by Sue Watson
I’d known something was going on downstairs that morning, but I assumed it was just the boys visiting for coffee and that Tamsin had kept them downstairs so they could chat and squeal (which they did – a lot!) without disturbing me. A quick coffee with Heddon and Hall could easily turn into an improvised opera or a joint rendition of West End show tunes. And despite them being downstairs, I had enjoyed a Christmas musical extravaganza from my bed courtesy of Heddon, Hall and Tamsin – accompanied by Michael Bublé.
After a particularly gutsy rendition of Ave Maria, Tamsin appeared in my bedroom doorway and suggested I get up.
‘Come and have a cup of tea downstairs with me and the boys,’ she said. ‘It will make you feel better.’
Then Jacob appeared at the bottom of the stairs and told me to close my eyes. I looked to Tamsin for confirmation and she beamed at me and nodded before taking my hand to guide me. I hadn’t a clue what was going on as she walked me down the stairs then apparently through from the kitchen into the shop front. She positioned me in the shop, touched my hand and Jacob shouted; ‘You can open your eyes now Mum.’
I couldn’t believe what I saw – the bakery had been completely transformed. Before the fire it had been a cosy, if somewhat shabby, little place, then a burnt out shell and now... it was still cosy and welcoming, but white and sparkly and very, very beautiful.
The walls had been painted a pale sheen of icy white, gossamer angel wings were scattered everywhere, and fairy lights glinted like diamonds all around the room. By the window was the white reindeer, huge and proud and glistening under several amazing snowflake chandeliers all coming from the ceiling at different heights, in varying shapes. I just walked around in a daze as everyone looked on smiling. They’d cleaned up my tables, covered them in sparkly cloths and tied the mismatched chairs with huge white satin and palest blue bows. The counter glittered under all of the twinkling lights and in the coffee shop stood a beautiful white Christmas tree. I didn’t know where to turn my eyes and they rested for a second on the tree, adorned in white and silver baubles, glass, diamanté, pearl – and was that Lego? – with one, heart-shaped scarlet glass bauble half way up.
I walked over to the tree and, trance-like, I gently touched the scarlet glass, searing in the white glitter.
‘The Bakery’s new beating heart,’ Orlando announced, bowing theatrically. I would normally have rolled my eyes at this, but his sincerity and all their goodness just filled my own heart with sparkles.
‘It’s the most beautiful bakery in the world,’ I started to cry and looked over at Tamsin, who was glowing. ‘I love it, I just love it – thank you,’ I said, wiping my eyes.
‘Oh and before you start going on about money and ovens... the boys have given us a small loan to put a deposit down on a brand new oven. It arrives first thing tomorrow – which is probably as well, because we still have a hell of a lot of orders,’ Tamsin said.
‘No we don’t... you cancelled.’
She looked at me.
‘You didn’t cancel them, did you?’ I said, my heart doing a little jog.
She shook her head and I felt my face drain of blood at the thought of the work and the speed we had to get everything done.
‘Are you up for a few all-nighters, Tam?’ I asked.
‘You bet,’ she beamed.
* * *
Later, when everyone had gone home and Jacob had gone to bed, Tam and I sat alone together in our white wonderland and I just gazed around me, taking it in.
‘I know Heddon and Hall are great interior designers,’ I said. ‘But there’s so much of you in here, you gave yourself to this, to the business and I just feel so grateful.’
‘It was driven by self-interest,’ she said, modestly. ‘Being here, building a new business reminds me of the past – the good bits, when Simon and I were starting out. It was all so exciting – everything mattered because we had nothing,’ her eyes grew fiery at the memory. ‘Whatever happens with the bakery, even if it’s a great success, which I hope it will be – I don’t want to lose me again.’
‘You won’t... I won’t let you. I don’t think I realised how much you’d bought into this... the bakery,’ I said, gazing around at the gorgeous decorations, still taking them in. ‘I assumed after the fire, you’d just find something else.’
‘It’s our dream, you said so yourself. I came to you with nothing Sam and in a short time I feel like you gave me my life back – but a better version.’
‘Yeah but these last couple of days, I’ve taken my foot off the gas, I’ve been tired and achy – and I’m ashamed to admit it but I’d given up. You carried on for both of us.’
‘That’s what being part of a team is all about,’ she said.
‘Yes but it’s also what being sisters is all about.’
* * *
I hadn’t failed to notice Gabe’s presence at the bakery and the glances that passed between him and my sister. And whilst I couldn’t be more pleased for her, it was a stark reminder of the fact my own relationship with Richard was well and truly over. He hadn’t called since our night together and Tamsin said it served me right if he was just using me – he obviously felt like I’d used him for the past twelve months.
On the Monday morning after Mimi’s party weekend Tamsin had kindly offered to take Jacob to school. I was grateful – I was busy baking, but equally I didn’t want to bump into Richard and Carole playing happy families at the school gate.
Tamsin was happy wading to school through the snow in her Gucci snow suit (obviously) and since having his hair cut there’d been no more reports of name calling and Jacob was making more friends each day. On the second day of Tamsin taking him in she’d asked Heddon and Hall to help out and Orlando turned up in his white Aston Martin – much to my horror and Jacob’s delight.
I was very grateful for the help taking Jacob to school but after a few days of Tamsin, Orlando and a very posh car - I decided my son needed a splash of reality and I needed a sniff of Richard (not literally... oh, okay, perhaps). Jacob had been disappointed not to be driven in style and almost had a tantrum when he found out he’d be with me.
‘But I want Auntie Tamsin and Uncle Orlando to take me in their lovely car,’ he’d stropped. According to my son, all his friends had thought Tam was on the telly and had her own show, which of course she did – in her head.
Arriving at the school gates felt very strange that morning. Kids were coming up to Jacob and giving him high fives and yummy mummies were ruffling his short hair and saying ‘what a cutie he is’ in my earshot. It made a change from the way they backed off like he had nits when his hair was longer. Had a mere haircut created these superfans?
It wasn’t long before I spotted Richard across the playground. He was chatting to a group of mums and dads and I felt a stab in my heart. I was relieved to see he was on his own and not with Carole but tried not to make it too obvious I was looking. I had just said goodbye to Jacob when a couple of ‘mummies’ wandered over rather self-consciously. I recognised the blonde one, she’d laughed at my homemade rucksack once and her friend had made a very audible remark about my shorts on Sports Day.
But for some reason these two glamour queens seemed very eager to be my friends. They were all over me asking how the bakery was doing and asking where my sister was.
‘Are your sister and Orlando... together?’ one of them asked.
‘No, he’s in a relationship,’ I said. I didn’t ‘out’ him there and then, I thought the blonde highlights and ‘man bag’ he carried might have revealed where his preferences lay – but apparently not. They ooed and aahed and made ridiculous small talk, but I couldn’t join in like Tamsin clearly had. I was relieved when Richard turned up at the side of me.
‘You walking my way?’ he asked. I nodded, gratefully and eagerly, and said my goodbyes to my fawning audience as we walked off.
‘My sis and Orlando have certainly made an impression on the yummy mummies,’ I said as we walked in synch.
‘Yeah, she is so funny. I had to laugh at her yesterday getting out of that car in her fancy clothes and dark glasses, Orlando rushing round to the passenger door to open it for her. Hey, and Jacob – he’s a rock star at the school since your sis started doing his PR.’
‘Yeah, well after his hair cut he says everyone treats him like a boy now... so she was right on one thing.’
We walked in silence for a while and I was just about to ask him how things were with Carole, when we were caught up by another group of women.
‘We’ve been looking for you, Sam,’ said one of them, like we were old friends. She was blonde and pretty, wore bright pink boots – I’d noticed her before – but she’d never noticed me.
‘Why?’ I asked, alarmed. ‘Is Jacob okay?’
They laughed self-consciously.
‘Yes, he’s fine – we just wanted to ask if you fancied meeting up for lunch at the pub on the day the kids break up? We go every Friday lunchtime and we thought you might like to join us?’
I was amazed. After all this time why did they suddenly want my company? I didn’t want to be rude, but it was the last thing I wanted. If they couldn’t accept me before, why now?
‘I’m sorry, I’m working at the bakery,’ I tried a smile.
‘Is it going well? We heard about the fire,’ one of them said, looking stricken, the others all nodded.
‘It’s great now thanks – it’s been tough, but we’re getting there.’
I was so unused to this attention it freaked me out. Then they all asked individually if we could swap mobile numbers so they could ‘keep me in the loop, socially’. I was mid-swap when Richard leaned in. ‘I’ll get off, Sam, I have to speak to a client at 9.30, so see you around,’ he said in a low voice. Richard worked with computers, he rarely spoke to clients, if anything he used email and I wondered if this was just an excuse to go. I watched him walk away through acres of white and disappear as my new ‘fans’ milled around me, admiring my hair, my clothes, my ‘lovely eyes’.
What the hell was going on? I was very confused and because of these stupid women Richard had now gone. I didn’t want this; I’d never wanted these people to befriend me. For the past eighteen months I had felt their stares, their unspoken ridicule, and like when I was a kid at school, I’d just kept my head down. Funny how people didn’t really change, the template we make as a child stays with us, a few modifications here and there – but the women hanging around the school gate were exactly the same as the girls they’d once been.
I couldn’t put my finger on it, but as I walked home, alone, I wondered if this new-found adoration had less to do with me and more to do with my meddling sister. And later, when I told her what had happened, she fobbed it off too easily... no inquisition, no details required, she just laughed and said, ‘People.’
‘No it’s more than just a random decision to include me,’ I said, making eye contact. ‘Have you told them you’ll hit them if they don’t make friends with me – like you did at school? Because if you have I’ll be furious.’
‘How ridiculous. I haven’t said anything, but I think it would make life easier for Jacob if you’re part of the mummy brigade.’
‘Really? Oh God, I’d end up thumping them, the way they dance around each other, twirling and gossiping and moving from camp to camp. Who’s in favour this week? Who’s out of favour now? I don’t care.’
‘Well, perhaps you should.’
‘No. Today those women were like zombies, staggering through the snow to paw at me and touch my hair –what the hell is going on?’
‘I told you Sam, it’s the snow – it’s sent everyone mad.’
I shrugged, perhaps Tamsin was right and this white-out had created a dislocated reality for all of us. I couldn’t explain it any other way.
I wasn’t going to let annoying women stop me collecting Jacob, so later that day I wandered back to the school delighted to see my son surrounded by lots of friends.
I stood near the school entrance, waiting for him, and was soon joined by Richard. I was pleased to see he was alone and despite him now being ‘taken,’ I still wanted to be around him. I just hoped I could get over him one day.
We chatted about the kids for a while then he looked and me and said; ‘You seem preoccupied, a bit pale, are you okay... with everything that’s going on?’
I nodded. ‘Yeah, I’ve not been too good - I’m fighting flu I think.’
‘I just thought you seemed a bit overwhelmed with it all.’
‘Oh it’s been quite a few weeks what with Tamsin, then the van, then the fire, but things are getting back to normal now. Mind you this morning was a bit much with the desperate housewives.’
‘Yeah it looked like it, they all want a bit of your limelight, don’t they?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘The reality show... everyone’s talking about it.’
‘I still don’t know what you mean...’
‘It’s okay, the cat’s out of the bag, Tamsin’s already told everyone. I’m not surprised, I always knew you were a bit of a star, Sam... and now you’re getting your own TV show.’
30
Melting Snow and a Sudden Goodbye
Tamsin
You’d think I’d killed someone the way Sam went on – accusing me of telling outrageous lies in the school playground.
I mean I didn’t actually say that Sam was starring in the UK version of Real Housewives... I may have suggested that a TV company had approached her about a TV reality show about housewives set in Cheshire. The rest was just Chinese whispers set off by that blonde in the nasty pink boots. And as I said to Sam, ‘When one of those women in their faux designer snow jackets asked me if Orlando was a TV director, I may have been vague in my response.’
I told Sam it was a psychological experiment, but she said it was just an outrageous lie. I knew I was on dodgy ground, but when I saw how well Jacob’s hair cut had been received by his contemporaries I’d wanted to do the equivalent for Sam. And seeing those awful women hanging round the school gates looking for someone or something to gossip about I gave it to them.
‘It wasn’t malicious,’ I said. ‘It’s given them a purpose, something to get up for in the morning, a reason to put their stupid lipstick on.’ I’d known it wouldn’t take much to appeal to their fame-hungry hearts.
Sam needed some credibility in the playground, but her degree in education and talent for baking wouldn’t cut it with those women. They wanted the shallow glamour of TV, a wad of cash and their own fifteen minutes of fame. I knew this because I’d been just like that myself once, and when I climbed out of Orlando’s Aston Martin that first morning and heard one of them say ‘she looks like a woman off the TV,’ it inspired me.
‘It hasn’t done you any harm, I bet those women are hanging off your every word at the school gate,’ I pointed out to Sam.
‘Yes they are – and I hate it. I don’t want or need people around me like you do Tamsin. You’re the star of the show, you always have been – I’m happy to be in the wings watching. I hate the attention – and it’s all so fake anyway, they don’t like me they just think I can get them a part on “The Real Housewives of bloody Cheshire”.’
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t set out to tell lies and get you into all this, it just sort of happened and before I knew it was all around the playground and little kids were asking for my autograph,’ I said.
‘Oh I can imagine – I bet you put on quite a show, Tamsin.’
‘Well, I have been admired for my theatrical bent. I’m even thinking of joining the local Am Dram, though after last year’s Mikado it would be hard to top Orlando’s Yum-Yum.’
But she wasn’t interested in my thespian plans, she just kept banging on about how she was being harassed at the school gate by zombies.
‘Oh it’ll die down, you’re a seven-day wonder, love,’ I added and changed the subject to something about cakes. She was soon distracted.
I was secretly pleased.
Sam wasn’t as cross as she would normally be about me ‘manipulating’ her life, as she always put it. Perhaps she was beginning to see that if she’d allowed me a little manipulation now and then she would benefit from it. I think she was also beginning to realise that my ‘interfering’ was because I only wanted the best for her. I didn’t always go about it the right way, but implying that she was about to star in her own reality show to stop her being bullied was definitely a step-up from threatening to beat up the girls at the school gate as I had when she was twelve.
She asked me to make it quite clear to the other women when I next saw them that it had all been a big lie.
‘Okay, I’ll say it was a misunderstanding,’ I said. ‘Lie is such a big word, Sam.’
She’d rolled her eyes. ‘They will see for themselves when the TV show doesn’t actually happen. You can call it what you like – either way I will look like a dick.’
‘Oh and I suppose turning up for school dressed like a hippy, doing wheelies on Jacob’s bike and starting snowball fights in the playground didn’t make you look “like a dick”?’
‘I’m me. I will always be me and whatever you do or say, you can’t change me,’ she snapped.
I suppose she was right. I had to begin to build my own life now and Sam needed her space. So I decided it was time to start my house-hunting with much more seriousness. I thought it might be worth taking a look at a few little cottages and an old schoolhouse that was up for rent, so called Gabe. I told him my plans and he offered to drive me round to the viewings in his truck, which was exactly what I was hoping he’d do.
I finished early in the bakery that afternoon; Sam and I had pretty much pulled an all-nighter to get those truffle orders ready and it almost killed us. It was nice to be out driving with Gabe, arriving at various houses, him linking arms with me as we strolled up pathways, opening doors and at one point putting his arm round me as we knocked on a door. People assumed we were a couple and neither of us bothered to say we weren’t – I think we both quite enjoyed it.