by David Bell
“Than either of us,” Michael said. “But she always had Dad egging her on in a way he never did for us.”
“True.” Lynn’s cheeks flushed, the tips of her ears turned red. She adjusted her body a little, causing the ice cubes in the pack to jostle against one another. “I hated her for that, Michael.”
“For her bravery?”
“For Dad’s favoritism,” she said. “For being his ‘Robbie-girl.’ I was never his ‘Lynnie-girl.’ He never cheered me on that way.”
“He was proud of you. Until the day he died, he was proud of you.”
“Maybe. He never understood the music, the lifestyle. It baffled him.” She swallowed hard, sniffled again. She looked small, shrunken into the bed like a child. “Maybe I never outgrew being nine and feeling like he loved Robyn more.”
“She said something to you that day?” Michael asked. “Something that caused a fight?”
Lynn nodded. “The usual. She told me I was slow, that I couldn’t do the things she could do. She said it as she climbed up on top of the swing set. It used to scare me so much when she did that. I used to feel sick, watching her climb so high.”
“Me too.”
“And I know she was just being a brat, just trying to get my goat. I should have ignored her. You always did.”
“I was older.”
“And a boy,” Lynn said, her voice a little envious.
“And that was it?” Michael asked. “That’s all she said? Why are you saying you killed her?”
Lynn shook her head, slowly from side to side. Her whole body trembled, as if the ice in the pack had covered her body. “She told me Dad liked her more than me because she could climb that way, because she could do those things better than I could.” She reached for the blanket, pulled it up over her body. “Your football was there in the yard, sitting in the grass. I picked it up. Hell, I didn’t even know I could throw a football worth a damn.”
“What did you do?”
“I threw it at her. It hit her on the shoulder and knocked her off balance. She teetered there for a moment. I didn’t think she’d fall. She never fell. She was like a cat, Michael—you know that. She could do anything on a ledge or a branch. She was always okay.”
“But she . . .”
“She screamed, Michael. When she saw she couldn’t hold on, she screamed.” Lynn lifted her hands to her ears. “I can still hear it. Over and over, I hear it. Do you hear it too?”
“It was an accident, Lynn. You threw a ball at your sister. You didn’t mean . . .”
He left the thought unfinished. It hung in the air between them.
He heard voices downstairs, heavy shoes moving through the house.
“What are you saying, Lynn?”
“I meant to hit her. I tried to hit her. I wanted to knock her off the swing set. In that moment, I wanted her gone, Michael. I wanted to hurt her.”
Michael stood up from the bed, the springs squeaking as he rose, and took a step back. “That’s not possible. She fell. It was an accident.”
“And the way she landed, on her neck and shoulder . . . and head. I knew, Michael. I knew it was bad. Then Mom was there and you, and I thought Mom saw from the house. I thought she saw me throw the ball at her, but she never said anything. She must not have been looking. I lived in terror that I’d be caught, but no one ever knew.”
Michael heard footsteps on the stairs, somebody coming closer.
“I was going to tell you,” Lynn said. “After the funeral that day, I was going to tell you. At the house, this house, when everyone came over, I wanted to take you aside and tell you. But you were so sad. I couldn’t do it. And the more time that passed . . .”
The room didn’t spin, but it felt like it should have. A swirling, chaotic twirl, a maelstrom that would pull Michael down.
But the spinning was in his head. In his heart.
Everything moved and shook inside him, a quake that couldn’t be stopped.
“You let me feel responsible all these years,” he said. “You let me carry the burden alone. My God, Lynn, do you know how much that’s weighed on me?”
“I do. That’s why I wanted to get Felicity, to prove she was part of our family. I wanted to help fill the gap that everyone felt. Including you—”
And then the police were coming through the bedroom door, coming to take Lynn away.
epilogue
SIX WEEKS LATER
Michael and Angela walked through the parking lot, the midday sun radiating off the blacktop. When they reached the car, Michael opened the door for his wife, making an elaborate display of taking her hand and guiding her into her seat.
Angela rolled her eyes and shook her head at him. He was acting like a clown.
When he came around to the driver’s side and started the car, they sat for a moment while the air-conditioning ran and the low voice of a newscaster came out of the radio. Michael turned it off, then faced his wife.
He smiled.
“What is it?” Angela asked.
“I just can’t believe it,” he said. “It worked. We’re having a baby.”
“I knew it would.” She leaned closer, kissed him fully on the mouth. “It’s been working that way for millions of years. We’ve been trying pretty hard, remember?”
“I remember.”
“I knew it would work out.”
Michael watched her closely. Was it possible she was glowing already? Had a month or so of pregnancy already caused her to radiate?
But she also looked thoughtful. Distracted.
“We can go by and tell your mom,” she said, her voice hopeful. “It might be a good thing. It might help her to have some good news.”
Michael nodded. “Yeah. I think you’re right.”
“This is a painful time for her, Michael. Lynn’s going to spend some time behind bars. Even if they get it down to a Class D felony, to . . . What did they call it?”
“Unlawful imprisonment,” he said.
“That sounds worse. I’m not making excuses for her. She cooked up that plan with Jake Little, and he’s getting punished too. They both made it happen.”
“Yeah,” Michael said. “And everyone knows. Everywhere.”
“Anyway, your mom’s going through hell. And she’s dealt with a lot. All the stuff with Robyn came back up. And she learned things she couldn’t have imagined about the day Robyn died. We all learned it, I guess.”
“I know. I’ll call her.” He paused. “She’ll be happy to hear. And, yeah, we’re all still dealing with what Lynn admitted about Robyn.” He watched the heat waves radiate off the parking lot. “I’m still processing it—that’s for sure.”
Angela leaned over and rubbed his upper arm. “I’ve been thinking, Michael. And this is totally up to you. But if she’s a girl, I don’t mind if we name her Robyn. Even if it turns out to be a boy, we can name him Robin. If that makes everything better, we can do it.”
“I don’t . . .” He reached out and squeezed her hand. “That’s a really great gesture, but I don’t think we need to. There’s only one Robyn. And I’d like to keep it that way.”
“If you’re sure.”
“I’m pretty sure,” he said.
“Okay.”
“You hungry?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“Me too.” But he didn’t drive away. He let the car run, still facing Angela.
“What?” she asked.
“What are we going to do about Felicity?” he asked.
“Hmm. Yeah. What do you want to do?”
“I can call Erica,” Michael said. “We can see Felicity this weekend and tell her in person.”
Angela smiled. “That sounds good. She’s going to be excited too.”
“I think she will be. It’s an adjustment for her, having us in her life. And she doesn’t kn
ow yet how complicated siblings are.”
His comment felt weighted. It hovered in the room for a long moment.
“We’ve gone from no kids to two in six weeks,” Angela said. “After a couple of years of not being able to have any. We’re on a roll.”
Michael let out a deep breath. “Let’s hope the excitement’s over for the summer. In fact, I may not answer the door ever again.”
“I don’t know. It worked out, didn’t it? You have Felicity now.”
“We have Felicity in our lives now.”
Angela squeezed his hand back.
He put the car into gear, and they drove away.
acknowledgments
Thanks to Kara Thurmond for her Web site design . . . and redesign.
Thanks to Ann-Marie Nieves and everyone at Get Red PR.
Thanks again to everyone at Berkley/Penguin.
Thanks to Jane Steele for her copyediting.
Thanks again to Jin Yu for her marketing wisdom.
Thanks again to my amazing publicist Loren Jaggers.
Thanks again to my wonderful editor, the brilliant Danielle Perez.
Thanks again to my stupendous agent, the unstoppable Laney Katz Becker.
Thanks again to my family and friends.
And thanks to Molly McCaffrey for everything else.
questions for discussion
1. Michael has had no contact with his ex-wife, Erica, since they divorced a decade earlier. Are you surprised they haven’t been in touch? Do you think it is unusual for people to have a “starter marriage” like this one?
2. Erica chose not to tell Michael about Felicity because she wanted to prove she could raise a child on her own and be mature and responsible. Do you understand her reasoning? Or do you think she should have told Michael, since he was likely the child’s father?
3. Angela, suspicious of Erica when she shows up out of the blue, tries to talk Michael out of going with Erica. Would you have objected to Michael’s going with his ex-wife if you were Angela? Do you understand why Michael wants to go with Erica to look for Felicity? How much do you think this might be related, even subconsciously, to Michael’s feelings about his deceased sister?
4. Angela learns that Gail has been in contact with Erica. She has even met with her and met Felicity. Do you understand why Gail wanted to see Erica in person and learn more about Felicity? Do you blame her for cutting Erica off? Was she right not to tell Michael or Angela?
5. Detective Griffin becomes emotionally involved in Felicity’s case, going as far as to overstep her bounds as a police officer. Do you understand why she cares so much? Do you blame her for anything she does?
6. Angela and Jake Little join forces to try to track down Michael and Erica. Do you understand why they form this unlikely partnership? Do they share the feelings of being somewhat jealous of and concerned about Michael and Erica’s relationship?
7. Michael and Angela are struggling to have a child of their own. Do you think that makes Michael’s desire to find Felicity more powerful? What would it be like for Angela to have to adapt to Michael’s having had a child with another woman?
8. We learn early in the book that Michael’s sister died in an accident. How do you see Robyn’s death affecting Michael’s family nearly two decades later?
9. Lynn’s initial goal is to learn who Felicity’s father really is. Do you understand why Lynn has an intense desire to prove Felicity’s paternity?
10. Erica admits that at times she feels overwhelmed by the pressures of being a single mother. Is it understandable that sometimes she wanted to leave her responsibilities to Felicity behind? Do you think all single parents feel this way at some point?
11. We learn that Robyn’s death wasn’t exactly the accident the family thinks it was. How much do you blame Lynn for what happened that day on the swing? Do you blame Michael for not keeping a better eye on his sisters? Do you blame Michael’s parents—especially his father—for favoring Robyn and making the other children jealous?
12. With all that they’ve learned, what challenges do Michael and Angela face at the end of the book?
Photo by Glen Rose Photography
David Bell is a USA Today bestselling, award-winning author whose work has been translated into multiple foreign languages. He’s currently an associate professor of English at Western Kentucky University in Bowling Green, Kentucky, where he directs the MFA program. He received an MA in creative writing from Miami University in Oxford, Ohio, and a PhD in American literature and creative writing from the University of Cincinnati. His previous novels are Bring Her Home, Since She Went Away, Somebody I Used to Know, The Forgotten Girl, Never Come Back, The Hiding Place, and Cemetery Girl.
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