“Definitely not.”
“Then why does she stay?” Louisa demanded.
“You know as well as I do. I have no idea why she stays. What did she tell you?”
“That she likes Copper Falls,” Louisa answered. “It makes no sense. Esme loved living in the city. She loved being surrounded by people. This is so unlike her. I begged her to come with us…” she trailed off.
“Well, she is not staying for me, I can assure you of that.”
Louisa was quiet for a while. “Will you go back to Migisi?”
He had told her everything. There had been no way to hide it once she’d seen his curse in action.
“I don’t know if I will live long enough to decide that either way.”
Louisa took a shaky breath. “I know I was not the best wife. I was not warm or caring, and I made it clear that I did not want to be here. But you do not deserve to die alone.”
“You were a much better wife than I deserved. I was a fool to drag you into this.”
“But I have a son,” Louisa said with a small smile. “And he has your good looks and easy manner. I hardly consider that a loss.”
Luc nodded. His son would have a better life than he had. He would be educated. He would live among people who could teach him how to be more refined. He would not live with the madness Luc brought into his life.
“If you find someone who will make you happy… I hope you find someone who will make you happy,” Luc said.
Louisa nodded. “I hope so, too. And I hope you find happiness as well, but I know that is not likely. If nothing else, I hope you find peace.”
Luc sighed. “I intend to.” Even if Migisi was dead set against him ending his life. There was no other way out, and he refused to fall completely into the madness that grew a little stronger every day. Soon, Luc would be gone, and there would be nothing left but the beast, causing chaos and destruction. He refused to let that happen. And Migisi would have to come to the same conclusion eventually.
“You were not a bad husband,” Louisa said. “You took good care of us. You kept us warm, fed, and in comfort. Our son loves you,” she added quietly. “This will be hardest on him, but know that even though I was unhappy, I will miss you as well.”
“But only a little bit,” he joked. He could not focus on his son missing him. He had never felt like such an utter failure in his life, knowing that it would hurt his son to be set aside this way. He’d given Louisa everything but his house and carriage team. In her bags was the sum of his entire life’s savings, and it was significant. Years spent trapping and trading had netted him a small fortune. It would support his son and his son’s mother long after he was gone. “Please make sure he knows I love him, Louisa. Please try to make sure he knows that I did not do this willingly.”
“I will,” Louisa promised. “He will know, Luc. I do not want my son feeling unwanted, either.”
Luc nodded, swallowing hard.
They drove the rest of the way in silence, and when they reached the small trading post where they were supposed to meet Louisa’s father, Luc recognized him immediately. He pulled his wagon alongside his father-in-law’s and got out and briefly shook the man’s hand.
“Thank you for this,” Luc told him.
The man gave him a terse nod, and he and Luc went to work transferring Louisa and Bernard’s belongings from Luc’s wagon to his. Bernard woke and walked around, stretching his little legs and eating a roll that Louisa had given him. Luc saw his son watching him, tracking every move, his blue eyes bright with tears.
Luc placed one last suitcase onto Louisa’s father’s wagon and went over to his son, crouching in front of him.
“You’ll watch over your mother, won’t you?” he asked Bernard.
“You should come with us,” Bernard said, tears spilling from his eyes.
“If I could, I would. I will miss you every single day.” Luc blinked back his own tears, and his son began sobbing.
“But I’ll miss you. Who’s going to teach me to fish?” Bernard begged, and Luc pulled the boy into his arms. “Who’s going to teach me how to be a bear?”
At that, Luc bit his lip hard to keep from roaring or crying or otherwise losing control. That was his job, to see his boy through his first shift, to teach him how to be a shapeshifter in a world that will not understand him.
“I will make sure to find someone to teach you,” he promised. He knew a few other shifters. At least one would be willing to train Bernard. “I wish I could do it.”
“Then come with us,” Bernard repeated.
Luc pulled away a little, looking into his son’s eyes. He could feel Louisa and her father watching them. “You know papa is sick. I cannot come.”
“We can take care of you,” Bernard insisted, wiping his nose.
“It would be better for both of you to avoid me when I’m sick,” Luc said weakly. “I love you. I will miss you.”
“I love you, papa,” Bernard said, wrapping his little arms around Luc’s neck. Luc held his son closely, swaying a little bit, trying to soothe both the boy and himself.
“I am always with you. You will be a bear someday. The same magic that flows through me, flows through you, too. In that way, we will always be together.”
Louisa stepped toward them and gently ran her fingers through Bernard’s hair. He took his mother’s hand and looked up at Luc. Luc met Louisa’s gaze.
“Thank you,” he repeated.
Louisa nodded. “Don’t fret, Luc. He’ll have a good life. And when the time comes, I will write to the people you told me to contact. All will be well.”
Luc couldn’t answer, and Louisa reached toward him and took his hand. “Find peace. I wish I’d been able to give you that. I wish I’d been able to find a way to be happy with you, even with… with you being sick,” she said, and he nodded. “Farewell, Luc.”
“Farewell,” he answered. He leaned down and kissed the top of Bernard’s head, then watched as they got in the other wagon and drove away.
Woodenly, he climbed up into his own wagon and turned, going back the way he’d come. He was able to get out of town before he lost control, before he burst out of his clothing and ran into the forest, roaring loudly enough to shake the trees.
Madness. Rage. At least his son would be free of this.
Chapter Ten
Calder woke up in the daybed in Sophie’s living room. He’d fallen asleep beside her the night before, as always. He glanced around. He was alone now.
He’d felt alone the night before, too. Sophie had been distant, her mind definitely elsewhere. That wasn’t a surprise, really. Esme had said plenty that needed to be untangled and examined. This felt different, though. She’d looked at him a time or two like she didn’t know who he was or why he was there. She’d refused to talk, and they’d lain in silence for a long time before he’d finally drifted off.
Calder sat up and ran his hand over his face. He needed to run. He’d spent most of the day before, and all of the night, near Sophie, and his bear was out of his mind, the usual mix of rage and lust. He missed the days when wanting Sophie had caused him nothing more than a hard-on. Now, there was this ceaseless rage that her Shadow magic caused for his bear. Mix that and lust and the fact that things still felt off between them… it was a mess.
He got up and went to the bathroom, cleaned up, then walked out. There was still no sign of Sophie, and he found himself getting irritated at her silence. Was it really that hard to leave a goddamn note? There was a Shadow warlock out there somewhere who wanted her dead, probably. And he still didn’t trust Esme. That chick had more than a few screws loose. When he stepped out the back door of her house, he glanced around. There was no sign of Sophie, and the witches from the meadow were gone.
When he turned and looked toward the house again, it was to see a woman and child sitting there, near a fire. They were sitting on a log, the child bandaging the woman’s arm.
At first glance, he was sure it was Sophie. But her l
ong dress and thick braid were very unlike Sophie. As he watched, the woman spoke gently to the little girl, a girl with dark eyes and hair. There was such love in the woman’s eyes, along with a glint of something he’d seen in Sophie’s eyes: madness.
And it struck him: this was Migisi. And the girl had to be her daughter. Migisi’s arm bled, and the sleeve of her dress was shredded. Blood dripped onto the girl’s lap as she calmly held cloth over the cuts and closed her eyes.
He closed his eyes and shook his head. When he opened them again, he was looking at Sophie’s yard, her Adirondack chair in the spot where the woman and child had been sitting.
“What the fuck?” he muttered, rubbing his hands over his face. This was the second time he’d experienced something like that. Sophie’s words to Esme floated back to him: They think we’re Migisi and Luc reborn.
Why hadn’t she told him that? He didn’t believe it, obviously.
Right. Except that it was totally normal to have memories that weren’t his own. Not weird at all.
He looked around again. And where the hell were the witches from the meadow? If they’d decided to go after Sophie... What if she was in danger? Calder cursed and started pulling his clothes off, then started walking deeper into the woods near Sophie’s meadow. A few steps in, and he started to focus on changing. Soon, there was the exhilarating, burning sensation of muscle bunching, bones snapping into shape, fur sprouting. It was agony, but it was the kind of agony that never failed to make him feel alive.
When he’d finished shifting, he stood there for a moment to catch his breath. In this form, everything was more alive, more vibrant. Even in his human body, he had enhanced senses: sound and smell, especially. But as his bear, it often felt like the entire world opened up to him, like he could see and hear and smell all the things that were hidden to humans. He could smell the chickens the old woman down the road kept, the exhaust from a truck that had driven down Sophie’s road quite a while ago. He could smell the raccoon that kept digging through Sophie’s trash cans. Little bastard. Trees and earth and decaying leaves, all overlaid with the now ever-present scent and feel of Shadow magic.
Once upon a time, he’d hated that smell. It was always a sign that the warlock, Marshall, had been nearby. It had sent his bear into rages even then, but that had been more because he’d known that Sophie was in danger any time that asshole was nearby.
Now, Shadow was danger and lust and love and frustration. He ran for a while. Sophie’s scent was easy to track. She’d walked through the woods, down to the falls. She’ stopped at their boulder, the place they’d been the first time they’d kissed, flanked by two enormous oak trees. By the pervasive scent of her there, she’d likely spent a long time on the boulder. Alone. He picked up her trail again, meandering through the woods, back toward the farmhouse. She’d stood outside her goat pen for a while. He knew she did that. She missed her ugly ass, smelly, obnoxious goats. He didn’t. All they ever did was butt his legs and piss on his shoes. But they’d made Sophie happy, and how stupid was it that he personally wanted to kick their asses for leaving her the way they had?
Bear versus goat. Even if they were familiars, as Sophie had claimed, they wouldn’t stand a chance.
She’d walked out toward the road, and he smelled a scent here he recognized: Cara. The she-wolf had stopped here, and she and Sophie had stood for a while. He sniffed around some more, tracking Sophie back to her house. Now that he was nearby, he could smell her inside. She must have been just ahead of him for a while. He chuffed, then ran toward the woods again. Now that he knew she was safe, he could run off some of this energy.
Still. It wouldn’t have killed her to leave him a note, or even to wake him up and tell him she was going out.
When he’d finished running, Calder shifted back, made his way back to his pile of clothes, and quickly pulled them on before heading to Sophie’s house. When he walked in the back door, it was to find Sophie sitting on the day bed, eyes closed, breathing deeply.
He knew he should leave her alone. She was trying to focus. But running hadn’t lessened his annoyance or his frustration that he hadn’t had her body beneath his in months.
“You couldn’t leave a note?” he asked, and she opened her eyes.
“What?”
“I thought the warlock took you or something. And then the freaks in the meadow were gone. No sign of you,” Calder said, hearing the snarl in his voice.
“Don’t call them that,” she said, closing her eyes again.
“Wake me up or leave a note next time,” he demanded. “I ran all the way through the woods, down to the falls tracking you.”
“I can take care of myself,” she muttered.
“Humor me,” he said.
She opened her eyes again. “You have stuff to do, don’t you?”
It was a dismissal. It was cool and distant, and he fought back the urge to put his fist through the wall.
“When were you going to tell me what the witches said about us being Migisi and Luc reborn?” he asked.
“Never. Because it’s stupid.”
“Where are the witches from the meadow?”
“Keeping an eye on things for me. I told you this yesterday.”
"So they just do that now? They watch people?"
"I can't think of anything better for them to do. So yes, they spend all of their time watching, and they're happy to do it."
Calder blew out a breath. “Were you planning on sharing any of this with me? I thought they took off on you. I thought you were in danger. I’m having… “ he trailed off. He didn’t want her thinking he was losing his mind again, seeing things that weren’t there.
“I’m capable of taking care of myself.”
He stood and watched her. “Why are you being like this?”
She opened her eyes again. She met his eyes for a moment, then looked away.
“I have stuff to do, Calder. I need to focus. Esme’s coming over later to train with me, and I have to check on the coven to see if they’ve seen anything… look, I’m sorry you were worried. Maybe it would be better if you started sleeping at your own house.”
“So your solution to me being worried about you is to tell me to go away?” His gut twisted. “What’s going on?”
“Jesus Christ. Nothing, Calder. Just the usual: me having to figure out how the hell to fix the mess my life is. I need to be able to think, and I don’t want to have to check in with you every time I decide to step outside or go somewhere or—”
“Hey,” he said, and she glared at him. “I’m not being unreasonable worrying about you. Did you hear any of the shit Esme said last night? He wants you dead. He’s not as weak as you think he is. He’s old and dangerous.”
“I’ve managed my whole life without being protected. Stop treating me like some helpless little girl.”
Calder looked up at the ceiling. “I know you’re not helpless,” he growled. “But it was my understanding that people who love each other are there for one another. I thought we were partners.”
Sophie sighed. “Have you ever wondered why we wanted each other?”
Calder shrugged. “Like I said last night: you were cute and I was a horny pre-teen boy. And then once I knew you, I liked you as a friend, too. It’s not a mystery.”
“But we really have nothing in common. And you were a troublemaker and I was a good girl. Why did I decide to start hanging out with you?”
He tried to fight back the hurt her words had caused. “I don’t know. I guess I assumed you had at least a little bit of a crush on me, too.”
“I did. But why?”
He threw up his hands in irritation. "I don’t know. Why do any two people start up? We were there. I liked you. You liked me. What more does there need to be?” He looked out the window, and then it dawned on him. He turned back to see her still sitting on the bed, watching him. “You think the curses drew us together?”
She shrugged. “The curses, or maybe something Migisi did. She knew w
e would happen. She counted on us being together so I could break the curse. Everyone keeps assuming that she could see the future. Maybe she just knew more about the curse than anyone else. She was drawn to Luc, and that was her downfall. We know now that that was the first curse, that Migisi would want Luc, and that the more time she spent with him, the deeper she’d be drawn to Shadow. And then she cursed Luc, and that turned her completely to the Shadow.”
“Okay,” Calder said. It was all he could say. His mouth had gone dry and his gut twisted.
“The curse wasn’t gone when we met. Maybe neither of them were. Maybe she knew I’d end the curse because she knew we wouldn’t be able to resist being together. Not because she had the foresight to know we’d exist, but because she knew that her line would always be attracted to yours. She just figured it would happen eventually, so she worked on a way her descendant could break the curse.”
Calder felt bitterness and anger well up inside him. “So what are you telling me? Now that the curses are broken, you’re feeling like you don’t want me anymore?”
“Not that,” she said gently. “I’m just… how much of us is really us? What if we’re just the result of a curse?”
“Does it matter?”
“It kind of does. I don’t like the idea of my actions being determined by something I have no control over.”
She may as well as punched him in the gut, stabbed him in the heart and castrated him for good measure. “Well, I guess that’s where we differ. I don’t care how we got together. All I care about is that we are. And I know I love you. I know I’d love you whether I was cursed or not.”
“But how do you know that?” she pressed.
He took a breath. “If I have to explain it, then it’s probably pretty likely that you don’t feel the same way.” She started to say something, and he waved it off. “I need to get to work.”
He walked out, leaving Sophie sitting there. Any sense of calm he’d achieved during his run had disappeared.
Calder crossed the road and opened his garage. He had a car he was supposed to be finishing for a customer. Full restoration of a 1932 Ford Roadster. He’d finally gotten a few of the parts he’d been waiting for in, and he could get those in and then get back to work on replacing the upholstery. The body of the car looked great. He’d repaired the body, repainted it. The chrome he’d hunted for for months gleamed. He was still waiting for one more wheel, but that was on its way. He’d just focus on work.
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