by Steven Evans
CHAPTER 14
INTENSE LONGING
IT HAD BEEN THREE DAYS SINCE HER LAST visit. My fear had subsided, but my want and need for her had intensified. All I thought about was her being on top of me. Riding me, thrusting her thighs against mine. I looked for her every night and felt the bitter disappointment when she didn’t show up. My days were spent yearning for her touch. I wanted her… I needed her! I couldn’t eat or sleep. I paced back and forth looking out the windows and doors hoping I would see her strolling up to the porch. God! Why did I feel this way? I knew it was crazy, but she was always on my mind and it wasn’t the confusion and fear that I had always felt. Was I falling for her? This wasn’t possible! She’s wasn’t even alive. I wasn’t sure what she was…How could I be feeling like this? Did she put a spell on me? I couldn’t believe I was so caught up in the moment that I offered her my heart and said she could do as she wanted to with it. I must be losing my mind!
I thought with her not visiting me at night that I would be able to sleep more comfortably, but now I was restless. I tossed and turned, until I got up and walked the floors. I checked the windows, looking out for hours, hoping I would see her somewhere out there. I checked the door and made sure it wasn’t locked or jammed. I sat on the porch just staring down the road, and out in the fields, wanting her to appear. When she didn’t show up, I was always about ready to cry. The longing for her had surpassed any feelings of being scared, and I just needed her again. I had lost all sense of direction. Up was down, left was wrong, right was scrambled, and I didn’t know north from south… Nothing made any sense anymore.
I hadn’t thought of my wife and daughter in days. Their memories were just distant fragmented pictures smudged out by my lust and wanting. Why did they not speak to me anymore? I could barely remember their laugh and now their voices were almost subdued. I saw their beautiful smiles, but now they were blurry and faded. I almost never thought of them at all now. I was no longer haunted by the accident scene and I hadn’t dreamed since her first visit last week. Shouldn’t I dream of them? Shouldn’t I think of them? Shouldn’t I miss them? Why didn’t I remember them now? It was a blessing in some ways, but a curse in others. They were my life. They meant everything to me and now I couldn’t seem to find any emotions or feelings for them at all.
She had said she would return. Told me not to worry, that I would definitely see her again, and soon, but where was she? Her chanting vibrated in my ears and nothing else seemed to matter. Why did she say everything had to be perfect? Our orgasms? The timing? She was so adamant about the timing. She had said it had to be perfect or it wouldn’t take…Why? What wouldn’t take? Was I really hers now? And why was I so happy about it? Why did she go from wanting to kill me to making love to me? This was all so crazy, I should be running for my life and, yet, I was waiting eagerly to see her again.
Once again I was sitting on the porch. It was dusk, about to turn the sun out for the night. I saw the moon starting to wake from its hibernation. It was a beautiful night, peaceful, putting my worries at ease. I found myself hungering to see her, wanting to hold her, to have her next to me. Why couldn’t I get her out of my head? I was consumed by thoughts of our bodies entangled, lost in ecstasy, and I was enjoying it. Oh, please let her come tonight! I couldn’t help but want her more, she was like a drug and I was her junkie. I needed a fix - and soon - or I would be eaten up from my lustful craving.
My excitement caused me to have to get up and move before my legs left without me. So, I walked down by the spring and leaned against the weeping willow. I was just looking up into the sky, lost in my own thoughts. The air started to swirl and the branches were swaying in harmony, gently caressing my arms. My first thought was, she’s here, but I couldn’t see her. Then the night was filled with frost and the chill embraced me. I saw her appear in the spring, she just surfaced and walked on top of the water. I was not scared. She continued my way and I could see the hint of a smile. I knew she was happy to see me. She reached out and took my hand.
“Are you ready, my love?”
“I’ve been waiting for you. Why did you stay away for so long?”
“You had to think of what you did. You gave me your heart and I needed you to be sure it was truly what you meant.”
“If it wasn’t,” I smirked, “I wouldn’t have said it. How can I trust you after all the nasty things you’ve done to me? You haven’t exactly been Mother Teresa, you know! But, I can’t help not wanting you now. I know what I said and I meant it. It wasn’t just the sex; it was more than that. It was a deeper connection, but I don’t know why.”
“That’s good, my love, but you needed to be sure as well. There’s a lot that your offer entails. I couldn’t just accept words spouted during orgasm. They were sweet, but was it really you thinking before you spoke, or were you just saying anything to keep the moment alive a little while longer? My love, Mother Teresa has nothing to do with this… Try the other direction.”
“I understand, to be honest. At first it may have been just the moment, but these past few days when you haven’t shown up, have been miserable. I have been so lost. All I want, is to hold you again. I don’t believe how strong these feelings are now and I’m not completely sure that you haven’t put some kind of spell on me, but I still want you with everything I am. Did you put a spell on me?”
She smiled and giggled a little, “Yes! I most certainly did! My chants laid the groundwork, but when you freely offered your heart, it made my job so much easier.”
“So what kind of spell was it? I’m not like gonna be some undead and mindless minion, am I?”
“No, nothing like that.” She was laughing again. “More of a binding spell, your soul paired with mine forever!”
“Forever is a mighty long time and I’m not immortal.”
“Enough talk! Are you ready for a little field trip?”
I just nodded my head as she walked closer to me and I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight. She felt so good being that close. How could she be the same monster that invaded my life not that long ago?
Briefly I found myself thinking about how much I had missed her in the last few days and the long journey we had taken to get this close. Some of it was hard to imagine happening, and yet here I was, happily taking her hand and taking some magical trip in time. I must’ve absolutely lost all my good senses, but I didn’t care. I was looking forward to whatever this night might bring. Hopefully, some secrets would be revealed, or even a few memories would come back to me.
How could we go from the nightmares and all the pain she caused me to this? I still had the scars. The torment alone was unbearable, but now… Here we were making love almost all the time. The emotions I was feeling and couldn’t control left me confused. There had been times I had wanted to end it all, to take my own life so I wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore. Times I had just wanted to cry and slit my wrists to make it all go away. I still didn’t know exactly why I never went through with it. Even in my poor state of mind, something or someone hadn’t let me do it. Here we were at this point in time and things had changed so much. Had I just given up, given in to the pain and let it take over? Had I allowed the sorrow to lead my decisions? I had thought I was doing so well here in this new place. I had thought I could run from it, from her, that I could hide from the past. I had hoped that it would never catch up to me… But, here it was and I had surrendered to her. Would it be a good decision? I just didn’t know, but I was helpless to stop it. My hope was washed away by the torrent of tears that fell from my eyes and caused me to be blind to so much. Would my experiences increase my chances of coming out of this alive? I wanted her! I needed her! That was all that counted right now so I would see where this journey took me.
CHAPTER 15
BONFIRES AND PRAISE
THE CROWD IS STAGNANT, WAITING FOR the door to open. The lantern in the window just lit up and the people became silent. They’re just waiting again. I know I’ve been here before or at
least seen this somewhere but I just can’t remember where or when.
She asks me, “Do you know where you are?”
“It looks familiar, but I’m not sure how. This brings back faint memories, but it’s like they’re not mine.”
“Give it a while, maybe something will jog your memory. We’ve been here and witnessed this already.”
I’m not in her control, I can move and look around, but I know there’s something about to happen in the doorway, someone is coming.
The crowd is pointing, their murmurs are low and I can’t make them out. They still don’t know I’m here. They just move around me like I’m invisible. They can’t hear me or maybe they’re just so focused on what’s going on that they don’t notice me.
“Why can’t they see or hear us?” I ask. “It’s like we’re not even here.”
She looks a little confused by my question and seems to think a minute before she carefully chooses her words. “We’re here, but we’re not. They can’t see or hear us because we’re not in their reality. Does that make sense?”
I scratch my head, “Yeah, I guess so.”
“Well, as I said, give it time. Don’t worry about things that don’t matter. Try to pay attention to the whole picture and most importantly try to understand why I brought you here. You need to see this, you may not completely see the reasons why it’s necessary, but you will soon put all the pieces together. Now, just watch.”
“Alright, but I don’t understand! What does this have to do with me? I don’t even know what this place is or what’s going on.”
Her mood switches from calm to disturbed and her eyes burn with bitter contempt. I can tell she is trying to control her anger…with little success.
“Shut up! Pay attention or I’ll paralyze you again! Is that what you want? I’m trying to be civil and allow you freedom to move and talk, but that can change quickly if you keep asking these silly questions. Now, either shut your mouth and watch or else!”
“Fine, your majesty…whatever you say!”
The door blows open and slams against the front of the building, but no one is there. It’s just a dark hallway that seems to lead to nowhere. The people are jittery and their murmurs become an agitated roar. They’re just standing there pointing at the empty doorway like they’re waiting for someone to walk through it. We stand there watching and waiting…just waiting for what seems like hours, when I notice movement in the doorway. It’s some shadows dressed in robes from head to toe with hoods covering their heads. I can see what looks to be four men in columns of two and maybe someone between them, but it’s still too hard to make out all the figures with the dimly lit doorway.
I know I’ve seen this before! What happens next…? I can’t remember. Why is everything such a blur? I start looking around to see if anything else might be familiar. I see the people, the pile of wood, and all the buildings that a third world country would’ve condemned but nothing really seems to stick out to me. She waves her arm in front of me and points to the doorway and I know she wants me to watch, so I focus my attention back on it just in time to see the men walk out. I can now clearly see a woman in the middle. She looks the same except her head is wrapped in a veil and all I can see is her long dark hair. Her hands are twisted behind her back where they are tied and the rope is laced up her back where it tangles securely around her neck. There’s someone lurking in the alley by the building and he joins the others in front of the woman. He looks out of place, short and fat. He’s dressed like the other men, only his hood is a slightly different color. She’s led out of the building and, like the Red Sea parting, the crowd makes a path straight down the middle and right to the altar of wood in the center of town.
The crowd’s chanting is louder than ever. Are they cheering for what’s going to happen? They all turn and watch as she goes by and steadily moves closer to the altar. The woman never says a word. She doesn’t scream or yell, she doesn’t fight or try to run, she just calmly walks with the men. I notice something strange, every time she takes a step, she leaves a wet footprint behind her and she is soaked completely.
The men, each in turn, take their place around the pile of wood and the last one leads the woman up to a post in the center of the pile. There’s a small board at the bottom and a longer board about five feet higher. She has her feet tied to the smaller board and then she is lashed to the longer board by her throat. This can’t be happening! Are they really thinking of burning this poor woman? This is crazy and the people are just watching and cheering. How can they let this go on? My astonishment is quickly set aside as the fat man begins to wave his arms and move to the front of the altar.
He gets to his place and rolls his hood up just enough to reveal his mouth. I can see it’s covered in a reddish-brown beard. He clears his throat and acts like he wants to speak.
“Are you paying attention?”
“Yes! This isn’t right, this is ridiculous! How can this be happening?”
“Just watch!”
The crowd is swaying back and forth and humming some Christian hymn. The leader shakes his hand as he tries to gain control. The people grow quiet, but they seem aggravated like they’re ready for the show to start. I look at her and I believe I see a tear forming in her eye. Does she know this woman? She obviously feels something for her. Is this why it’s so important to her that I see this? The leader is talking; he sounds like he’s passing sentence on this woman. Cleanse her soul! What…? How can you purify her sins? This isn’t making any sense. He just goes on and on like he’s some kind of messiah. He’s judge, jury, and executioner. I lose my composure and run through the crowd and try to reach the woman. I’m intent on setting her free, wanting to untie her and punch the little fat bastard in the mouth, but when I get to the pile of wood I just run right through it and end up standing right back where I started.
“Nice try…” She grins. “You can’t interfere! How do you think you can stop something that happened long ago?”
“I had to try. How can you just stand there and do nothing?”
“As I said, this happened long ago…can’t change it now.”
I hear the people nearly shouting now and they’re saying.
“Heretic…Heretic!”
The leader says. “For all these sins and those that only the creator himself knows about, you are found guilty. You, therefore, will be burnt at the stake until all your demons have been exorcised and your soul is, yet again, pure enough to enter into the great halls of Heaven.”
The crowd erupts in a hymn of “Praise to the Lord Almighty!” and starts rocking in place.
“Praise to the Lord, the Almighty, the King of creation! Oh my soul, praise Him, for He is thy health and salvation! All ye who hear, now to His temple draw near: Sing now in glad adoration!”
“What in the world is going on here? These people are nuts! Singing and cheering for this woman’s death, what could’ve brought them to this end?”
The leader regains control and starts to talk once more. He looks at the woman still standing tall relaxed and says, “Now, Katherine Palmer, are you ready to confess and clear your conscience? Are you ready to receive your lord and savior again? Confess your heresy and admit your sins in front of God and your peers and you shall be given mercy, otherwise, I will bestow my full authority in your purification. May the fires’ cleansing powers reach the Heavens and release your soul so that it may enter for all eternity. So, what say you, Katherine Palmer, on these charges brought against you? Are you ready to confess?”
Her voice is strained, muffled, and drowned out by the crowd’s humming. She tries to speak but the rope around her neck is too tight, so the words never materialize. The leader sees this and loosens her bindings so she can speak. She is calm and calculating, her words are chosen wisely because she knows they won’t make any difference. Even if she confesses they will still follow through with their bonfire and praise. So, she plans her statement carefully, and what she says shocks the entire town.
The leader wastes no time in shutting her up as he pulls the ropes tight once more. He checks to make sure all the other knots are secure so that she can’t possibly escape. He climbs down the altar and motions to one of the men who brings him a torch and lights it. The leader turns to the crowd that is silent once again.
“This is why we must cleanse her soul. The devil has sunk his teeth into her heart and she now belongs to him. My flock, let’s all say a prayer for this poor woman in the hopes that the good Lord will receive her home.”
They all bow their heads in a silent prayer. It only lasts a minute or two and a chorus of Amens filters through the crowd.
The leader turns back to the woman and wipes his brow as he speaks, “May God have mercy on your soul!” He tosses the torch on the wood and it flares up instantly, sending flames shooting to the skies. The crowd starts up with the hymn again, “Praise to the Lord, the Almighty, the King of creation! Oh my soul, praise Him, for He is thy health and salvation! All ye who hear, now to His temple draw near: Sing now in glad adoration!”