Parker enveloped her hand between his, “Whether it be friends or future boyfriends, you’ll know they deserve your love when they can truly see all of you.”
What if nobody could? She needed to change the topic, and although it wasn’t a better one, she still needed to ask, “Hey, why aren’t you still at the funeral?”
“I left the reception early. Took a taxi over.”
“I wish I could have been there for the Kings.”
“They know. I made sure of it.”
Her throat constricted; she hadn’t even asked him to do that, “Thank you.”
They both stared down at their combined hands, letting the silence relax them.
“Vi?” Parker asked, looking up from watching his thumb stroke her skin.
“Hm?”
“You’ll be beautiful no matter how the scar heals. You’ll be beautiful when you’re ninety with gray hair and wrinkles. Hell,” he grinned, “you’d be beautiful fat with a triple chin and uni-brows. You have the kind of beauty that shines through.” He placed a palm on her chest, over her heart. Once again her monitors did a dance, “It comes from here, and that kind of beauty never changes or fades, it only grows more powerful.”
Tears slipped down her cheeks.
Parker leaned forward, lightly brushing them away with his lips, “Promise me you won’t allow the scar to make you feel like less of a person. Don’t allow it to define you.”
“I’ll do my best.”
“Do better than that,” he demanded. “I swear Vi, it will only destroy you if you don’t.”
“For you Parker, I promise.”
“No, not for me. Promise yourself. Believe it for yourself.”
Violet met his eyes, “Do you? Do you believe it for yourself?”
“I’m getting there.”
“I’ll only promise if you do the same.”
He looked deep into her eyes, connecting them on a deeper level, his soul reaching out to hers, “I promise.”
“I promise.”
The first thing Maggie felt was the ache in her body and her inability to move. Her lids slowly opened, immediately shutting when she recognized the hospital room. A barrage of memories consumed her. She remembered the thirst to win, the necessity to prove herself, the urgent way she took the turn too tight at a speed that couldn’t handle it. The rest was a blur, followed by nothing.
Once again she opened her eyes, more cautious this time, roaming them around the room. First she noticed what was in front of her: a mounted TV and a whiteboard with notes. Next, her legs that were in casts, as well as her left arm, and the brace on her back and neck. She glanced to the right to find a window with the blinds open, the sun shining through, haloing the man whose head was laying on her bed, sleeping, both his hands holding her one. It took her a moment to realize it was Ryder. She hadn’t expected it to be him.
Maggie heard voices, the same voices that had drawn her from her sleep. Her eyes moved to the left to find Violet and Parker softly conversing in what appeared to be an important conversation.
Relief washed over her to find her sister was fine. That’s when she noticed the shaved head and stitches that ran along the side of her skull, trailing past her temple at an angle, passing just past her eye and stopping at the cheekbone.
Maggie closed her eyes tightly. That was her fault.
She thought of Xavier, awakening her monitors.
Ryder’s head snapped up, wide-eyed and alert. Parker and Violet stopped talking. Parker came over to inspect what had happened.
“Maggie, oh my god,” Ryder rushed to his feet. “I’ll go get a nurse.”
Her hand felt empty without his.
It hurt to move her head, but she needed a better view of her sister. She needed answers, answers she wasn’t sure she was brave enough to hear.
Thanks to the brace, her head barely moved. Luckily, it was enough so that Violet knew she wanted her. Call it intuition, instinct, common sense, or her ability to often read her sister’s mind, but Maggie knew the answer without Violet having to tell her.
Violet shook her head yes to Maggie’s silent question, tearing up.
Maggie wanted to go back to sleep, to hide away from herself and the world.
Dear God, what had she done?
Chapter 50
The Long Goodbye
The weeks that followed, Maggie became closed off, refusing to talk to anyone. She remained aloof, staring out her window.
She tried shutting off her emotions to digest everything that had happened. She didn’t even care that she hardly had feeling in her left leg and foot, or that the fingers on her left hand were broken so horribly that they were healing like a witch’s in a fairy tale. It seemed fitting. Evil witches killed people too.
Ryder and her parents were always there. She wanted them gone. She didn’t deserve to be looked after or cared for. She didn’t warrant rehabilitation. Everything that had happened to her body was justified. In her opinion she’d gotten off easy.
Wes was currently saying his goodbyes. Another year of college was about to begin.
Maggie ignored him, her perpetual gazing out the window never wavering.
“I wish I didn’t have to go,” Wes said, knowing his sister heard him even if she was ignoring him. “You’ll call if you need me right? I’ll take the first flight out if I have to.”
He didn’t wait for a reply; he was used to not getting one.
He kissed her forehead, “Love you.”
On his way out Maggie almost called to him, his absence squeezing her heart. Instead, she focused on the landscape down below.
Wes came up quietly behind Ava, who was laying on the hammock in her backyard, “Do you come here often?”
Ava jumped, almost causing herself to tip over. She sat up, straightening out the front of her dress, “Pretty much every day.”
He sat down next to her. It was surreal for him to be back at their spot, seeming a lifetime ago that they had spent hours upon hours here together, “I wanted to say goodbye before I headed back to school.”
Ava laid back, her legs dangling over the edge. Wes did the same.
Her soft voice would have been hard to hear if her head wasn’t inches away, “Are you happy?”
He thought about her question, contemplating what the hell happy actually meant, “I’m not sure.”
“What do you think it would take?”
Once, he would have said her. Now, he didn’t know. He didn’t know much of anything anymore. “I’m trying to figure that out. What about you?”
“To see those I love be happy.”
“You can’t base your happiness on others.” Not even their mere presence was enough. Before one knew it, they could be gone. Then what? Find it in another person? It seemed far too exhausting.
“Yeah, I suppose you’re right.”
They sat in silence for a few minutes, both lost in their own heads.
“Thanks for helping me get through it all.” Wes truly meant it. He wouldn’t have survived the days in the hospital proceeding the crash without her. It had been nice to have the escape. They hadn’t touched since Xavier’s funeral, and oddly, Wes found he had lost the desperate urgency for her. In a weird way it was calming to not always obsess over her, to not think about her every second, wondering what she was doing, who she was talking to.
Ava sighed, “I wish I could have helped more.”
“There’s nothing more you could have done.”
She shrugged, not believing him.
He turned his head to hers, “Can I ask a favor?”
She did the same, “Of course.”
“Let me know if Maggie’s mood gets worse.” He was the most worried for her. She wasn’t trying to get better, hardly making an effort in physical therapy. She didn’t seem to care if her body ever functioned again.
“I’ll send you emails.”
“Thanks,” he got up, giving her one last smile. “I’ll see you at Thanksgiving.”
Her saddened frown almost had him turning back. He forced himself to leave her, to leave their place.
The summer had taught him that he may never stop loving Ava. Regardless, it was time to figure out what life meant without her, what an Ava-less future entailed. It terrified and excited him.
Violet and Parker were lounging on her bed when Wes arrived back home to say his goodbyes.
He held her a little too tight, making her promise to call him every day.
In return, she tried to not become a blubbering mess as she hugged him back, completely losing it when his car left down the long driveway.
Upon her surgeon’s request, Violet was taking the semester off to fully recover at home.
Parker was there every day after work to keep her company, crashing on her couch most nights. On the weekends they’d have movie marathons. They were growing closer, reconnecting in a way that uplifted both their spirits. There was still a part of herself that distanced her feelings from him, still not trusting he wouldn’t trample them.
Her hair was slowly growing back except for on the scar. Violet had come to terms that it wouldn’t. She had her life, and that was far more important. Despite trying to remain on the bright side, she still had her hard days when she couldn’t stomach her own reflection. On those days she allowed herself to succumb to the melancholy. She didn’t plan on letting it affect her forever; however, she did feel she was permitted to have some bad days.
All this lying around had given her plenty of time to think and dream. She had some ideas that she couldn’t wait to get started on and begin a new chapter of her life.
Chapter 51
Feeling Good
Violet had been gone a month, back to college with her brother for the spring semester. Parker had already made the decision he was going to fight for her when they said their goodbyes, she just didn’t know it yet.
There were two things Parker had to take care of before he went to her. The first one had his heart pounding as he knocked on his boss's door.
“Yeah?”
Parker stepped inside, “Do you have a minute?”
Noah looked up from his paperwork, “What's up?”
Parker took the empty seat in front of Noah’s desk. “I really don't know how to put this without you trying to kill me, but here goes,” he rubbed his palms on his thighs, let out a deep breath, and proceeded to tell Noah the most important thing he had ever said out loud, “I'm in love with your daughter.”
Noah leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest, expanding its size, his expression made of stone.
Parker continued, never letting their eyes drift apart; he needed Noah to see his sincerity, “I've fucked up a lot in my life. The thing I regret the most is hurting her. She's the only person to ever care for me exactly as I am, and not because she had to. I need her in my life and I want her there as more than a friend. I want her by my side. That's the only time life seems to make any sense.”
“How do you know if she feels the same way?”
“I don’t, and quite honestly, I don’t care.”
Noah grunted.
“I don’t care, because regardless, I plan on spending every day for the rest of my life making sure she knows that I'm completely hers. Hopefully in return I can have back her heart, even if I have to work for it piece by piece.”
“How do you plan on doing that when she's two states away?” Noah's voice matched his stoic features.
Nothing was going to detour Parker, “This is the part of the conversation I give my notice. I'll stay until you find someone new and make sure they have it under control, then I'm gone. I already found an auto shop to work for and an apartment close to hers.”
Noah swiped the top of his overgrown buzz cut, “You work on your personal shit? Because that's not going anywhere. It'll be ready to take you down when it senses any kind of weakness.”
“I have a plan for that too...” or at least one he hoped worked. “If it doesn't work, I'll figure out a new one, until one day it's all just my past and it’s left there, where it belongs.”
“I only have one condition.”
Parker tried joking to lessen his nerves, “Only one?”
Noah didn’t seem amused, “When she graduates, convince her to come home, find a job around here. I can't stand the stress of my kids not being close by.”
That was it?
Parker exhaled and slouched back in his chair.
“I don't think that'll be a problem.” The only reason she had left was because of Parker. She would have preferred to stay.
“Good.” Noah looked back down at the work in front of him, “And you'll always have a job here if you need one.”
Parker had to swallow back a lump that was forming, “Thanks.”
Noah nodded, “Now get out of here. I have a lot of work to do.”
Parker only had to stay around for another three weeks before his car was loaded, ready to head to Texas.
He had one last thing to take care of, the second part of his plan. If he could come out of it and survive, it would be proof he was ready to be the man Violet deserved.
Parker's footsteps echoed down the hall as the soles of his shoes hit against the linoleum. He stopped at the next entryway to empty his pockets and be inspected by a guard. Then he walked through the metal detector, following a guard to a room filled with others just like him.
He took an empty seat at a two person table. He waited, not allowing his mind to think, afraid it would take over and force him to get up and leave.
Babies cried around him. Women pushed up their cleavage, reapplying lipstick. Others talked with those they had come with. It all stopped when a metal gate opened and guards escorted the prisoners in.
All Parker could hear was his own breath as it kept rhythm with the frantic beat of his heart.
The man from his nightmares, the one he had allowed to control his life for far too long, took a seat across from him. He looked at Parker, his eyes taking him in, wondering who he was and why he was there. He didn’t seem to recognize Parker. And why should he? He hadn’t seen Parker since he was nine.
Parker took a moment to take the man in. What he saw when he truly looked was not a monster to be feared, but an old, washed-out man, who had wasted his life away on booze and gambling. It showed on his sallow skin, wrinkles that far surpassed his age, and lifeless eyes that had lost their soul a long time ago.
For the first time in Parker’s life this man no longer had a hold on him. He felt it in the blood traveling through his veins, in his relaxed muscles. Most importantly, he felt it in his chest. The constant pressure bearing down on it was gone and he could finally breathe. He had finally let it go.
He'd never forget, but it would no longer rule his life. This man wasn't worth it. He wouldn't allow a man of so little worth to take Parker down with him. He wouldn't be worthless just because this man was.
Parker got up, having nothing to say to the man. He had only come to prove to himself that the past had the possibility to stay there; that it had only gained control because he allowed it. Not anymore.
It also helped that the man was going to spend the rest of his life in prison. An anonymous tip had been made about the pictures and videos he had of young boys on his computer – another debt he owed to Noah. Judges weren’t lenient towards pedophiles, and rightfully so.
One last thing came to mind before Parker left and never looked back.
He came up to one of the guards, who automatically put a hand to their weapon, demanding Parker step back.
Parker shot his hands up, “I only had a question.”
The guard jutted his chin out, hand still at the ready.
“Do inmates know what others are in for?”
“Sometimes...” the guard seemed unsure of why he’d asked.
Parker raised his voice, making sure the whole room heard him, “Do they know how that man,” he pointed to the useless waste of a life a few tables down, who was stil
l wondering who the hell Parker was, “likes to rape six year old boys, threating their baby sister’s life with worse if they ever told?”
The guard tried to hide a smirk, “I think now they do.”
Every prisoner in the room focused their beady-eyes on the man; pedophiles were never accepted, even among the most evil of men.
A bead of sweat trailed down the worthless man’s temple from the scrutiny.
Parker let go of the last remaining parts of his hate, leaving it behind with his parting words, “What goes around comes around, asshole. I hope you enjoy getting butt-fucked.”
He left with his head held high, his hands shaking from the adrenaline as he took back his keys and wallet.
“You alright?” The guard who handed it back to him asked.
Parker smiled, a true, genuine one, “Never been better.”
Once inside his fully packed car, he started the ignition and headed towards his future, a smile still firmly in place.
Chapter 52
One And Only
Violet checked in at registration, receiving a clip-on badge. She looked around the conference room for a place to sit for the next eight hours. The large room had a stage at the end, PowerPoint already glaring today’s theme: Get Into the Minds of Today’s Youth. Supposedly it wasn't the biggest child psychology conference, but her psychology professor believed it was one of the best, and it happened to be held every year in Austin, Texas. He had thought it would be of interest to Violet, offering her extra credit to go. Eight hours of a droning voice going over bullet points on a projector seemed doable for her worst test grade to be dropped.
The rest of the room had chairs starting from the front and filing to the end, most of the seats already occupied. Violet looked for a seat in the back, hoping to avoid sitting next to anyone talkative.
A woman in her mid-thirties in the back row caught Violet’s attention. Not because she was the only person besides Violet who wasn't dressed professionally; it was the messy ponytail and faded Smith's shirt. Violet moved closer, knowing if she could relate to anyone in the room, it would be this woman.
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