by V. F. Mason
But it wasn’t like I could sit here and judge him while I came for the exact same thing. Disgust filled me, seeping into every bone in my body as I realized how fucking lame my plan was. As if trying to seek female company would help with my obsession with Serena. On some deeper level, guilt glazed my emotions at the idea of even touching another woman. As if I cheated on someone, which was quite hilarious, since I had no one to cheat on.
Gulping my last drink quickly, I put a twenty on the bar and left.
Serena
Peeking into the hallway, I made sure no one was awake before stepping outside my room and padding softly downstairs, while holding my designing supplies. Wincing at my sore neck, I squeezed it lightly while scattering all my equipment on the kitchen table. As much as I needed to keep everything a secret in that place, designing clothes was impossible without some hot chocolate. Thankfully I brought my favorite one with me and was about to pour hot water into a cup when a noise outside caught my attention.
Going closer to the window, my eyes widened when I saw Shane outside chopping wood rather loudly despite the late hour. Wasn't he afraid to wake anyone up? Or were people so used to it they didn't pay attention?
Not dawdling much, I prepared two cups of chocolate and walked outside, joining him at the far end of the barn where he placed another log, raised the ax high, and chopped it with one swift move. As if he was pouring all his frustration into the thing.
“What did it ever do to you?” I joked, as he froze with the ax above his head and then turned around to face me. I had to hold in the temptation of swallowing loudly, because… well, he was simply magnificent.
His hair was made into a messy bun as sweat glistened on his bare chest, exposing once again his freaking delicious-looking abs that my hands itched to touch. Would they be as hard as they seemed? His jeans hung low on his hips, allowing me to admire the lines of his abdomen as the muscles flexed in his arms.
Why did he have to be so hot?
“What are you doing here?” he barked, and I jumped from the harshness of his voice, which quickly snapped me out of my fantasy.
“I wasn't sleeping and thought you’d like a hot chocolate.” I raised the cup higher so it would get his attention. He stayed silent, scanning my appearance, and uneasiness grew at his concentrated stare. “Well, okay. I’ll just go back to my thing.” What was I thinking offering a guy hot freaking chocolate? He wasn't five anymore.
“Thank you,” he replied and wrapped his hand around mine, sending shivers down my spine, and I quickly gave him the steaming mug.
“Welcome.”
He took a tentative sip and then groaned in pleasure. “This chocolate is heaven. Where did you find it?”
A giggle escaped my mouth. “Brought it with me from New York.”
He winked at me and smiled for the first time ever, and only then I noticed his right dimple. Somehow it changed his face from not approachable to friendly. “Good choice.”
Since he was communicating with me, pushing my luck sounded like a good idea, so I asked, “Why are you chopping wood now?”
The traces of amusement left him. He finished his drink and placed the mug on a nearby bench. An indifferent look crossed his face as he picked up the ax again. “Didn’t feel like sleeping,” he grumbled, and then resumed his task, completely ignoring me.
As much as a girl could like admiring the muscles on his back with a phoenix tattoo rising from the ashes, if she had any self-respect, she wouldn't stay in the face of such rudeness.
Shane confused me on many levels, maybe because the attraction to him was so strong, but it was clear as day I annoyed the shit out of him. Not to mentioned I had important stuff to do—my designing.
“Okay, then.”
Giving up completely on any pretense of politeness, I spun around to walk back, when he called out, “It calms me down.”
Glancing over my shoulder, I asked, “Huh?”
He wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand and elaborated. “Chopping. Good way to ease any frustration and not think about my life.”
Palming the cup in my hand, I wondered aloud, “Really? It’s a bit hard to believe.”
He stepped to the side and motioned for me to join him. Confused, I placed my cup on the bench as well and came closer while he extended the hand with the ax hanging from it. “Try it.”
My eyes widened, and I laughed nervously. “Uh, no. Do you want me to kill myself?” Was he insane? I managed to cut my fingers with small knifes while peeling apples. Giving me an ax would be like giving a grenade to a monkey.
Shane cocked his head to the side as amusement lit up his face, and then he came behind me and wrapped my hands around the ax handle, placing his over mine and essentially caging me in his arms. His hot breath fanned my neck, and shivers ran through me while his scent washed every thought from my mind.
“Raise it up and chop,” he murmured next to my cheek, his five o'clock shadow scratching my skin lightly as my breath hitched. “I’ve got you.” Then he inhaled my scent, murmuring, “Since you gone country and all, might as well commit.” His husky voice could hypnotize anyone, so I simply had no choice but to comply with his request.
Taking a deep breath, my hands raised the ax of their own accord, and with Shane’s help, I cut into the wood, but it just stuck in the bark. “Shit.”
Shane chuckled, and pulled it free. “Not bad for the first time. Try it again.”
All I wanted to do was rest my head on his shoulder as his voice soothed to me, but unfortunately it wasn't an option. So I did it again, and that time I cut it almost in half, and that was when the excitement seeped in.
“Almost!” I squealed, and without his help, I raised it again, and that time it split in two. The pieces flew in different directions as a whoosh left my mouth from the effort.
Oh my God! How freaking exciting, even though it seemed so stupid.
“Yeah, baby!” I shouted, then covered my mouth with my hands, as it dawned on me where we were. Shane was right. For a brief period, the chore wiped away all thoughts about my problems, or obstacles rather, and left just the ache in my muscles from a new thing I learned to do. “Thank you, Shane.” It wasn't that the experience itself was so profound or deep, just the fact he had tried to do something nice for me when he didn't have to. I couldn't help but be grateful for his kind gesture.
Without thinking, I jumped into his arms, circling his neck with my arms and wrapping my legs around his waist. Hugging him close was heaven, having all those hard, rigid muscles against me, but then realization hit me.
What the hell was I doing?
“Sorry,” I mumbled and moved to let him go, but his right hand clasped my back as his left one traveled up from my waist to my neck, squeezing my nape as my breath hitched.
Tugging my head back, he exposed my neck to his mouth and his lips lightly skimmed it while he murmured, “Soft as silk.” Then he nipped it gently, leaving a sting as if he wanted me to feel it for some time. Digging my nails into his shoulders, I couldn't help the moan of pleasure that escaped me, and then our eyes connected as he brought our mouths closer, just a fraction of an inch away from each other, as longing settled deep in the pit of my stomach.
“We shouldn't do this,” I whispered against his lips while his arm around my waist tightened. “This would complicate things.” Even to me, my voice sounded unconvincing.
“Right,” he murmured, as his hand laced in my hair. “Can’t help but want it though.” And with that, he covered my mouth with his as we collided in a kiss so passionate and deep I wondered if the whole world stopped to let us have the moment.
His tongue slipped inside my mouth, seeking mine, and we both groaned as they tangled in a duet. I hugged him closer if it was possible, while we both inhaled loudly, and we didn't let go until my lungs started hurting from lack of oxygen. I moved away, breathing heavily.
Resting my forehead on his, I couldn't help but wonder when first kisses bec
ame so good. His hard-on nudged against my core, and I whimpered. He growled while his hands squeezed my ass harshly, for sure leaving red marks, but who cared at that moment?
“I want to fuck you against the fucking wall and not think of the consequences,” he said, which aroused me even more, because no other guy had spoken to me like that before. Palming his face, I sought his mouth again, that time being more aggressive about the kiss, thoroughly allowing him to taste me more.
Common sense, promises, or dreams didn't exist in that moment, as all my body craved was the sexy warrior who inspired such a range of emotions from me that I had no idea where it all came from.
Somewhere in the distance, a horse nickered, snapping us both from the bubble we had created, and cold slipped in between us as we both stilled.
Reality crashed in, pouring on us like ice water and destroying what could have been a beautiful moment. “We can’t,” I whispered. After a beat, he nodded, and I tried not to analyze the deep disappointment settling inside me from him giving up so quickly, which was so freaking unreasonable, in my opinion.
Slowly, he slid me down his body, allowing me to once again feel his desire for me while my pointed nipples brushed against his chest. I bit my lips so no sound would escape my mouth.
I wasn't sure we would be able to stop if we started again.
Taking a step back from him, I avoided his eyes while picking up the two cups and practically running toward the door, when he called for me.
“Serena?”
With my focus on the door, I asked without turning back, “Yes?” My voice shook slightly from all the emotion.
“For my sanity and the safety of everyone else, don’t allow anyone to touch you. We can’t do this for multiple reasons, but you are still mine. Even if I can’t have you,” he said possessively, awakening a deep longing in me. I closed my eyes, cursing the unfair situation we had ended up in.
Why did I have to meet a handsome guy with whom I shared unspeakable chemistry, when I was playing someone else and had to constantly lie? The relationship wouldn't have had a future.
“Okay.” Not glancing back to watch his reaction to my words, I dashed into the kitchen, put the cups in the sink, and grabbed my equipment, hoping like hell to fall asleep quickly.
His final words echoed in my mind until the kingdom of dreams claimed me.
We can’t do this for multiple reasons, but you are still mine. Even if I can’t have you.
Two weeks later
Shane
Coming to the fucking bar had become a routine over the last two weeks, so much that the smoke in the air and the smells didn't annoy my nostrils anymore.
Concentrating on the bar, I passed by several people, hoping like hell my headache would go away at some point, when a woman bumped into my chest, smiling seductively.
She had long blonde hair, which was a bit oily, and a mini dress that hugged her like a second skin. The blonde licked her lips, making it clear what she wanted.
Fuck, another problem I didn't need tonight.
“Hey, handsome. You here alone?” she asked while raising her hand and touching my chest with her finger, but I quickly removed it, hating the contact.
If my Serena couldn't touch me, no one else was allowed either.
My Serena?
Ignoring the voice in my head, I answered her. “Not interested.”
She frowned, clearly not liking my words if the daggers she sent my way were anything to go by. “I could show you a good time.” She tried again.
“Thanks for the offer, but no.” As much as I didn't need her attention, I didn't want to be an asshole about it either. Unless she insisted, then all bets were off, because I simply had neither the time nor the desire to deal with her shit. She stood there for a second, blocking my way, but then shrugged and moved on to another guy.
Thank God for that.
“You’ve been here a lot lately,” Grady commented as he noticed me parked on the barstool. He immediately put a soda in front of me. As much as I frequented the place lately, drinking all the fucking time wasn't working well with my work ethic, so I changed to sodas. “Women problems?” he mused, while saluting some customers who were leaving the bar.
“Yeah.” What was the point of hiding it anyway?
Serena was driving me fucking crazy, and I didn't know how much longer I could take it without my resolve snapping.
Fantasies that played in my head of her sexy and delectable body didn't help either.
Meanwhile, I had Serena at home looking fucking edible in those tempting shorts. I was hard when I looked at her, when I smelled her perfume all over the house, even when I heard her bitching about her nails or some disgusting thing she found while cleaning. She seemed into her work, ignoring me completely besides a few conversations, and spent all her time with Maggie or talking with ranch hands.
I didn’t fucking like her paying them attention when she refused to give me any, and I had a deep desire to punch each one of them in the face. Sexual frustration made me act like an asshole to everyone around me. The only thing bearable about it was her lack of flirting with anyone and her constant blushing around me, which gave me a hint that she probably thought about that kiss just as much as I did.
Best fucking kiss of my life.
“Ain’t interested in you?” Grady asked, wiping away the table.
“She works for us.”
“Ah, conflict of interest. I see.”
Folding my arms, I studied his reaction. “You think it shouldn't stop me?”
“Dude, it’s your choice. I’m just saying if she’s into you, and you’re into her, what’s the point of denying it? Man up and claim her, instead of moping around here. Doesn't suit you.” Then he moved back behind the bar to make more drinks for people while his words played in my mind.
Really, what the fuck was I doing? Pushing away a perfect girl just because of some work ethic and the promise I’d given to Hawk? When it came down to it, she wasn't even working for me. We were on equal footing here, and instead of exploring our attraction, we had built more obstacles.
Not to mention overpowering guilt anytime I stepped into the bar, as if I was cheating on my girlfriend. All my body wanted to do was claim Serena, make her body burn with desire, and leave marks on her so every man close by would know she was taken.
“Thanks, man,” I mumbled, and Grady nodded.
“Hurry up. Or she might find someone else.”
My hands clenched into fists as the possessive beast inside me roared at the prospect of anyone having her but me. However, even with the fury, I hadn't missed a strange look in Grady’s eyes. “Speaking from experience?”
He met my question with hollow laughter. “I didn't have a chance from the very beginning.”
Fuck.
Maybe I should’ve been grateful for what I had and manned up quicker. Hastily putting a twenty on the table, I rushed back home, hoping like hell the frequent bar thing wouldn't bite me in the ass someday.
Serena
This is useless.
I tried everything, from counting sheep to listening to music, but nothing helped me fall asleep. Instead, my mind kept playing all the little snippets I had of Shane while giving me vivid images of the kiss we had shared. My obsession with his body and touches were driving me to an early grave. Every day, I had a pep talk with myself listing all the reasons why we couldn't do it, but that didn't help much.
Drawing the covers back, I got up frustrated and glanced at clock where the green digits showed 12:07 a.m. Only five hours left to sleep, and then another day with a lot of work would start. My muscles ached from all the labor associated with the time and effort it actually took to cook and clean up after so many men. But at the same time, I welcomed the experience, as odd as it sounded. Constantly being on the ranch annoyed me, though, as I preferred variety in my schedule. Maybe I could drag Maggie to town so she could show me around.
The sounds of horses whinnying, crickets buzzi
ng, and dogs barking came through my open window along with a cooling breeze, which helped my damp skin.
The night was peaceful as I gazed at the beautiful stars in the sky. You wouldn't find such a sky in New York; that was for sure.
Giving up on sleep completely, I switched on the desk lamp and took out my drawing supplies. Somehow, capturing the view in front of me was important. For the first time in the last three years, I had an itch that needed to be scratched.
Moving my hand flawlessly across the paper, my exhausted-from-the-inner-dialogues mind enjoyed the pencil making quiet sounds in the silent room while my eyes focused on the view. It had to be as close to reality as possible. It would have been better with pastel colors, but I didn’t have them with me, because for designer drawings, I didn’t need them.
After an hour, I was done with it and blinked in surprise at the result. I thought I didn’t have it in me anymore, but that wasn’t true. A part of me was thrilled, because it was something I’d loved to do since I knew what a pencil was. My mom had encouraged me and had arranged special art classes with Ms. Richards, who’d said I had a great eye for detail and should go to art school.
I was planning to study gallery business, but after Mom died, I hated everything about painting, because it reminded me so much of her. Every time I took a brush or pencil in my hand, I remembered the two of us in my studio while she laughed as I tried to convince her I was the next Picasso. It felt wrong without her, and I didn’t have any creativity left in me. Instead, I enrolled in English Literature, because I had to choose something.
My hand tingled from the excitement of creating something; it was a feeling I thought I would never experience again. All I needed were the colors to make the drawing come alive. Part of me felt bad because the view deserved to be on a canvas instead of paper, but I couldn’t do anything about it. I stretched my arms and the familiar pain in my back felt somehow freeing, but I couldn’t understand why. As much as I liked what I’d done, I still had to start on my collection, because time was flying.