by Dervan Brown
“Sure, that’s fine.”
“Thanks, we will be right there…”
“Now on to you Calvin. I shouldn’t have gotten you involved with this. Man to man, I apologize.”
“It’s already done. However, on a serious note. I don’t know what you are into lately, but I damn sure don’t want to have any part in it. You understand me John?”
John nodded, “Yeah I understand--perfectly. It won’t happen again Calvin, trust me.”
“Ok, I believe you.”
“Thanks Calvin, I sure appreciate it.” John expressed.
“One thing though John, I have to ask--why?”
“Why?” John sighed and asked rhetorically, “Why , because I love Karla with all my heart, why--because I made a promise never to turn my back on her--ever, and if those are not reasons enough, she is carrying my son inside of her, they mean everything to me Calvin, everything.”
“Even if it means losing your life John?” Calvin asked faintly.
“There is no point Calvin” John assured, “There is no point in living if it’s not living for them, not anymore.”
“Oh…I see…” Calvin fringed.
“Yeah, that’s right.”
“Well John, I am going to be honest with you. As your friend I am supposed to be able to tell you this.” Calvin established, “I think that this is an epic fiasco.” He placed his hands on his shoulders and looked him in the eyes, “I can’t quite put my fingers on it yet, but I deeply believe you are making the worst mistake of your life.” John returned the focus to his eyes. He said nothing. After all he had heard it all before. Just another lip service drumming his ears, that’s all.
“Come on, let’s go home.” Calvin ordered and they departed the station.
Chapter 28
John and Karla Steelburg arrived at their apartment later that day. The couple was very relieved that the incredulous tribulation was behind them for good. In between them stood a renewed sense of hope for their future together. However, it’s unfortunate not everything hoped for will come to past.
Without much hesitance John went into the kitchen and attained an ice cold bottle of Heineken. He consumed the first half of the beer with the buoyant carbonic acid in a single gulp. His body craved for any substance that could make him unwind at God’s speed. The attempted shot-gun swallow of the beer did just that.
John braced against the doorpost of the kitchen and the hall as the liquid quenched his thirst and the alcohol seeped into his blood stream. “Do you need anything to drink baby?”
John asked Karla who was laid face down on the couch apparently still in a high tensed mood.
“A bottle of the strongest liquor you have will do.” Karla replied on a wimp.
“What! You can’t drink alcohol, have you lost your mind!” John frantically shouted at her.
She instantly sat with an upright posture, the first look on her face said, ‘Fuck’ with triple exclamation marks. After which guilt clouded the sky grey.
“Enough of the lies-this can’t go on any further.” She thought.
“John remember I told you I have something to tell you?” She commenced.
“Yes what is it?” John asked promptly.
“You might want to sit down for this one.” She encouraged and watched him drank another quarter of the beer, “And put away the alcohol.”
“No, I am fine, just let it all out.”
“Ok, if you insist, she took a deep breath as she maintained a high-pitched focus with him, “John…The baby…IS DEAD.”
As she said those words his heart palpitated and between seconds of a throbbing pulse the bottle escaped from his hand. The pieces of glass shattered across the floor. At that instance everything crashed.
“What did you just say?” John wanted to make sure.
“You heard right.” Karla affirmed his obscurity.
John was just short of having a coronary thrombosis. The alcohol did a good job of preemptively soothing his nerves.
John folded his arms across his chest and stepped closer towards her, “Tell me, what caused my baby to die, and do NOT lie to me.” John demanded with a stern voice.
“John I know you are upset, you have the right to be, but you are starting to scare me.”
“Answer the question.” John persisted.
“My uterus is scarred. The doctor said I am unable to carry a baby unless I have surgery. I didn’t know this John, it’s not my fault.”
“I don’t want to hear that Karla, I damn sure don’t.”
“What do you want me to do John!” Karla screamed.
John shook his head. He was cognizant that nothing could possibly be done. His first and only son was dead. There was no replacing him, there was no consolation for the pain that he had started to feel. The essence of life was fading. The petals of the rose were drying away.
“When did you find out that my son is dead?” John asked.
“The very same day when you forced me to go see the doctor.”
“Are you fucking serious!” John snapped.
“I wanted to tell you John, but I was afraid…”
“Afraid of what!”
Karla stood, walked around the couch towards him, “With the way you reacted when I told you I was raped, I was afraid you would leave me John. I didn’t want to risk it.”
“Yeah and what makes you think I won’t leave you right here, right now?”
She didn’t have an answer. The possibility of him walking out of her life had dawn on her for a while, and now her worst fears have become fulfilled prophecy.
“Right, you don’t have an answer.” John affirmed, “That simply means it’s time for me to go.” John turned and started walking to the door.
“John! Please…” Karla desperately called.
“No! No!” John turned around, approached her and pointed his finger to her face, “Come to think of it, my mother, Calvin and everyone else was right. I am the only one that didn’t see it. You are the worst mistake of my life! The absolute worst!” John shook his head in downright distaste, “You-you are such a BITCH.”
The tears started descending from her eyes. The fragile piece of glass in her chest just shattered into unrecoverable splinters. Her entire world was falling apart. Her legs grew weak as a tectonic shift erupt the ground beneath her.
“That’s all you ever where Karla, just a bitch of a cousin I fool heartedly fell in love with--I am over you.”
John declared, turned away from her and walked through the door. Perhaps this time for good. After words so bitter, one wouldn’t expect to find love still residing within these walls.
John Steelburg arrived at the address Calvin had given him in case he needed to find him. It was a huge white two stories brick house with red and white flowers covering the patio from the base of the house to the root of the fence made of metal with sharp edges.
Without knowing for sure if it was the correct place, he went through the gate, walked onto the porch and rang the doorbell twice. Two minutes later a beautiful middle age Indian woman opened the door in a multi-colored sari dress which descended to her feet. She was apparently surprised to find a complete stranger on her doorsteps, which didn’t appear to be a missionary or carry a Watch Tower magazine.
“Hello, may I help you?” She asked.
“Hi, I am looking for Calvin Peterson, he said I could find him here if needs be.”
“Calvin is my son,” She replied and asked with risen eyebrows, “And who are you Mr.?”
“I am Calvin’s friend, John--the Jamaican.”
“Ohhh…so you are John Steelburg!” She delighted.
“Yes Mam…”
“Calvin mentioned about you a couple of times. It’s nice to finally meet you.”
“It’s nice to meet you too Mrs. Peterson. John managed to be cordial despite his deep state of melancholy.
“Well come on in, Calvin is upstairs in his room, I’ll go get him for you.”
“Actually I
wasn’t planning on staying. I just wanted to talk with him, could you tell him I am down here, please.”
“Sure, I’ll do that, just a minute.”
“Thank you kindly.”
“You’re welcome and by the way, congrats on your engagement and the baby.”
John nodded his head and afforded a bogus smile under the gloominess of his eyes.
As the red and white carnation poised an enchantment, his mind swayed into the reminiscence of the euphoria of when they first caressed each other’s lips and the day when he went down on bended knees to worship Karla Steelburg as his queen. He could still vividly see the joy it brought to her soul. The laughter and sweet serenity she displayed that night still warms his heart, even now.
“Hey John!” The voice from behind him called.
He turned around and Calvin saw that his eyes were watery.
“What’s going on John?” Calvin asked.
“My son is dead Calvin.” John shook his head and inhaled deeply, “Junior is dead.”
“What?” Calvin bewildered in disbelief, “I don’t understand.”
“It turns out that you were right. Karla is the worst thing that ever happened to me.”
“Hold on, slow down John. Take a minute and explain to me what exactly happened.”
After we left the police station and arrived home. Karla decided to open up to me. I guess she felt guilty about me getting locked up. She told me the baby had been dead for a couple of weeks now. She found out when she last visited the doctor. Her womb is not able to carry a child because of an abortion she had.”
“Oh God, you can’t be serious!”
John nodded his head, “I couldn’t believe it myself. It provoked the seven demons inside of me. I got so upset you wouldn’t even imagine. I even called her a bitch.”
“Hold on, you called her what?” Calvin shockingly asked.
“Yeah, I called her a bitch, that’s all she ever was.”
“Oh, no you didn’t!” Calvin exclaimed.
John shrugged his shoulders, “It’s over between me and her Calvin. I really don’t care--not anymore.”
“Look my friend. I am going to tell you plain and straight. You are wrong!” Calvin stressed, “You are dead wrong.”
“Calvin, she lied to me, she has been dishonest throughout the entire relationship, you don’t know the half of it.”
“John, I may not know the full story but based on what you told me; her father’s death, the suffering she went through, being raped at a tender age, having an abortion and now her baby is dead, and to make matters worse, you called her a bitch and walked out of her life…think about it. You have just completely destroyed that girl’s life. Only the grace of the mother of God can keep her from killing herself.”
John held his eyes to the ground. The sudden intensity of the guilt was too much to suppress. “Calvin is right. I was cynical to call her a bitch and ended the relationship over a situation she had no control of. Oh God! How devastated she must be--Jesus Christ what have I done!” John pondered.
“John you know I am right. See if it’s one thing I have learned, is that sometimes in life we may make terrible decisions, which we have to use the rest of our lives to pay for the consequences, but you don’t let it turn you into a bitter person at all. I know you are still a great person John. So you need to do the right thing--Apologize, at least do that, before it’s too late.”
John raised his head and looked at Calvin dead in the eye, then nodded his head. “I know now…I appreciate it.”
“Yeah sure. Now go do what you have to do and hurry.” Calvin replied with a smile. John hugged him with pats to his back then hurried off to the apartment.
John busted through the front door of the apartment calling, “Karla, Karla baby, Karla my wife, where are you?”
He heard no answer. The house was graveyard silent. He checked in the bedroom, she wasn’t there, he checked in the bathroom and all he saw were a wet curtain and an opened makeup kit. John hurried to the kitchen, still yelling her name, hoping to hear her voice, but that proved only to be wishful desires. She wasn’t present in the house. As desperations seeped in, he double checked the rooms he first went into. Karla had left it seems.
“The pain, the abandonment and the repudiation were perhaps too crushing to bear further.” He thought as he searched frantically for a sign or something of the sort that would tell him that she isn’t gone for good.
“Don’t build your hopes on unlikely pleasures.” Was the first thought that went through his mind when he saw in the distance by the kitchen post, the yellow sheet of paper hanging on the hall door. His heart pounded against his chest. A sour and painful sensation soared through his body. Never was he known to be so vulnerable, but as he read the note, tears descended his eyes.
“I can’t do this anymore John.
Sorry I turned out to be the worst mistake of your life.
All in all, you broke my heart.
Goodbye.”
Chapter 29
Karla Steelburg rang the doorbell three times. No one seemed to be home. As she turned around to leave with the heavy suitcases in hand, she heard the door behind her opened.
“Hello!” He uttered to gain the strangers attention.
She turned around, rested her suitcases to the ground, met his eyes and greeted in a subtle voice, “Hello Joseph.”
A stroke of surprise and disbelief wept his expression, but that lasted for a brief thirty seconds. The sad look in his eyes and the way his cheeks reclined brought images to her mind of her father as he lay in the coffin. How similarly cold and hollow the two faces were.
“I never expected to see you again. What brings you to my doorsteps?”
“I have nowhere else to go Joseph.” Her voice was weak and timid.
That plea fell flat on sentiments. He remembered in detail the feeling of repudiation she caused him and now it will be a dish served cold.
“See I didn’t count the months, but the last time I saw you, if I can remember clearly the words were, “Goodbye Joe…It’s over.”
“I know, I did some things I shouldn’t have. I made a mistake Joe, I realize that now. I was one of those people that didn’t appreciate what they have until it’s gone and I want--I am sorry Joe.”
“That’s exactly what I am talking about. It was always about what you want--your selfish needs…Yes, I was courteous to your necessities, because all I asked for in return was some honesty and appreciation and yeah I thought you would love me sooner or later but that was only my crazy delusion.”
“Joseph I was always grateful for all that you did, even now,” Karla walked up close to him and looked in his eyes, “I know now that you are the best thing that ever happened to me. Despite the circumstances, you loved me, and you placed no one above me and for that I owe you my everything…deep inside, I know you would never call me a bitch.”
Joseph gave no response. He just stood there with his arms folded. After a minute, she realized that his stringency was static. It would take more than passionate words and promise to reenter his heart. As it is now, the door remained closed. No one is of worth to rekindle the flame.
She took a deep breath, mustered her cheeks and found the strength to walk away. As she picked up the suitcases to find her way through the gate she felt his fingers on her hand. “I’ll carry the load for you. Come inside, let’s talk a little.” She smiled and followed him in.
“Can I get you anything to drink?” Joseph offered as he placed the suitcases in the locker room under the staircase.
“Water please.” She replied as she sat in the couch facing the television. The long restless days spent watching soap operas as Joseph worked in the shop were still warm in her memory.
“I am sorry I am out of ice.” He gave her the glass of room temperature water and sat in the chair lateral to her. She took a sip and laid it on the coffee table. To her insight it was covered with Playboy magazines and Adult Confessions.
&n
bsp; “So, what is with the black shirt and jeans?” Karla asked, “You’ve gone gothic?”
“No not at all. It’s my new favorite color since you’ve been gone.”
“Oh I see…How have you been holding up? You look five years older.”
“For the first few months I thought I would drown myself in bath water, but after that the days went by with the wind. Thank God for beers and cigarettes.”
“You started smoking again?” Karla asked.
“Joseph took a pack from his shirt pocket, lit the cancer stick and blew the smoke to the ceiling, “I forgot how magical these menthols are.”
“You know you are not supposed to be smoking, it could aggravate your asthma.”
“Life had taken on a whole new perspective Karla.” Joe added, “It may not be a brighter one, but the solitude is comforting.”
She watched him from an angle as he consumed the cigarette, and coughed dry mucus from his throat. He had changed a world lot since she had left. It’s as if he had given up on life and all he saw were darker days ahead.
“So what of the shop?” Karla inquired, “Business doing well as usual?”
“Not quite, I laid off the guys. I have been in there once or twice since, waiting for the mood to go back.”
“You have totally given up on life huh?” Karla asked.
“No I haven’t given up or else I would be dead. It’s just that, life is much simpler this way.” He cushioned into the chair, and closed his eyes. He seemed relaxed as if there wasn’t a worry in the world that concerned him. She found that very troublesome.
“But Joseph, your family needs you, especially your youngest daughter. You can’t continue like this.”
“Not to worry Karla, my family is well taken care of.”
“Joseph listen to me,” Karla persisted, “You are not thinking like a reasonable human being. You need to get yourself together.”
Joe made an upright posture in the chair and extinguished the bud of the cigarette. “Look, of all the people in the world, I do not need a lecture from you.” Joe denounced with a tempered tone, “If I should blame anyone for the state that I am in, it would be you. So don’t come here and give me that crap about getting my life together, I don’t want to hear it, not from you.”