Did she feel the tug and pull between them, or was it completely one-sided?
He didn’t think so. She had definitely kissed him back. He vividly relived the sweetness of her mouth softening under his, the little catch in her breathing, the way her pulse had raced beneath his fingers. His gut ached at the memory, especially at the knowledge that a memory and those wild dreams were all he was likely to have from her.
“I think he’s healing very nicely. I would think in a day or two you can let him have full mobility again. Bring him into the office around the middle of the week and I can check the stitches. I’m happy to see he’s doing so well.”
“You didn’t think he would survive, did you?”
“No,” he said honestly. “I’m always happy when I’m proved wrong.”
“You’ve really gone above and beyond in caring for him. Coming out in the middle of the night and everything. I...want you to know I appreciate it. Very much.”
He shrugged. “It’s my job. I wouldn’t be very good at it if I didn’t care about my patients, would I?”
She opened her mouth as if to say something else but then closed it again. Awkwardness sagged between them, heavy and clumsy, and he suddenly knew she was remembering the kiss too.
He sighed. “Look, I need to apologize about last night. It was...unprofessional and should never have happened.”
She gazed at him out of those impossibly green eyes without blinking and he wondered what the hell she might be thinking.
“I don’t want you to think I’m in the habit of that.”
“Of what?”
He felt stupid for bringing it up but didn’t know how else to move past this morning-after sort of discomfort. Better to face it head-on, he figured. “You know what. I came over to help you with your dog. I shouldn’t have kissed you. It was unprofessional and shouldn’t have happened.”
Unexpectedly, she gave a strained-sounding laugh. “Maybe you ought to think about adding that to your list of services, Dr. Caldwell. Believe me, if word got out what a good kisser you are, every woman in Pine Gulch who even thought about owning a cat or dog would be lining up at the adoption day at the animal shelter just for the perk of being able to lock lips with the sexy new veterinarian.”
He could feel himself flush. She was making fun of him, but he supposed he deserved it. “I was only trying to tell you there’s no reason to worry it will happen again. It was late and I was tired and not really myself. I never would have even thought about kissing you otherwise.”
“Oh, well. That explains it perfectly, then.”
He had the vague feeling he had hurt her feelings somehow, which absolutely hadn’t been his intention. He suddenly remembered how much he had hated the dating scene, trying to wade through all those nuances and layers of meaning.
“Good to know your weaknesses,” she went on. “Next time I need veterinary care in the middle of the night for one of my animals, I’ll be sure to call the vet over in Idaho Falls. We certainly wouldn’t want a repeat of that hideous experience.”
“I think we can both agree it wasn’t hideous. Far from it.” He muttered the last bit under his breath but she caught it anyway. Her pupils flared and her gaze dipped to his mouth again. His abdominal muscles contracted and he felt that awareness seethe and curl between them again, like the currents of Cold Creek.
“Just unfortunate,” she murmured.
“Give me a break here, Caidy. What do you want me to say?”
“Nothing. We both agreed to forget it happened.”
“That’s a little easier said than done,” he admitted.
“Isn’t everything?”
“True enough.”
“It’s no big deal, Ben. We kissed. So what? I enjoyed it, and you enjoyed it. We both agree it shouldn’t happen again. Let’s just move on, okay?”
As easy as that? Somehow he didn’t think so, but he wasn’t about to argue.
“I should get back to the kitchen. Thank you for taking the time to check on Luke.”
“No problem,” he said. He followed her out of the room, wishing more than anything that circumstances could be different, that he could be the sort of man a woman like Caidy Bowman needed.
Chapter Eight
Insufferable man!
When they left her bedroom, Ben headed into the great room with the others while Caidy, unsettled and annoyed, returned to the kitchen to finish the preparations for dinner.
How could he reduce what had been one of the single most exhilarating moments of her life to a terrible mistake teeming with awkwardness?
Yes, the kiss shouldn’t have happened. They both accepted it. He didn’t have to act as if the two of them had committed some horrible crime and should beat themselves up with guilt about it for the rest of their lives.
It was late and I was tired and not really myself. I never would have even thought about kissing you otherwise.
That removed any doubt in her mind that he was attracted to her. He had kissed her because he was tired and because she was there. The humiliation of that was almost more than she could bear, especially given the enthusiastic way she had responded to him and the silly fantasies she had been spinning all day.
“Is something wrong? Are you ready for us to start taking dishes out to the dining room?” Becca asked.
With a jolt, Caidy realized she had been staring without moving at the roast she had taken out of the oven. She frowned, frustrated at herself and at Ben, and did her best to drag her attention away from her pout.
“Yes. That would be great, thank you. Everything should be just about ready to go. I ought to let the roast sit for another few minutes, but by the time we get everything else on the table, it will be ready to carve.”
Becca and Laura picked up covered bowls and took them out to the table, chattering as they went about their respective plans for Christmas Eve. Caidy smiled as she listened to them. She loved both of her sisters-in-law deeply. Having sisters had turned out to be far more wonderful than she ever imagined. The best part about them was that each was perfect for her respective Bowman brother.
Becca, with that hidden vulnerability and her flashes of clever humor, brought out the very best in Trace. Since she and Gabi had come into his life the previous Christmas, Caidy had seen a soft gentleness in Trace that had been missing since their parents were murdered.
Laura Pendleton was exactly the woman Caidy had always wanted for Taft to soothe the wildness in him. Taft and Laura had once been deeply in love until their engagement abruptly and mysteriously ended just days before their wedding.
Seeing them together, reunited after all these years, filled her with delight. She especially loved seeing Taft shed his carefree player image and step up to be a caring father to Laura’s two children, energetic Alex and the adorable Maya.
She wasn’t jealous of the joy her brothers had found—she was happy for them all. Maybe she grew a little wistful when she watched those sweet little moments between two people who loved each other deeply, but she did her best not to think about them.
Still chattering, both Laura and Becca came back into the kitchen to grab the salads they had each prepared out of the refrigerator. At least the Sunday dinners had become much easier since her brothers married. She used to fix the whole shebang on her own, but now the two women and often Gabi pitched in and contributed their own salads or desserts.
She didn’t know how much longer this Sunday dinner t
radition could continue. She wouldn’t blame Taft and Trace for wanting to spend their free time with their own nuclear families. For now, everyone seemed content to continue gathering each week when they could.
“So the new veterinarian is gorgeous. Why didn’t anybody tell me?” Becca said, putting the rolls Caidy had removed from the second oven into a basket.
“I don’t know,” Laura answered. “Maybe we figured since you’re married to Trace Bowman, who is only second in all-around gorgeousness to his twin brother, you really didn’t need to know about the cute new vet.”
Caidy felt another of those little pangs of envy at Becca’s sudden cat-who-ate-the-canary smile.
“True,” she answered. “But you should have warned me before I opened the door to find this yummy man on the doorstep—and added to the yum factor, the very adorable little boy on his shoulders.”
Caidy didn’t say anything as she carved the roast beef. This was usually Ridge’s job, for some reason, but she didn’t want to call him in from entertaining said veterinarian out in the other room.
“What about you, Caidy?” Becca said. “You’re the only available one here. Don’t you think he’s gorgeous? Something about those big blue eyes and those long, long lashes...”
She had a sudden vivid memory of those eyes closing as he kissed her the night before, of his mouth teasing and licking at hers, of the heat and strength of his arms around her and how she had wanted to lean into that broad chest and stay right there.
Her knees suddenly felt a little on the weak side and she narrowly avoided slicing off her thumb.
“Sure,” she said. “Too bad he’s got the personality of a honey badger.”
She didn’t miss the surprised looks both women gave her. Laura’s mouth opened and Becca’s eyebrows just about crept up to her hairline, probably because Caidy rarely spoke poorly about anyone. Every time she started to vent about someone when they weren’t present, her mother’s injunction about not saying something behind a person’s back you wouldn’t say to his face would ring in her ears.
She wouldn’t have said anything if she wasn’t burning with humiliation about that kiss he obviously regretted.
Laura was the first to speak. “That’s odd you would say that. I found him very nice while he was staying at the inn. Half of my front desk staff was head over heels in love with him from the start.”
After that kiss, she was very much afraid it wouldn’t take more than a slight jostle for her to join them. She couldn’t remember ever being this drawn to a man—the fact that she was so attracted to a man who basically found her a nuisance was just too humiliating.
“I’m not surprised,” she finally said, hoping they would attribute the color she could feel soaking her cheeks to the overwarm kitchen and her exertions fixing the meal. “Do you want to know what I think about Ben Caldwell? I think he’s a rude, arrogant, opinionated jerk. Some women are drawn to that kind of man. Don’t ask me why.”
“Don’t forget, he’s also often inconveniently in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
At the sudden deep voice, she and both of her sisters-in-law gave a collective gasp and turned to the doorway. Every single molecule inside her wanted to cringe at the sight of Ben standing there, watching the three of them, his face void of expression.
“My son spilled a glass of water,” he explained. “I came in looking for a towel to clean it up. Unless you think that’s too rude of a request.”
Becca reached almost blindly into the drawer where Caidy kept the dish towels, pulled one out and handed it to him.
“Thanks,” he answered, then left without another word. Caidy wanted to bury her face in the gravy.
“Wow. I guess the two of you haven’t exactly hit it off,” Becca said.
Caidy thought of that sizzling kiss, apparently mostly one-sided. “You could say that,” she answered.
Her mother would have yanked her earlobe and sent her to her bedroom for being so unconscionably rude to a guest in their home. She couldn’t face him again. How could she sit at the table beside him after what he had heard her say? The worst of it was, none of it was true. She was just being petty and small, embarrassed that she was so fiercely attracted to a man who regretted ever touching her.
How could she figure out a way to stay here in the kitchen all evening?
She let out a heavy breath. She was going to have to find a way to apologize to him, but how on earth could she manage that without giving him some kind of explanation? She couldn’t tell him the truth. That would only add another layer of mortification onto her humiliation.
“Um, I think I’ll just take these rolls out,” Becca said into the sudden painful silence.
After she hurried out of the kitchen, Laura placed a hand on Caidy’s arm. “Okay, what was that about? Did something happen between the two of you?”
Her dear friend had known her for many years—long before her parents were killed, when everything in her world changed. She didn’t want to tell her. She didn’t want to talk to anyone—she just wanted to hide out in her room with Luke. He, at least, was one male she didn’t feel awkward and stupid around.
She sighed. “I called him to come over last night. One of those frantic, middle-of-the-night emergencies. Luke was having trouble breathing and I was upset and didn’t know what else to do. He... Before he left, he... We kissed. It was...great. Really great. But today he told me what a mistake it was. He acted like it was this horrible experience that we should both pretend never happened. I guess I was more hurt than I realized by his reaction. I lashed out, which wasn’t fair. I don’t believe any of those things. Well, I did at first. He was quite rude to me after Luke’s accident and treated me like it was my fault. I guess it was, in some ways, but he really twisted the knife. He’s been... We’ve been fine since then, except just now in my room.”
Laura was silent for a moment, apparently digesting that barrage of information. Finally she spoke with that calm common sense Caidy loved about her.
“I’ve had the chance over the past few weeks while he’s been staying at the inn to talk with Mrs. Michaels,” she said. “She’s told me a few things about Ben’s situation. More than she probably should have, probably. Take it easy on the man, okay? He’s been through a rough few years. His wife’s death was horrible apparently.”
“He told me she died of complications from diabetes.”
“Did he also tell you she was pregnant at the time?”
“No. Oh, no.”
Laura nodded. “Apparently she went into a diabetic coma while she was driving and crashed into a tree. Their baby died along with her. It was a miracle Ava and Jack weren’t in the car too. They were with their grandparents.”
Those poor children. And poor Ben. If she felt bad before about what she had said, now she felt about a zillion times worse.
“According to Mrs. Michaels, his late wife’s parents blame him for their daughter and grandchild’s death and have done all they can to drive Ava and Jack away from him. That’s the main reason he came here, I believe. To put some distance between them and try salvaging his family.”
She paused and squeezed Caidy’s arm. “I think he could really use a friend.”
She had never considered herself a petty person before but she was beginning to discover otherwise. So what if the man regretted kissing her? So her pride was bruised. She tried to be a good person most of the time. Couldn’t she look past that and be that friend Laura was talkin
g about?
“Thanks for telling me. I’ll...figure out a way to apologize. But not right now, okay? Right now I have a dozen people to feed.”
Laura hugged her. “I know you will. Apologize, I mean. You’re a good person, Caidy. Someone I’m pleased to call my sister. I just have one more question and it’s an important one. I want you to think long and hard before you answer me.”
She felt more than a little trepidation. “What’s that?”
“Besides being arrogant and rude, how is our Dr. Caldwell in the kissing department?”
Despite everything, she gave a strained laugh. “Let me put it this way. Luke wasn’t the only one having trouble breathing last night.”
Laura grinned at her, which gave her a little burst of courage. Enough, at least, that she could draw in a deep breath, pick up the platter with the roast beef slices and head out into the other room with squared shoulders to face what just might be the most embarrassing meal of her life.
* * *
Dinner wasn’t quite the ordeal she had feared.
By the time she reached the table, the only seat left was at the opposite end of the table from Ben, between Ridge at the head and Destry. Good. She needed a little space from Ben while she tried to figure out how she could possibly face the man after making a complete idiot of herself over him, again and again.
He was deep in conversation with her brothers and Becca when she sat down, and he didn’t look in her direction, much to her relief. After Ridge said grace, blessing the food and welcoming their guests to the ranch, various conversations flowed around her. Caidy moved her food around in silence, for the most part, until Destry, Gabi and Ava enlisted her opinion about how old she was when she started wearing makeup.
She didn’t wear much now unless she was dressing up for something. “I think I was about thirteen or fourteen before I wore anything but lip gloss. You’ve got a few years to go, girls.”
A Cold Creek Noel (The Cowboys of Cold Creek) Page 10