“Damn, you could at least send me a text message or something.”
“I know,” she said.
“What was you about to do?”
“Nothing. How about I’m pregnant again. And Lamar going to tell me to get rid of the baby,” she said as she sucked her teeth.
“He got a lot of damn nerve. Tell his ass that his mom should have got rid of him.”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do. It is a miracle I’m pregnant again. He told me ever since I peed on a stick that I’m acting crazy.”
“What?”
“He being a little ignorant. He’ll get over it. I hope he will, anyway.”
“Can you get desk duty?”
“Maybe. I will if I make it to my second trimester. I’m going to have to figure it out.”
This was Tia’s third pregnancy in the last five years. She had one ectopic pregnancy the year before last, and a miscarriage last summer. It was wrong to think, but I thought maybe she wasn’t supposed to have a baby by Lamar and God was trying to tell her that.
“Reshaun got married,” Tia said.
“I didn’t think she would really do it.”
“They went down to Maryland. It only takes forty-eight hours to get a marriage license down there. Let’s see what she doing,” she said as she dialed Reshaun’s number.
“Can you come out, girl? Why not? Okay, bye.”
“What she say?” I asked.
“She said she is not leaving her husband, but we could come over there. Let’s go meet this guy.”
We drove over to the new apartment Reshaun shared with Michael on City Avenue. All we knew about Michael was he was from Liberia, he was thirty-five, and was an engineer for Lockheed Martin. Their condo was spacious and decorated with abstract paintings and modern leather furniture.
In one week Reshaun didn’t even look like my friend anymore. She had on eyeglasses that she never wore, and was wearing flat shoes. Though she didn’t look like herself, she looked like she was so happy. As soon as we entered, Reshaun took us on a tour of the condo. She was in the middle of cooking something and the smell was flooding the condo.
“Where is Briggy at?” Tia asked.
“Him and Michael went to play basketball, while I finish dinner.”
“You only knew him a month and you’re leaving your son with him already? I am happy for you, but I still would watch him,” Tia said, scrunching her nose up and shaking her head.
“I’m not stupid, Tia. I checked his criminal and child abuse records. He is not wanted. I know all his previous addresses. I ran his credit. I have his social security number and he put my name on this condo. We took our HIV test. I took all the precautions, but I’m not going to start looking for something to be wrong. When you look for stuff you find it. Michael is everything I prayed for. I have faith. I’m going back to school. He told me if I don’t want to work anymore I didn’t have to and I can go to school full-time.”
“What are you going back to school for?” I asked.
“I’m not sure yet.” Reshaun shrugged. “I was thinking about getting a degree in pharmacy, maybe. Or something like that, maybe physical therapy. First I’m going to take the rest of my prerequisites and then I’ll decide on my major. Michael’s going to help me. I just feel so comfortable. I just never had this feeling before. It feels so good to have a good man in my life.”
“I think you should try to help yourself,” I pointed out.
“I am, but I just think somewhere along the line somebody got to wake up and realize that they have a good person and stop trying to find all the wrong. We do it all the time…finding flaws in everyone we meet. I just feel like I gave a good guy a chance,” she said, folding her arms defensively.
“And what is that supposed to mean?” Tia asked.
“It means I’m accepting him the way he is and I’m not looking for his flaws or any reasons not to love him.”
“So this is it?” I asked, as I surveyed her new home.
“Yes, and he will be here in a few minutes and you can both meet him. You don’t know how happy I am that I looked outside of the box. I could have really let this wonderful man pass me by because he doesn’t match what I thought I wanted.”
I felt bad because I was tempted to ask her if she was really happy. People usually don’t get this happy this fast without strings. It just doesn’t happen. I gave Tia a look and she looked back at me, nodding. We both agreed Reshaun was settling and if that was all right with her, we would have to go along.
Moments later, Michael came in. He kissed Reshaun’s cheek and handed her flowers. We all smiled as she opened the cabinet beneath her sink and grabbed a vase. I don’t know what I was expecting, but he looked surprisingly Americanized. I think I was looking for a tall, royal, dark-skinned man with high cheekbones to enter the condo. But Michael was a medium shade of brown and was an average height and just looked like any ordinary black man. His clothes gave him away just a little bit. He had his shirt tucked into his old stone-washed blue jeans with his cell phone on his hip inside a holster, and an earpiece wrapped around his lobe.
He was very pleasant, and he had the cutest British accent. He spoke with us for a few minutes and then went into his office. We talked a little bit more and then me and Tia got up to leave.
“Love ya, be safe, and have fun. We all going to go out in a few weeks and have dinner,” Reshaun said as she walked us to the door.
“All right, girl. See you,” I said. We walked to the car and I looked at Tia and said, “So, what you think?”
“I don’t know, I’m just saying,” she said as we got in the car. Tia and I had our own little language. I could look at her and she knew what I was thinking.
“What are you saying?”
“I dunno. He is a little funny-looking and a little short.”
“He’s not funny-looking, and I think he’s mildly handsome,” I said as I began laughing, unable to contain myself. “Maybe we are wrong,” I said.
“Maybe. But I doubt it.”
After leaving Reshaun and Michael’s condo, I wondered what real love might feel like. I’d never seen Reshaun so content and happy in her life, about anything or anybody, since I’d known her. Granted, it had only been a month, but for some reason, her happiness seemed real. I was a little more convinced.
“How long before that is one of us, wearing glasses and staying in on a Saturday night?”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“I mean, will we ever just enjoy making dinner, going to work, and never having fun?”
“Hell, no. We going to be old and still hanging out. I want our husbands to go out and still meet for dinner dates. We are going to party until we are both wearing Depends.”
“You right, but she is out of the club,” Tia said.
“Yeah, her membership has been officially revoked.” I laughed hysterically as I drove back downtown.
We went from Reshaun’s condo to a little place call Bobby’s Crab House to have some dinner and drinks. Tia asked me if I was dealing with my dad’s stuff. I didn’t really want to talk about it, but she kept asking.
“I’m doing okay. I’m still having thoughts here and there, but I’m dealing with it. I cried a few times.”
“You think you should see a counselor or something? If it really is bothering you like that, maybe you should.”
“I don’t need to see a counselor, I’m fine. I’ll get over it. I don’t really want to talk about it. Damn, I wish you could drink with me. Why you got to be pregnant?” I laughed as I looked over the menu.
“I’m still going to get a drink. One won’t hurt. I really need one.”
“No, you can’t have a drink. It might hurt the baby,” I said, looking up from the menu.
“Trust me, I need one. Internal Affairs is investigating me.”
“Why?” I asked, alarmed.
“Last week, Lamar got locked up while he was driving my car. He had stolen televisions and hundreds of b
ootleg DVDs and CDs in the trunk and I’m stressing bad. I really might lose my job.”
“Is he out yet? What is Lamar saying?”
“He is out, but he is not saying too much. But really, what can he say, but sorry. The bad thing is that Internal Affairs is going around talking to people on my block. My neighbors told me that they are asking about my character and what type of activities go on at my house.”
“Really? That’s crazy.”
“Lamar said he is not going to let anything happen to me, but this shit is just coming at the wrong time. I’m pregnant and I might be getting fired. If I get fired then I won’t have any benefits. I don’t know what I am going to do without my job. If I get fired I’m probably just going to move to South Carolina with my family.”
“Don’t worry, you are not going to get fired.” I tried to reassure Tia, but in my head I was thinking damn. That was some crushing news and a drink was needed. I ordered us double mango margaritas with sugar rims. We drank and talked about our crazy lives. We got off her events and got back on mine, which was Malcolm. I had a million reasons why I should leave him again. And ten million reasons why I wanted to stay. It didn’t make a difference that I had just come from having passionate sex with him. I still wasn’t satisfied. I wanted more from him and he wouldn’t or couldn’t give it to me and that made me furious.
“Tia, I hate the way I don’t have total control over him. And I feel like I’m not ever going to get him the way I want him. I feel like I’m wasting my time. Like even today, we had this great afternoon together. Then it seems like as soon as it began, he had to hurry home. I just feel like cutting him off forever. Staying away from him for three months obviously wasn’t long enough.”
“Yeah, leave him alone. I don’t think he is ever going to leave his wife.”
“You are probably right,” I said, sounding sad and defeated as my margarita was starting to take effect of my movement and speech. I found myself becoming emotional to the point of being on the verge of tears. “Tia, I love him so much. I just want him to be there for me and love me more. It’s like he stopped trying. Like I’m never going to have his heart. Like he is happy with the way things are.”
“You are never going to have him the way you want him, as long as he is married.”
“I know you are right.” I continued spilling my heart out again about my dad, Malcolm, and my job. It wasn’t until last call that we got up from the stools and got ready to go home. All we did for the last few hours was have the same conversation over and over again. Why couldn’t men act right? Why did they cheat? Why couldn’t they be satisfied with one woman? I felt like we were going in circles but, at the same time, it was therapeutic to be able to get it all out. Through all the alcohol, I realized I really needed to do something about Malcolm and I could clearly see that Tia should really get rid of Lamar, also. Maybe Reshaun was right about giving a good guy a chance. I was giving a married man a chance and Tia was giving a thug a chance. Would Tia or I give good guys all the chances we’d given Lamar and Malcolm? Probably not, at least not yet.
“You okay to drive?” Tia asked as we approached my mother’s car.
“Yeah, I’m all right,” I said as I staggered slightly. Tia put on her seat belt and announced that she was going to Lamar’s house. I became instantly mad. All that shit she just talked about Lamar—He ain’t no good and I’m ready to leave his ass—and now she wants me to take her to his house in Willingboro, New Jersey. I really didn’t feel like it. Everything in my body was telling me to drop her off where I picked her up. Instead of going with my first instinct, I drove across the Benjamin Franklin Bridge into New Jersey. I felt okay, but felt myself dozing off a little. I swerved into another lane, but I caught myself before I hit the car in the next lane. I checked in my rearview mirror and noticed a police cruiser do a quick U-turn. Seeing the cop car following behind me made me perk up. My back got stiff and I placed both my arms at three and nine o’clock on the steering wheel. I wasn’t trying to get pulled over. I came to the next light and it was turning yellow. I wanted to speed through it so bad, but I didn’t want to give the cop any reason to pull me over. Tia was half asleep and I had to wake her up without making a lot of motion. So, I slightly tapped her.
“Tia, there’s a cop behind us,” I said as I tried to get myself together.
“Okay, you’re fine, right?” she asked as she turned around and looked at the cop car.
“No, I’m not all right. I’m so damn drunk.”
“Okay, just play it cool. Drive regular. You know if we get pulled over I can’t show my badge. I told you I’m under investigation. Stop looking in your mirror and just drive normal.” I took her advice, but I just kept thinking about the cop pulling me over. I went four more blocks before I looked in the rearview mirror again. Luckily, I didn’t see him. He had turned off, thank God.
I was in the clear, or so I thought. I was a few blocks away from Lamar’s house when this little red sports car came out of nowhere. I think he ran the red light, but all I know is I tried to swerve into the other lane to avoid hitting him. Trying to get out of his way made me lose control of the car. And as much as I tried, the car would not stop spinning from side to side. The car whipped back and forth, even though I was struggling to keep it going straight. There was nothing I could do. I knew we were about to crash. I put my hands up in front of me and waited for the impact. Then we did a full circle and slammed into the guardrail and I hit my head against the windshield. By the time it was over, the car was facing the opposite direction of traffic. Smoke was everywhere, the airbags had burst open, and my mom’s car alarm started going off. The dust from both air bags was making me gag. Tia was coughing too. I asked if she was okay and she nodded her head but looked like she was in a state of shock. I looked out of the window and down at the street. There were pieces of the car on the ground. The driver of the sports car came over and asked if we were okay.
“Yeah,” I said, shaking my head yes while imagining my mother having a fit over her car.
He pulled out a cell phone. “I’m dialing 911.”
I was still feeling a little bit of the effects of drinking and didn’t want to appear drunk, so I reached in my glove compartment and sprayed perfume on my clothes and then looked through my bag and put a few pieces of chewing gum in my mouth.
“Do I look drunk?” I asked Tia as I turned to her. She inspected my face.
“A little, but just play it off.” She dug in her bag and handed me lotion to put on my face, and some lip gloss.
What looked like the same police cruiser from earlier pulled up behind us, his red and blue lights flashing. I could see the officer approaching through my side mirror. He had a big black ranger hat, navy blue uniform, and big black combat boots. He stomped his way up to the car.
“You guys okay?” the officer asked as he bent over to look into the car.
“Yeah, uhm, we’re fine,” I said.
“Do you ladies need medical attention?” he asked as he shined his flashlight in our faces. We both said no, but he still told us to stay put, until the ambulance got there. As we waited, a red truck pulled up with flashing yellow lights. The tow-truck driver got out and began talking to the police officer. I wanted to get out the car. I was wondering if I should call my mom. Tia had called Lamar and he was on his way to pick her up. All I wanted was to just have the car towed to the shop and then call my mom and have her and Ernest come and get me. Yeah, I knew she was going to go off over me wrecking her car, but I’d deal with that later. I touched the side of my head, and could feel a little bump coming up and it hurt. I wished I could call Malcolm, so he could be by my side, but I couldn’t. I began massaging the growing knot on my head. I felt so sad, so scared, and didn’t know what to do.
Minutes later the ambulance pulled up and two EMTs came over to the car and helped us out and began evaluating us. I didn’t feel great, but I didn’t want to go to the hospital. I had to get this car home and get it fixed. As
I walked with Tia to the ambulance, one of the EMTs noticed the bump on the right side of my head. They wanted to take me in, but I said no. I had to sign a form that stated that I was refusing medical attention. However, Tia said her neck and back were hurting and she wanted to go to the hospital. I told her to call me later. The tow-truck driver started putting the car on the tow. The only thing that was on my mind was getting this car fixed. I looked at the front grill that was hanging off and the tire that was busted. I knew I was looking at at least four thousand dollars’ worth of damages. I had no choice but to call Lolo, tell her what happened, and ask her to come and get me.
After Tia left in the ambulance and the car was on the tow truck, the officer began asking me questions about the accident. I was still trying to keep my distance as he wrote up his report. I didn’t know if he could smell the alcohol or not. I sat on the curb and kept trying to appear as normal as possible, as I waited for my mom to get there. I thought I was acting pretty normal, but he kept having me repeat myself. I was beginning to feel a little nervous. Then he asked me, would I mind walking a straight line for him and take a Breathalyzer test. I knew I wasn’t really drunk, so I took it. I must have passed because the police officer continued on like everything was fine. At least I thought it was fine, until two female cops pulled up in another car and walked over to me. They asked me to stand up and to place my hands on the police car. As soon as I did as they asked, they cuffed me and put me in the back of their car. On the way to the station they informed me I was under arrest for driving under the influence and that I was going to jail.
At the police station I felt like the dumbest loser. I wished my day would have ended at the hotel, with Malcolm. Something had been telling me to go home and I didn’t. Now I was stuck in a dirty cell with crazy people and roaches. It was hot, and people were sleeping on the floor, oblivious to the stench and filth inside the cell. There was an old woman with matted gray hair and no teeth. She smelled like urine and looked like shit. There were a few young prostitutes. They looked like meth addicts with horrible red, crater-like blemishes on their pink skin. They kept scratching and I began to itch. I was disgusted and wanted out of that cell. This other lady was arguing with herself and I couldn’t tell who was winning. Then she would stop and yell to the guard that she needed her insulin. I wanted out of this place, immediately.
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