by Mia Hoddell
“Why do you want my help? You know nothing about me and I know nothing about you. Why do you even think I can help you? Surely there are people you associate with who could do a better job.”
And so it begins …
“For seven years I’ve laid low, kept my head down, and done nothing but what I was supposed to. I got up, worked, ate, and slept only to repeat the cycle the next day. I cut a lot of people from my life—for a good reason—but I’m tired of shit hanging over me. They all knew the old me and here, with you, I can be whoever I want. When I met you on the train I didn’t know what I was doing. It had just been the most radical thing I could think of so I did it.” I sucked in a deep breath. “Only after I started talking to you did I realise I wasn’t doing anything different. You were there spouting off about not settling for less than your heart’s desire and I could see the passion in your eyes. I want that, Alaya. Right now I’m dead inside, and if I continue much longer I might as well be dead and buried too. I’m tired of hiding and letting things rule my life. I’ve lost too many years to fear and I want to be free of it.”
We waited for the waitress to place our meals in front of us before either of us spoke again. Picking up a chip with her fingers, she bit off the end and swallowed. Waving the other half around in the air like a magic wand she said, “Okay, I’ll help you.”
“I wasn’t aware I needed to convince you.”
“Of course you did. If I’m to give up my time I need a good reason and I had been undecided until a second ago.”
“What made you change your mind?”
“What you said was honest. You could have fed me a line or brushed me off, yet you didn’t. While I know that’s not the whole story, I’ll get it out of you eventually. What counted was your emotions were real.”
She rendered me speechless once again. I wasn’t used to deep, meaningful conversation. Casual flirting? I could do that, but this was uncharted territory. My stomach churned uneasily. There was so much she didn’t know, so much I swore never to tell her. She had no idea who I was or what I’d done, yet she wanted to help me without the answers.
I shouldn’t even have been around her. The only reason I kept everything a secret was because I knew I’d lose her. I needed her help even though I put her at risk by sticking around.
It was selfish of me.
A complete asshole move. Still I couldn’t let her go, even if she scared me.
“You know you can’t change who you are, right?”
And that right there proved why Alaya happened to be more frightening than anything awaiting me back home. She pushed my biggest fears in my face without even realising it … or maybe she did.
“Why do you say that?”
“You said people back home know the old you. I don’t believe people ever change totally. Situations may mould someone so they can grow, but the innate personality you’re trying to ditch will always be there.”
“For your sake, sweetheart, you had better hope you’re wrong. The last thing you ever want to know is the man I used to be.”
She tilted her head to the side again, drawing another chip between her lips. Nothing seemed to faze her.
“Why do you do that? I told you I’m not scared of you.”
“And I told you, you should be.”
“You’re not going to scare me off, Hazel. I can see through your defence. If I hit a little too close to home your instinct is to lash out. It’s not going to work with me.”
I huffed. “Maybe if you knew the real me it’d work.”
“Then show me. Let me know the real you. If you want my help you have to let me in at some point, it’s a rule.”
“Oh, so there are rules now, are there?” I quirked my lips in wry amusement.
“Of course, and if you break any of them I quit. And don’t think I didn’t notice your deflection. I did, but I’ve decided to go easy on you today seeing as it’s only day one.”
Fuck, she was good and that was the problem; it would be impossible to fool her. Then again, maybe it happened to be a good thing.
“You’re on to me.” I winked and reached for my burger. “What are your rules?”
Taking a bite, I held back a grunt of approval. The tender meat had been flavoured in a sauce that set my taste buds on fire. Combined with the lettuce, onion, and tomato it felt like a mini explosion in my mouth.
“Told you they were good.” She grinned at me like she knew exactly what I was experiencing. “Anyway, my rules.” Wiping her hand on her serviette, she then held it up to count them off. “There are only three, but if you don’t follow them you’re on your own. The first is you have to listen and follow everything I tell you. The second is you have to make the most of every opportunity. And finally, the third is you have to be honest. I know there’s shit you don’t want to tell me yet—if ever—and I won’t force you to reveal it. However, you have to be honest with yourself for this to work. I can only do so much. At some point you’re going to have to face every fucked up thing you’ve done and move on. Understood?”
“Got it.” I was so screwed.
“Great. Now eat up.”
“Someone’s gone power mad already,” I teased around a laugh.
“Shut up and eat. You agreed to the rules so live with them.”
I shook my head and returned to my food. When she threw me a playful smile, the tension in the air eased and my heartbeat resumed its normal speed. We were in the clear.
For now.
CHAPTER TEN
Alaya
“Come on, we’re heading out.” I jumped to a stop in front of Cole the next morning. He was sprawled out on a sun lounger, topless. His eyes were also hidden behind dark aviators that I hated because they masked the clues that usually swam in the hazel pools. Congratulating myself on not looking at his firm, taut abs—okay, I may have glanced for a second, but that was it—I beamed at him and waited for him to move.
“Why?”
I shook my head and folded my arms across my chest. Feigning disapproval, I scowled at him. “What’s rule number one?”
“I’m not allowed to ask questions at all?” Pushing his sunglasses on top of his head, he squinted at me and sat up so his legs straddled the sun lounger.
“Not if they question my plans. You could ask where we’re going, what we’re doing, or what you need, but not why.”
“All right, where are we going and what are we doing?”
“I’m not telling.”
“You said I could ask those questions!”
“Sure, you can ask them. It doesn’t mean I’ll answer. Now get up, we’re going to be late.” I pushed the lounger with my foot. The plan had been to topple him off it, yet he was too heavy. The closest I got was to scoot him a few centimetres away from me.
“Do I need anything?” he called to my back as I walked away.
“Try wearing a T-shirt,” I shouted back, not bothering to face him, so he surprised me when he fell into step beside me.
“Why? Does my bare chest bother you, Gingernut?” His arm skimmed mine and I inhaled sharply through my teeth. He barely suppressed his chuckle as he held his shirt in front of him, doing everything but putting the damned thing on.
“Not really, I’ve seen better.” It wasn’t technically a lie having lived near the beach and around surfers for the last five years. However, there were very few who beat Cole. Not that I intended to let him know that.
“Uh huh …” he murmured with disbelief. “Don’t think I didn’t notice your staring.”
“Just put your shirt on, Hazel. Nobody likes a show off.”
“So you admit I have something to show off?”
“You have a big ego is what you have. Now put the shirt on so we can leave.”
We came to a stop in front of the tomato red Yamaha X-MAX 125 I’d hired out for the both of us. Plucking up both helmets, I threw one to him, not even bothering to check if he caught it. I kicked my leg over the seat, slid the helmet on and buckled it
, then twisted to watch him. Thankfully he’d pulled the grey T-shirt on and now studied the helmet like it was a bomb he needed to disarm.
“Come on.” I patted the seat behind me and his forehead creased with annoyance.
“You’re not being serious.”
“Deadly,” I stated. “Now hurry up and get on.”
“I’m not riding behind you. Are you trying to emasculate me completely?”
I rolled my eyes. “Yes, that’s exactly what my intention was when I thought of this.”
“Why can’t I drive?
“Do you know how?” I countered.
He fixed me with an incredulous look like I’d asked the most ridiculous question possible.
“Right, I forgot. You’re the poster boy for bad boys everywhere, aren’t you?”
“I don’t see you getting off that thing.”
“Because I’m not.” I patted the seat behind me once more. “Hop on, Hazel.”
“You really need to stop calling me that,” he growled and closed the gap between us in a couple of strides. His tall frame blocked out the sun completely, dropping the temperature as I sat in his shadow and craned my neck back to see every expression on his face. I gulped at the annoyance darkening his gaze.
“Or what?” The words didn’t come out as confident as I would have liked. My throat betrayed me, the lack of moisture in my mouth making the words stick and come out in a squeak.
“Or I’m going to have to punish you. Now get off the bike.”
“Make me—”
Suddenly his hands were at my waist. He hauled me off the scooter swiftly and I shrieked until he placed me on the ground next to him. Not able to get my bearings in time, when I finally composed myself he’d already taken my seat. A satisfied, but challenging, grin quirked his lips as if daring me to try and move him.
“You don’t even know where we’re going.”
“You can direct me.” I didn’t think it was possible for his mouth to curve further. He tapped the seat behind him and his eyes sparkled with mischief. “Hop on.”
Grumbling under my breath, I swung my leg over the seat and he started the engine. I wasn’t stupid; I realised he’d won. I had no hope in hell of moving him without toppling the bike and I refused to pay for damages.
“You’re going to have to hold on to me, Alaya.” He glanced over his shoulder, sounding too pleased with himself.
“Will you just drive? I’ll be fine.”
He guffawed at the aggravation in my voice. “I don’t know where we’re going, remember?”
I punched him on the back, the thud of my fist only causing him to laugh harder. “That’s why I needed to drive! Go right out of the car park. We’re going canoe rafting.”
Rather than follow my instructions, he glanced at me over his shoulder with a devious smirk. “I’ll make you a deal. If you haven’t held on to me by the time we reach wherever you’re taking us, I’ll let you drive back. How does that sound?”
“Like I don’t have a choice in the matter,” I muttered, answering his question while keeping my voice low enough so he couldn’t hear me over the engine.
“Didn’t quite catch that, Gingernut. What did you say?”
“Fine, you’re on. Now will you hurry up and drive? We’re late.”
“No problem, boss.” He revved the engine and shot forward, then rapidly came to a halt. The suddenness caused me to squeal and reach out for him on instinct. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I felt more than heard his laugh of victory.
* * *
Crystal clear water splashed up around us as we hurtled down the rapids. Our inflatable canoe bounced over the water beneath us, launching us into the air only to bring us both crashing back down a second later. I paddled furiously, dipping the oar in either side of me to steer us away from the rocks and Cole sat in the back doing the same. His strength powered us through the water easily, and every time I glanced back I caught sight of the muscles in his arms rippling as he fought against nature. Beads of water dripped over his skin and elation washed his face.
I screamed gleefully when the canoe dropped and sent my stomach into a dive before everything evened out. My heart slowed as the river relaxed and euphoria bubbled from within me. The rush from speeding down a river couldn’t be compared to anything else. Better than any roller coaster, it caused uncontrollable happiness that nothing could dampen to spread within me. It never got old either. I surfed down in Cornwall, but rafting outshone it by miles. With every run I’d taken since arriving in France it only became more addictive.
The once white and frothy water that had been churned up from constantly smashing into rocks cleared beneath me again. Grey and brown pebbles mixed with weeds became visible through the distorted surface as I glanced down. The crashing of the rapids behind me still rang out and I heard the shout of our instructor as he completed the rapids. I’d forgotten he even followed us since he hung back to allow us to do our own thing.
Placing my paddle in the boat, I scrubbed the back of my hand over my forehead to wipe away the spray.
“Feeling alive yet?” I twisted to watch Cole. His expression mimicked what I imagined mine looked like.
He gazed at me in astonishment. “How do you do it?”
“Do what?” I grabbed my paddle to steer us away from the bank then went back to allowing the river to guide us.
“Let go so much … allow yourself to just go with whatever happens.”
I shrugged. It wasn’t a question I could answer because I had always been like it. I enjoyed bouncing around from one place to another, doing exactly as I pleased, and living for adventure. It wasn’t something I could teach. Either you liked the unpredictability and freedom or you wanted more security.
Folding my knees up underneath me, slowly, I pulled myself to my feet.
“What the hell are you doing?” Cole cried out as the boat shook beneath us and my legs trembled while I fought to steady my balance. Cole’s hands shot to the sides instantly.
Like that’s going to stop me toppling the thing if I want to.
I adjusted my stance, widening the gap between my legs, and when I felt stable enough I straightened. Punching the air with both fists, I cried out in happiness then held out my arms in the Titanic pose. Allowing the gentle breeze and burning sun to dry the droplets of water on my arms, I tilted my head back for a second to revel in the feeling.
“Alaya, sit back down!”
Ignoring Cole’s demands, I stooped to reach for my paddle. Then straightening once more I rode the canoe like a gondola.
“Alaya, seriously, sit back down. You’re going to break your neck.”
I deliberately shook my legs. The canoe swayed beneath me, jostling Cole in the process. His knuckles whitened as the tightness of his grip increased.
I waved my arms in the air, pretending to lose my balance. “Oh my God, Cole! I’m going to fall,” I squealed in my best helpless, girly voice.
Cole didn’t appear impressed by my joke as I stopped. His eyes narrowed at me and his jaw clenched. It took every ounce of self-control not to burst out laughing and I reached the stage where I needed to bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself.
Dipping my paddle beneath the surface of the water, I brought it up flat. I flicked as much water as I could at Cole’s face, hoping to wash away his frown. He turned on instinct, bringing an arm up to shield himself.
I kept pouring water on him. “Don’t panic so much. This trip is about having fun. You want to live, so do it.”
Taking my eyes off him for a second, I glanced at the distance between me and the new set of rapids coming up.
“Cut it out,” he growled as I continued to soak him.
“Come on, Cole,” I urged, kicking up another shower of water. “Fight for what you want. Let go. Have fun.” I punctuated each sentence with a splash.
“Will you sit back down? We’re going to hit those rapids and you’re going to be thrown from the boat. You’ll smash your head open
on a rock.”
I tapped my helmet with my fist. “That’s what these are for.”
Cole reached for me, but I smacked his hand away with the oar.
“Let go and trust me.” I stopped splashing long enough for him to fix me with a hard stare. Checking the distance over my shoulder again, when I twisted back to him my mouth curved with mischief. “Stand up.”
“What? Are you trying to kill me?” he griped, his head twitching around the area frantically.
“Don’t be a dramatic baby. I’m alive, aren’t I?”
“You’re crazy is what you are,” he muttered.
“What’s rule number one, Cole?”
“Fuck.”
I grinned. “Trust me. I’ve been on this course almost daily. Nothing bad is going to happen. Now stand up.”
“I’m taller than you.”
“Good, you’ll have further to fall and more force to knock some sense into your stubborn ass head.”
He stared at me incredulously. “What about the rapids?”
From my viewpoint and knowledge of the course, I knew they only lasted two metres at most. He’d be fine even if he fell in.
“Stand up, Hazel.”
He growled. “What did I say about that name?”
“You can punish me later. Now stand the fuck up!”
When he placed the paddle beside him I knew I’d won. Crouching back down, I made sure I faced him when I sat.
His legs and arms trembled as he tried to find his balance. The boat shook, and for a split second I thought he was going to fall in.
Finally, he settled on his feet. He lifted his gaze from where they’d been focused on the bottom of the canoe and almost instantly began lowering himself back into the boat.
I smacked his leg with my paddle. “Stay standing.”
He didn’t have time to argue. Sucked into the fast current of water, our canoe sped up beneath us, and when we were pulled down the slight incline Cole instantly lost his balance.
He flapped his arms over his head like a chicken trying to take off.