“As you wish.”
“I’ll see you soon.”
“Bye.”
I hang up and smile as she blows a kiss to the camera. That woman is about to unleash the beast I’ve kept hidden for so long. I hope she’s ready.
I ENTER THE HOUSE and walk into the kitchen. Lina looks up nervously.
“I didn’t know if it was right to call you, but she said it was important,” she explains.
“It’s fine. I’m not upset.” I can see her visibly relax as her shoulders drop. “I’d like you to take the rest of the week off. I’ll see you Monday.
“Oh, okay. I’m not in trouble though?”
“Not at all. It’s a reward. You work hard and the house is always perfect. I can handle it.”
“What will you and Miss Kaia eat?”
“Lina, I live in the middle of Manhattan. I could throw a stone and hit a hundred restaurants that will bring me food.”
She smiles. “Oh, yes, that’s true. You’re sure?”
“Of course. Go spend time with your beautiful grandchildren.”
She pulls her apron off. “Thank you so much, Dr. Scott.”
“You’re welcome.” I watch her walk out after waving goodbye.
I look down the hall towards my bedroom. Now, to deal with Kaia.
I LIE ON HIS BED staring at the ceiling. My leg shakes from a combination of nervousness and excitement. I have no idea what I’m in for, but I can handle it. I know I can. I would endure anything for the chance to be with him.
I hear his dress shoes clicking on the marble floors and brace myself. The door opens, and he steps in walking over to me. He stares at me without saying a word while he loosens his cuff links. I watch him intently as he removes his tie. His mannerisms are aggressive, and I feel excited knowing he’s going to be rough as hell with me.
“Listen to me closely,” he says. “I won’t repeat myself.”
I nod and swallow hard.
“I’m going to do to you what I’ve wanted to since the day I saw your face. You’re going to take it and possibly like it. You will not speak. You will not ask me questions. The only sound from your lips will be moaning my name.”
I nod, grinning.
“I’m not going to fuck you though, so don’t get too excited.”
“But—”
“No talking, Kaia.”
I bite my lip. He unbuttons his dress shirt and pulls it off, eliciting a sigh from my lips. My eyes follow him as he walks to his closet, returning moments later with a box. Is it the fuck machine again?
He opens the box and removes leather cuffs which he uses to bind my wrists to the bed. Next, he unzips his pants and lets them fall to the floor.
“You want to see this?” he asks, grabbing his package.
I nod and smile. He pulls his boxers off and then climbs on top of me, straddling my waist.
“You know what I enjoy most, Kaia?” I shake my head. “I enjoy the sweet torture of wanting something and not being able to have it. Would you like me to show you what I mean?”
I nod and struggle against my bonds.
“Take that sexy little barbell piercing in your tit.” He leans close to it so that I can feel his breath on it, but he stops. “I want to pull it into my mouth and suck it. I want to tug on it until you cry out for me to stop.” He exhales slowly. “But I won’t. Know why?”
I shake my head.
He looks up at me. “Because the anticipation of it is almost as good as the reality. I can close my eyes at night and imagine it. Then when I see you, it’s all I can do to hold myself back.”
“You can have it,” I whisper.
He responds by slapping my breasts. I gasp and smile.
“No fucking talking,” he growls.
I nod quickly as he moves closer to my mouth. His cock is mere inches from my lips.
“I know you want to suck this. You want to taste my cum as it slides down your throat, don’t you?”
I close my eyes and whimper.
“Don’t you, Kaia?”
I nod.
“Isn’t the anticipation nice? Right now you’re wondering if I’m gonna put it in your mouth. You’re wondering if I’m going slide it inside of you. You’re wondering if it will feel as big as it looks.”
I hold his gaze, biting my lower lip.
“It is. It’s big and thick, and I can fuck all night.”
I moan.
“Every day I wake up and every night I go to sleep with your face on my mind.” He leans forward, grasping my chin. “I dream about you, about this body. I dream about doing all kinds of bad things to you. I don’t want anyone else to ever touch you again. No one but me.”
He slides his thumb in my mouth, and I suck hungrily.
“Do you want to get dirty with me? Do you want to feel me inside of you every night?”
I nod, barely able to contain my breathing.
He rubs my lip with his thumb. “God, woman, you got a pretty fucking mouth. My cock would look so good pumping in and out of it.”
“Please…” I moan.
He shakes his head. “You won’t listen.” He climbs off of me and flips me over, slapping my ass hard, and I cry out. Gripping my ass cheeks, he whispers in my ear. “Would you like me to fuck your ass?”
I nod, whimpering into the pillow. I feel his fingers along my crease.
“You’re so trusting, Kaia. You would let me do anything I want, wouldn’t you?”
I nod, breathing hard.
He flips me over, and I close my eyes waiting for what’s next.
“You’re not scared are you?”
I shake my head, opening my eyes slowly.
“You'll lie here and let me do whatever I want.”
I nod.
“Why?”
I lower my eyes. “Permission to answer.”
“You have it.”
“Because I love you. I told you that.”
“You shouldn’t.”
“Because you’re a little kinky? Because in the bedroom you want to be rough? You think you don’t deserve love because of that?”
“I can’t give you what you need.”
“You’re wrong. You already have.”
“You don’t like this.”
“Put your hand between my legs. Feel me.”
“No.”
“Feel me, Oliver.”
He touches me, tentatively, like he’s scared. He sighs and closes his eyes.
“I’m still wet. I’m still excited. All I wish is that you would finish me off, but I understand that you won’t. You like the pleasure that deprivation brings. You like being hard for me and not giving in to it. It’s control for you, just like it was control for me before I met you. Am I right?”
“Get out of my head, Kaia.”
I smile. “You were in mine first.”
He runs his fingers through his hair. “I can’t let you go.”
“That’s fine. I don’t have anywhere I need to be.”
“What if I leave you here for days?”
I shrug. “I guess I’ll be here for days then.”
“What if,” he pauses, staring hard at me. “What if I slap your face? What if I whip you and leave marks? What if I won’t stop even if you cry? Even if you beg me. What then?”
“I’ll fall in love even more.”
He shakes his head. “How can you say that?”
“Because if you do those things to me, I’ll know that you feel safe. I’ll know that you trust me. I know you don't want to hurt me. Not really.”
“You’re unreal,” he says, softly.
“No, I’m real.”
“Did you know this about yourself?” he asks, leaning closer to my face.
“Know what?”
“That you’re submissive.”
I smile. “I’m not. Only for you. I would never let another man do this to me.”
“Why for me?”
“Because it’s what you need.”
He st
ands and walks across the room, stopping in front of the windows. I admire his frame, muscular and lean, strong and fierce. I love him so much. Could he ever love me back?
“This won’t work,” he says, still looking outside. “You’re willing to tolerate it right now because you want me, and this is all I’m offering you.” He turns to face me. “But it will wear on you. Eventually you’ll grow disgusted. You’ll wish you never met me.”
“No, Oliver, you’re wrong about that. I wish I met you sooner. I wish I knew you were in this world waiting for me to find you. Can’t you see that we were always meant to find each other? Otherwise, this wouldn’t feel as good as it does.”
“Good? This isn’t good.”
“It is for me.”
He walks back to me and unhooks my wrists, then looks away from me. Moving to the edge of the bed he bows his head. Carefully, I sit up and lean my head against his back.
“Look at me,” he whispers, shaking his head. “I’m your damn therapist and I’ve got you tied to my bed. What the fuck, Kaia?”
“In here you’re not my therapist. You’re Oliver. Just a man.”
“It’s carrying over.”
“It is. I like it. I want it.” I kiss his back. “I can’t wait for the day you make love to me. Everywhere in this house, in the pool, in your office. I know it’s going to happen. I’ll wait until you’re ready.”
He turns and glances at me. “It is going to happen, but it will destroy us both when it does. Two people like us shouldn’t be together.”
“Like us?” I pull my head back. “What the fuck does that even mean? Because I’m an addict. Because you are?”
“I’m not an addict.”
“Well, you’re something. Clearly. No man could go through what we did the last two days and restrain themselves like you have. That’s a skill you’ve learned. You’re not protecting me. You’re practicing.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, I do. You’re so skilled at showing me who I am. You ripped apart my facade until I was left with nothing but the truth. I didn’t always like it, but I’m fucking glad it happened.” I cup his face. “It's not a coincidence that our lives collided. It’s not, Oliver. You need me to rip apart your facade.”
He pulls my hands away from his face. “I don’t know what you want from me.”
“Everything.”
“You already have everything I’ve got.”
“No, not yet.”
“I don’t have anything else.”
I tap his chest. “You have a heart.”
“No, Kaia, I don’t.”
I lean close and kiss his lips. He responds, pulling me closer. As our tongues twist together, my heart hurts for him. He’s so broken. I wish to God he would tell me why.
He sighs against my lips. “Your kiss,” he whispers. “Your mouth.”
“What?” I ask, nuzzling my nose on his.
“Maybe… he starts, slowly. “It’s the antidote for the poison given to me so many years ago. I didn’t think a cure existed.” He searches my eyes, and I run my hand over his cheek. “But I think I’m holding it in my arms.”
I kiss him again. “Tell me who poisoned you.”
“Can’t we just start from here? I don’t know if I can talk about it.”
“Really, Oliver? Would you let me or any of your clients get away with that?” He tries to turn away, but I pull his face back. “Listen to me. I’m not going anywhere. It doesn’t matter what you’re going to tell me. I want to know because you need to tell someone. Someone that already loves you.”
“No.”
“What are you afraid of? That I’ll judge you?”
He’s silent for a moment before looking away. He stands, walking back to the windows. I sit quietly waiting for some kind of reaction.
“Oliver?”
“I’ll tell you what I’m afraid of.” He turns around slowly, walking back to me. “I’m afraid that once you know about me, the way you look at me will change. And I love the way you look at me. I’m afraid that the way you touch me and hold me will end, and I live off the anticipation of the next time you will. I’m afraid that even though you think you love me, you won’t be able to anymore.” He shakes his head slowly. “And I need to believe you really do somehow love me.”
“Oliver, I do. I love you for the man you are right now. It doesn’t matter what happened in the past. It doesn’t. There’s nothing you could’ve done that would change how I feel. No matter how awful you think it is.”
He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “We’ll see.”
I STAND AND WALK to the mini fridge to get water. When I look back at her, she’s curled up, leaning against the headboard. She’s so beautiful, so loving. How can she love someone so ugly?
I walk back and sit next to her. She runs her hand over my shoulder, and I try to prepare myself for what I’m about to say out loud. I look to her eyes to reassure me before I start.
“I’ve never told anyone about this before.” I glance at her. “I mean, anyone that wasn’t a professional.”
“I understand.”
I close my eyes, taking several deep breaths. Am I really going to tell her? I decide to just try and see how far I get. “It started when I was maybe five or six.”
“What started?”
“The abuse.”
“Oh,” she whispers.
“My…” I pause, taking a deep breath. “This is really fucking hard.”
“Take your time,” she says softly.
“My, uh,” I stumble, and then take a deep breath. “My stepmother… would ask me to rub her shoulders. So I would. Eventually she asked me to rub other things.”
“Your stepmother?”
I nod. “I don’t remember how old I was when she taught me how to go down on her.” I watch Kaia’s face react with nothing but love, and it helps me keep going. “After that, she showed me what blow jobs were. By the time I was twelve, she was fucking me every night.”
“Actual sex?”
“Actual sex. She would climb on top of me and ride me even though I could only last a few minutes.”
“Where was your father?”
I shake my head. “Working. He traveled a lot for business. She told me she was lonely, and I looked like him.” My eyes glaze over. “She said she preferred me because my dick was bigger, and I was more enthusiastic. I, uh, enjoyed the stuff we did.”
Kaia nods, saying nothing.
I take a deep breath before continuing. “She caught me having sex one day in my room with my neighbor Jessica. She was sort of my girlfriend.”
“She caught you?”
“Yeah. She was so pissed. That’s when everything changed and the punishment started.”
Kaia takes a deep breath and squeezes my hand.
“She, uh,” I shake my head. “I can’t do this, Kaia.”
“You can. You’re strong enough. I’m still going to love you, no matter what you say.”
I nod as the humiliating memory washes over me. “She tied me up and put a dildo in my ass and made me keep it there for hours. She would push on it every now and then and told me if I came, she would tell my father I was gay.”
Kaia’s eyes fill with tears. I look away, or I won’t be able to continue.
“I felt disgusting because…” I exhale, feeling the shame all over again.
“Because it felt good?”
I nod. “Yeah. I was worried that maybe I was gay. I didn’t understand how I could be turned on by something like that.”
“Then what happened?”
“For weeks the abuse got worse. She would hit me, sit on my face, call me a fag.” I shake my head at the memory. “And I would sit at her feet and take it, so afraid she would tell my dad I was a freak.”
She nods. “Oh my god.”
“I started sleeping with lots of other girls and being dominant with them. It was my chance to exert my power. She figured it out so every nig
ht, I would wake up barely able to breath with her sitting on my face. She would bind my dick and hit me with a whip, and I learned that I had to hold back. If I came, she beat me.” I look at Kaia. “That was too much for me. That’s when I learned there was a line between pleasure and pain. I didn’t like the beatings.”
She nods as I continue.
“One night, I just had too much. I was tired of the abuse. I pushed her to the floor,and she said she was going to tell my dad that I raped her, and he would believe her over me. He did.”
“What?”
“She put bruises all over her body and called me a monster. My dad attacked me, but I beat the shit out of him. She jumped in, and I ended up punching her in the face, but I didn’t mean to.”
“How old were you?”
“Fifteen. I was sent away to live with my uncle, and my dad told me that I was never allowed back in his life. I finished high school and then I went to college. Sexually, I morphed into the dominant one. I never wanted anyone taking my power from me again, but I struggled. I always ended up scaring the shit out of any girl I hooked up with. They didn’t get it.”
“They were young.”
“Yeah.” I nod. “I found one that let me do whatever I wanted. We started small with easy stuff and worked up to more hardcore stuff. The more she let me do, the more turned on I was. So that secured my fetish for domination.”
“What happened to her?”
“She graduated and moved back home. No drama.”
“What happened after that?”
“One of my psychology professors wanted to chat with me. He told me that based on some of my papers, he thought I had aptitude to work with people with sexual dysfunction. He led me in that direction, and the more I learned about it, the more I knew it was right for me. I believe that only a person with demons of their own can help someone exorcise theirs.”
Kaia squeezes my hand. “You’re doing great.”
I clear my throat, dreading this next part, but if I don’t tell her this, she doesn’t have the whole story. “One night, years later, I was with a girl. I told her what I was into, and she was open to it. Looking back, I think she thought I was going to spank her a little.”
“That’s not what you did?”
“No.”I lower my head. “I went all out. Tied her to the bed, called her names, hit her with a crop. It was like I was possessed. The more she struggled, the more it turned me on.” I close my eyes remembering that awful night. “I was so out of control.”
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