. After thinking about it, I decide the perfect hiding place is the 3 Musketeers box under my bed.
I eat a chocolate bar so fast I can barely taste it, and I set the necklace inside of the silvery wrapper to disguise it.
The candy settles heavy.
PRE-INTERVENTION
Saturday, April 19
THE PHONE IN MY ROOM RINGS. It’s seven and I’m pretty sure Delia isn’t calling about the Intervention at this hour.
I should answer the phone regardless of who is calling. Mom needs her sleep.
“Hello,” I whisper into the phone before it rings a third time.
“I knew you’d answer this early in the morning. Calli, look, I’m really sorry . . .” a deep voice says.
“You broke my heart, Dub.”
“I didn’t mean to—the kiss was an accident.”
“Are you serious? An accident?”
“I didn’t mean it like that, Calli!”
“Don’t lie to me. Just leave me alone!” I hang up. He can’t kiss my foster sister and play it off like it was some silly little accident! In case he tries calling back, I disconnect our phone. I actually want to talk to him, but he just made it impossible with his stupid “accident” lie.
I think about tiptoeing back into bed, but I doubt I’ll be able to fall asleep after tossing and turning all night. I kept wondering when Cherish would notice that her necklace was missing. I even rehearsed what I plan to do when she does. I’ll return the necklace with a warning—You can’t mess with me without paying for it. Not anymore.
Before bedtime last night, I started to get nervous even though Cherish wasn’t acting suspicious or anything. She was watching some reality TV show with Mom and Liz. I tried to do my homework but couldn’t concentrate so I joined them in the living room. Cherish was stretched out sideways in the recliner with her feet dangling over the side. Mom would’ve had a fit if I’d sat like that on our furniture. She didn’t say a thing to Cherish though.
The reality show was awful—one of the girls cheated on her boyfriend after getting drunk. “I bet he’ll take her back,” Cherish said. Mom and Liz disagreed, which I silently appreciated. Once a cheater, always a cheater—a good reason to continue avoiding Dub. Cherish was right though. The guy did take the girl back.
I dig underneath the bed to make sure the necklace is still there. It’s in the same exact spot, camouflaged in the metallic wrapper. I study the photo in the locket. The woman looks too old to be Cherish’s mother. I bet it’s her maw-maw.
When Cherish first moved in, she threw several fits where she’d toss things and rant about getting stuck with other families and two lesbians when all she wanted was for someone she called Maw-Maw to adopt her.
After one particularly awful tantrum, I overheard Mom crying and telling Liz that maybe Cherish was more than they could handle. “You can’t give up on her, not when she needs us the most,” Liz had said. They got Michelle involved, and she explained that Maw-Maw was one of the few family members Cherish had who was still alive and not incarcerated. But she wasn’t blood related, and past circumstances with her son, Cherish’s stepdad, complicated things.
It broke my heart—here her family had given her a name like Cherish and none of them was around to cherish her.
After this conversation and a few extra appointments, Cherish seemed to surrender the dream of living with her stepgrandmother. The fits calmed down, though I kept wondering when the next one might erupt.
I hope we don’t have any problems when the new foster child moves into our house. Michelle said he’s staying with a great-aunt who’s able to watch him only for a short period of time while his mom gets help. When I asked Cherish if she was nervous about the new kid too, she said, “What’s the big deal? You’re way too sheltered, Calli.” I wish she weren’t right.
I make sure the necklace stays hidden for now by sliding it back into place and twisting the can
dy wrapper.
I change out of my pj’s into jeans and a buttondown shirt for the Intervention before eating a healthy breakfast—a chocolate bar. I’ll have to ration my supply since I have only a couple left.
Studying French should be next on my agenda, especially after failing my last test. Instead of studying for it, I’d stayed up after midnight making Dub a card for our anniversary. “I’ve fallen for you,” I wrote. Using colored pencils, I spent hours coloring the night sky pitch-black and making the stars seem as if they glowed, especially the shooting star.
Dub set the card on his dresser so he could see it when he fell asleep and when he woke up. I wonder if it’s still there.
Madame Mahoney has given me the option of visiting a site of French importance to earn extra credit. I should tell Mom about the dumb deal soon so I can get it over with. She’s offered to help me study, but the times she’s tried helping me in the past, all we did was argue.
I forget to tell Mom about the extra credit assignment when she checks on me an hour or so later. Mom smiles when she sees me with my French textbook open. Then she holds out a ten dollar bill for lunch. “You and Delia be safe at the mall, baby girl.” My mom has a busy day planned. She doesn’t even harp on food court nutrition facts.
“Thanks, Mom.”
Liz sticks her head in my room a few moments later to say good-bye, though Cherish fortunately doesn’t. My plan is to ignore her. To act like what she did to my locker isn’t a big deal.
When the house is empty, Sassy comes and joins me. Since Cherish moved in, it seems like I’ve been demoted to the bottom of our pack.
Sassy flies off my bed in guard dog mode when the doorbell rings. It’s half past nine. Is Dub stalking me? The muscles in my neck tense as I pry the blinds open. Sassy barks so loudly my ears ring.
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