She didn’t want to think of Cole dying. Death by fire was horrible, and she didn’t want to imagine it. She certainly didn’t want to delve into his memories of the event. She shuddered. His hand tightened around her and she looked up to find him staring at her intensely.
“It didn’t happen,” he whispered. “I’m not dead. You stopped that somehow. I can’t claim to know what caused you to be here or how time was reset for me but I firmly believe it has something to do with how much you cared about me.”
She didn’t have time to ask how he knew what she was thinking when his own thoughts were mostly closed to her. Cole stood precipitously and tugged her from her seat. He jerked his head toward the stage.
“You’re right; this is miserable. And yes, everyone dies in the end.” His fine lips curled in distaste. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”
* * * *
Cole was too quiet as they drove back to the hotel. Sam wasn’t sure if she should ask what had caused his sudden change of mood at the theater. She had suspicions, but wasn’t sure. If he was able to read her mind, then her thought of his death had to have affected him. As far as he was concerned, it had only been a very few days since he’d burned to death.
Still, she didn’t dare ask what was going on in his head. When you got right down to the bare bones of it, she had no idea what she and Cole actually were to each other. She didn’t know if she had the right to ask what he was feeling. She couldn’t claim that fact didn’t bother her. In fact, it bothered her more and more as each hour passed.
The first day had been easy. Sam had been sure being with Cole was all some hallucination from which she’d soon awaken and she had just gone with it. If it was all a dream, there was nothing wrong with acting like a complete slut with Cole.
After all, that’s what dreams were for, right? You did the stuff you’d never do in real life.
The next day had been a bit more confusing. Finally spending some time out of the sack, she’d been forced to actually talk to Cole though most conversations soon ended up back in bed, or the shower, or the couch in the sitting room. Cole seemed to think any surface, vertical or horizontal, that was sturdy enough was a proper venue for sex. Still, between the bouts of lovemaking, they’d talked.
Now it was the third day of whatever it was she was experiencing and they’d had their first quarrel, made up in the middle of the street no less, and had their first foray into the world outside their hotel suite on a 'date'. Sam was even more confused than she’d been when she awakened alone in their hotel room that first time.
Dreams didn’t last this long. Maybe she was in a coma. Maybe she was dying. She didn’t know. Having been firmly in control of her life since she was a teenager and now being without that control was terrifying. The thought of life without a compass was unthinkable. She wasn’t, content to just float through life pushed wherever the winds of fortune and happenstance blew her. Her plans had always been clearly laid out and followed.
She’d just never planned on meeting Cole Grayson.
The lights of Los Angeles flashed by outside as Cole’s Maybach slid through the night and the silence inside the luxurious car grew until it was an uncomfortable wall between them. It added to the disconnection with reality Sam felt. It was becoming more and more difficult for her to sort out what was happening. Thinking about what was real and what wasn’t just led her back to where she started and she ended up traveling the same mental loop again.
Right now she felt like nothing was real. The rich interior of the car seemed completely separated from the world outside. There was no road noise, no sounds from the passing cars, even the engine was hushed. The feeling of separation and unreality that first appeared at the play was growing minute by each crawling minute. Sam wanted to scream just so the silence would go away.
More than ever she was sure this was some dream and she was going to wake up alone in a hospital. Or maybe she’d never wake up at all. Maybe she’d just suddenly blink out of existence. Maybe she was already dead. Cole was convinced he was dead when they first met. He’d gone from burning to death to colliding with her. Perhaps he was right; this was some weird afterlife, and they were both dead. She’d felt his death when they exchanged memories; it felt pretty damned real. Hers might have been quick, and so she’d felt nothing as she died. Sam picked at the polished burl trim on the door and stared out at the stillness of L.A. She wished she had some answers to the thousands of questions that plagued her. She’d be happy with just a single practical explanation at this point.
“Are you going to ask me what’s wrong, or are you just going to slowly destroy several thousand dollars worth of exotic wood trim with your fingernails?” Cole’s voice sounded far too loud in the quiet that enshrouded them.
Sam jumped and stared at him in alarm. For once, he sounded as unreal as everything else seemed to be.
“Sorry.” Sam snatched her hand away from the door.
“That’s not what I meant.” Cole reached across the console to where her hands were clasped together guiltily in her lap. His fingers were warm when they curved over hers. Real. “I don’t give a damn about the car. I do care that you don’t feel you can talk to me.”
“Are you reading my mind again?” she asked as she glanced at him suspiciously. She couldn’t feel his thoughts. Was it possible he could feel hers? Did that go with being an illusion? Or perhaps it was because he was a vampire. Whatever the reason, it certainly seemed that he knew what she was thinking more often than she knew his thoughts.
“Only a bit,” he admitted. “I can pick up a sort of emotional overtone. Not really much else.” He didn’t take his eyes from the road. “Why are you not talking to me? Why are you frightened?”
She stared down where his slim, elegant hand covered hers. It felt strong and substantial. When he touched her, the sense of illusion fled. Maybe Cole was right and this was Heaven. He was her reward for not being a completely awful person. Or maybe he was her punishment. The perfect man, and she couldn’t even be sure he existed. He might be as fictional as the characters she’d been watching on the stage tonight. Hell, maybe she was, too. And just as messed up in the head.
If Cole was a dream, then it was just a matter of waiting until she woke up. And if he wasn’t... Well, that was the problem, wasn’t it?
“I’m feeling pretty mixed up about all this. What’s real, what isn’t. I just can’t be sure about anything.”
“I know. I’ve grappled with it. I don’t have an answer either. But we can’t spend our lives wondering endlessly what’s real and what isn’t. That is a sure path to insanity. I told you that I’ve decided to live as if this is real and I’ve been given a second chance. That’s not something to throw away.” He tooled the big car expertly through the dense traffic. “We simply have to take what’s been given to us and use it.” He smiled out at the world. “At least we have each other.”
“That’s part of the problem,” Sam said softly and looked back down at their clasped hands. This was something that did have an answer and she’d find it. She was brave enough to face it. She’d never been labeled a coward. She wasn’t one of those fictional characters she hated who hemmed and hawed around a subject. She liked to get right down to the problem and solve it.
“I’m not sure what I am to you,” she admitted. “You said we’re dating but I’m not sure I know what you mean by that. Right now, all I know is that we’re two people who have sex. I don’t know if we’re anything else.”
He made a small sound of amusement and there was a flash of a dimple as he grinned. “Oh, we’re definitely more than that,” he said resolutely.
She couldn’t send him an answering smile. “But what else are we? I mean, aside from a couple that has sex that makes my head explode, what are we?”
“I don’t know exactly but I know we’re for more than that,” he said as he squeezed her hands. “We have talked, you know. In between those bouts of mind-exploding sex, we’ve talked quite a bit.”
She didn’t look up from her contemplation of his finely sculpted hands. “Not about anything important. Just everyday, trivial stuff,” she said sadly.
His grin reappeared. “You forget. You already know everything important there is to know about me. Do you want me to tell you about my life? I can. I can recite it all for you, but it won’t be anything new. You know what I’ve done and what I haven’t, where I’ve been and who I’ve seen. You know what I’m proud of and what I’m ashamed of. I can’t hide anything from you any more than you can hide anything you’ve done or thought from me.”
An uncomfortably warm flush stole up Sam’s face and she longed to hide her face in her hands, but Cole held them tight and she didn’t dare move them.
“It’s the most wonderful thing that’s ever happened to me,” he continued. “And it makes us far more than simply two people who enjoy the pleasures of each other’s bodies. We are far, far more than that.” His grin was nearly blinding and when he looked at her there was life and excitement in his lavender eyes. “Don’t you see? It’s a gift I can never sufficiently repay.”
“I don’t understand,” Sam admitted. She wished she could think clearly. She was so tired of her thoughts chasing each other round and round in circles.
“Samantha, I don’t have to pretend with you,” he said as his hand tightened over hers. “I’m free to say what I think and do what I feel like doing. Indeed, I’m so sure that you know my every thought that I occasionally forget that I do need to explain my reactions to you periodically. That’s what happened today with our shopping expedition. I assumed you knew what I was doing.” That boyishly charming smile of pure happiness remained firmly fixed on his lips. “And even though you didn’t, it was still all right because you let me know in no uncertain terms what you did believe the case to be. And it only took a moment for me to give you my thoughts, and everything was fine again.”
“Cole, you can’t expect to solve everything by doing some sort of mind meld!” Sam protested.
“Why not?” he countered. “We’ve been given a precious gift. Why not use it?”
“I....” She didn’t have any argument for that piece of logic. “So you think we should just...what? Keep swapping thoughts and memories whenever we can?”
“I think that’s exactly what we should do.” He took his eyes from the traffic long enough to look at her with such warmth she couldn’t look away. “Sam, most people go through life never sure what their loved ones feel or think. They blunder through as best they can and often never say what they really feel because they’re afraid of how their partner will react to it. Well, I don’t have to worry that I’ll tell you something I shouldn’t. You probably know it already. And if you don’t, well, I now know you well enough to know you won’t judge me. For once I don’t need to worry or hide or try to pretend I’m someone I’m not.”
The sharp glance he directed at her surprised murmur stopped the words she was about to say before they had a chance to form coherency.
“And I don’t need to worry that you have some agenda or hidden motive. I’ve spent the last ten years of my life constantly wondering what Falcon was thinking or plotting. I never knew how she really felt. Lies piled up upon lies, and the truth became lost if it ever actually existed. Finally it became so difficult to tell what was real and what wasn’t that I just no longer cared.” The hand gripping the steering wheel was white knuckled and she felt the hand resting on hers tremble. His smile was gone.
“I reached a point where nothing mattered any more, not me, not her. Nothing. Little by little, each lie, each manipulation ate away at what I felt for her. In the end, I’m not sure I felt anything for her. There was just apathy and a wish for it all to end.”
Sam nodded. “I’m not surprised you feel that way.”
“I know.” His smile returned. “And the lovely thing is that even if you didn’t have my memories in your head you’d feel the same way and you’d say so.” He squeezed her hand again. “I’ve told you that I don’t know what we are to each other. I haven’t the least clue what’s happened or where we’re headed. But I want to find out, Samantha.”
He drew a deep breath that felt as though it cleared the oppressive atmosphere in the car for both of them.
“I’m tired of measuring each word my lover says to me to see what hidden meaning it might have. I’m tired of never knowing what’s going on in my lover’s head.” He was forced to take his hand from hers as he turned into the hotel drive. “So share your thoughts with me, Sam. Share your body and your emotions. Share your dreams. Talk to me about nothing. Talk to me about anything. Continue to give me a reason to believe that this second chance I’ve been given can work out.” He drew her hand to his lips and nicked her finger so she could feel his thoughts and emotions. “Give me whatever you can. I don’t care if it’s from your mind or your heart, because I know that unlike Falcon, whatever you say, important or trivial, will at least be honest.”
Chapter Six
“Falcon!”
Samantha shivered as Cole identified the tall blonde waiting in their hotel suite aloud. Though Sam had formed a mental picture of the woman from what she’d read in The Vampire Encounters, when she gained Cole’s memories, she discovered it didn’t match reality. Just as Cole wasn’t quite as she’d envisioned him, neither was Falcon. It was one of the facets of this new world that left Samantha confused. If this was a hallucination, why didn’t Cole or Falcon look like the image Sam had built in her imagination?
Wynn Matthew’s daughter was much prettier and far more delicate than Sam had visualized. Falcon’s pale blond hair, long and silky, was perfectly styled in a way Sam had never been able to able to achieve with her more mundane brown locks. Thick flaxen glory framed a heart-shaped face of appalling beauty. Falcon was a fairy princess with sky-blue eyes tilted perfectly at the corners, shining dulcetly beneath delicately arched brows. Her generous mouth was all smiles and perfect teeth.
Sam could only stare at her in shock. No wonder Cole had fallen so easily for her and stayed in love long after Falcon’s perfidy came to light. If Cole was the most perfect male Sam had ever seen, Falcon was the most flawless woman.
Falcon’s straight little turned-up nose tilted a bit higher as she noticed Sam.
“I didn’t realize you were busy, Cole,” Falcon said her voice melodic and low. Her petal-pink lips tightened a bit in distaste. “Hello.”
“I didn’t know you were back, or I’d never have gone out,” Cole didn’t seem to notice the subtle signals that said Falcon thought very little of Sam’s worth.
His voice was full of welcome, but he gave Sam’s fingers a quick squeeze before he released her hand and kissed Falcon gently on the cheek. Sam couldn’t help the feeling of relief that flowed and filled the corners of her heart. He’d noticed, but was pretending. Sam didn’t need to be linked to him to figure that much out. But the smile he gave Falcon turned Sam’s stomach.
“You look wonderful,” he purred.
Privately, Sam thought Falcon would look much better with a black eye and a broken arm. She’d gladly provide both if not for the sight of Falcon’s ever-present bodyguards. From the books, Sam knew these men were more akin to mafia wise-guys than legitimate protective services agents. They answered to Falcon and Falcon alone and didn’t hesitate to hurt anyone she named. At her orders they killed, and made sure the blood didn’t splash Falcon’s designer gowns while they did it.
Sam was suddenly very relieved Cole was a neat freak. All her belongings were neatly tucked away and invisible. Unless Falcon had rifled through the closets and drawers, there was no way of knowing Cole had a live-in guest.
Unbeknownst to Cole, Falcon once ordered the death of a young socialite she feared was as a rival for his affections. The blonde might not love Cole, but she didn’t want to share him, either. Facing Gilbert with a baseball bat was one thing, facing hired hit men was something else entirely. Sam hoped Cole had a plan, because her mind was coming u
p empty. She needn’t have worried.
“This is Ms. Westlake,” Cole said with a nod toward Samantha. “We bumped into each other at a cocktail party earlier this evening. She dabbles in real estate and we were talking about a property at the beach,” he lied glibly. The soft smile on his face made Sam’s stomach roil, but the look of entreaty he secretly flashed her kept the tongue still. She’d follow his lead however much it repulsed her to see him all warm and loving with Falcon. Playacting beat being dead any day.
“I thought you might like something near the water,” he added.
“Very much,” Falcon said pleasantly, smiling at Sam. The smile didn’t carry all the way to her icy blue eyes, and Sam’s answering smile was just as fake.
“But now that you’re home that can all wait,” Cole continued. “Let me call a cab for Ms. Westlake. We can discuss the house later. I know you love presents, but I want to welcome you home properly.” He turned his back on Falcon, his broad shoulders hiding Sam from the other woman’s view. “I’m sure you understand, my dear,” he said and though his words were aimed at Falcon, they were meant for Sam.
Cole raised Sam’s hand to his lips in a courtly gesture. He often kissed women’s hands in Old World elegance and courtesy. Now, using the gallantry as an excuse and his body as a shield, he nipped one of Sam’s fingers surreptitiously. As soon as the blood linked them, his desperate instructions rang in her head. Hoping that none of what she felt was showing on her face, Sam did exactly as he wished while trying to send him her own comfort and assurance. Their link lingered when he dropped her hand and turned back to Falcon with a bright smile and soft eyes.
Vampire Encounters - Second Chances Page 8