“Hello?”
“Hey, baby. Good morning.”
“Hey. How are you?”
“Couldn’t be better. But you on the other hand sound like you just woke up.”
“No, I’ve been up for a while.”
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“You also didn’t sound like yourself when I talked to you yesterday.”
Alicia had been sure she’d sounded normal, but apparently not normal enough.
“I’m good. Really.”
“You must have read well into the middle of the night,” he said.
“Close to it, but why do you say that?”
“Because you never called me back.”
Alicia hated all the lying she was having to do to Phillip. “I know, baby, but it got late, and I was so exhausted.”
“How much more do you have to do?”
“Maybe a little less than half,” she said, then quickly remembered that yesterday she’d told him a similar amount. “I added a whole new chapter and did a ton of rewrites, so that slowed my reading down quite a bit.”
“The life of a writer. I’m sure you’re drained.”
“I am. I really hope to be finished reading by this evening, though.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he said.
“Please don’t worry about me. I’m a little tired, but other than that I’m fine.”
“Okay, well if there’s something I can do for you just tell me.”
“I really don’t need anything, but thank you for asking.”
“Of course. Well…I guess I’d better get dressed. We have two different staff meetings at the church today, and then I need to go visit two of our members at the hospital. But you call me when you take a break.”
“I will, and you have good day, okay?”
“I love you, baby,” he said.
“I love you more.”
“Bye.”
Alicia removed the phone from her ear and held it close to her chest. She rocked back and forth as tears flowed down her face. “Oh my God, baby, I am so, so sorry. I am so, so sorry I did this to you again.”
She wiped her eyes, stood up, and went back down to the kitchen. This time she took her phone with her, and it was less than ten minutes before Levi called her. Her hands trembled and her body tightened, but she knew she had to get this over with.
“Hello?”
“Hey, beautiful, how are you?”
“Not good.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Are you?”
“Of course I am. Why would I want you to be unhappy?”
“What we did never should have happened. Which is why I begged you to leave me alone. I told you I didn’t want to see you.”
“I hate that you’re feeling so torn. You’re caught in the middle of two men. One you feel obligated to be with and one you love from the bottom of your soul.”
“Why do you keep saying that? How many times do I have to tell you that it’s Phillip who I love?”
“Sweetheart, have you forgotten the way we made each other feel yesterday? We were so in sync that not even the best writer alive could properly describe it. What we shared was beautiful and very much meant to be.”
Alicia held the phone in silence.
“You have to tell him,” he said.
“Tell who what?”
“You have to tell your ex the truth. Otherwise, you’re going to feel more miserable by the day. Maybe before you saw me again, it was easy to pretend you didn’t love me, but now you can’t deny anything.”
“Love isn’t everything.”
Levi chuckled. “Are you listening to yourself? I mean, do you really believe what you’re saying?”
“Why won’t you just find someone else to be with?”
“Because there is no one else for me. All I want is to love and take care of you for the rest of my life.”
“Not that any of this even matters, but how will you do that? What job are you gonna get?”
“I’m opening a restaurant. Mom still has hers there in Mitchell, but I’m opening an upscale one, the kind no other restaurant in town will be able to compare to.”
“And what bank do you think is going to give an ex-drug-dealer a business loan?”
“I don’t need one. Remember years ago, when I talked to you a couple of times on the phone?”
“And?”
“You said something about all my money being confiscated, even my offshore accounts, but what did I say?”
“I don’t know.”
“I told you that you obviously didn’t know me very well.”
“That’s beside the point.”
“I don’t see how it is. Especially if you’re worried about how we’ll be able to pay bills and live the kind of life you’ve always been used to.”
“Why won’t you just accept that what we had was great, but it’s over?”
“There’s a chance that maybe I could have. But not after yesterday. When you and I were making love, you were exactly where you wanted to be. I knew you’d been thinking about me and wanting to be with me again for a long time. Way before I even emailed you on Saturday.”
“That’s not true,” she said, although she knew she’d never fully gotten Levi out of her system. She wasn’t sure she ever would, but she had also made up her mind to love, honor, and cherish Phillip. He was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.
“It is true, and when are you going to come see me again?” he asked.
“I’m not. Once we hang up, you and I are finished. No more phone calls, no more visits, no anything.”
“Remember before I was arrested, how you and I would lay up for hours after making love, laughing, talking, and holding each other? Remember how you hated when it was time for you to go home?”
Alicia couldn’t take this anymore. “Just stop. What we did yesterday was wrong, and I take full responsibility for it. All I can do now is ask God to forgive me, and move on. If you call me again, I won’t be answering. If you send me messages, I’m going to delete them.”
“We’ll see.”
“I mean it, Levi.”
“So do I.”
“You take care.”
“You too.”
Alicia ended the call and felt relieved. Maybe now Levi was finally taking her seriously. If for some reason he wasn’t, that was his problem. It was something he’d have to deal with and get over on his own. She was marrying Phillip, and that was all that mattered.
Chapter 14
Have you lost your mind?” Melanie shouted. “Really, Brad? Another ten thousand dollars?”
Brad had just gotten home and walked into the kitchen, but he was speechless.
From the time Melanie had entered the house two hours ago and gone through the mail, she’d been livid. In all the years they’d been together, she’d never been in the habit of opening any of Brad’s letters, even if she did read through them after the fact. But ever since Brad had lost money last year, she’d sort of been on the lookout for his credit union statements. More so once she’d found out this past weekend that he’d lost another large sum of money. However, not for one moment had she expected to learn that Brad had squandered another ten grand. Normally, his statements arrived the first week of the month, but interestingly enough, this one was a few days late. Actually, she’d been so upset when she’d discovered the one on Saturday, she hadn’t noticed that it didn’t include the most recent figures.
“So when I asked you about the statement on Saturday, you knew all along that you’d lost more money and the one I was looking at was from last month.”
“You never asked me one way or the other.”
“But when you did all that apologizing, you knew full well that you’d already lost twenty thousand dollars.”
Brad pursed his lips and removed his suit blazer. “I didn’t tell you any different because you were already screaming and yelling at me like y
ou were crazy.”
“What did you expect? A kiss on the cheek?”
“Well, I meant what I said.”
“About what?”
“That I was sorry, and I’m done buying stocks.”
“And just like that you expect me to believe you? After you lied to me.”
“I never lied about anything. I told you I was finished with it, and that was the truth.”
“But you also conveniently left out the fact that you’d lost much more than the ten thousand I first asked you about.”
“I made a mistake.”
“How many times are you going to say that? I mean, how much more money will you lose a month from now?”
“None. I already told you this is over. It won’t happen again.”
“You need professional help.”
“Excuse me?” he said, frowning.
“You need to see a psychologist. You’ve got a problem.”
“Woman, please. I lost some money, and now I’ve got mental issues?”
“You really do.”
“Yeah, right,” he said, opening the refrigerator and pulling out a bottle of water.
“I’m serious. We need to find someone for you to see.”
“I’m not doing that.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t have a problem.”
“You do have one. You might not be willing to admit it, but anytime someone loses twenty thousand dollars in two months, it’s time to deal with it.”
Brad scooted back a chair at the island and sat down. He turned up his water bottle and looked at her. “And what about you? When are you gonna deal with your problems?”
“First of all, this isn’t about me. And regardless of what you think, I don’t have any.”
Brad laughed out loud. “Yeah, okay, Mel. Whatever you say.”
“I don’t.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Why are you trying to turn this whole thing on me?”
“I’m not. Just pointing out the fact that you’ve got issues, too.”
“I’m fine.”
“Oh, really? Are you fine when you hide your body from your own husband?”
“This isn’t about me.”
“Are you fine when you walk around here dieting? Losing a few pounds and then gaining them right back? It’s a vicious cycle. I never say much about it, but I’m definitely aware of it.”
“What’s wrong with being healthy and wanting to look good?”
“Nothing, if it’s within reason. You’re trying to lose weight you barely have, and it’s all because of your parents. They really messed you up, Mel.”
Melanie glared at him. “Why are you bringing my parents into this?”
“Because it’s time you owned up to it. You’re so quick to tell me to get help, but you’re not even woman enough to handle your own drama.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“I’m just tired of you harping on me about these couple of mistakes I made. And it’s not like this is your money, anyway. This came from my individual account.”
Melanie’s laugh was sarcastic. “Oh, so now what’s yours is yours, and what’s mine is mine? All because you don’t wanna hear what I have to say?”
Brad thumbed through some magazines on the island as though he couldn’t care less about what she was saying. She’d never seen him so angry and defensive about anything, not since they’d begun dating and certainly not since they’d been married.
“I just think you’re taking this judging and criticizing thing too far,” he said. “I lost some money, and there’s not a thing we can do to get it back. So to me, it’s pointless to keep talking about it.”
“Are you saying you can do whatever you want, and I don’t have the right to say anything?”
“No, but I also don’t wanna talk about this anymore. I have a lot of work to do.”
Melanie didn’t bother saying anything else. She turned and walked out of the kitchen and up to their bedroom. Something wasn’t right. Just last night, they’d enjoyed a great evening together, and Brad’s attitude had also been good this morning. Now he was talking to her like he couldn’t stand her. She understood that he wasn’t proud of what he’d done and that he wasn’t happy about the way she’d been questioning him. But his tone was curt, and he’d brought her parents into the scheme of things. He’d never done that before, and Melanie wasn’t sure how she felt about it. She knew he’d made his comments during the heat of an argument, but he acted as though he was purposely trying to hurt her. Then, there’d been his statement about her barely having any weight to lose. He couldn’t have been more wrong about that, and she had to wonder if maybe he didn’t care whether she looked her best or not. Melanie had never considered it before, but for all she knew, his late nights at the office had actually become late nights with another woman. She didn’t want to think the worst, but Brad was doing and saying things that weren’t familiar to Melanie, and she wasn’t sure what it meant.
Melanie changed out of her work clothes and threw on some shorts and a T-shirt. She slipped on her socks and gym shoes and went downstairs. She’d already worked out on the treadmill this morning before leaving for work, but she’d decided this afternoon that it was time to double up on exercising. She’d get in at least an hour in the mornings and also in the evenings. She was proud, too, that she’d made it through the entire day with only three shakes. About an hour ago, she’d started to feel a bit hungry, but she’d drunk a bottle of water with Crystal Light, and it had done the trick. She knew tomorrow and the next day might not be easy, but if she could make it past those, she’d be good. If she kept losing at the rate she was expecting, she’d be down to 155 pounds in less than ten days. Maybe sooner. Either way, she’d be back into her size eights and would be happy again. Her mother would be happy, too, and maybe things would be better between her and Brad. Maybe he’d realize that he truly did need help and would get it.
Chapter 15
Alicia still wasn’t finished reading her manuscript, but she’d driven over to Mitchell for Wednesday night Bible study anyway. After the torturous time she’d spent yesterday and all of today trying to block out her sexcapade with Levi, she was more shrouded with guilt than before. She’d worried herself into a frenzy, and all she could hope was that through prayer, studying scripture, and listening to her father’s words, she’d feel better. So far, she hadn’t been able to think about anything else, and now sitting next to her beloved fiancé made her feel worse. She had betrayed him in the most malicious way, and she wanted to scream at the top of her lungs, begging God to forgive her. She knew she would eventually get past this, but she just wanted that to be sooner rather than later.
Phillip held her hand, smiling, and more guilt slithered its way into her psyche. Then, sitting on the other side of her was Melanie, and Alicia couldn’t look her straight in her face either, fearing Melanie might notice something was wrong. They’d been best friends for a long time, and it wouldn’t take much for Melanie to realize there was a problem. Thank goodness her father was getting ready to begin, so Alicia could switch her full attention to whatever he’d be teaching.
Curtis stood at the front of the church in a pair of jeans and a powder-blue dress shirt.
“Good evening.”
“Good evening,” everyone said in unison.
“I’m glad you could make it out, because no matter who you are, I think you’ll be able to relate to tonight’s lesson. The topic is Temptation and the Tricks of the Devil.”
Alicia was stunned. It was as if her father had chosen this subject on purpose and would be speaking to her directly. But there was no way he knew about what she’d done. It was true that her father was well connected and that he could find out just about anything he wanted, but not this. Not about her indiscretion with Levi. Plus, when she’d first arrived at the church an hour ago and had gone to her dad’s study, he’d hugged her and welcomed her with open arms the same as always. He’d been happy t
o see her, and everything had felt normal.
“You know,” Curtis continued, “there are so many times when we’ve done things that could have been prevented…if only we’d kept our faith in God. If only we had seriously kept Him first in our lives the way we proclaim to others. Maybe if we kept our minds fixed on Jesus and we made a conscious habit of praying without ceasing, the devil wouldn’t be able to trick us so often. And let’s be clear about something else. Temptation will continue to rear its ugly head until the end of time, but if we trust, believe, and stand on God’s Word, we won’t struggle with it as much. If we focus on doing what we know God wants us to do versus what we want to do, temptation won’t have a fighting chance in our lives.”
“Amen,” many of the members said.
“So, if you would, please turn with me to Matthew twenty-six, forty-one,” Curtis said, flipping through his standard print version of the Bible—unlike Phillip, Alicia’s dad still preferred paper. He was technologically savvy on all accounts and even owned an Android tablet, but he never used it for Bible study.
“Are you all there?” he asked.
Everyone said, “Yes.”
“And it reads like this: ‘Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak,’” Curtis said. “Now, to me, this scripture tells you very clearly that we’ll always be tempted by something because our flesh is weak. With food, sex, money, alcohol, drugs, you name it. But just knowing that if you have a faithful spirit…if you truly want to uplift God, then the only way to accomplish that is by watching and praying. You have to be mindful of your thoughts and desires, particularly if those thoughts and desires are sinful.”
Alicia’s eyes filled with tears, but she stopped them from falling. If only she’d thought long and hard before going to meet Levi, and she had prayed a little more than she had, asking God to give her strength. If only…but she hadn’t.
“I’d also like you to turn to First Peter, five and eight,” he said, waiting a few seconds for the members to locate the scripture. “Here, the Bible says, ‘Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.’ In other words, the enemy ain’t no punk. And yes, I said ‘ain’t’ and not ‘isn’t,’” he said, laughing, and so did the congregation. “But in all seriousness, the enemy is cunning and he’s always on the lookout for his next victim. Take me, for example; you all know my history and that for many years, I was nothing nice. I stood in the pulpit on Sundays and did whatever I pleased as soon as I walked out of it. But thank God, today, I’m no longer allowing the devil to devour me. He still prowls around, trying to destroy me and my family, but I’m always aware of it. Sometimes I can feel his presence, and when I do, I remember Ephesians six and eleven. You don’t have to turn to it, but it says, ‘Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.’”
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