Beyond Bliss

by Foster, Delia

  Okay for real now.

  Love you baby,

  Daddy

  By the time she was done, the tears that streamed down her face were vibrating off onto her sweater from giggling so hard.

  Oh Dad.

  As soon as she’d gotten home after meeting with Carter, she’d ripped open the first envelope, but scared to read it, she’d set it down on the dining room table.

  She busied herself with reading notes on some of the cases she’d already been assigned for Hearts of Hope, taking periodic breaks to traipse up and down to the laundry room in an effort to multi-task.

  Three hours later, she’d given up, unable to concentrate on anything else but the pile of envelopes begging to be opened.

  She poured a glass of wine, and stalled for a bit. By the time the glass was empty, she found herself relaxed enough to brace what was in the first letter.

  The number and code letter sequence had puzzled her at first, but now everything made much more sense.

  She read and re-read the letter in one sitting several times, careful to lift the paper out of the way when she started to tear up.

  Her dad knew her so well.

  And even though he was gone, she could feel him.

  Making fun of her for needing liquid courage before reading his letter or teasing her about her neurotic need to re-fold fitted bedsheets until they appeared the same way as the flat ones.

  When Carter revealed the truth, it felt like she’d lost him all over again—compounded with the ache of having lost Lucas.

  But now, as she carefully folded the letter back into place before sliding it in the envelope….

  Now, for the first time in weeks, she started to feel better.

  Later that night, right before she drifted off to sleep, the words left her lips, unbidden.

  “Thank you Daddy.”

  Chapter Twenty Six

  “I can’t believe you’re having twins. That’s so amazing.”

  Liz scowled and scooped up a huge forkful of chocolate cake. “I fu—I mean, I freaking knew it. This is it Soph. Mark’s getting his d- whoops, his thing fixed.”

  She giggled, something that wouldn’t have happened a month ago. In fact, even coming out for a girl’s day with Liz and little Hannah, wouldn’t have happened a month ago.

  The desolation had cut that deep.

  Even though she still thought of Lucas frequently, she had to admit the ache lessened over time.

  But the need was still there.

  Sophie fought back the thought, and ran her fingers through Hannah’s honey colored curls as the toddler reached for a french fry.

  It was getting easier to laugh again.

  Ironically, she had her dad to thank for that.

  In the two months since she’d first discovered the truth, she’d read two more letters, filled with things that made her both weepy and giggly at the same time.

  She’d had an honest conversation with her mother, too.

  Her mother was relieved that Carter had finally given her the letters, even though she agreed that his timing was just perfect. They’d cried and laughed over the phone, and Sophie had never felt closer to her mom.

  So when Jeannie announced that she was considering a move to New York to be closer not just to her daughter, but to Harry as well…

  She’d kept the news to herself until after they’d sat through a new Disney movie, had pedicures, and finished their entrees at the Moonstruck diner in midtown Manhattan.

  Dessert was always a good distraction for Liz.

  Sophie hoped she would be more focused on cake than idle chatter.

  But when she finally relayed the news, Liz clutched her belly with wide eyes and an uncontrollable giggle

  “Holy sh—ucks, girlfriend, I think I just peed a little. Hate being pregnant. Anyway, I told you they were getting the senior special up in that suite! What are you going to do with Jeannie living here?”

  Sophie ignored the question and tried to forget about it altogether.

  Liz’s persistence was a trait that made her a phenomenal lawyer.

  Unfortunately, at that moment, it was a major disadvantage for Sophie.

  “What are you going to do if Jeannie and Harry are getting it on? I mean, what if you end up running into Lucas? What the he—heck are you going to do then?”

  Good question.

  It was one she’d thought of often, but the answer still escaped her.

  When Zach showed up at the gala, she’d felt nothing except mild panic. Not the sexy kind of panic Lucas was able to evoke with one darkly intense look, but the uncomfortable kind of panic.

  She’d been engaged to marry Zach.

  She’d worn a white wedding dress and had been about to go down the aisle when it fell apart.

  And she’d been more indifferent to Zach when they were together than she found herself right now, apart from Lucas.

  He’d changed her irrevocably.

  “I’ll deal with it if, and when, it happens,” she said lightly.

  Liz narrowed her eyes, silently communicating that she didn’t buy one word of what Sophie had just said. Thankfully, her phone buzzed, and she turned her attention to the device.

  Grateful for the reprieve, Sophie entertained Hannah with the shiny bracelet on her wrist, murmuring appropriate noises as the little girl babbled as if she were involved in a serious conversation.

  When her best friend gasped sharply, Sophie jerked her head up quickly, concern written all over her face.

  “Are you okay?”

  Liz paled as her fingers tightly gripped her phone, and Sophie’s alarm grew. Even though Liz was only a few months over thirty, carrying multiples always posed a risk.

  Hannah continued babbling next to her, but her fear expanded when Liz didn’t say anything but worry still dominated her expression.

  “Liz, I’m getting worried, what’s wrong?” her voice rose sharply.

  The change in pitch finally seemed to break through Liz’s trance.

  “Nothing,” she said brightly, whipping her phone off the table and tossing it in her bag.

  She said it too brightly.

  Sophie squinted at her. “Okay, I’ve known you for half of your life. You’re lying. What’s going on?”

  “Everything is fine with the babies. I’m fine, I’m physically okay. I just saw something strange, that’s all.”

  Even Liz’s tone was off.

  “You’re lying to my face.” Hannah made a distressed sound when Sophie’s bracelet didn’t come off her wrist, so she snapped it off and handed it to the little girl before turning back to her friend.

  “Liz. What did you see?”

  “You don’t want to know, trust me,” her friend muttered. “Hannah, don’t put that in your mouth sweetie.” She moved to pull the bracelet from her daughter’s mouth.

  But pregnancy with twins made her movements clumsy…

  And slow.

  Quickly, Sophie reached over the table and plucked Liz’s tote bag over to her side of the booth.

  Bracelet forgotten, Liz grew serious. “Sophie, I promise you, you do not want to see what I just saw.”

  Unfortunately those words just heightened her curiosity, and without taking the phone out of the bag, she stared into it.

  The phone lay on top of a few diapers, a make-up bag, and Liz’s wallet. It hadn’t been locked, so the screen was still bright and active with the last app Liz had looked at.

  It happened to be one of the apps Sophie had deleted from her phone right after the gala.

  Instagram.

  The news feed glared brightly back at her as the picture burned into her eyes.

  Lucas.

  With a tall, thin blonde.

  A model, she thought faintly.

  The woman’s face was vaguely recognizable, but all Sophie could focus on was the way the woman’s arm was looped through Lucas’s, their heads intimately bent as she said something that appeared to make him laugh.

  Sh
e was thankful she was seated, because all the air in her lungs disappeared in an instant as the words in the caption screamed out at her.

  “Hot new couple? #NYC Elite #Eligiblebachelor #HotModel.”

  She bit her lip hard, and when the taste of iron seeped onto her tongue, she was unsurprised she’d drawn blood.

  Underneath her cheery demeanor, he still haunted her. She’d done her best to ignore the hole that gaped in her heart, and she’d put herself back together piece by piece.

  If she closed her eyes n this very moment, she would clearly see his face above her own as he thrust into her body, tenderness in his eyes.

  His hands gently cradling her face as he made love to her.

  The way he laughed when she made a witty remark.

  Or teased her relentlessly when she was stubborn.

  It hurt so fucking much.

  The pieces she’d carefully laid back in place shattered.

  Her ribs felt like they were constricting, the tightness in her chest so acute, she was surprised she could still breathe.

  Slowly, she dragged her eyes away from the phone, finally meeting Liz’s eyes.

  “I’m sorry, Sophie,” she whispered.

  She closed her eyes, inhaling and exhaling deeply. She was not going to cry. It wasn’t like he’d even tried to contact her. Even after she’d walked out, she half-expected him to run after her, but he hadn’t. Truthfully, she didn’t know what she would have said if he had done so, but the fact that he hadn’t hurt nonetheless.

  But after months of relentlessly pursuing her, she would have at least expected him to fight for a chance.

  Instead, he’d let her walk away from him completely.

  A nasty, dark voice in the corner of her mind whispered that maybe Zach had been right about Lucas’s motivation.

  Maybe he had gone after her so he could stick it to her ex-fiancée.

  She’d seen how ruthless he could be when he needed to be, but those were always in business dealings.

  “Oh god, Liz, it hurts so much,” she whispered. Her voice sounded small even to her own ears, full of pain and heartbreak. “It wasn’t like this when things ended with Zach. I feel like I’m going to break apart. I don’t get why it hurts so much.”

  Liz swiped at a lone tear that slipped down her cheek, grumbling about pregnancy hormones. “Look, I know I apologized before, but I’m so sorry for pushing you in his direction. I’m never this off about people, and I could have sworn—anyway, Sophie, what I’m trying to say is I know it hurts. But the hurt will go away, I promise.”

  Sophie sniffled and reached for her milkshake. She could barely taste any of the black and white concoction. Disgusted, she pushed the fountain glass away before looking back up at Liz. “How do you know that?”

  Liz just smiled. “Because that’s who you are.” She grew somber before she asked her next question. “Do you remember before I had Sam, the first time Mark and I had gotten pregnant?”

  Sophie grimaced, but nodded. Liz had lost the baby in the fifth month of her pregnancy, and she’d been completely devastated.

  “Do you remember what you said to me?” Liz asked carefully.

  She shook her head no. Honestly, she’d said a lot of things. It was hard to remember just one, but she’d been desperate to help her friend come out of the desolation and grief.

  Moisture pooled on Liz’s lower lids. Hannah had scrambled out of Sophie’s side of the booth, and now settled herself next to her mother, draping an arm over Liz’s huge belly as she snuggled. Liz held her daughter tight against her as her next words washed over Sophie.

  “You asked me to remember something that happened before the miscarriage, something that I’d thought was the worst thing in the world, and I remembered when I lost my grandfather. You made me say it out loud too. And then you said to me, ‘If you can get past the worst thing that you would have said you’d had to deal with one week ago, you can get through this too.’”

  Liz looked back at her intently, as she gently stroked her daughter’s sleeping face with her fingertips. “Honey, if you can get through everything you’ve had to battle, you can get through this too.”

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Envelope 5

  Otherwise known as the big 30

  Dear Sophie,

  Can you believe you’re finally thirty? When I was thirty, you’d lost quite a few teeth. You are the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen missing teeth, did you know that?

  Anyway, here’s your dear old Dad imparting some wisdom for you:

  This is going to be a short letter for a few reasons.

  Reason Number One: I’m feeling tired today. The treatment and medication is starting to take it’s toll. I’m not complaining to you by any means, I just want you to not feel like you’re getting jipped…

  And Reason Number Two: Thirty is actually not that big of a fucking deal. God, it just feels like yesterday when Mom turned thirty, and let me tell you, that woman had the waterworks for what felt like a week. She tried to keep me out of our bed too, for some reason thinking she’d physically aged overnight, but I wasn’t having any of it.

  I’m sure you’d rather not hear about your Dad’s suave skills, so I’ll just close this train of thought now.

  But whatever you’re feeling, I hope it’s happy.

  And if it’s NOT happy, then you need to remember how amazing you are. How proud I am of you. How proud Mom is of you, although I’m sure she’s nagging you like crazy if you’re still unmarried, and you haven’t given us a grandchild yet.

  Don’t worry about it, although baby girl, if you want kids and you still don’t have any, you should probably get on that. Just saying.

  And if you do have them, please tell them how much their Grandpa loves them…even if he can’t see them or talk to them, he’s still there with them.

  I love you my sunshine girl.

  Here’s your funny for this letter:

  Carter is your fairy godmother. I know this isn’t funny right now, but it will be when you ask him to tell you the truth.

  And he will, he swore to me that he would.

  Hopefully you’ll either hear from him or see him today. If not, ask him next time you talk, and when you laugh, remember me.

  Until the next time,

  Dad

  She was a weeping, laughing mess by the time she finished the letter. Every letter she’d read so far was perfect.

  A sweet remembrance of the past mixed with promises for an even sweeter future.

  “Happy Birthday!”

  “Thanks, Carter.” She grinned slightly before getting into the black town car, where he sat in the backseat waiting for her.

  He’d called her shortly after she’d read her father’s letter. She’d been busy listening to music and vacuuming, so all she’d heard was a curt voicemail from him.

  “Sophie, I’m getting you early. Be ready at three o’clock, and wait outside your apartment,” he paused momentarily before adding, “and I know you will but I’m saying just in case, make sure you wear something nice.”

  Puzzled, she’d tried to call him back, but he hadn’t answered.

  Truth be told, she honestly didn’t want to celebrate her birthday. She wasn’t opposed to turning a year older, but after seeing the photo of Lucas on Liz’s phone last weekend, any progress she thought she’d made had dissolved. She’d kept to herself for most of the week, avoiding her mother, Liz, Carter, and a few other well-intentioned friends, instead throwing herself completely into her new job.

  She’d used that for her excuse as to her unavailability, until Carter and Liz stopped asking and simply told her that they were planning her birthday dinner for that Saturday evening, and it was her choice as to whether or not she wanted it catered at her apartment or in a restaurant.

  Bullies.

  “Why are you picking me up so early? Dinner isn’t until eight-thirty.”

  He sent a little smile her way. “Why can’t I just spend time with my favorit
e girl?”

  “You know Laura would have your head on a cutting board if she heard you say that,” she said wryly.

  He huffed. “You’re my favorite girl, she’s my favorite woman. She’d love me even more after she heard that.”

  Sophie rolled her eyes.

  This was true. Laura kept Carter on a tight leash, but he happily let her lead him around. They were mad for each other.

  “Okay, so seriously Carter, what’s the deal?”

  He stiffened slightly, and he actually looked…nervous?

  “Carter?”

  “Did you read your last letter from your dad?”

  “Yes, I did, and you know changing the subject isn’t going to help. We’re going to get to wherever it is you’re taking me eventually, so it’s not like I won’t find out. By the way, why did Dad say you’re my fairy godmother?”

  He turned so red, she began to worry he was going to have a stroke. “Carter, are you okay?”

  “I’m fine, I’m fine,” he grumbled. “Your dad was a sadistic bastard sometimes, you know that?”

  Definitely not what she’d expected him to say. “What?”

  “Tattoo,” he grumbled. “Remember the tattoo story I told you about Bernard and your dad?”

  She could feel the beginnings of laughter rumble in her chest. “Yeah.”

  “Well, let’s just say I was another victim. Although, there was no bet involved this time. I just got drunk, and he convinced me it would be a good idea.”

  At this point, she was giggling uncontrollably and could barely get the words out. “What…wha-“

  He looked distinctly uncomfortable as he continued. “I wasn’t sure he was going to ever tell you about it. He left me guessing, can you believe? He said he might or might not write about it in one of the letters to you.”

  She held up a hand, “But what is it Carter? And where is it?”

  He mumbled something under his breath.

  “I can’t hear you,” she teased, even though she had. Her dad had been sadistic. Funny, too.

  “I have Tinker Bell on my left ass cheek,” he repeated. By now his face was purple, and Sophie laughed so hard, when she swiped at the tears coming out of her eyes, she saw imprints from her mascara too.