by Rylee Morgan
No amount of anger or for that matter disappointment was worth losing a lifetime of friendship. It was time to free those harbored feelings. When she laid her head down that night she resolved that she’d gotten her wish at a price, and no matter what she was always going to be in love with her best friend…but she wasn’t going to let that fact intrude with anymore of her life.
Jackson couldn’t stay in the house with Shayla that night. There was just too much going through his mind. Was Lexi saying this bullshit to try keeping him? This bitch has a motive…was all he could think. He knew her all too well, knew that she’d go to any length to get what she’d wanted. “How is that possible?” he had instantly questioned her without missing a beat, with the rapid skin tone change from red with anger to white as a ghost. The change in his complexion would have made a chameleon blush with embarrassment.
“How do you think?” Lexi all but screamed at him.
“You’re on the pill!” he shouted back. He had to stop this, he felt like a teenage kid caught in a bad situation, only he was a grown man possibly stuck in a horrible nightmare.
“It’s not foolproof!” she said shoving him in irascibility.
“Don’t do that, that’s the only warning you’re going to get.” She did it again. “I mean it Lexi, keep your fucking hands off me…” he warned her in a way that was as serious as a heart attack.
“Or what?” Her back was straight and the air about her was almost a challenge.
“Or I’ll have your ass thrown in jail.”
“You’d do that to the mother of your child?” She was appalled at this notion.
“Yes.”
“You wouldn’t!”
“Try me Lex. I’m not the one. You should know this, out of all the time we were together you should know this about me. I don’t play games. And if I choose to…I. Will. Win.” He was happy with himself, the look on her face was priceless in the moonlight. There had been many times he wanted to unleash and tell her what was really on his mind. But had chosen to not pick a fight.
Nearly an hour of going back and forth at each other, after her confession and it was getting late. Getting her off the porch and into the house wasn’t an option. He had told her to wait, as he went inside to talk to Shayla only to find her door closed. He tried the handle to find that it was locked. Resting his forehead on the door, he placed his hand beside where is head had rested. Worried what all she had heard and already exhausted at the thought of what it might mean for the both of them if she had, before he even had a chance to figure things out.
He went into the room across from hers, grabbed his rucksack and stuffed it with some clothes, necessary chargers and their devices, and toiletries. The ruck had seen him through some of the toughest times in his life, it had been almost like a security blanket throughout the years. Slinging it over his shoulder he had a brief fleeting thought on how yet again, he was leaving with it on a journey that was an unknown road. And this time he hoped this unknown road would lead him right back to that very spot.
Losing Shayla wasn’t an option. Not this time. He had chosen that option once before and was not willing to choose it again.
Chapter Eleven
Being at MBS International Airport at 3AM, with a woman that only now steered the emotion of wanting to…he’d rather not have the unpleasant thought of what that emotion had been. It just wasn’t what he had planned for his evening. Being in bed, entwined in between Shayla’s legs is where he wished he was at.
Sitting in the waiting area, awaiting the next available flight out, which was still a few hours away, he pulled out his tablet and began firing off emails. One to his father, telling him he decided to get a head start on the business trip to California. The first lie.
Fired off another to his assistant. Telling her that he would be gone for an indefinite period time, hoping that the period wouldn’t be any longer than need be. Telling her he expected her to handle forwarding all business matters to him ASAP.
Then there was the second little white lie he had to tell.
The email that he dreaded. He wrote it out, rewrote it…followed by a revisal and another rewrite. He couldn’t find the right words, there was no words to say ‘I know we’ve been messing around but…my ex’s pregnant and I just took off to Cali with her…’ yeah…that was not going to work. He settle on:
Shay,
Sorry about everything. Needed to get away. I’ll be in touch.
Jack
Hitting the send tab, he instantly wished there was a back button for the message’s retrieval. The email sounded cowardly. He just knew he couldn’t face her, not right now. He didn’t want to hear the sound of her voice whether it is through the phone or face to face. He knew he was going to hear nothing but hurt. Knowing long ago he would hurt her if he let himself get too close. She was too good. The only person that had truly known him and accepted all his faults, had hung onto him like a lost puppy when they were kids. Had made it her own mission to make sure to stay in contact when he was gone whether it was being stationed anywhere in the world or being deployed to warzones, even after his discharge it was her that made it a point of staying in contact. Checking in on him just to make sure he was well. More than any other old friend had done. Whenever he had felt like the world was a foreign place he could always count on her to see his way home.
He’d become in his eyes, a damaged man of sorts. He didn’t want to be that man that caused her any pain. Ever.
It wasn’t a secret to him, he knew he was in love with her three years ago. It was the last time he had come home before now. He’d stood as a groomsmen in his sister’s wedding, and she’d came as a guest. At the time he was committed to Lexi, and Shayla was with a date. And the moment he seen her in the arms of the man who’d accompanied her, a sensation came over him. One of that was his rightful place. She had looked happy. The first he’d ever seen her looking at someone else the way she’d always looked at him. Having thought who was he, to come back and try changing the course of what looked like her happiness.
If he had known what he did now, things may have turned out differently. Or maybe they wouldn’t have. Who can really say what could’ve or would’ve been?
Closing the tablet back inside its case, looking over at a sleeping Lexi, he hadn’t paid attention to when she may have dozed off but he didn’t care. Wanting to run head first into the nearest cement pillar had sounded more appealing, just to see if he’d wake up from the nightmare he was trapped inside of.
He was ready to get on that plane and get some answers, starting with getting Lexi into see a doctor for confirmation of their impending bundle of…joy. Her word on a home pregnancy test wasn’t good enough for him. Didn’t care if she pissed on the stick in front of him either. He wasn’t going to take any stock into anything she had to say.
Stillness. That’s what Shayla had awoken to. The complete sound of stillness. The last thing she had heard before drifting off was Jackson’s hand on the doorknob. Half feeling relief that he hadn’t knocked and insisted on coming in, and half saddened by the fact that he hadn’t. There was a million and one emotions coursing through her. That feeling in the pit of your stomach that tells you there’s no going back, that’s the sourest of sours, was the one that had made her sick the most at the thought that something just wasn’t the way it should be.
Grabbing the robe that lay at the foot of the bed, sliding her arms into the soft sleeves she hugged the fabric close to her. She stopped just short of unlocking her bedroom door, backtracking her steps to the nightstand where her cellphone was resting still attached to its charging port. The indicator light was flashing. Not bothering to undo the phones lock to see what the notification had been for, she placed the gadget in the pocket of her robe, unlocked the door and walked out.
Deliberately keeping eyes to the ground as she made her way down the stairs, proud that when passing the room that belong to Jackson she wasn’t tempted to march in. Oh, she could have done just that. S
he so wanted to, just go in and demand to know what kind of drama he brought onto himself. He told her Lexi was a closed chapter, that he had no intentions of revisiting. Now, she didn’t even know if the woman that was the cause of her envy was just beyond that door.
She wanted to throttle him for getting himself in the predicament he was in now, for him making her love him, more than she had before. For making her feel like a yo-yo ball of emotions. Why couldn’t she just hate him? For once, that’s all she wanted was to just be able to hate him.
However, she’d made a pact with herself the night before. She wasn’t going to let her feelings rule her. What had Norman said to her?
Start living…
That’s just what she planned on doing, from this point forward. That was her promise to herself. It was time to put things to rest, and move on. It was just fun. Two friends having fun. Nothing more. She told herself once again. Hoping that the hurt she felt was only momentary.
Pulling out her phone as it sounded off, Dawn’s name in bold text on the phone showed her incoming call. Shayla wasn’t ready to talk. Just ready bury her head in the sand.
“Hello,” she answered.
“So spill it!” Dawn said without as much as a ‘hello’ or ‘how are you’ in return. That was Dawn though, straight to the point, no holds bar. Shayla could picture Dawn on the other end of the phone with a grin as wide as the Cheshire cat, just ready and waiting to hear some real-life tabloid story. That’s what she loved about her friend, Dawn had a way of turning the bad into something amusing and more often than not salacious. But this time…she wasn’t so sure even Dawn could put a spin on the events of yesterday that lead to the shock of last night.
“Can you be any more blunt?” Shayla teased.
“I can, just thought I’d give you the chance to spill. Before calling me a teenage boy. Now I want to know everything about Mr. Yummy! Don’t hold back. God, I’m so jealous!”
“I only call you that out of love.” She couldn’t help but smile at Dawn’s spunk. “There’s nothing to tell.”
“I’m calling bullshit Shayla Greene! In all the time I’ve known you, you have never—not once called me like you did yesterday…now spill it. Oh, wait…he’s probably there. Damn!”
“I think he’s still sleeping. Or gone. Not sure…”
“It’s my turn to kidnap you! Be there in fifteen, so be ready!” Dawn said hanging up before giving Shayla a chance to tell her no.
With no time for a rebuttal to make an excuse, Shayla, knowing her friend, knew she was probably already on the road and more than likely less than five minutes away. She hightailed it up the stairs into the bathroom where she grabbed her toothbrush, coated it with paste and then held it between her teeth. Rushing to her bedroom closet. Pulling out a pair of worn jeans and tank top she hurriedly put on the clothes, grabbed a hoodie that she tucked under her arm as she made her way back to the bathroom. Finishing her final gurgle and spit when she heard Dawn pull up outside in the driveway, she wiped her mouth quickly with the back of her hand as she all but sprinted down the steps to meet Dawn at the door before she had the chance to knock.
“Shh…” Shayla shushed her friend, along with the motion of index finger to lips as she slid her feet into a pair of ballet flats.
“Hurry up.” Dawn whispered.
She locked the door behind her, looking up noticing Jackson’s car wasn’t parked where it should have been. It was gone. Pulling her phone out of the pooch of her hoodie, unlocking the screen, there was that sinking feeling again in the pit of her stomach as she retrieved the message that had her indicator flashing. She read it. Tried making sense of it.
“What is it?” Dawn asked concerned walking back up the porch steps where Shayla still stood. “Shayla what happened?”
Shayla didn’t answer. She just stood there, a million fragments of heartache etched on her face. A singular tear fell.
Taking the phone from her, Dawn read what Shayla had been staring at. “I’m so sorry Shay.” She said with heartfelt sympathy…
Chapter Twelve
A week had passed since she’d gotten the email from Jackson. Six days since she’d last cried. Five since his assistant had come to the house for his clothes, the young woman didn’t have answers for her or a message to relay from him. Only that she was doing what she was instructed to do and didn’t know when or if he’d be back. It was four days since she thought of packing his things and sending them off to his parent’s home.
Now in the days since, she’d been back to work. Thankful for the long third shift hours. Thankful for any and all distractions.
She sat in the dimly lit cafeteria that was for the most part closed at 4AM with the exception of the kitchen staff preparing the hospital breakfast. The night had been a long one and for the first time in a long while she had gotten a coffee as a perk me up. Although the blood from a patient that had her changing her scrubs should have been enough to have her fully alert and at attention. The feeling of having your heart ripped from your chest was enough to drain anyone.
It seemed like the more she tried to not think of him, the more she did twice as much. She wasn’t sure what made her ache more the scent of his cologne that a stranger had been wearing in passing or every time a song played on her iPhone. Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis had seemed to speak to her soul. Without fail the song would play and every time without fail she’d attempt to change it…only to not be able to do so. As she did now, with head in hand sitting in that lonesome booth.
A tugging on her earbud had brought her out of her thoughts.
“Single Shayla,” the handsome Noah had said. Wearing dark blue scrubs draped with his standard white coat.
Clearing her throat, she should have sat up straight but remained in her slouched position, taking the other earbud out of the opposite ear, she wasn’t really in the mood to entertain a conversation. However, being rude wasn’t something on her agenda, especially to her dear friends nephew.
“Hello.” She said with a half-smile.
“How’ve you been?” he asked, sliding into the seat across from her.
“Alright. How about yourself?” she lied while trying her best to sound genuinely interested.
“Good. If the days didn’t seem to be blurring into each other…than I’d be great. So, you hiding out down here? Because I can tell you this is probably to worst place, they always find me here.” He was truly trying to humor her, and she appreciated it. More than he knew. She couldn’t help but smile back at him.
“No. Never.” She snickered. Looking at the time on her watch, she noted that her break was over five minutes prior. “Yikes, I should get back.”
“I’ll walk with you.”
“Okay.” They gathered their respective belongings, him with a bottle of spring water and her with her unfinished extra sweet coffee in its throwaway paper cup that had grown cold.
“Do you have any plans this weekend?” he asked as they walked out of the cafeteria.
“Uh…no, actually I don’t.”
“Great.” The hunky doctor said, “There’s a local band of doctors playing Saturday down at the Deer Bar. Should be a good time. I mean they’re called Diagnosis…it’s got to be awesome.” He laughed at his sarcasm, making Shayla smile in the process.
“Is this a date or…”
“It can be whatever you want it to be.”
She wasn’t ready to jump into anything. Not that she had just jumped out of a relationship. But it had felt like it. She and Jackson’s fling may have only been a couple days…but her love for him had been a lifetime. The feel of him was still fresh on her skin. If she closed her eyes, she could taste his lips on hers.
“Would you be offended if I said as friends?”
“I’d be offended if you didn’t want to come at all. Friends is fine. Whatever makes you comfortable.” He said reassuring her that he wasn’t pressuring her into anything.
“Thanks. What time does it start?”
Jac
kson sat in the sterile room, Lexi seating on an exam table with only a paper gown on, awaiting the doctor with her lab results. Jackson felt numb. He knew that if she was pregnant he would be a devoted father and love the child unconditionally…however having to deal with her for the rest of his life had made him cringe. Feeling as if he would develop a nervous tick just at the thought. He only hoped that she had at least one maternal instinctive bone in her body. The few times he’d seen her around a child, she seemed awkward.
She definitely wasn’t like Shayla. He remembered her when they were younger how she’d light up when in close proximity to any little one, always the babysitter of choice to neighborhood parents. When she had chosen to become a nurse it was a fitting career choice. That was the embodiment of who she was; always taking care of someone. He knew one day she would make a great mother.
Thinking back to their trip to Torch Lake and how his baby nephew had laid in her arms. She was a natural. He’d never seen her look more beautiful than she had. And at that moment, sitting in the room with Lexi, it hit him that he should be sitting in a doctor’s office with Shayla. It erred him that it took him all those years to finally come to that conclusion. Thinking that any other woman could compare or even compete, was just a piece of wool. He couldn’t fool himself anymore.
“Are you going to at least say something?” Lexi asked, slightly startling him as her voice pulled him back to reality.
“What’s there to say?” he questioned back, shifting in his seat. He could shift to any position possible but there was no way he was going to feel comfortable.
“I don’t get you Jack.”
“You never have…that’s the problem.”
“Do you think you can at least be civil? I don’t even know what I did so wrong to you, for to treat me like I’m the enemy.”
“Lexi, this isn’t the place to get into any of this. But to shut you up, it’s not what you did rather than what you’ve done throughout the years. You’re selfishness and self-serving ways, along with the way you treat people, isn’t what I want.”