by Shey Stahl
At first, I don’t respond to her remark because my shoulder injury isn’t fake. I’m more concerned with the fact that she’s using a notebook she pulled out of her tits to take notes rather than the thousand-dollar iPhone I guarantee does the same thing for her.
Taking my cigarette from my lips, I pull in one last drag and then take the tip and hold it to her notebook. The paper smokes, embers floating and landing on her bare thighs. She brushes them aside. “You ass. I need this book.” Frantically she pats at the white smoking paper, dropping her phone to the stone patio in the process as she tries to put the fire out.
“Why?” I chuckle, inhaling another drag. Taking my beer, I dump it on the notebook. “You have a phone for that.”
The beer splatters all over the table, and Scarlet. “God, Tiller. Why do you have to be such a dick all the time.”
“Relax, northwest.” I lean my head back against the chair, staring up at the haze-filled sky. “You worry too much.”
“And you don’t worry enough.”
If only you knew, baby.
“Okay, well then, if you’re not going to take this seriously, let your career go up in smoke like the rest of you.”
I leer at her, lifting my shades. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“You’ve lost your drive and we all know it. Yeah, you put on a show, but what happened to the Wild Cat I first saw perform in Seattle? There’s not a shred of him left in you.”
There’s truth to that, isn’t there? I’m not even sure what to make of it.
Scarlet grabs her phone. “Are you going to show up at Party in Pasadena? It’s next weekend, and you’re on the list of attendees.”
Right. Forgot about that one. “Yeah, I’ll make that. Shoulder might not be ready, but I’ll make an appearance.”
“Fine.” She stands, strutting away like I’ve pissed her off. She’s fine. We do this all the time.
Just when I think I might get some quiet time, I hear heels clicking against the stone. I don’t need to look to know it’s Willa. She smells like baby puke and Cheerios. Setting Berlin down near the table, she throws an envelope on the table and rips the cigarette from my mouth.
Tossing it on the ground, she steps on it. “Open that.”
“Nice to see you too, Willz.” I always call Willa by her nickname I gave her. Lifting my shades, I stare at the white envelope. “What’s that?”
“It’s a court order for DNA testing to establish parent percentage of River James Taylor.”
Fuck. Damn.
“Doug and Regina ordered it this morning,” Willa adds, keeping one eye on Berlin near the pool, and me. “They petitioned parental custody of her against Amberly too.”
Goddamn them. If anyone deserves River, it’s Amberly. I can’t think of a better person for her to be with since she can’t have Ava. Flipping through the documents, it says I have to get the test done within the week.
Picking up my cell phone, I see a message from Amberly asking me to call her. And just about the time I’m going to pick my phone up, I see River run toward me. “Tiller!”
Too late. She’s here. I dropped them off at Amberly’s apartment yesterday morning and hadn’t anticipated seeing her again so soon, but the sudden smile and jolt of nerves through my body tells me I’m not disappointed they’re here.
I’m fucked. So fucking fucked. So yeah. . . fuck me.
Lifting River on my lap, she hugs me, resting her head on my chest. “I miss you.”
“You just saw me yesterday.” I chuckle, brushing her hair from her face. At least she doesn’t smell like vomit anymore. The thought of my truck still smelling like that sends a rush of anxiety through me. I might have to buy a new truck if that smell doesn’t come out, but more importantly, it reminds me of how fuckin’ reckless I had been with them in the truck. It was a complete douche move on my part.
Amberly approaches, her purple hair is everywhere, and it makes me want to fist my hands in it and draw her mouth to mine.
I make River sit in her own chair. For obvious reasons. Fuck. My cock twitches at the sight of Amberly in a hot pink and lime green halter dress with heels. How can you not want to fuck this girl? Of course I’m hard. She looks like a lollipop I want in my mouth and riding my cock.
Damn it. I shift and lean forward. There are children present. And something a little more serious to be thinking about.
My blood boils at the thought of anyone trying to take River from Amberly.
She sits next to me. She looks miserable. Sweating with the heat, helpless to the ways of her parents, and confused at what to do next. “The house sold,” she whispers.
Leaning forward, I hold up the paperwork. “I have to take a paternity test.”
Amberly nods, looking at Willa, then me. “I heard. I was served this morning. They want to do an inspection of where River’s living and my apartment isn’t going to work. It’s a studio in a crap neighborhood.”
I’ve hated where Amberly lives for years. It’s a crime-filled area of downtown Santa Monica and extremely expensive. “What about the place you’re living at, Willz?”
“Andalucia?”
“Yeah. Those are nice, right?”
She nods. “Yeah, they’re a great place to live.”
“Set Amberly and River up with a place there,” I tell her. “I’ll pay for it.”
Do you see the look of shock on Amberly’s face? She thinks I’ve lost my mind. “No, you won’t.”
River catches my attention. She’s sitting on the ground with Berlin on her lap. They don’t even know each other, yet they’re playing together.
Willa catches my eyes, softly saying, “You got a choice here, Tiller. You gotta step up, or step back. What’s it going to be?”
“Step up.” Notice how there’s no hesitation in my voice? Willa does. Amberly’s not sure what to make of it.
“Are you sure you’re the father?” Willa looks to me, then Amberly, waiting for one of us to say something.
“Ava told me in a letter Tiller is her father—and look at her.” She motions to River, now blowing bubbles in Berlin’s face. “She’s the spitting image of him.”
I smile. I don’t know why, but I smile and fucking mean it. What the fuck is wrong with me?
“Okay, well if you guys are going to fight this, you need to show a united front,” Willa tells us, typing on her phone. “If Ava left custody to you, Amberly, they’re not just going to take her away from you without cause. Tiller’s lawyer will represent you, too, but any judge out there is going to side with you. They don’t want to disrupt her life any more than what’s already been done. But if Doug and Regina can prove you’re incompetent. . . well then, they may have reason to believe the child’s in danger with you and intervene.” Willa pauses, looking from Amberly, to me. “This is your reality check. You have to make choices and show that you can provide a stable environment for the kid.” She means me more than Amberly. I’m sure of it. “You need to find an apartment with two bedrooms.” She holds up her phone, showing Amberly a two-bedroom model at the Andalucia apartments. “I can get you into this one tomorrow afternoon. Will that work?”
Money isn’t an issue for me. I have plenty to help her find a bigger place to live. “Yes, it’ll do,” I tell Willa, handing her my credit card. “Set it up so the rent charges to my card every month.”
Amberly places her hand on mine, trying to force the card back to me. “I can’t let you do that, Tiller.”
“She’s my daughter and you’re raising her. It’s the least I can do.” Holy shit. . . who am I? What’s happened to me? Am I having some sort of out-of-body experience?
And I think back, and it’s the incident with her dad and the shit with the kid trying to race me that changed it for me. I wish Scarlet was out here to hear this. Maybe then she’d take back what she said about me earlier.
Or maybe not.
“So we’ll send a moving truck over to the house today,” Willa tells Amberly. “I just need
you to go sign some papers today and everything will be taken care of. You just need to move it.”
“It happens that fast?”
“With money it does,” I point out, knowing Amberly’s certainly never been deprived of money in her life, but she also ran away from home at seventeen and hasn’t taken a penny from her dad since. She’s worked for everything she has, even if it’s not that much.
“Can you watch her for the weekend?”
“Excuse me?” Willa asks, wide-eyed. “You’re not serious, are you?”
I don’t say anything, but I too look at her like she’s lost her mind. Me watching River for the weekend? Are your eyes wide too?
Amberly looks at me, then Willa. “I think so. You don’t think he can do it?”
Willa laughs. Just laughs. And leaves it at that and walks inside the house leaving me and Amberly alone. Well, aside from the kids still playing. And before you fuckin’ freak out over the kids near water, don’t. Berlin can swim and it’s not like we’d let the kids drown should they fall in. I only turn my head when Roan is drowning.
That’s when Amberly leans forward, bumping her hand to my knee. “If you don’t feel comfortable, I can get Tracy to watch her.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Who’s Tracy?” I suddenly feel the need to know everyone in her life. Actually, I know I need to know. I don’t want any crazy fucks around my kid. Hell, maybe they should move in here so I know exactly who’s around them at all times? Christ, listen to me. I’m the ring leader of crazy fucks and I’m her goddamn dad.
Welcome to the shit show, kid.
“Tracy is the neighbor’s girl who watches her sometimes.”
Nodding, I lean forward, reaching for Amberly’s hand. “I think I can handle it. What’s a day or two?”
Her smile catches, the side of her face lit up by the afternoon sun. “Do you think this is a good idea?”
“Me watching her? No, it’s a terrible idea, but I’ll do it.”
She laughs, slouching in the chair. “This is going to be a disaster.”
It probably is. Admit it, you have your doubts too.
It’s a few minutes later when Amberly stands and reaches for her cell phone. “Okay, I have a couple bags of clothes for her in the car left over from the wedding. She can just wear that stuff for the weekend. I need to grab her blanket and stuffed animals from the house though.”
“Go away. I got it,” I tease and wave her off, like I’m confident but if she could hear how hard my heart’s beating, she wouldn’t have any confidence in me.
She’s still staring at me, unwilling to move. Her gaze shifts to River. “I’m going to tell her what’s going on. If I just leave, she’ll freak out on you.”
Turning, she makes her way over to River and Berlin. Willa comes back out and hands Amberly a piece of paper. I’m assuming with information for the apartment and then approaches me. “Are you positive you can handle this?”
Playfully, I run my foot up her leg to annoy her. “Willz, you have no faith in me these days.”
Willa won’t admit it, but she secretly loves arguing with me. “In the last two weeks you have spent nearly every night passed out drunk.”
“Untrue. I rarely sleep.”
“Okay, well, what about riding your dirt bike through a restaurant?”
My mouth quirked at the edges. “Misunderstanding.”
“They’re suing you for damages,” she points out.
I stare at her, like she’s lost her mind, or Italia has. “They’re suing me? For what?”
“Damages.”
“I knocked over a few tables.”
“And a wine rack with a couple rare vintages on it.”
Slouching, I kick my feet up in the lounge chair next to me and flick my lighter open, fidgeting with it. “They’re lying. I’m never going there again.”
“Actually, they’ve also filed a restraining order against you. You can’t get within 100 feet of their restaurant.”
“Bullshit. I don’t even like Italian food.”
And then she laughs, like this is entertaining for her, but she maintains her professionalism by knocking my foot away when I try to lift her dress up. “Shall we go over the other restaurants you’re banned from?”
My brows raise. “There’s a list?”
She stares blankly at me. There must be a list.
Flopping my head back against the chair, I sigh and throw my hands up. “Whatever.”
“No, not whatever, Tiller.” She leans over my chair. Her tits are in my face.
“Motherhood’s treating you well, Willz.” I wink, and she smacks my cheek.
I’d like to point out, I have no interest in Willa. She’s like my mother. But still, when have you ever known me not to get a rise out of someone? Exactly.
Back to Willa in my face. She grabs my cheeks with her hands and forces me to look at her. “You need to knock this off. This is why you’re not exactly babysitting material.” She lets go of me. I reach for my cigarettes and she slaps my hand away and takes them from me. “No smoking and no parties while River’s here.”
“Well, why don’t you just take away everything fun in my life while you’re at it.”
“Welcome to parenting,” she mumbles, walking away with my cigarettes in her hand. “Prove me wrong.”
Prove her wrong? I can do this, can’t I?
You’re rolling your eyes, aren’t you? Yeah, well, I’m fucking sweating over here. Who cares what you think.
Do you see that guy on the couch with the kid? Does he look nervous?
Ha. That’s a goddamn understatement. I haven’t been this nervous since getting on an overnight flight to Amsterdam after doing a few hits of acid. I don’t remember much, other than being handcuffed to the seat when I yelled at the full moon to “Take my soul!”
You’re probably wondering where the nerves came from? Um, well, convinced I was importing narcotics, they cavity searched me. If you don’t know what that means, google it. I’d rather not say.
And for the sake of your sanity, because I’m sitting here with a child, I haven’t touched acid since then.
Back to what’s happening. I’m left with the kid, three bags of her stuff, and her holding the DVD of Beauty and the Beast, while she’s screaming at me to play it. While she cries like someone pulled her hair, I think back to Amberly’s face when she left and hope this isn’t something like, hey, watch the kid while I go out for a pack of smokes and never come back.
She looked happy, didn’t she? Or maybe she was thrilled because I was acting like a grown-up? All I know is she better come back.
“I watch it now!” River screams, pointing at the television where Shade is watching highlights on ESPN where they’re showing the X-Fighters in Madrid. A year ago, he broke his neck in Madrid, and since then, he hasn’t watched the highlight. I’m not sure what is making him now, but I’m about to ruin that because I can’t handle this screaming.
River was normal when Amberly was here, but the moment she walked out the door, I’m not sure she left me with the same kid.
Walking over to the television, I grab the remote from Shade and turn the audio to the DVD and insert the disk.
“What are you doing, asshole?” he shouts, sitting up and glaring at me. “I was watching that.”
“Go someplace else and watch it.”
When the menu pops up with the music, River starts twirling around, dancing.
Shade looks to me, then River, then me again. “Are you fucking shitting me? Why is she here and what is this crap?”
Flopping down on the couch, I cradle my face in my hands. What in the fuckcicle did I agree to? I’m not parent material. Why didn’t you say anything?
I hold up the DVD cover, still cradling my face. “It’s Beauty and the Beast. And Amberly left her with me so she could move.” The moment the words leave my lips, I question my sanity. You are too, aren’t you? You’re thinking this is a disaster, aren’t you?
Shade stands, li
ke he wants no part of this, but asks, “For how long?”
I look up. “Said she’d be back in a couple days.”
“Why would she leave her with you?”
“I just told you,” I snap, hitting the Play button to the movie. River grabs her blanket and sits next to me like we’re going to fucking cuddle up and enjoy the movie together. “She’s moving.”
It takes Shade a minute, but he stares at me, then River and then to my surprise, bursts out laughing. Motherfucker. “She’s your kid, isn’t she?”
Reaching across me for an empty beer bottle on the coffee table in front of us, I throw it as hard as I can at Shade. Naturally, he moves out of the way, and it hits the window behind and breaks it.
“Mom!” Shade yells jokingly when Willa walks back into the house with her phone pressed to her ear and Berlin on her back, sleeping in one of those baby carriers. She notices the broken glass. Shade points at me. “He did it.”
“Knock it off,” she says, barely interested. “And clean this up.”
“I can’t.” I scoot River closer to me. “I’m busy watching Beauty and the Beast.”
Willa begins unbuckling her carrier and get this, she hands me Berlin like I’m a fucking babysitter now. “Well if you’re so cozy, watch Berlin while I deal with your mess and figure out how to get Shade to Peru next week to do a shoot.”
“No way.” I try to push Berlin back at her, but how can you push a sleeping baby away from you? That’s just evil.
Look at me curled up with two girls on the couch. Adorable, huh? Yeah, fuck off. Don’t get used to this. Where’s Amberly? I bet if she saw this, her ovaries would burst and maybe—just maybe—she might actually let me fuck her.
Shade’s eyes widen. “I have to go to Peru next week? I’m supposed to make an appearance in Madrid.”
Ah, yes. That’s why he was watching the highlights. Since the accident that almost killed him, he hasn’t been back to Spain, and I can’t say I blame him. I broke my pelvis and every bone in my left leg in Athens, Greece, and I have no desire to return. Fuck Greece. Unfortunately, I have three plates in my leg as a reminder.
Twenty minutes later—or an eternity when you’re watching a Disney movie—I’m only half paying attention to the movie River’s fully engrossed in. Until they’re at the scene where Beast and Belle, I know, pretty fucking weird I know her name now, but still, this is the part of the movie I pay attention to because River’s crying again. Berlin—who’s apparently teething—is awake and chewing on my fucking fingers like I’m a chew toy.