by Mia Hoddell
He’d been staring directly at me when the life flickered from his eyes. Almost as if he had been begging me to help.
I’d been too shocked to move. I hung there gawking back at him, not even sure how bad my own injuries were.
I didn’t even try to save him.
Alaya’s hand found mine, her soft, warm touch drawing me from the memory. Her thumb caressed the back of my palm as if she could sense my struggles.
Forcing back the guilt and torment, I continued. “The emergency services got to me before the car went up in flames, and once they stabilised my condition there were endless questions from the cops. Of course Crowley sent someone to threaten me while I recovered in hospital. He had this policy that if you got caught you took the fall and mentioned nothing about him and his organisation. If you did you were a dead man.”
I gazed up at the ceiling. For a split second I doubted whether I should tell her anything or whether my words would put her in even more danger. When she squeezed my hand I brushed the worry aside.
“The police aren’t stupid. They know all about Crowley and have been trying to catch him for years. The problem is there’s nothing to tie him to the crimes committed so they offered me a deal: information for a lesser charge. I still don’t know how Levi got the Assistant Commissioner to slap me with a large fine instead of jail time, but he did and really, what did I have to lose? I joined to protect my brother and he died … at my hands. I was furious, guilt-ridden, and I wanted to make sure Crowley got what he deserved.” That was putting it mildly. If I hadn’t been so badly injured I would have killed him myself, only Levi talked me down from that ledge. He swore he’d catch him and since then devoted his life to fulfilling his promise.
“So you took the deal?” Alaya’s voice startled me from my thoughts. When I met her gaze she dipped her head in sadness, but she’d yet to pull her hand from mine. I hadn’t even realised I gripped on to her so tightly.
I gave her a curt nod. “In return for making it look like I died in the hospital, and the fine, I gave the police as much information as I could on the workings of his operations. When they finally raided his property they only found enough to tie him to fraud, though. There should have been stacks of cocaine, but the search came up empty. Rather than life imprisonment, Crowley received ten years and got out within seven for good behaviour. He was released while I was in France, like I told you.”
“That’s why you said you watched your own funeral?” She softened her voice, the way someone would talk to a wounded animal.
“I didn’t go for me. We had a joint funeral and I went for Aaron. Even though it was dangerous, I couldn’t let Levi be the only one to show up. Aaron’s coffin wasn’t empty like mine and he deserved to hear my apology, even if I could only watch and whisper from a distance.”
Alaya squeezed my hand and I inhaled deeply. The guilt and loss became easier to deal with over the years, yet I doubted it would ever vanish completely. I didn’t think I really wanted it to. It tied me to Aaron when I missed him.
I lowered my head, hunching over my lap.
Everything I’d done seemed like a waste of time now. It all backfired or failed.
My brother died.
I did things under Crowley’s orders that made me hate myself.
I couldn’t get him locked up for life.
His operations still ran.
I lost my identity.
And I couldn’t even stay dead properly.
“Did they see you there? Is that how they know you didn’t really die?”
“No, for seven years they believed the lie and it’s ironic really how they found out,” I grunted. “Someone stole my old credit cards, one of which Crowley issued me. I kept hold of them because they were the last links to my old identity and I was being sentimental. So when the thief tried to use them to buy something Crowley saw and knew I was still out here.”
“Wait, your old identity?”
“The police gave me a new name. My birth name is Cole Arnold and they changed it to Ashford.” I fully expected her to chew me out over this point. However, she only gestured for me to continue. As I explained what happened during our meal, why I left France so suddenly, and how Ryder was following her I could see the pieces connecting in her mind, like everything finally made sense. What surprised me was none of the emotions passing over her face were disgust or fear.
“What I can’t figure out is how you got dragged into this. Levi was tailing Ryder—Crowley’s right hand man—since he left England. He couldn’t have known about you.”
“I don’t think he meant to find me, it was all one big coincidence. He said he was checking all of the hotels in the area and he caught me while I was still pissed at you. When he asked if I knew you, I couldn’t help giving him slightly more information than necessary. He also saw the flowers.”
My heart recalled all of the blood in my veins to leave icy trails within me. If Ryder had seen the flowers, he’d seen the note, which meant I had been responsible for tipping him off. France had been a dead end until my note gave him the idea that following Alaya would eventually lead him to me.
“Fuck. I’m so sorry, Alaya,” I whispered, not peering up from my hands. It was bad enough I couldn’t save my brother, but for me to bring Alaya into everything cut deep. I should have left and not looked back. Forgetting her would have been for the best. She was my light and I didn’t want her tarnished by my darkness, or hurt because of my mistakes. Yet I hadn’t been able to leave.
She didn’t deserve any of it.
When she didn’t respond I chanced a glance up. Gazing through my lashes, I watched her studying me. Her eyes held no anger or bitterness. Instead, her features remained soft as she stood.
Within two strides, she nestled herself between my legs and even with her lack of height, I had to crane my neck back to meet her gaze.
One of her hands found my jaw and I leaned into her touch instinctively. I wanted to remember every sensation as she brushed against my stubble, knowing it would most likely be the last time she touched me. She tilted my head and kept a hold of my face so I couldn’t avoid her stare.
“You have nothing to be sorry for.”
Her mouth dipped lower, closing the gap between us. Even with all of the pain circling in my chest my body still reacted to her. My focus remained fixed on the small gap between her lips and the feeling of her touch. It melted everything else inside of me and washed it away so that only she filled my mind.
I blinked slowly, allowing my eyes to drift shut for a second. The scent of her citrus body lotion engulfed me, and a second later her mouth met mine. I circled her hips with my arms, pulling her into me while she kissed me tenderly. She nipped at my bottom lip and I held back a groan of pleasure.
The last thing I should have been doing was kissing her back, but my body flicked on to autopilot. I reacted to her touch on instinct, our mouths moving as one when she parted her lips and allowed me into her mouth.
Pulling away gradually, she rested her forehead against mine. Our breaths were laboured, and as I drew even further back to regard her with confusion I murmured, “You haven’t run.”
She smiled at the disbelief I could feel on my face, her thumb tracing my bottom lip.
“I told you. You should have bet on me.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Alaya
I honestly had no idea what Cole expected me to run from. Sure he’d done some shitty things under Crowley, but to me it sounded like he did them all to help his brother out. That wasn’t a cruel man in my opinion; it was someone with a big heart. Cole risked his life for his brother and it nearly cost him it. It still might.
“Seriously, is that it?”
Cole dropped his hands from my waist and the heat instantly vanished at the lack of contact. He stared up at me in confusion and his lips formed a tight line. “Did you miss the part about dealing drugs, street racing, and beating people up who didn’t make payments on time? Oh, and the gambl
ing, identity fraud, and car crash.”
“No, I got all that, but you were doing it for your brother.”
“I still did it all.”
I wanted to face palm my hand. Did he honestly think I would think less of him once I knew what he’d really done? “Your intentions were good.”
“It doesn’t make what I did right.”
“I’m not denying that, but you’re not a bad guy, Cole. Everyone’s done shitty things, yet you tried to change it. You got Crowley locked up for seven years. I don’t know why you think I’d run from you.”
He refused to meet my gaze. No matter how many times I moved into his line of sight he always turned his head to avoid me. “You know not running puts your life in danger, right? Ryder’s not going to stop until he’s got me or I’m dead.”
“I was after an adventure.”
He pushed me back, crawling further on to the bed to separate us even more. Disapproval radiated from him. “Not one that could get you killed, Alaya. That’s stupid and I don’t want to be held responsible when you didn’t need to be involved.”
“I could die doing any of the activities I have planned on this trip. Sky diving, an eighty mile an hour zip wire, bungee jumping, rafting, paragliding … none of those are safe. Hell, I could die crossing the road tomorrow. It doesn’t mean I’m going to sit in my room and play life safe. I told you, I don’t do safe. I want excitement and adventure.”
“This is different than any of those. You don’t want someone hunting you down; to be looking over your shoulder wondering if someone’s watching you. That’s what my life is like and it’s what yours will become if you don’t run from me. You don’t want that.”
He had a point, yet he missed one vital thing, and it struck me harder than a freight train while he was talking. Actually, ever since I saw him in the hotel lobby I knew. I’d tried to convince myself it wasn’t the case and failed. The words I needed to speak next scared me more than his past. “No I don’t want that, but I want you.”
My response seemed to bring him up short; whatever he’d been about to speak dying on his lips. His mouth hung open and he stuttered, “Y-you want … me?”
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t turn into a dork now. Your bad boy image was the only thing you had going for you.”
He shook his head ruefully and his hand found my waist again. Applying pressure to my back, he pulled me forward and lay back on the bed until I collapsed across his chest. He lifted his free hand to brush away the tendrils of hair stuck to my lip gloss, his finger grazing my skin and lingering as it moved over my neck.
The sensation of his calloused hands running over me made my breath catch in my throat. As they glided over my pulse point I hoped he didn’t notice how strongly my body reacted to him, but when I peered up he didn’t even look like he was in the room with me.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, raising my hand to run a finger down the bridge of his nose to smooth the creases I found there.
“Do you remember what you said about personalities?”
“Vaguely,” I replied. In reality I had no recollection of what I said to him because I talked … a lot. Very few things I said stayed in my mind for longer than an hour.
“You said everyone has an innate personality and can’t change who they are.”
Ah, okay. Now I knew where this was heading. “Yeah, what about it?”
“Do you still believe it? That I haven’t changed?”
“Of course.” His chest deflated beneath me, his arm falling limply from my neck. “You haven’t changed because you didn’t need to. There wasn’t anything bad about your personality to begin with. You joined Crowley to help your brother. You were put in bad situations and I can see that it’s affected you. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.”
“It really doesn’t bother you?”
I pulled myself off of him and sat up. Crossing my legs beneath me, I gazed down at him, my chest cracking open at the fear in his eyes. He tried to hide it, but the slight downturn of his mouth and his avoidance of my gaze gave him away.
“If you’re asking whether I agree with the things you did then no. Do I like the idea of you doing them? Of course not. However, I didn’t know you back then. I can only judge you on who you are now and I like who you are. To be honest, I think I would have liked you back then.” I paused, my lips curving. “But you still need to earn my forgiveness for what happened in France. That I’m not letting go. You acted like a dick.”
He sighed, though it sounded more in relief. “I know. I am sorry.”
“Not going to cut it,” I laughed, shaking my head at him.
“Will another kiss do?”
“Really? You think that highly of yourself, do you?”
He drew himself up on to his elbows. “You were the one who said you liked me.”
“And don’t for one second think I didn’t notice you said nothing back. That’s another strike to your name.”
Dropping back on to the bed, the mattress bounced beneath me and before I knew it his hands circled my waist. Lifting me on top of him, one hand stayed at the small of my back while the other reached up to clasp the back of my neck. Drawing me closer towards him, my nose brushed against his. He gazed up at me, barely concealing his desire.
His lips grazed mine, only a feather-light touch. He relaxed his grip and allowed me to pull back ever so slightly.
“I like you too, Gingernut.”
Forgetting all about the forgiveness he needed to earn—because my heart already had—I closed the gap between us once more. This time my mouth slanted over his with more force, demanding and taking what I wanted. He parted his lips beneath me and moaned into my mouth. His tongue swept into me, tasting and teasing me when he pulled back to draw my bottom lip in between his teeth.
“Now try it without the annoying nickname,” I murmured against him, sure he could feel my smile.
“I like you, Alaya. You make me want to be better … to actually live. I didn’t know what I was missing out on until you entered my life in your bubble of determination and happiness. I can’t go back to the life I had before even if it means facing what I did to protect you. I need you.”
The butterflies in my stomach fluttered at his words, yet I covered all of my emotions except for humour. My heart may have forgiven him, but it didn’t mean I wasn’t going to have a little fun at his expense. “Much better, Hazel.”
I knew the nickname would elicit some kind of reaction. However, I didn’t expect the quick movements of his body. Within a split second, he dislodged me from straddling him and pinned my body beneath him. With a growl, he clasped both of my wrists in one of his hands while he supported himself above me with the other.
“What did I say about the nickname, sweetheart?”
“I’m not scared of you. You have no follow through—” He cut my giggle off by crashing his lips down on mine. Hard and aggressive, he kissed me passionately.
“I think it’s about time I do then,” Cole growled, and the sound sent my stomach into a spiral. When he pulled back and stared down at me with a salacious grin, spikes of nervous excitement shot through me.
What have I gotten myself into this time?
* * *
I lay on my back, staring at the off-white ceiling. The uncontainable grin quirking my lips had me looking like a crazed idiot as I regained my breath and attempted to calm my heart. If Cole kissed me like that every time I called him Hazel then I would seriously use his nickname at every opportunity because damn the guy could kiss. And if that was what he could do with a single kiss, I couldn’t fathom what he could do with other parts of his body … or mine in fact.
“You’re not very good at this punishment thing.” I rolled my head to the side to gaze at where he lay next to me.
“I think I’m incredible. It means I get to kiss you every time you annoy me. I don’t see how it’s a bad thing.”
“It’s not much of a deterrent.”
“Maybe I just wa
nt an excuse to kiss you.” He reached over to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. His eyes became lighter with the change of topic, his expression more relaxed. He continued to trail his hand over my neck, down my shoulder, and across the sensitive skin on the inside of my arm. My hairs stood on end at his touch and his fingers finally laced with mine.
“You won’t hear any complaints from me.”
“I didn’t think I would.”
I flicked my gaze to the ceiling with feigned exasperation. “Cocky.”
“Confident,” he corrected.
“How do you feel about checking out the markets?” I blurted, knowing if I didn’t change the subject I would end up back in his arms and never leave the room.
“I prefer what we’ve been doing for the last half an hour.”
I drew my bottom lip between my teeth, biting down on it lightly in thought. “Oh well, you owe me. You have a lot of ground to make up and I want to see the markets, so you’d better start kissing my ass if you want my forgiveness.”
“Literally? Because I have no qualms with that.” As if to prove his point he reached around me to cup my ass. When he started to squeeze, I grabbed his hand and placed it safely between the two of us.
“No, not literally you perv,” I muttered unconvincingly around a laugh. Sitting up, I scooted to the edge of the bed and slipped on my boots—they were one of the larger items I packed, but I knew I’d need them. “I want to go to the markets now. They’re the whole reason I came here.”
“I think we should wait for Levi. Ryder can’t see me and I’m not comfortable with him following you around on your own. The markets will still be there tomorrow.”
I pouted, pursing my lips dramatically with sad eyes.
“I’m serious, Gingernut. It’s not safe. It’s a stupid risk to take, especially if we’re caught together.”
“Please?” I stepped back towards him, sliding in between his legs. I hung my arms loosely around his neck and his arms encircled my waist automatically to hold me against him.