She wanted to cry, suddenly, right here in front of her dearest friends—each of whom had the great fortune to be married to a wonderful man who loved her deeply. They were all so happily married, they wanted everyone else to know the same joy. Caidy didn’t know how to tell them the likelihood of that happening to her was pathetically slim.
Not that she wanted that. She was perfectly happy right now.
“You’d be surprised how often friendship can develop into more,” Emery said. “Dr. Caldwell really does seem like a nice guy. We don’t get all that many available men in Cold Creek besides the guys who come to snowmobile or fish. Maybe you should think about seeing if he wants to be more than friends.”
Those tears burned harder behind her eyelids. Coming to this party was a phenomenally bad idea. If she’d had any idea she would face a gauntlet of matchmakers, she would have hidden in her room and locked the door.
“Don’t, okay? Just...don’t. Ben and I are friends. That’s all. Not everyone is destined to live happily ever after like all of you are. Is it so hard to believe that maybe I like my life the way it is? Maybe Ben does too. Back off, okay?”
Her friends gaped at her and she could tell her vehemence had shocked them. She wasn’t usually so firm, she realized. Now they were going to wonder why this was such a hot button for her.
Damn.
And Laura knew she and Ben had kissed. She was going to have to hope her beloved sister-in-law didn’t decide to mention that little fact to the rest of the women.
She just couldn’t win. Sometimes escaping with the remains of her dignity was the best option.
“I need to take one of my pies out to the dessert table. What about that tray, Emery? Is it ready to go out?”
“Um, sure.” Her friend handed the delicious-looking bar cookies to her without another word. Feeling the heat of all their gazes on her back, Caidy escaped from the kitchen.
The party was crowded and noisy. For all its size, having a hundred people, many of them children, crammed into the McRavens’ house didn’t lend itself to quiet, relaxing conversation. Several neighbors and friends greeted her on her way to the food tables and she tried to smile and talk with them for a few moments but quickly broke away, using the excuse of the treats.
The tables were covered with all manner of culinary delights, as she had expected. Jenna loved to cook and loved coming up with new recipes for her clients and family. Caidy didn’t have much appetite but she filled a small plate with a few possibilities—to have something to hold, more than anything.
“Those look good. Any idea what they are?”
At the deep voice at her elbow, she whirled and her heart stuttered. How had she missed Ben’s approach? Probably a combination of the crowd and her own distraction.
“I’m not sure. Jenna is famous for her spinach pinwheels, so that’s what I’m hoping for. I should tell her to put signs up so we know what we’re eating.”
He smiled and she wanted to drink in the sight of him, tall and gorgeous and dearly familiar.
“I hadn’t realized you were coming to the McRavens’ party,” she said rather inanely. As always, she felt as if she were operating on half-brain capacity around him. “It’s a bit of a legend around here.”
“Mrs. McRaven invited us when they brought their dog Frank in to me last week. Apparently he swallowed a Lego, but the trouble, uh, passed. I thought coming to the party might be a good way to get to know some of the neighbors.”
He tilted his head and studied her and she could feel herself flush. She had to hope none of her friends decided to come out of the kitchen just now to see her standing flustered and off balance next to Ben Caldwell.
“What about you?” he said. “I didn’t expect to see you here. It’s kind of hard to escape the holiday spirit in a crowd like this.”
Had he wondered if she would come? She wasn’t sure she wanted to know.
“Destry begged and begged this year. All her cousins and most of her friends were coming.”
Before he could respond, someone jostled her from behind. She wobbled a little in her impractical boots and would have fallen if he hadn’t reached out and grabbed her. For a charged moment, they stared at each other and she saw heat and hunger leap into his eyes.
The noise of the crowd seemed to fade away as if someone had switched down the volume, and she was aware of nothing but Ben. Of his arms, strong and comforting, of his firm mouth that had tasted so delicious against hers, of his eyes that studied her with desire and something else, something glittery and bright she couldn’t identify.
“Oh. I’m so sorry. Are you all right, my dear?”
She recognized Marjorie Montgomery’s voice and realized the mayor’s wife—and the Dalton boys’ mother—must have been the one who bumped into her. Still breathless—and grateful she had just set her plate on the table before she was jostled, so at least she didn’t have spinach pinwheel smeared all over both of them—she managed to extricate herself from Ben’s arms and turned.
“I’m fine. No problem.”
Marjorie smiled innocently at her but she thought she saw a crafty light in the older woman’s eyes. Oh, great. She and Ben would have no peace now that her friends had decided they were destined for each other. She wondered if she ought to warn him but decided that would just be too awkward.
“It’s crazy in here,” Ben said. “I saw some open chairs over by the French doors into the pool if you’re looking for a place to sit down.”
She didn’t miss the delight in Marjorie’s eyes. The woman probably thought her transparent ploy was paying off. She ought to politely decline and keep as far away as she could from Ben. The last thing she wanted to do was give anybody else ideas about linking the two of them.
But she was weak when it came to him and she couldn’t resist spending whatever time she had with him, even though he had made it quite clear they couldn’t have a relationship. Maybe, like her, he knew he should stay away but couldn’t quite manage it.
She probably shouldn’t find that so heartening.
“Sure.” She picked up her plate and a glass of water and headed with him toward the chairs he indicated.
“Where are the kids?”
“Where else? In the pool.” He gestured through the glass doors and she saw Jack playing in the shallow end with Laura’s son, Alex. Ava was huddled with a group of girls, including Destry and Gabi.
“Taft offered to keep an eye on them for me so I could grab something to eat, since he was watching Alex and Maya anyway. I figured they were pretty safe with the fire chief on lifeguard duty.”
They lapsed into silence and she nibbled at a little delicacy that tasted of pumpkin and cinnamon.
“So are you ready for Christmas?” she finally asked when the silence grew awkward. She regretted the words the instant they left her mouth. Good grief, could she sound any more mindless?
“No. Not at all,” he answered with a slight note of panic in his voice. “I should be home wrapping presents right now. I don’t know the first thing about how to do that. My wife usually took care of those details and then Mrs. Michaels has stepped in since Brooke died. Maybe I’ll tell the kids Santa decided not to wrap the presents this year and just jumble them under the tree.”
“You can’t do that! The mystery and anticipation of unwrapping the gifts is part of the magic!”
He raised an eyebrow. “Says the woman who would like to forget all about the holidays.”
He was quiet for a long moment and then he shook his head. “You’re remarkable, aren’t you?”
His words baffled her. Was he making fun of her? “Why do you say that?”
“You hate Christmas but wouldn’t think for a moment of short-shrifting your niece in any way. I just find that amazing. You really love her, don’t you?”
She watched Destry through the glass, now playing ball with the other girls. “I do. She’s the daughter I’ll probably never have.”
“Why not? You’re young. What makes you think you won’t have a family of your own someday?”
She wanted to answer that she was very much afraid she was falling in love with a veterinarian who had made it plain he was only interested in friendship, but of course she couldn’t. “Some of us are just meant to be favorite aunts, I guess.”
Before he could respond to what she suddenly realized sounded rather pathetic, she quickly changed the subject. “Do you want some help with the children’s presents? I can sneak over after they’re in bed tonight and help you wrap them. How long would it take? An hour, maybe. Tops.”
He stared at her for a long moment, then shook his head. “I’m sure that’s not necessary. I’ll probably fumble my way through. Or just leave things unwrapped. It won’t be the end of the world.”
Another rejection. She almost sighed. She should be used to it by now. This time she had only been offering to help him but apparently even that was more than he wanted from her.
“No problem. I wouldn’t want to impose.”
“That’s my line. I don’t want you to feel obligated to come over at midnight on a pity mission to wrap presents for the inept single father.”
“I never even thought of it that way!” she exclaimed. “I only wanted to... I don’t know. Ease your burden a little.”
He opened his mouth and then closed it again, an odd light in his eyes. “In that case, all right,” he said after a long moment. “Everything is so crazy this year, with the rented house and Mrs. Michaels gone. I probably should try to keep the rest of our holiday traditions as consistent as possible. Santa Claus has always wrapped their gifts. I’m sure Jack won’t care but Ava will probably consider it another failing of mine if I don’t do things the way she’s used to.”
He paused. “I’m afraid my ledger of debt to you is growing longer and longer.”
She managed a smile. “Friends don’t keep track of things like that, Ben.”
Because that’s all they apparently would ever be, at least she could be the best damn friend he’d ever had.
“Thank you.”
She couldn’t sit here and make polite conversation with him, she decided. Not when she wanted so much more.
“Oh, there’s Becca and Trace. I promised Becca I would talk to her about the menu for Christmas dinner. I should go do that. Will you excuse me?”
He rose. “Sure.”
“I’m serious about helping you with the presents. Why don’t you call me after the kids are asleep and I’ll run over?”
He looked rueful. “I should refuse. This is something I should probably be able to handle myself, but the truth is I’m grateful for your help.”
She smiled, doing her best to conceal any trace of yearning, and walked away from him.
She was twenty-seven years old and had just discovered she must have a streak of masochism. Why else would she continue to thrust herself into situations that would only bump up her heartache?
Chapter Thirteen
Ben gazed at his phone, at the OK. They’re asleep text message he had typed but hadn’t sent.
He should delete it right now and tell her he had changed his mind. Caidy Bowman was dangerous to him, especially at ten-thirty at night.
He thought of how beautiful she had looked at the McRavens’ party, sweetly lovely, like a spun sugar Christmas angel. The first moment he saw her at the party, standing by the refreshment table, he had been stunned by his desire to whirl her around and into his arms. As ridiculously medieval as it sounded, he had wanted to kiss her soundly and claim her as his for everyone at the party to see.
“I’m crazy, Tri, aren’t I?”
The chihuahua cocked his head and appeared to ponder the question.
“Never mind. It was rhetorical. You don’t have to answer.”
Tri yipped and jumped into his lap with amazing agility for a three-legged dog. Resilient, the little dog, adjusting to whatever challenges life delivered to him. Ben could only wish for a small portion of the dog’s courage.
He glanced at his phone again and without taking time to think it through, he hit the send button before he could change his mind.
Her answer came instantly, as if she had been waiting for him: Be right there.
Something in his chest gave a silly little kick and he shook his head, reminding himself of all the very valid reasons he had given her a few nights earlier. He wasn’t in a good place for a relationship with her. His kids were struggling enough with this move. He couldn’t suddenly throw a woman into the chaos to distract his attention from their needs.
This would be the last time, he told himself. He would accept her help with his presents and then he had to do a better job of maintaining a safe distance from her. He had talked to his contractor at the party and learned the house was on schedule to be finished in about ten days, just after the New Year. Maybe when he moved a few miles away, he could regain a little perspective and be able to spend a few moments of the day without thinking about her, longing for her.
“Yeah, I’m crazy,” he said to Tri. He set the dog onto the ground and headed for Mrs. Michaels’s room, where all the children’s presents were hidden in her locked closet.
Before she left, she had wrapped a few of the presents. He found plenty of wrapping paper, tape and scissors in the closet. Efficient Anne, he thought fondly, missing her calming presence in his life. If not for the chaos of living in a hotel and then moving here to the ranch, his housekeeper probably would have finished the job weeks ago.
He carried the wrapping supplies down to the table in the kitchen. After a careful look inside the children’s room to make sure they were soundly sleeping, he made a few more quiet trips up and down the stairs to transport the unwrapped gifts to the table.
Just as he finished the last load, he saw a flicker of movement outside and then Caidy approaching from the ranch house, making her way through the lightly falling snow. She had a couple of dogs with her and carried two large reusable shopping bags that piqued his curiosity. As she neared the porch steps, she gestured with one of her hands and gave an order to the dogs. Though he couldn’t hear what she said, he guessed she was telling them to go back home. One of the dogs moved with eagerness ahead of the other, which seemed to trudge behind more slowly.
Caidy watched the dog in the moonlight for a moment and when she turned, he thought she looked worried about something but he didn’t have time to wonder about it before she climbed the steps and knocked softly on the door.
She was bundled up from head to toe in a heavy wool coat and nubby red scarf and hat. With her cheeks rosy from the cold, she looked delicious.
“Hi,” she said, her voice pitched low, probably afraid of waking th
e children.
“Hello,” he murmured and was struck by the quiet intimacy of the night. With the fire crackling in the living room and the snow falling softly, it would be easy to make the mistake of thinking they were alone here, tucked away against the world.
Tri greeted her with a few eager sniffs of her boots and she smiled at the dog. “Hi there. How are you, little friend?”
The dog seemed to grin at her and Ben wished for a little of that easy charm.
“What’s all this?” he asked, gesturing to her shopping bags.
“Christmas dinner. My arms are going to fall off if I don’t set it down. Can I put it in the kitchen?”
“Of course. What do you mean, Christmas dinner?”
“It’s not much. We had an extra ham and I always keep mashed potatoes in the freezer. You just have to add a little milk when you reheat them in the microwave. And then I always make too much pie so I brought one of those too. Without Mrs. Michaels, I wasn’t sure if you would have had much time to think about fixing something nice for you and the kids.”
Right now he couldn’t think much beyond the next meal he had to fix for the kids. Christmas dinner. She went to all that trouble?
Against his will, warmth seeped through him. Her thoughtfulness astounded him and he didn’t quite know what to say.
“Thank you,” he finally managed to say. “Wow. Just...thank you.”
She smiled and the sweetness of it nearly took his breath away. “You’re welcome. Shall I put it in the refrigerator?”
He stirred himself to reach for the bags. “That would be great.”
Caidy Bowman astonished him. She had endured unimaginable horror and pain. Despite it, she was a nurturer, doing her best to make the world around her a little brighter.
For the next few moments, he pulled out package after package. It was more than just ham and potatoes. She had sent a jar of homemade strawberry jam, some frozen bread dough with instructions for thawing and baking written on them, even a small cheese ball and a box of crackers.
A Cold Creek Noel (The Cowboys of Cold Creek) Page 17