by Shey Stahl
I stare at him for a few seconds, Shade and Ricky approaching behind him along with the EMTs. I run my hand through my hair. “Guess I crashed then.”
But then I attempt to lift my shoulder, and immediately fall over in pain. By the way, it’s dislocated and if you’ve ever dislocated your shoulder, you know the pain I’m talking about. It’s fucking unbearable.
Picked up off the ground, I’m escorted off the course on a 4-wheeler, my arm in a sling.
Rod catches me in the medic trailer. “You did that on purpose!”
“Did not.” I’m pissed, because while I planned to, I actually didn’t do that on purpose.
Willa pushes Rod out. “Now’s not the time for this.”
The real highlight of the injury, not the drugs surprisingly, is when Amberly rushes to the medic trailer. “Oh my God! Are you okay?”
Fuck. Yeah.
And then I wonder, if this grabs her attention, what else can I get out of her while I’m injured? “No.” I wink, grinning like a doped-up fool. I’m being given Demerol by this point in an IV. “Wanna play doctor?” And then, and I’m not sure why, but I start to unbutton my riding pants with my right hand. The only one that’s free. “I’ll show you mine if you promise to show me yours.”
She frowns, and I realize who’s at her feet. Shit. River.
River steps up on a stool, a can of orange soda in one hand and a sucker hanging from her mouth. “What you do? You have an owie?”
It’s the first time she’s ever talked to me. I smile, kind of wanting to hug the barely three-foot-tall toddler. I don’t know why, maybe because she’s never spoken to me before and she’s looking at me. And she has green highlights in her hair.
I sit up, swinging my legs around the side of the table and stare down at her. “I like your hair.”
River’s eyes brighten. They look like milk chocolate kisses with gold and emerald swirls. They’re the prettiest fuckin’ things I’ve ever seen.
“I like your hair,” she adds, and reaches up to touch it. She giggles and retracts her hand like I shocked her. “It poky.” Then she sits next to me and offers me a sucker. The one in her pocket. “Here. Take it.”
I do. “Will it make me feel better?”
She shrugs. “I no know.”
I laugh. She’s so fuckin’ adorable. My eyes drift to Amberly and I wish they hadn’t. She’s staring at me like I’ve just made every dream of hers come true. And you know it’s going to turn to shit, don’t you?
Willa notices too. Her brows draw together, and she hands Berlin to Ricky, who just walked in with Shade to check on me. They talk amongst themselves. I don’t listen. I enjoy a sucker with a girl.
Doug appears next, with an ESPN official and of course, Rod again. His eyes move from Willa, to me, then his daughter and granddaughter. “What are you doing in here?”
Amberly jerks back, her eyes widen with surprise. “I uh. . . .” She doesn’t have an answer for him, at least not one he’s going to be okay with. I was warned to stay away from the Johnson daughters when I was fifteen. Clearly, I didn’t listen but at the time, Doug didn’t know I’d already finger fucked his youngest daughter two weeks before the warning came.
“She was checking on me,” I tell him, smiling at River. “She cares. Unlike you,” I retort with cold sarcasm.
Doug doesn’t even acknowledge me, let alone my words. Why would he? He hates me, remember?
River touches my forehead with a child gentleness. “Feel better?”
Her touch sends a rush through me, one of pride and adoration that something as sweet and beautiful as her has my blood running through her veins. How can that be?
I wink at River, touching her freckled nose with my finger. “I’m better already.”
“Get her out of here, Amberly,” Doug orders with contempt that forbids further argument. “This isn’t a place for a child.” Then he walks out, taking Rod and the official with him.
I can’t see Amberly’s face clear enough to catch the emotion behind her eyes, but I know it’s there. It has to be. He treats her like shit.
Amberly pats River’s knee. “We should get back to the trailer. I left it unattended.”
I reach for Amberly’s hand, trying to lighten the mood again. “For me?”
She rolls her eyes but keeps our hands together. I look down at it. Then back to her. Christ, she’s falling for me.
I fell for your soul before you touched me.
Fuck me that’s pathetic. It’s the drugs talking. Don’t listen to me.
“Come back to my place tonight.”
“I can’t.” Check out the expression on her face and the apprehension. She’s lying.
“When was the last time you had fun?”
“I tried to, but someone rode a dirt bike through the restaurant.”
I was on the edge of unconsciousness, the opiates flowing through my body, warm and soothing, killing the pain, but I still want her to come back to the house with me. I find that if you fight the meds long enough, they give you a great high rather than sleep. “Come back to the house with me.”
“I can’t. I have River.”
“Sure you can. She can sleep. Willa can watch her.” I motion to Willa who gives me a “fuck you” face. “She’s already on baby watch.”
Willa slaps me upside the head. “You’re a dick.” Then she slaps her hand over her mouth, wide-eyed and staring at River. “Sorry.”
Amberly waves her off. “It’s fine.” Her eyes lift to mine. “Don’t you think you should go home and get some sleep. Who knows if you’re going to need surgery.”
The medic attending to me, poking around at my shoulder, shakes his head. “It’s dislocated.”
I glare at him. “Nobody asked your opinion.” I know, rude, but whatever. Give me a break. I’m injured. I focus on Amberly. “I don’t want to sleep.” I pause for dramatic effect and stick my bottom lip out to maybe seal the deal. “I want you to come back to the house with me. . . as my girlfriend.”
She laughs in my face. “You’re high on painkillers.”
That’s definitely true.
Willa chokes on a gasp. “Did you seriously call her your girlfriend?”
Proudly, I nod—and yes, I’m high. “She agreed to be my girlfriend when she bailed me out of jail.”
While Willa takes a deep breath, Amberly takes River by the hand. “I’ll think about it.” And then she leaves, and I watch her ass as she does so.
Willa knocks my shoulder. The hurt one and I glare. “Sorry,” she says. “Who is she?”
“Amberly. You know her.”
“I don’t mean her. The girl. Who is she?”
“Her name is River.”
“And she’s yours?”
“Yes?” Notice the way my answer comes out in a question? Willa’s the closest thing I’ve come to a mother, and don’t tell her this, but I’m actually afraid of her. She can be a real bitch when she wants to be.
“I assumed that,” she says, shaking her head with disappointment.
I grin, and it’s not received well. “You know what they say when you assume.”
“Shut up.” She slaps my shoulder again. “Answer me.”
“If I shut up, I can’t answer you,” I point out with defiance.
The medic adjusting my sling laughs.
“Tiller!”
“Okay, fine. Fuck.” I turn to the medic. “Get out.” By my tone, he laughs. When there’s no one but us, I lay out the facts for Willa, knowing I can’t hide it from her any longer. “The kid is Amberly’s niece. And yeah, I sorta fucked her sister, Ava, about four years ago up at Mammoth.”
My words hang awkwardly, bouncing off the walls of the trailer lined with medical supplies.
“You mean Ava Johnson? Doug Johnson’s other daughter who was killed a couple weeks back?”
“Yep. That one. Amberly has custody now.”
“And you haven’t said anything to me yet? Tiller.” She groans, slumping against the
wall. “What the fuck were you thinking? I suppose now she wants money from you?”
“I don’t think she does. She never said anything, but if the kid needs something, I’d give her money. I’m not a deadbeat.” Unlike my mother.
“Did you take a paternity test? Maybe she’s not yours.”
“No.”
“So, you don’t know for sure?”
I raise an eyebrow and remember chocolate kiss eyes.
“Shit,” Willa curses and straightens her posture, internally going over a plan I’m assuming she’s formulating already. “You’re right. It’s obvious she’s yours.” She gets in my face. “Tiller, what are we going to do?”
I stare back, resisting the urge to curl up and sleep. “She doesn’t want anything from me besides getting to know the kid.”
“And you don’t want to?”
“Not particularly. I’m not exactly a role model, despite what Camden thinks.” Camden, sadly, is one of my best friends and he’s eleven. That should tell you a lot about my morals.
Willa’s mouth thins into a firm line. She means business. “Tiller, I’m warning you now. You need to be very careful and not hurt her.”
“Who?”
She gives me a pointed glare. “Both of them.”
“You’re hot when you’re mad,” I tease, winking at her. “Wanna give me a sponge bath later?”
Again, she slaps my dislocated shoulder. “Knock it off.”
Dramatically, I fall back against the table. And sleep for the next hour.
Let me ask you something, and be completely honest with me. I won’t even get mad.
The responsible thing would have been to not go to the Sawyer mansion that night, right?
Damn it. I knew better than this. I should have listened to you.
Do you see that girl sitting in her car in the valet drive of their mansion? The one parked next between the neon green Ducati and black Ford Raptor? The one nervously chewing on her already short orange nails?
That’s me and I’m thinking this is a bad idea. The last party I attended at the Sawyer mansion was when I was seventeen after the X Games, where at just seventeen years old himself, Tiller had won a gold medal. That’s the night I ended up completely naked in the hot tub with Tiller. I almost had sex with him, but my insecurities, and the fact that there were over a hundred people around us, weighed on me and I told him no. We did other things, and he got off that night for sure, but even wasted, Tiller understood the meaning of no and left anything we did up to me.
“I can do this,” I tell myself when I see Tiller standing in the driveway, his shoulder in a sling, and wearing board shorts. That’s all. They land so deliciously low on his hips that heat courses through my center.
Nobody should look that good.
You’re wondering where River is, right? Don’t worry. She’s not with me.
Tracy, who’d been helping me at the event tonight took her home. Said after the date disaster, I deserved a second chance at freedom for a night. And if I was with Tiller, there’d be no chance of him ruining the night, right?
Hardly. I feel so guilty for leaving her again that I’m tempted to leave.
Tiller, impatiently waiting on the porch, gives me a nod and screams, “Get in here!”
With a deep breath of preparation, I exit my car and lock it. Roan, Tiller’s older brother, is here tonight and is known for getting drunk and stealing cars for joyrides. He once “borrowed” my car and I found it in Los Angles at a strip club two days later. Don’t ever leave your keys visible either. He’ll find them.
The walk to the front of the house is done on shaky legs and me fidgeting with my lilac, a few shades lighter than my hair, sundress to smooth out the wrinkles. The warm summer Southern California night hits my face, along with the distant stench of burning wood from the wildfires. My eyes burn and the sky gives off a hazy gray appearance.
Tiller stands before me, his breathing heavy, eyes lazy-lidded. “Took you long enough.” I notice a beer bottle in the hand that’s not bandaged up.
“Should you be drinking with pain pills?”
“No, but when has that ever stopped me?” He slings his good arm around my shoulder and leads me in the house.
I hand my keys to Scarlet. For good reason, she’s collecting them at the front door.
I’ve met Scarlet a few times, but I don’t think I’ve ever had a conversation with her. She’s got this wild mess of blonde curls that do their own thing and match her personality perfectly. And though I’ve only met her a few times, I can tell I love her spirit already.
Her bright sky-blue eyes land on my face, and I know she’s smiling before my eyes even land on her full lips. “You’re Amberly Johnson, right?”
I nod, and she seems excited, like I’ve told her she’s won the lottery. “Well shit, girl. It’s nice to meet the only chick Tiller’s ever liked.”
Tiller leans into her, but never removes his arm from around my shoulder and he brushes his cheek against Scarlet, like a cat does when it rubs up against your leg. “That’s not true. I like you, Northwest.”
One minute he’s charming and the next you want to drown him.
“You gonna share?” Roan asks, winking at me as he leans casually into the door frame.
Tiller shoves Roan away from me. “Fuck your bad vibes, bro.”
Roan laughs. “Fair is fair, bro.”
These two have a history of hostility. I’ve never known a time when Roan and Tiller were nice to each other. Roan almost drowned in the pool out back once and Tiller did nothing to help him. To this day, Tiller claims he didn’t realize he wasn’t joking, but when the paramedics carted Roan away and he had to spend a few nights in the hospital, Tiller never went and saw him.
“Why do you hate him so much?” I ask Tiller.
He shrugs. “Never said I hated him.” And then he whispers in my ear, keeping his eyes locked on his brother, “I fucked his girl and he’s pissed about it.”
I’m not at all surprised, and though the thought of him with someone else sends a pang of sadness to my heart, I know Tiller has been around. “You’re hard to swallow at times.”
Scarlet rolls her eyes. She knows exactly where Tiller’s going with this one when he chuckles and gives me that dirty smirk he’s so damn good at. “If you’re good at swallowing, I got a mouthful for you.”
“Stop that.” I slap at him, trying to wiggle my way away from him and to the beer Scarlet hands me. I’ve never been much of a hard alcohol girl. I prefer beer over anything else. “What’s gotten into you?”
He pushes my hair aside and kisses my neck. “I have two emotions. Angry and horny. Oh, and batshit crazy. Pick one.”
Taking notice in the now black barrel he has in his hand, I say, “I think you’re batshit crazy at the moment.”
He slings his arm around me. “I wouldn’t disagree.”
I can tell you a lot about that night, and most of it happens on my own free will, but somehow, after three beers, and a few pulls from the half-empty fifth of Jameson Black Barrel, I find myself outside on the pool deck with Tiller, and I’m on his lap facing him. Do you see us there? We’re surrounded by probably fifty people, most of which I don’t know and neither does Tiller. Even if he did, he wouldn’t know it now because I’m the only one capturing his attention.
My tired eyes drift around the party over his shoulder. Their security guards, Brad and Zack, stand perched near the pool, watching everyone, but neither participating.
Over the insane stereo system, “Turn Down for What” by DJ Snake blares, thumping with the beat of my steady pulse.
“Dance for me,” Tiller tells me, laying his head back against the chair.
I do, but my eyes keep moving to beside us where Roan is standing with a girl I know he has history with. Ophelia Hadley. Same girl Tiller slept with. Roan takes her hand, leading her away from the crowd who refuse to give them privacy.
Gah, why can’t I stop my mind? Anxiety gnaws at my che
st. It’s all around me. Reminders of his lifestyle, and that I’m just a girl he messes around with. If I got up and left right now, would he care?
“Goddamn,” he breathes, kissing and biting at the side of my neck. “I can feel the heat of your pussy through my fucking shorts. Let me fuck you. Please?”
I don’t answer, because he knows I’m not giving in like this. He pulls his mouth to mine, and we’re locked in a kiss. It’s enough that my attention moves to him and only him. His mouth covers mine with a hunger that doesn’t hold back. He never does, and it always sends an intoxicating sensation through my body I crave long after his mouth parts from mine.
“Goddamn it.” He growls out a breath, pulling his mouth from mine. He sounds frustrated, shifting, slouching, and grinding his erection into my center. Tightening his grip on my hip, he forces me into the lift of his hips, dragging me over the bulge. He doesn’t seem to care people are all around us, but then again, when I was seventeen and he came on my bare breasts with three of his friends watching, I don’t think he cared then, either. The thought, the memory of him doing those things to me, it adds to what’s between us now. A connection neither of us can explain.
Tingles shoot through my entire body, and I’m close to an orgasm just off the kiss and the friction of his hardness between my legs. With him shirtless, I’m careful of his arm in the sling, and I want to wrap my arms around his neck to feel his hot skin on mine, but I can’t.
To my left, I notice people watching us, while others don’t seem to mind. Like Shade and Scarlet. They’re in the hot tub. Her tops off and he’s sucking on her tits. Those are just the kind of things that happen at the parties here and nobody’s the wiser. They just let it happen.
Tiller’s breath catches, and he halts my hips, and I swear his dick twitches, pulsing like he’s coming. “Fuck, stop for a second.” His stomach tightens, his head resting back on the chair we’re in. I touch my fingertips to his panther tattoo on his pec, outlining it with the pad of my index finger.
He swallows. “You gotta get up for a second or I’m gonna blow it.”