Break Me Down

by Jennifer Domenico

  She nods. “It’s exciting for me, I guess.”

  “Yes, it’s an adrenaline rush.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Like the rush a drug user gets when he takes a hit.”

  She glances at the floor. “Right.”

  “Tell me about the plane today.”

  “What do you want to know?”

  “How did it happen?”

  “He asked me.”

  “He asked you to have sex and you said yes? Just like that?”

  “It’s a long flight from LA to here. We talked for a while first, and he asked if I wanted to meet up with him here for a drink. I told him I would be too busy, and then we talked some more. Then he asked if I wanted to be spontaneous, and I said yes.”

  “Were you attracted to him?”

  “Obviously.”

  “Okay, that’s good. You choose partners based on attraction?”

  “Yeah. Doesn’t everyone?”

  “No, sadly. When the addiction gets strong enough, it’s usually just based on opportunity at that point.”

  “I’m always into the guy. Some people say I’m very attractive.” She smiles. “It goes a long way in getting who I want.”

  I don’t doubt that. She’s way more than very attractive. She’s stunning. I nod, refocusing my thoughts. “Do you ever find yourself getting up in the middle of the night to seek out a partner?”

  “You mean like if I was already home?”

  “Yes.”

  “No, but then again I usually already hooked up before I got home.”

  “You go out every night?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You have sex every night?”

  “No, not always.” I can tell she’s reflecting. “Maybe a few nights a month I don’t.”

  “What about when you menstruate?”

  Her cheeks turn pink as she responds. “That doesn’t really stop me. I use condoms all the time, so it’s not really a big deal if the guy’s cool with it.”

  “I see. Do you spend the night with men?”

  “Actually sleep?”

  “Yes.”

  “No. That feels…” She shakes her head, searching for words.

  “Too intimate?”

  She looks at me with wide eyes. “Yeah.”

  I nod. She’s a classic case.

  “Don’t you write this down? How will you remember?”

  I smile. “I remember everything, Miss London. Don’t worry.”

  “Okay. I just don’t really want to repeat it all.”

  “You won’t have to.”

  She nods and sits back in her seat.

  “So,” I continue. “Here’s what the next week will look like. We’ll start you with a detox.”

  “Detox?”

  “Yes. Cold turkey. No more sex.”

  “Like, at all?”

  “That’s what cold turkey means.”

  “But—”

  “No buts. Trust me on this.”

  She opens her mouth to speak, but pauses, nodding her head.

  “If you’re concerned about staying out of trouble, don’t be. You’ll be in a controlled environment and completely safe twenty four hours a day.”

  “Where am I going?”

  “To my guest suite.”

  “Oh.”

  “You can meet me there later today.”

  She nods. “So I’m a prisoner?”

  “For your own good. New York is full of temptations for a woman like you.”

  “Like me?” She narrows her eyes.

  “Yes, like you. Young, single, attractive. Men would throw themselves at you. It’s too much to handle in the early stages.”

  “I see.” I notice her eyes turn glassy as she looks out my window.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I never thought of myself as sick until having this conversation with you.”

  “You’re not sick, Miss London. Not entirely. You’re just in need of some support. I’m not here to make you feel worse. I’m here to show you just how strong you really are. You don’t need to fill your time with meaningless interactions to feel good. You have everything you already need. I’ll show you.”

  “I hope so because right now, I feel like shit.”

  “It’s always hard the first day.”

  “Okay,” she says, exhaling slowly. “I’m gonna live in your guest suite for the next week?”

  “For the next thirty days.”

  “Oh.” She frowns. “And do what all day?”

  “Take care of yourself. Meet with me. Get better.”

  “Okay.”

  “When you arrive at my house, I’ll be taking your cell phone and computer.”

  “What?”

  “I have to. Otherwise, you could call someone to you or look at porn or exercise other vices. You’ll be allowed to contact your parents once a week if you choose to.”

  She crosses her arms. “Now I feel like I’m sixteen again and getting grounded.”

  “I know what I’m doing. As time goes on and you have no partners, the urge will build and you’ll seek it out in other ways.”

  “I can go without.”

  “What’s the longest period of time you’ve gone without sex before?”

  She twists her mouth, and I know I’ve got her. “Fine.”

  “When you get to your suite, we’ll discuss more of the basics.”

  “Okay. When is this happening?”

  “I’ll be home today at two. You can come any time before six to get settled in.”

  “Okay.” She looks at me emotionless. I know she’s going to be a tough one to crack. Her walls are high and deep down I can tell she’s not 100% convinced that she’s an addict.

  “Alright.” I stand and walk back to my desk then pick up a card from my drawer. I walk back and hand it to her. “This is my address. It’s two blocks from here. Bring your things and be prepared to work.”

  “I am.” She stands and looks up at me. “Thank you for taking me on.”

  “You’re welcome. Have a good day, Miss London.”

  She starts to walk towards the door, but then stops, looking back. “What do I do the rest of the day?”

  “It’s your last supper,” I reply, smiling. “Shop, eat, fuck somebody if you want.”

  Her eyes open wide at my word choice. It always shocks them when I get real.

  “Um, okay.”

  “Or, go back to your hotel room, go to the spa, take a nap, and relax. It’s your choice. Detox starts when you get to my house.”

  “Got it. I guess I’ll see you later.”

  “You will.”

  She walks out, and I sink back in my chair. I have a feeling she’s gonna take every tool I have to work with her, but I really believe she’s going to be worth it. I know I can save her.

  I STAND ON THE SIDEWALK OUT FRONT, deciding what to do next. Inside, I’m angry that I’m in this situation. I’m frustrated that my life is out of control. Mostly, I’m turned on as fuck after being in the doctor’s commanding presence.

  I hail a cab, deciding that the best place for me is the safety of my hotel room. Back in my room, I’m packing up my things when my phone rings. I see the caller ID, and glare at it.

  “Hi, Dad,” I answer.

  “Kaia,” he says with no emotion. “Where are you?”

  “In New York where you sent me.”

  “I know that. Specifically, where are you?”

  “In my hotel room. Why?”

  “The news just broke about your antics,” he says, disgust reflecting in his tone. “You need to keep a low profile.”

  “No one knows me here.”

  “You assume.”

  I sigh. “I’m not going anywhere until later. Then I’m going straight to the doctor’s.”

  “For?”

  I roll my eyes. “I have to stay in his guest suite completely monitored twenty-four seven. I won’t have my phone or a computer or access to the public. Happy?”

  �
��Yes, actually. For once.”

  “Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m a disappointment. Lucky for you, you don’t have to see or talk to me for at least a month. Maybe longer if I can help it.”

  “Be rude to me if you want, Kaia, but you got yourself in this situation. You would have nothing if I didn’t want you to have it. You remember that.”

  “Oh, I do, Daddy Dearest. You remind me constantly.”

  “Because you’re ungrateful. You squander the life you’ve been given.”

  “Whatever.”

  “Yeah, whatever. You better hope this works. The next time you disgrace my name will be the last time. Even your mother won’t be able to save you.”

  “You’ve been more than clear about that.”

  “Don’t forget it. This is the last time. I mean it.”

  “I know.”

  “Before you go, just be clear about one more thing.”

  “What?”

  “If you think you’re alone in New York and can fly below the radar, think again. I have eyes everywhere, Kaia.”

  I lower my head, answering through clenched teeth. “I know.”

  “Good. Enjoy your stay.”

  I hang up without saying another word. I hate him. Throwing myself on the bed, I bury my face in the pillow. In less than twenty-four hours, my whole life has been taken away from me. Because I’m a slut. Because I’m sick.

  Grabbing my handbag, I decide to go down to the hotel bar to have a drink. Maybe it will calm my nerves before I begin this next phase of my life. Sitting at the bar, I order a vodka tonic and stare at the news playing on the TV screen in front of me.

  A few minutes later, a man sits in the chair next to me and smiles. I nod in response and return my gaze to the screen. As I down my second drink, I cringe when I see my face on the screen.

  “LA socialite and party girl of the moment, Kaia London is at it again,” the reporter says, with a grin on her face. Clips of me play in the background, always holding a drink, always scantily clad, always looking wasted. Then the damn video starts to play, but it’s all blurred out since everyone in it is naked. The words ‘Sex Scandal’ are in large red letters under my name. I listen as the woman, who doesn’t know me, describes my out of control lifestyle and how they’ve reached out to my Dad for comment.

  “Sad a young girl like that carries on that way,” the man next to me says, still looking up at the screen.

  I realize he doesn’t recognize me as the same girl, but I look a far cry from my normal LA appearance.

  “Yeah,” I say, and nothing more.

  “She sure is pretty.”

  I nod, sipping my drink.

  “I have a daughter her age,” he continues. “It would break my heart to see her like that.”

  I look down into my glass wondering if my Dad even has a heart to break. “Well, hopefully your daughter knows she’s loved.”

  “Hope so. I tell her all the time.”

  “That’s good.”

  “I just wonder what happens to someone that makes them behave like that. It’s like the girl doesn’t have any self respect.”

  “It’s easy to judge when we don’t know the whole story.”

  “That’s a good point.”

  I motion for the bartender so I can pay my bill and get out of here. I don’t want to talk anymore. I don’t want to see this on the screen anymore.

  “Have a good day, Miss,” the man next to me says as I stand to leave.

  “You too.”

  I head back upstairs. Lying on my bed, I roll to my side, staring out onto the New York skyline. Normally I would be excited to explore the city. I would love to shop here, but I can’t. I can’t risk the temptation of new prey or worse, being recognized. If I want to return to any kind of normalcy, I have to comply with the program. I’ll do whatever Dr. Scott tells me to do.

  Thirty days without sex. Thirty days of ignoring my insatiable sex drive. I stand and walk over to the windows and close the drapes, creating an artificial darkness. For now, I’ll sleep.

  HOURS LATER, THE ALARM ON MY PHONE goes off, and I roll over turning it off. I yawn and stretch. It felt good to sleep. I didn’t even realize I was tired. I climb out of bed and go into the bathroom to take a shower. Peeling off my clothes, I stand in front of the mirror, staring at my reflection. On the outside, I’m beautiful. Fit and toned, I take care of my body. My breasts are the right size, my waist is tiny, my hips curved. My long hair is healthy and shiny, and I admit it looks much better its natural brown than it did blond. My eyes are my best feature, sparkling green and almond shaped. I touch my cheek. Every feature is perfectly placed. Men desire me at first sight. I’ve done everything right to enhance the beauty I was gifted. Even the drinking and occasional cigarette haven’t done any lasting damage.

  I lean on the counter and look closer. But inside is a whole different story. My heart hurts every day. I hate the woman staring back at me. I hate her because she’s weak and she’s broken, and she doesn’t know how to fix it. She’s perfection on the outside and decimated on the inside. I angrily wipe away the tears that escape from my eyes. Crying never solved anything.

  After my shower, I lay on the bed, letting the ceiling fan cool me off. In just an hour, I’ll be locked away from real life. I just hope it helps.

  “IS EVERYTHING SET UP FOR HER?”

  “Yes, sir,” Lina says. “I washed the bedding and cleaned the bathroom. I just finished stocking the mini fridge.”

  “Great. Thank you.” I look at my watch. “She should be here soon.”

  “Don’t worry, Dr.Scott, I’ll help her transition so you can enjoy your party.”

  “Thank you. I didn’t expect to use this tactic, but after meeting with her this morning, I realized it would be necessary.”

  “She will be in good hands with you.” Lina smiles, patting my arm. “I sure hope she’s ready for your program.”

  I nod. “Me too. I think she’ll resist at first.”

  “Hopefully she will see the benefit sooner rather than later.”

  “Let’s hope.”

  I walk back to my bedroom and peel out of my suit. I need to shower and get ready for my guests tonight. I wish the timing could have been better. I don’t like that I won’t be able to give her my full attention this evening, but I knew I couldn’t leave her defenseless. A city like Manhattan would eat that girl alive.

  After my shower, I quickly change into slacks and a dress shirt. I hear the doorbell ring and look at my watch. That must be Kaia.

  I finish up then walk out to greet her. I smile when I see her standing in the entry way, clutching her tote bag, her tiny frame swallowed up by the immensity of my home. When she sees me, I notice how her shoulders relax. That’s good. She already feels safe with me.

  “Miss London,” I greet. “Welcome.”

  She nods, looking around. Lina stands nearby waiting for instruction.

  “This is Lina,” I say. “She’s here to help with anything you need.”

  “Kaia,” she says, shaking Lina’s hand.

  “Welcome,” Lina replies, offering her motherly smile.

  “I’ll show you to your suite,” I say.

  She nods following me down the hall. “Nice place.”

  “Thank you.”

  “I didn’t know they had apartments this big in the city.”

  “I purchased four and converted them.”

  “Ah. That makes sense. So I won’t be in your way at all.”

  “I won’t be in yours either.”

  We turn left and I lead her down another hallway to the guest suite. Unlocking the door, I open it and turn the light on. “Please come in. This is where you live for now.” I step to the side to let her enter. “I hope it meets your standards,” I say, stepping inside behind her. “It has everything you’ll need for the month.” I walk to the mini kitchen. “The fridge is stocked with water and juice. Lina will bring you meals and any snacks you desire. We eat healthy though. I’m assuming you do
as well.”

  She nods. “I do.”

  “Good. No transition there then, but I’ll need your cigarettes. No smoking.”

  “How did you know I smoke?”

  “The scent lingers.”

  She nods. “That’s fine. I don’t need them. I only smoke when I’m drunk or agitated.” She sets her bag down and walks farther into the space. “It’s really beautiful.”

  I smile. “I’m glad you like it. I want you to feel comfortable here.”

  She nods, gazing out the large floor to ceiling windows.

  “Is this all the luggage you have?” I ask.

  “Yeah. Just the necessities.”

  “Okay.” I watch her taking in the space around her. “This door,” I say, walking across the room, “leads upstairs to the gym and swimming pool.”

  “Swimming pool? Inside?”

  “Yes, inside. This isn’t California.”

  She smiles. “Right.”

  “You can use those amenities whenever you wish, day or night, although you may bump into me up there from time to time.”

  She smiles warmly and I wonder what she’s thinking. I won’t ask though. She’d tell me.

  “Thank you,” she says.

  “Have you had dinner yet?”

  She shakes her head. “I’m not hungry.”

  “When’s the last time you ate?”

  She shrugs. “I’m not sure.”

  I step closer to her and notice how her breath catches. “It’s important to take care of yourself in all ways. I’ll have Lina bring you dinner.”

  “Okay.” She looks around for a moment. “Does she live here too?”

  “No. She usually isn’t here past seven, but I’m having a dinner party tonight.”

  “Oh. What if I need something in the middle of the night?”

  “You’ll call me. The phone on the nightstand has two speed dial buttons. One for the kitchen to get Lina and one for me. That’s it.”

  “I see.”

  “Get settled in. I’ll be back in a few hours to check on you.”

  “Are there rules here?”

  “Yes, as we discussed, I’ll be taking your phone and computer.”

  “I know. Other rules? I don’t want to do anything wrong.”

  I smile. “We’ll discuss those later. For now, I just want you to get used to your environment.”