by Ryan Field
Jim listened and nodded. Six months earlier, he would have been hurt, if not devastated, by the fact that Cain had a fiancé and he was planning to marry. But now all his childhood fantasies of Cain had disappeared. They were nothing more than good old friends and he hoped they would always remain that way. The only man Jim could think about now was Len Mayfield, and he couldn’t even confide this to his old friend.
When they pulled up to the Mayfield house, he helped Cain get out of the car and walked him to the front door to see him inside safely. Then he practically ran back to his car and pulled away as fast as he could. He wondered if Len was upstairs watching from the bedroom window. He would be clenching his fists, glaring down at Jim in the driveway for going out with Cain that night. The only thing Jim wanted to do was go home and fall into bed. He needed to start making plans for his future, and to sit down and tell his father about his lifestyle.
He parked on the side of the house near the garage so he wouldn’t wake his parents. But as he opened his door and get out, a huge white pickup truck pulled up beside him. It was Len Mayfield’s truck. Jim would know it anywhere. He parked so close Jim could barely open his door wide enough to climb out.
Len lowered the passenger window and said, “Where have you been?”
Jim flung him an intense stare and said, “That none of your business.”
“Well I think it is my business, and I want to know where you’ve been.”
“Go home, Len. It’s late and I’m tired.” He turned and started walking toward the house.
Len jumped out and stopped him at the back of the truck. He grabbed Jim’s arms and held him with a firm grip. “Get in the truck. Let’s go for a ride.”
Although Jim wanted to go with him, he knew it would be wrong. The way Len held him, tightly but not in a way that would hurt him, caused a rush of emotions to pass through Jim’s body. “I want to go to bed. I’m tired.” He wanted to see if Len would continue to pursue him. He had to admit he enjoyed the attention.
Len released him and took a deep breath. Then he caressed Jim’s cheek with a light stroke and said, “Please come for a ride. I just want to talk. I’ve missed you. I can’t believe you didn’t take any of my calls. Don’t make me beg.”
He already was begging, only he didn’t realize it. Jim didn’t want to see him continue to beg, so he nodded and said, “I’ll go if you promise we only talk. Nothing else.”
Len smiled. “I promise. I won’t even touch you. We’ll just talk.”
They drove to a dark secluded area just outside city limits, where a narrow dirt road led them to a dead end surrounded by tall trees. Len started asking questions about Jim’s evening with Cain. He seemed close to panic when he spoke.
“Why are you so concerned?” Jim asked. “Are you afraid I’m going to wind up sleeping with Cain?”
Len smiled. “Of course not. I know Cain is straight. He’s crazy enough to let you blow him when he’s drunk, but he’s not gay. But more important, I know you wouldn’t do that. I know how you feel about me and I know you would never do something like that to hurt me. It’s not in your nature to hurt people.”
Evidently, Len knew his son very well. He knew Jim even better. So Jim decided not to argue the point. “You’re right. But I still don’t understand why you’re worried about Cain and me going out. It doesn’t make sense.”
Len smacked the steering wheel. “Think about it, Jim. He doesn’t know I’m gay. And if he ever does find out I want to be the one to tell him. He thinks he comes from a stable home with normal parents. He’s already a little screwed up and I don’t want to make it worse.”
Jim took offense to this remark. “Okay, you’re saying you know I’d never sleep with Cain because I have such strong feelings for you and I’m such a good person. But in the same breath you’re saying you’re afraid I might out you to Cain. Fuck you, Len. Take me home.”
“Calm down,” Len said. “You have to understand that living this way has become a way of life for me. When you live this way for such a long time you become paranoid. I know it doesn’t sound rational.” He made a fist and punched the steering wheel. “And, the main reason I didn’t want you out with Cain is because I was afraid he’d be a bad influence on you and you’d wind up forgetting about me. I know that sounds selfish, but there you are.”
Jim sent him a sharp glance. He had a feeling it was time Len found out Cain wasn’t as dumb and innocent as Len thought he was. “Look, if it makes you feel any better, I missed you and I didn’t have that much fun. It was one of the most intense nights I’ve had in a long time. Cain and I talked about things. I wasn’t going to mention any of this, but now I think it’s important. He told me all about his girlfriend getting pregnant and how they are getting married. And then he told me his worst fear was winding up like his parents.”
Len frowned. “He said that?”
“I wouldn’t lie about something like that,” Jim said. “He told me he knows that you and Mrs. Mayfield haven’t had a happy marriage in years. He said he didn’t want to wind up that way.”
“What did you say?”
“I told him that he couldn’t compare your situation to his. Then I told him that his circumstances were totally different than his parents. I never said anything about you being gay or Mrs. Mayfield with the tennis instructor. He sounds like he’s really in love with this girl and I wanted to reassure him that was all that mattered.”
Len sighed and said, “I guess we didn’t fool Cain after all.”
“I’m sorry,” Jim said. “I should tell you this, too. We went to a gay bar.”
Len sat up fast. “A gay bar? You took my son to a gay bar. What on earth were you thinking?”
Jim laughed. “You should know better. Nobody takes Cain Mayfield anywhere. He took me there without telling me where we were going. Then he told me he knew I was gay, he was fine with it, and it was time for me to admit it.”
“What did you do?” He seemed genuinely surprised.
“I left him alone in the bar and ran outside,” Jim said. “I didn’t know what to do. But I finally admitted it to him and we talked about it. I would never have said anything if Cain hadn’t brought it up first. But I have to admit I felt a lot better afterward. He’s not a bad guy, Len. In fact, he’s more like you than I think you realize. I’m not sure you give him enough credit.”
“So Cain is okay with you being gay?” Len asked, as if this surprised him.
“Guess what?” Jim said, “My mother is okay with it, too.”
“Your mother knows?”
Jim sat back and rubbed his eyes. The coffee was wearing off and he felt the urge to yawn. “I came out to her this afternoon. I had to tell her. She was asking questions about where I’ve been going all summer. I couldn’t keep it inside any longer. And again, I feel so much better. It’s like I’m lighter now.”
“How did she react?”
“She said the same thing Cain said. She told me she already knew and was waiting for me to tell her.” He laughed. “Isn’t that a kick in the ass?”
Len reached for his hand and lifted it to his face. He kissed it and said, “Did you tell her about me?”
“No, of course I didn’t. I told her I was going out at night with friends and left it at that. I’d never say anything about you to anyone. It’s hard for me to support the way you live your life, but I would never out you to anyone.” He finally yawned and rested his head against the seat. “Will you take me home now, please? I think this has been the longest day of my life.”
Chapter Eleven
* * *
“Can I hold you for a minute?” Len asked. “Just for one minute, and then I’ll drive you home.”
Though Jim wanted Len’s arms around him, he considered what might happen if they embraced. “I think it would be a good idea if you took me home now. We obviously want different things in life and neither of us is willing to compromise. I need to know I have a future with the man I love. Your idea of the futu
re is sneaking around on dark roads.”
Len moved closer to Jim and rested his hand on Jim’s knee. “I only want to hold you one more time. Is that too much to ask?”
His voice sounded low and dejected. When Jim glanced over and saw his adorable drooping eyes he felt a tug in his heart. So he turned toward Len and wrapped his arms around Len’s shoulders. He stroked the back of his head with his fingertips and said, “This is so much harder for me than it is for you.”
Len moved forward. He climbed over the center console, reclined the seat as far as it would go, and climbed on top of Jim. “How can you say something like that? Can’t you see I’m in agony? You’re young and beautiful. You’ll meet some young guy who doesn’t have any responsibilities or cares and he’ll give you exactly what you want. You’re my last chance. I’m thirty-eight years old and don’t know how to come out of the closet. No one thinks I’m gay. Don’t ever, not for one single moment, underestimate how much I love you. I didn’t think it was possible to love anyone this much.” Then he rested his head on Jim’s shoulder and closed his eyes.
For the next fifteen minutes, they remained this way in silence. While Jim caressed Len’s head with soft strokes, Len rested on top of him without moving. Then at one point, Len started to kiss Jim’s neck. Before Jim knew what was happening his legs opened and went up. There was no use fighting it. They started to kiss so hard they had to gasp for air. For Jim, something stronger than he’d ever known overtook his senses and left him helpless. He couldn’t have stopped kissing Len any more than he could have stopped breathing that night. It seemed the same way for Len as well. He kissed Jim in a way that suggested his feelings went beyond desperation.
The passion only grew stronger; their tongues remained locked together. Then Jim let Len take off his pants, shoes, and socks. He allowed Len to pull his shirt over his head and then spread his legs apart. When Jim was naked, except for the bracelet on his wrist that Len had given to him when they’d begun their affair, he allowed Len to push him backward so Len could bury his face between his legs. When Jim lifted his legs higher, Len stuck out his tongue and licked the bottom of Jim’s ass. And while Jim threw his arms behind his head and whispered for more, Len’s tongue found the lips of Jim’s anus.
Len rimmed and probed between Jim’s legs for a long time. When he stopped, he pulled down his zipper and reached for his dick. He covered it with a lubed condom he found in the center console, guided it toward Jim’s opening, and entered him without taking time to prepare Jim with his fingers the way he usually did. He went so deep and so fast Jim grabbed the seatbelt with one hand and the back of Len’s neck with the other. For a moment, a burst of pain hit so hard it twisted his lips and curled his toes.
But not for long, because the moment Len began to slide in and out of Jim the pain stopped and the familiar friction Len’s dick created down there returned. As the friction gradually increased, Jim released the seatbelt and threw one leg over Len’s shoulder. His toes curled again, and not because he was in pain. He continued to hold the back of Len’s neck for support, nodding his head to let Len know he wanted him to continue. Len moved forward, bending him almost in half, until Jim’s knee reached his shoulder. His other leg remained up, with his toes pressed to the roof of the truck. Len went as deep as he could and leaned forward to kiss him on the lips. This time, when their tongues met, Len was in Jim’s body so far Jim felt Len’s pubic hair against his flesh. In this position, with this much of Len inside him, Jim felt as if they’d become one person instead of two once again.
It wasn’t the most comfortable position for Len to climax. He couldn’t move his long legs and turn Jim around. At one point, Len pulled out, opened the passenger door, and lifted Jim out of the cab. He carried Jim to the back of the truck and told him to climb inside. The cool bumper stung Jim’s bare feet. When he lifted his leg, Len gently pushed his ass. Len followed Jim and spread out an old horse blanket. Then he told Jim to kneel down on all fours and spread his legs. Though Len was too eager to get undressed, this time he opened his pants and pulled them down to his knees. He grabbed Jim’s hips and slammed into him again. It didn’t hurt like it had inside the truck. Jim wanted to be taken again; he started to rotate his hips and move backward.
A few minutes later, they came in this position. Len’s pelvis moved fast; his balls banged against Jim’s body; the truck rocked and jerked. Jim held his own erection while Len grunted and slapped Jim’s ass. They climaxed within seconds of each other. When Len came his upper body went forward and he grabbed Jim’s shoulders. He stopped fucking and forced his cock as far up Jim’s ass he could get it with one hard, solid slam. Jim’s head went back; he was used to this final, powerful thrust with Len. There was always this strong bang followed by dead stillness. He’d learned to plan for it and wait for it. While Len remained motionless, moaning in a soft whisper, Jim’s head jerked and he came all over the old blanket beneath them.
A minute later, they fell forward and Len put his arms around Jim. He set his cheek against Jim’s shoulder and said, “I’ve missed you. I’ve missed everything about you, from the way you smell to the way you walk.”
Jim took a breath; he spread his legs wider, enjoying the way Len had pinned him to the old blanket. Being naked, with Len still fully clothed, made it even sexier for some reason Jim couldn’t explain. But he had to ask the next question. “What are you going to do about it…about us?” He had to know there was some kind of a future for them. If there wasn’t, what they were doing was nothing more than fucking around on the side.
Len pushed his hips forward so he would remain inside. “I don’t know. It would be different if I’d met someone else. But because it’s you, and because you’re Cain’s best friend, it would be a double scandal if I came out and announced to the world I’m not only gay but I’ve fallen in love with a guy who is my son’s best friend. I don’t know if I can do that. I don’t know how Cain would react. And my wife would be devastated.”
“But you told me she knows about you, and that she doesn’t care,” Jim said. “You even said she’s having an affair with another man. I would think she’d be relieved if anything.” When Len said things like this, Jim had trouble taking him seriously. It reminded him of high school when Cain used to talk him into doing things he normally wouldn’t have done on his own.
Len laughed and rubbed his jaw. “It’s not that simple. My wife likes our arrangement, odd as that sounds. If I admitted I was gay in public, and that I was sleeping with you and we wanted to build a life together, the scandal would kill her. She doesn’t want anything to change.”
While Len spoke, Jim processed his words and evaluated the situation at the same time. He’d been wondering why Mrs. Mayfield hadn’t cared about her situation. Now he got it. “We could leave Dallas and not tell anyone. You told me you could be transferred to Los Angeles at any time you want. I’ve been thinking of moving to LA to work in public relations with the good friend I told you about. We could just move out there, not tell anyone what we’re doing, and start building our lives in secret. In LA we wouldn’t have to hide like we do here. In time, we can come clean with everyone.”
Len kissed him and rubbed the side of his naked leg. “I thought you said you wanted to come out of the closet and live an open life.”
“I do,” said Jim. “I want that more than anything in the entire world. I had no idea I’d fall so deeply in love with you. I’m willing to compromise.”
“And you are seriously willing to make that kind of a compromise?”
“I’m not sure,” Jim said. “I have to think about it. When you make a decision like that you have to be prepared to live with it. But at least in LA we could live open lives and be who we are.”
Len kissed him again and slowly pulled out of his body. After he put his dick back into his jeans and pulled up his zipper, he helped Jim get up from the blanket. He carried him back to the passenger seat and watched him put on his clothes. When Jim was dressed, he kiss
ed him one more time and then drove him home.
It was a quiet night with a bright moon and they couldn’t take a chance on being seen kissing on the road in front of Jim’s house. Before Jim got out of the car, Len squeezed Jim’s hand and asked, “When will I see you again?”
Jim frowned and glanced down at his knees. “I’m not sure. Give me some time to think. You need time, too. We can’t think when we’re together because all we do is make love.” As far as he could tell, Len had basically told him that night he would never admit he was gay to his son…or in public. From the way it sounded, Len’s wife was perfectly content to continue living a lie. The only viable solution seemed to be sneaking away from Texas without telling anyone about their situation. The only problem was Jim wasn’t sure he wanted to live his life this way. He’d felt so good after he’d admitted the truth to his mother and to Cain. Though he wasn’t looking forward to telling his father, he knew he would tell him before the summer ended. Running away to LA would be like taking ten steps backward. Sneaking around indefinitely with a married man wasn’t much different. It meant Jim would have to compromise his basic principles. He wasn’t sure he was willing to do this for anyone, not even Len Mayfield.
“I’ll call you,” Len said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“That’s too soon. Give me a few days. You need time, too.”
Len punched the steering wheel. He didn’t like being turned down. “Okay. I’ll call you day after tomorrow.”
Before he left, he glanced over at Len and said, “Basically, you’re saying there’s a good chance we might never be together and live like a normal couple. I just want to get it clear.”
Len frowned. He looked him in the eye. “Yes. I won’t lie to you. I’m not sure I can ever come out of the closet.” He shrugged. “I’m sorry.”