“You’re nothing more than his whore. That’s the only reason he is with you.”
“Please, it is more than sex with us. The only reason he is with you is for Tyler. If he didn’t love his son, he would have left you a long time ago.” I could hear her pause, like how did I know her son’s name. I continued on and said, “Tell your husband to leave me alone. I don’t have his hands tied behind his back—he keeps coming back to me,” I said angrily and ended the call. She kept calling my cell phone and I forwarded her to my voice mail each time.
That was at one this afternoon and now it was five and I was scared to answer my phone. I felt like I had got a lot off my chest, but I wasn’t considering the repercussions while I was going at it with wifey. I left no doubt in her mind that me and her husband were fucking. By the time Malcolm called my office line, I was petrified. I answered my phone and Malcolm screamed in my ear, “Nikki, did you talk to my wife?” I could lie and say no, but I didn’t feel like I had to lie.
“Yeah, she sent me this crazy, threatening e-mail, saying how she was going to come up to my job and beat me up and fight me. I got scared when I saw that bullshit in my in-box this morning, so she left her number and I called her back.”
“You actually called my house, Nicole? Oh, my God, Nikki…what is wrong with you? I don’t believe you. You don’t ever call my house. I mean not ever! And don’t you never, ever disrespect my wife.” Don’t ever disrespect his wife? Excuse me. He wouldn’t let me get a word in at all. He just kept yelling at me like I was his child. “You shouldn’t have picked up a phone to call my wife. You know I’m going through something with her. All you did was give her more ammunition. I really can’t believe you would do something so stupid.”
“You should have told her not to contact me,” I said, taking up for myself.
“I don’t care what she does. You should have respect for her; she is the woman I am married to and the mother of my son. How about if she kicks me out or don’t let me see my son? You don’t have anywhere for me to stay if she kicks me out. Oh, my God. I am really disappointed in you. How could you be so stupid? Damn, Nikki. Shit!” After his lecture I did begin to feel a bit remorseful.
“I’m sorry,” I cried.
“Nikki, don’t be sorry. Be smarter. It’s done now. Don’t worry about it. I got to fix this. I am sorry. I am sorry you got to go through this with me—it’s not fair to you. You deserve better, Nic. You are a beautiful woman, and you deserve so much better. I don’t know what I am going to do. I am sorry for calling you all crazy. Let me handle her and I will call you later.”
“Can you get away later on?”
“I’m going to try. I’m going to try. I’ll call you in a few,” he said as I shut my office door and broke down.
After work I went straight home and took a shower and began to get dressed to meet Malcolm. I didn’t want to waste any time. I wanted to be ready when he called. Judging by today’s event, she was going to kick him out and he was going to need somewhere to stay. I packed my overnight bag and made reservations for us at a hotel around the corner from where I worked. They were set up like little apartments, with small kitchens and living rooms. He could stay there until we found him an apartment.
By ten at night, Malcolm still hadn’t called me. I really was beginning to be upset with myself for arguing with Theresa. What was I thinking? Why did I get smart with that lady? I probably got him in all types of trouble—I should have known better. At midnight I took off my clothes and lay across the bed. I was surprised he hadn’t called yet and really surprised that his wife hadn’t kicked him out yet.
CHAPTER 9
I didn’t have my best friend, and neither the dream job nor Malcolm had called me in weeks. I felt like everything was going wrong at the same time. Reshaun wanted to get me and Tia on a conference call to work everything out, but I was not interested at all. I was still so mad at her. I didn’t know if I would ever get over it. Me and Tia have had arguments before, but never this big. I still couldn’t believe she screamed all my business to the world and that she had no hesitation about suing my mom. Luckily, my mother’s insurance company paid for the damage to her car. I just had to pay her deductible. I think somehow my mom’s agent got it pushed through. I don’t know how it happened, but I was so grateful. But Tia didn’t know that, and I hated her for trying to come up on my mom. I never thought there would be a day that me and her would not be in each other’s life, but when money comes into play anything is possible. I was leaning on Reshaun a lot more since I wasn’t fucking with Tia. She really was settled in her life. At first I was like, she was crazy for marrying Michael. Now I have had a change of heart. I wished I could find someone like Michael. I needed a man of my own. I didn’t think me and Malcolm were going to be together. He still had not bothered to call me or return any of my calls. I so regreted calling his wife. I knew he was about to leave her and I should have just waited. I called him again in hopes that he answered this time. I knew she had probably been playing him so close and he couldn’t get away from her. I guessed I would just have to give him a little more time.
At work, I wasn’t beginning to feel so stuck. I thought about quitting every day, but without another job lined up that wasn’t really an option. I had no other choice but to be on my best behavior. Clearview Parker had taken over Choice Springs about two weeks ago and already put the smack down on everything and everybody. No one was safe. No one! Ryan had already quit; he was out and left us to fend for ourselves. I didn’t have my own office anymore. I was forced out into a common area with no privacy. The new management actually expected me to do work. They kept finding things that needed improvement. There was so much wrong with our hotel, even I was in shock. We had a lot of abuse of overtime and people had been clocking in for other workers who didn’t come to work. Our staff was stealing toilet paper, soap, paper towels, and trash bags. Just anything that could fit in their bags. There were rumors swirling all around the hotel.
Maritza, Smokebreak, and Ms. Annette were looking for me to answer their questions about the changes and I didn’t have any answers. They were firing people left and right. Some people deserved it and others didn’t. The Clearview team consisted of three people: the regional manager, the district manager, and the national compliance manager. The main bitch of the whole operation was this woman named Kathy. She was the national compliance manager. She was an army of one. She was extremely intimidating. Short, brunette, and mean. Kathy wore glasses and almost looked like her second job could be a dominatrix. Because underneath all that mean exterior, she was moderately attractive, and I could tell she wouldn’t mind beating someone for pleasure. But what really made me dislike her was her age. She was only twenty-nine. Who was that mean, that put-together, and that intimidating at twenty-nine? I was embarrassed that I was afraid of her, being that we were so close in age.
Kathy made me manually go through all the employees’ files and review attendance and pay records. It was crazy. They changed our logo, gave us new uniforms, new bedding, stationery, and refurnished our lobby. Then they drained the swimming pool, because the pH level of the water was off and had traces of E coli. The non-management employees were no longer allowed to enter the hotel through the front doors. They all had to come through the rear entrance. It seemed wrong, like it was the slave entrance. Every day there was some new change, and all the changes and having to work in a tense work environment was driving me crazy. But the worst thing for me was losing my office. Kathy thought I should be out on the floor more. I felt like I had been drafted into hotel boot camp and I wanted out immediately.
It was only ten o’clock and I was already working hard. They had me stooped over a toilet, shining a blue light inside the bowl, looking for bacteria of any kind. If I found any, I had to have the housekeeper come redo the room. If a room was unsatisfactory three times, the housekeeper was fired. After my random room inspection, I had to make sure that all the hotel rooms were sold out. Then at the end o
f the day, I had to do a report, listing everything I had done throughout the course of the workday. I was tired and completely drained. When I left work, I would be so tired I would just come home and go to bed. But tonight I had a little energy so I dialed Malcolm again. His phone just rang and rang, and then his voice mail came on. I was tired of leaving him messages, but I left him another one anyway. It was like my tenth message, saying how I know I was out of line and I would never do it again. In my heart, I knew I’d probably lost him forever. I was coming to the conclusion that he was done with me, even though I didn’t want it to be over. But what was making me so angry was that I’d been trying to break up with him, but he wouldn’t have it. But now that I was the one pleading, he was not giving in and didn’t seem to care. I honestly thought that Malcolm was eventually going to be all mine. I don’t know what the big deal was—so what, I called her. It’s not like she didn’t already know I existed. I just confirmed her assumption. I wished I was her. I wished I was someone’s wife and somebody’s everything. I felt like I deserved a good man of my own like Malcolm, and a nice house. I didn’t know if I’d ever have a man of my own. Out of millions and millions of men out there, there had to be one man that’s for me. I was praying one would come my way. At this point, all I wanted was just one average-to-handsome, tall, good provider, with one-to-two children. I wanted him to be an honest, decent, and educated man. My dream man should be a law-abiding citizen who had never been to jail nor was in danger of going. I could cross some of those qualities off if I had to. I just hoped I wasn’t in my thirties before I found the person I was really supposed to be with. I knew one thing: I was not a runner-up. Not at all, I was too good to be. I was never dating another man who was already taken. Because in the end, it never works out and you are all alone.
CHAPTER 10
I was so sad. I loved Malcolm, and for him to just drop me so easily was devastating. He was a rotten, good-for-nothing bastard. As I stared at my cell phone I began to think about how much I hated Malcolm. I hated him. I hated him. Malcolm got me feeling like I was nothing. He robbed me of my self-confidence and all my self-esteem. I felt like I didn’t have anyone on my side. I was sitting here feeling like I wasn’t good enough. But I had to stop thinking about him because he was not thinking about me. If he was thinking about me he would have called me by now. He could have snuck and called me on his way to work, while he was on his lunch break, or during the drive home. Shit, if he really was feeling me, he’d sneak and call me after his wife went to sleep. I was never dating a married man ever again. I got out of my bed and walked over to my closet and pulled out all of the pictures I had with Malcolm. In each picture he had the same sly grin. Just looking at his picture upset me. I was so upset I sat and I tore each picture in half, one by one. I got to get out of this damn house, I thought. I swear it felt like those four walls were closing in on me. I felt like a child, like I was on indefinite punishment. I hoped I’d get out of this back room soon and move. I had to, because every night I kept having visions of still being in this room thirty years from now. No kids, no man, just stuck taking care of my mom and Ernest. I didn’t want to be stuck. That shit scared the fuck out of me. I wanted to be in love. I wanted to have somebody. I was done with the single part of my life, the going out every weekend shit. I wanted to get married, like Reshaun. No. Hold up. Maybe not marriage so soon. I just needed a friend. I really needed to hear that everything was going to work out and that I was a good person and was just going through a rough patch. I wanted somebody who just wanted to do the world for me. I was tired of waiting. They say don’t look and you will find, but I got a question for those who say that. What the hell do you do in the meantime? Sit in the house? Who would I meet if I didn’t leave the house? Maybe the FedEx driver would change routes, because that’s about the only man that came past 6257 Stanton Drive. What was I supposed to do—get a hobby or something? I was clueless. Why did I have to love someone who was already taken?
Before I went crazy, I made a call to this guy named Charles, who I had met a few months ago. He seemed like a real nice guy and always wanted to go out, but I never took him up on his offer. I didn’t really feel like going to the movies or dinner, but what else was there to do? His phone rang twice and then it went to voice mail. I called him right back, but still no answer. I didn’t feel like leaving him a message. Instead I deleted his number. I thought some more of who I could call. Then I remembered the man I met at the gas station. I dug around in my pocketbook and tried to find his card. I scanned the card and found his name at the bottom. Dre. I shook my head. I was so desperate. I didn’t know what I was going to say when I called him: Hi, we met at the gas station! That would sound a mess, but what else could I say?
I dialed his number, he answered, and I said, “Hey, this is Nikki, we met at the gas station.”
“Yeah, hey, how you doing?” he said as I heard fumbling with his phone and someone talking loudly in the background.
“Did I catch you at a bad time?”
“Uhm, no, I got a minute.” I usually waited a few phone calls before I felt comfortable allowing someone to take me on a date, but I went right in. No need to waste any time.
“So what are you doing the rest of the evening?” I asked.
“Uhm, not too much. Just finishing up some paperwork and getting ready for work tomorrow.”
“You work on Sundays?”
“Sometimes. If I have a project that needs to be completed or if I’m behind on a job.”
“What type of work do you do?”
“A little of this, a little of that.”
That was a real vague answer. I knew he wanted me to ask him more questions about his job, but I refused. I didn’t really care. I just wanted him to take me out. “So are you taking me out tonight?”
“Yeah, uhm, give me a few and I’ll call you back.”
Dre called me back and we met in Center City. He was half an hour late, but I was just happy to be out. Honestly, I forgot what he looked like. I knew he wasn’t unattractive, but I still was surprised when he approached me at the bar. He was taller than me, but not exactly six feet. He had butter-pecan brown skin and a medium shade of brown eyes. He took a seat next to me and placed his coat on an empty stool. I told him the wait time for a table was thirty minutes.
“So you want to stay here or go somewhere else?”
It was cold outside and I didn’t want to move. “We can wait.”
“What are you drinking?”
“A Shirley Temple.” I noticed his reaction as he laughed at me.
“Isn’t that like soda and cherry juice? Let me order you a real drink.”
“I don’t drink right now,” I said as I stopped him from calling the bartender over to us.
“You are not pregnant, are you?” he asked, checking out my figure.
I almost spit my drink out and said, “What? No. Why would you ask that?”
“Well, I dated this girl for a couple of months and she was five months’ pregnant. She would never drink around me and was always tired. So now I ask. So are you?”
“Hell, no. Trust me, it is nothing like that, it’s just a long story.” I didn’t want to get into the whole DUI thing.
“So what’s up? What took you so long to get with me?”
“I don’t know,” I said.
Dre went on to ask me more get-to-know-you questions. Before I could think about what I was going to say, his phone began vibrating on the table. He flipped his BlackBerry over and looked at it and then he answered it right in the middle of our conversation. How rude, I thought. He got three more phone calls and texts while we waited for a table to become available. We got to know each other briefly, between his calls. His conversation was kind of typical, nothing exciting, but at least I wasn’t sitting alone in the house.
We were finally seated and our waiter was nice. He came right over as soon as we were seated and asked if we were ready to order. I was. I didn’t know about Dre and really didn
’t care. “Yes, I’ll just have the angel-hair pasta with shrimp.”
Then Dre looked at the waiter and he turned the menu to the back and started ordering off the dessert menu. He said he wasn’t hungry, and I didn’t mind until our food arrived. The waiter brought out this humongous, mile-high, dark chocolate layer cake with vanilla ice cream. I was so disgusted, because Dre was so excited about the cake. I just looked around at the other dates. Why me? I thought. Everyone at all the other tables seemed like they were in love and having fun. And here I was with a man rubbing his hands together, happy about having dessert for dinner, like he was seven. Then he offered me some. I shook my head no. I didn’t look up. His phone chirped again and he began texting and then he asked me if I said something. Between his phone and dessert, he was ignoring me.
“I didn’t say anything. But I should have. Uhm, you’re being kind of rude. Are you going to talk on your phone and text our whole date?”
He looked up and said, “You know what, I’m sorry. I have this job that I need to get material for in the morning and I’m telling my brother to be ready early. My sisters and mom tell me about it all the time. It’s just a bad habit.” Then his phone rang again and he said, “Damn, I’m sorry, but I really have to take this call.” And he got up and walked away from the table.
Now, he was just okay, nothing special. It was not like I wanted all his attention, but what he was doing was just downright disrespectful. It was crazy that I was dealing with all this just so I wouldn’t have to stay in my room. I looked over at him standing a few feet away, and rolled my eyes. Nah, I don’t think so. I waved the waiter over and asked for the bill and a container for my food. He came back and handed me the check.
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