by Alexis Gold
“Her family came from Croatia a long time ago, and my dad was born in England. His family moved to the United States when he was only two years old,” I said.
Christina nodded.
“Wow, Croatia. Has your mom ever visited?” Christina asked curiously.
I nodded.
“Yeah, my dad would make sure we all knew our roots and where our family stemmed from. We visited Croatia as a family three times while he was alive, we visited England a lot more because I have actual extended family from his side still there,” I explained.
“Wow that’s awesome. Both of my parents are Jamaican, I’ve never been there, though. It’s not like we didn’t have the means or resources; my parents just didn’t have an interest in returning. Sometimes my father would tell me stories of how poor his family and that he felt the streets were more his home than any geographical barrier.
They both grew up poor there and I think they just never wanted to go back because it brought back really bad memories…” Christina trailed off as she thought about her parents.
“Have you ever wanted to visit the country?” I asked her curiously.
Christina shrugged, her expression told me that she really hadn’t thought about it before.
“My parents didn’t bring much of the Jamaican culture into our house so I never had that need to know my roots. I’m sure it would be pretty to visit the touristy parts, of course,” she said and I made a mental note. I knew where we’d have our honeymoon, or maybe simply a vacation. Perhaps in the winter when it got too cold in the city we could go.
“You know, the more you reveal about your parents, the more I think they must have been amazing people, especially for having given the world you.” I smiled at Christina and she laughed.
“You make me sound like God’s gift to the Earth or something.” Christina chuckled and I looked at her with complete sincerity and a smile touched my lips.
“Christina, you’re God’s gift to me,” I said and she bit her lip to try and hide her shy smile. I leaned over to kiss her just as we pulled up to my house.
We got out of the car and I didn’t even notice anything was wrong until Christina stopped walking. I had been solely focused on her. I studied her blank expression and followed her gaze to my front steps.
Roxanna was seated there and she smiled sheepishly up at me. I could tell she was drunk just by the swimming of her eyes as they swung between Christina and I.
“This must be your girlfriend.” Roxanna stood up and teetered on her feet for a second before she held on to the stone railing and leaned against it for support.
“Yes she is. What are you doing here, Roxanna?” I asked her. I tried to rein in my anger, but I didn’t want her to upset Christina because she refused to get the help I was offering to her. There was only so much I could do.
“I thought you made her up…she was never around and when I was inside the other day she wasn’t home…but you were…” Roxanna sounded like she made some drunken discovery. I tensed up though. Christina didn’t know that Roxanna threw herself at me and had my fucking cock in her hands in under a second. I screwed up by not telling Christina everything and I feared with every breath that Roxanna was going to put it out in the open.
“Yah, why don’t I get you a cab? Take a seat,” I directed her, but I stayed where I was beside a silent and observing Christina. I let go of her hand to place a call to a car company.
“I don’t want a cab; I want to come inside with you, Jeffrey. You wanted me the other day. You got hard for me, I know it.”
My head snapped around to Roxanna, she was focusing all her energy in concentrating on me. Roxanna’s eyes swam over to Christina and she smiled lazily.
“I had his cock in my hand and he got hard like that…” Roxanna paused to snap her fingers and then a giggle bubbled up from her chest.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I wanted to throw the phone at Roxanna and then gag her and throw her into any passing cab and have it take her to fucking Mexico.
“I kissed him again too. He acts like he doesn’t want me, but I know he still loves me.” Roxanna smiled, it was the evil little icing on the cake and I knew she had hit each and every one of Christina’s worst fears when it came to me.
“You…she—Jeffrey…” Christina was trying to make sense of it all in her head and I could see the confusion, looming devastation and hurt, and anger in her eyes. “Is she telling the truth? Please tell me she’s too drunk and is just making stuff up right now.” Christina put distance between us and crossed her arms over her chest.
All I could think about was how much I should have told her the entire fucking truth when I had the chance. I just didn’t want to hurt her, but now I’ve managed to hurt her ten times worse.
“It’s true. Yeah. I didn’t want to tell you the full story because I didn’t want to hurt you. She came in and just fucking attacked me, Christina. One second she was outside and then the next her hand was down my pants.”
It all sounded like a horrible, piss poor excuse, but it was the truth. Roxanna wasn’t in her right mind.
“Christina, let me just get her in a cab and then we can talk about this, please. She doesn’t have anyone else to help her at all right now.” I begged Christina to understand.
She glanced at Carl who was idling on the curb. He usually didn’t drive away until we were inside for at least twenty minutes.
“I think I want to go home. You can feel free to handle her Jeffrey, I can’t…I just can’t.” Christina backtracked and she got into the car.
A few seconds later Carl came out and I knew she had asked him to get her suitcase. I hung my head and simply gave him the keys to the front door and told him where everything was.
I screwed up again, this time it was really my fucking fault. I glanced over at Roxanna’s smug face and wanted to bury her in some mental facility and never see her again. She had managed to hurt me twice. I shook my head and watched helplessly as Carl loaded Christina’s things into the car and drove off with her.
The cab arrived shortly after and I loaded a clingy Roxanna into it. Before I shut the door, I told the cabbie her address. Then I turned my gaze to her and filled it with all the anger and hate I felt towards her in that moment.
“If you so much as come near me or anything remotely having to do with me right now, I will make sure a restraining order is set against you. Then I’ll also make sure you’re padded off to a mental facility where you fucking belong. I don’t care if you barely remember this tomorrow or not, this is the only warning, Roxanna.
This is done, we are through. I helped you the best I can, it’s up to you to go to the appointment I set up or not.”
Roxanna looked at me like she was about to cry, instead she leaned out of the cab and threw up all over my fucking pants and shoes. Once she was done, I pushed her ass back into the cab and slammed the door shut. After a short moment, the cab pulled away and I roared my frustration to the dark sky.
* * *
After I stripped down to my boxers right in the middle of the sidewalk, I shoved my clothes into a nearby trash can and then went inside. Carl had left my keys on the side table in the foyer, thankfully. I took deep breaths and paced around the living room while I thought of ways to get Christina back. I needed her almost more than I needed my next breath. I pushed my fingers through my hair as I wracked my brain for an answer. I was too tense and wound up, my heart was full of anxiety and I couldn’t think. I gave in for the moment and went to take a shower.
Once I was clean of the mess that was Roxanna, I called Christina. At first the phone would simply ring and ring, then she started ignoring my calls, the phone would ring once or twice and go straight to voice mail. After I assumed Christina put her phone on silent, because it would simply ring and ring again, I started leaving messages as well as texts.
“Christina, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth. I made things worse and I was stupid. Please hear me out…Christina, I need to hear
your voice, please just answer the phone…Christina…Christina.” I must have left her at least twelve messages before I decided, fuck it, I’ll just go and sit outside of her apartment until she opened the door and agreed to hear me out.
It was late and Carl was off duty and had already been picked up for the night, so I drove the car on my own to Christina’s. Thankfully, some drunk dude who looked like he had been living inside for ten years was just leaving the building and I caught the door without having to buzz up. I reached Christina’s floor and then took a deep breath before I knocked on her door.
Five long minutes later the door unlocked and Christina opened it a fraction. Her eyes were red and puffy and she was wearing a thick purple robe. She had the chain still attached to the door so I couldn’t nudge my way in at all. She usually never used the chair to reinforce the lock on her door, so why then?
“What are you doing here?” she asked me, deadpan. It took me a minute to gather my thoughts and I just stood there with my hands on my hips while I stared at the floor. “It’s nearly two in the morning Jeffrey, go home and sleep or something.”
Christina made to close the door but I shoved my foot in the way at the last minute.
“Look, please just let me apologize and explain, Christina, hear me out, at least. Well, you have no choice, I’m not letting you close this door,” I said and then took a deep breath, I didn’t even know what I wanted to say.
“I love you.” Those were the words that came out and I decided that was a good place to start. Christina’s eyes widened and she shook her head as if she didn’t want to hear that. “I love you, Christina, and because of that I’d never do anything to hurt you intentionally.
I was stupid and I fucked up by lying to you. I just didn’t want to upset you when I was explaining why I stood you up. I didn’t want to upset you any more than I already had. But I should have come clean and I didn’t because I thought I was sparing you and it came back ten times worse and that’s my fault.”
I stared into her eyes and begged her with mine to see how earnest I was, to show her that I was speaking from the heart.
“But what happened with Roxanna was not under my control. The shit just happened and I pushed her off me as soon as my reflexes kicked in. I swear nothing happened—well nothing past that happened.”
Christina glanced behind her and then she sighed.
“Trent came over…” My body went rigid and I studied her robe to gauge if she was naked underneath or not. “We didn’t do anything. He just kept me company, we fell asleep on the couch and he’s here now. I don’t want you to kill him or anything…” Christina said pointedly.
I clenched my fists behind my back and flexed my jaw a few times before speaking in a calm and measured tone.
“No, I won’t. Simply wake him up and tell him to get the fuck out, Christina,” I said, my anger barely restrained. I was angrier at myself than at her or the Trent prick. I drove her to this when it all could have been avoided if I told her the complete truth. Christina nodded and then closed the door.
I leaned against the wall across from her door and waited for this Trent character to walk out. I could hear the bass of his deep voice as they got nearer to the front door. When she unhooked the chain and opened the door to walk him out, Trent and I made brief eye contact. He simply shook his head at me and then continued down the hall to the stairwell.
Christina was leaning against her doorjamb and I pushed off of the wall and strode past her into the apartment. There weren’t any candles or anything around, the bed was actually made like how she left it when she went to pack her suitcase. Christina sighed when she realized I was looking for clues.
“We didn’t do anything, we didn’t even kiss. Which is much more than what I can say for you.” Christina diverted the focus back onto me.
“It’s not like I initiated it. I do not even like the woman, Christina. Who is Trent to you? Do you like him? Have you dated him? Did you guys kiss again?” I needed the answers to those questions because they were flying around in my head and driving me crazy.
“He’s a good friend and we’ve decided to just be friends because he helped me realize that you actually do love me and that…that—” Christina cut herself off and then abruptly changed the subject. “He’s just my friend and my coworker…and no we did not kiss again,” Christina said.
I studied her face and believed her, she wasn’t lying and she wasn’t the type to lie.
“I’m sorry I lied, Christina, I’m just sorry,” I said in a low voice while I stared down out of the corner of my eye.
“I know you’re sorry, Jeffrey, and I can’t blame you for her attacking you. I just wished you hadn’t lied,” Christina said on a sigh. She rubbed her eyes, clearly tired of the subject and tired in general. “Can we just go to sleep and pick this up tomorrow?”
I nodded and then stepped closer to her to undo the tie of her robe. I pushed it from her shoulders and revealed a thin camisole and short pajama shorts. Good thing she wore a fucking robe while Trent was there.
“Good, remember, I love you.” I got a soft smile from Christina in return.
I pulled off my shirt and took off my socks and shoes so that I was left in nothing but my sweat pants so I could get into bed with Christina. We did mess up the bed a bit as we were getting in to go to sleep. Before I knew it we were both out.
I couldn’t have woken up in any better way. Christina was curled against me and in that moment between peaceful slumber and waking, I felt that everything was right with the world. Then I remembered Roxanna throwing up on me and Trent walking out of Christina’s apartment the night before.
We needed to get back on track. She let me in to sleep in bed with her, she must be ready to put all of that crap behind us. I knew I was. I nuzzled Christina’s neck and kissed the soft skin. She stirred and pressed herself closer against me before she stretched out along my body and opened her eyes.
“Good morning…” Christina said sleepily. She glanced at the clock, it was an hour before either of our alarms could go off.
“It is a good morning when waking up to you, Christina,” I said my voice low and a bit thickened by sleep.
Christina shivered delicately when I nuzzled her once more.
“I have to head out a bit early this morning…but can I see you later on today? After work maybe?”
Christina nodded and I pressed a kiss to her lips a few times before I mustered enough strength to get out of the bed and leave her in the apartment.
The Final Chapter
Christina
I was feeling a lot of things as I got ready for work that Friday. Jeffrey had left just a half hour ago and I didn’t really want to think about how much I wanted to be curled up in bed with him once more.
He had been the angriest I had ever seen him the night before when I told him Trent was over. I thought the blood vessels in his temples were going to pop. Thank goodness he held himself together while Trent left, I didn’t know what I would have done if a brawl broke out in the hallway.
Then there was the fact that Jeffrey confessed that he loved me more than once last night. He made sure I knew he meant it and I did believe him. I was just afraid to say it back and have another ex pop out of the woodwork and I knew Jeffrey had a colorful array of ex-lovers.
But that was my issue from the beginning, I was letting Jeffrey’s past intimidate me or represent something that he had tried to convince me wasn’t true. I needed to ignore it and focus on him, the present, and the future. I was just too afraid to actually put that into application.
After I got ready for work, I went to get into Betty and do our usual ride to work. Of course, after a long, near fifteen years of service, Betty died that morning. She simply wouldn’t start. I sighed, long suffering, and wondered if I should just hail a cab rather than call Jeffrey to borrow his driver. I decided to hail a cab; thank goodness I made it to work on time.
“Hey, Christina, you won’t guess what the debat
e is at our table.” Austin greeted me in the break room as I made a beeline for the coffee pot.
“It’s not pizza rolls versus hot pockets is it?” I asked with a pained expression.
Austin cracked up at the mention of yesterday’s heated debate.
“No, no, a much better one this time,” Austin paused for dramatic affect before he told me, “ketchup versus mustard.”
I cracked up when he told me, of all the possible things to debate about, they were going to debate whether mustard or ketchup was the better condiment?
“Austin, that’s worse than yesterday’s debate. Who is picking these topics?” I asked incredulously. One would think a table full of university graduates would be able to debate about something a bit more relevant. Like at least Selena Gomez versus Demi Lovato or something.