by Elle Casey
Yeah, I’d love to blame my recklessness on the arabica, but it’s no use. I look at that cute freckled face of hers and I want to throw all caution to the wind. Do you want to run away to Barbados, Leah? Sure. Let’s go. I’m feeling that out of control right now. I wait with bated breath to hear her answer.
“Don’t you think that’s a little much?” she asks. Her hand is trembling under mine.
“Maybe.” I’m feeling reckless and it’s as if I’m high. Wasted. Maybe this is what Jeremy is searching for, this elusive escape from reality that can only come from a certain woman being near. “But what the hell? Karma obviously wants us to be together. Why fight it?”
“Karma is seriously powerful,” she says in an almost whisper.
“I let my brother throw that ring into a fountain. It went into the highest level. It should have been a city employee fishing it out.”
“I stepped in dog poop. My feet were on fire. I was just trying to cool them off.” She’s getting a small smile. I’m encouraged.
“And being the rebel you are, when someone told you not to go in, you went all the way in.”
“I’m not a rebel.” She’s smiling shyly.
“Yes you are. And I love it.” I tweak her chin and leave my hand there.
She leans toward me a little.
I take the signal as an invitation. I lean forward too.
Leah’s lips are getting closer. The anticipation builds. I’ve been wondering what her mouth tastes like for way too long.
Cassie whimpers.
I realize I’m squishing her a little in my efforts to get closer to Leah.
“Ooops. Baby squash,” I say, backing up a little.
Leah stands half out of her seat, leans over, grabs me by the front of the shirt and presses her lips against mine.
My hearts feels like it’s going to explode and my dick decides to go hard as a rock. Her mouth tastes even better than I imagined.
When she finally pulls away, after sliding her silken tongue over mine, I ask, “What was that all about?”
She shrugs, leaning over to scratch at the side of her calf. “Just felt like the thing to do.” Her cheeks are pink.
“So, what do you say? Move in? Work with me? See what happens?” This is, hands down, the craziest thing I’ve ever done. I can picture Laura dancing and laughing with joy. It makes my heart go warm and soggy.
She huffs out a huge breath. “You have no idea what you’d be getting yourself into with me.”
“I have a pretty good idea,” I say grinning warmly.
“Tell me. Explain to me what you’re thinking.”
“I’m thinking … that you bring sunshine into a life that was getting way too dreary. You make me feel young again.”
“You are young.”
“But I felt old, until I met you. You make me feel like there’s hope in my life again. Like the anger is disappearing.”
“Anger?”
“Yes, anger. Anger at life. At Fate for stealing my sister-in-law from us so young. Anger at people who dump their expectations on me and expect me to be their version of who I should be instead of what I want for myself.”
“I might be that same kind of person,” she says. “You don’t even know me.”
“I know you enough to try, and that’s good enough for me.” I’m being completely honest with her. It feels amazing. “My entire life has been very carefully crafted. I’ve followed every rule, exceeded every expectation, never said boo to anyone when they demanded things of me. But now, I want to live life on my own terms. I want to make some changes.”
“Like moving in with a near stranger who’s your exact opposite?”
I take her hand in mine, sliding my thumb across her fingers. “We’re really not so different, Leah. We’re not. When I went to medical school, I almost derailed all my father’s plans and joined Doctors Without Borders. I never told my sister or my brother. Only him. And he threatened to cut me off. I was too afraid to go against him. I lived his life, not my own.”
“Do you want to join that group now? I’ll never see you if you do.”
She looks distressed over the idea and that makes me want to sing out loud, something I never do. Not even when drunk off my ass.
“No, but I would like to do some charitable surgeries. For kids with cleft palates and things. I have a colleague who’s done some of that work and he’s said before he could use the help.”
She shrugs. “I’m not sure what this has to do with me moving in.”
“It has everything to do with it.” I look down at Cassie. “Life’s too short to walk away from blessings that are presented to you.”
She looks at the baby too. “I’m not a blessing, though. A baby’s a blessing, but not me.”
“You are.” I lift her hand and kiss her fingers, one at a time. “You make me want to be a better man. No one has ever made me question who I am like you do. Thank you for that. Please don’t walk away before we give this a chance.”
I stare into her eyes, praying she hears me and feels what I’m feeling too. Even if I have man-flu right now, I don’t care. I don’t want a cure. For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m making choices that will lead me to be the man I want to be, not the man others have expected.
Chapter Seventy-One
YOU COULD HAVE KNOCKED ME over with a feather when he declared his intentions over coffee. Over coffee! It wasn’t exactly a marriage proposal, but it sure felt like something close. And to think I’d said that I’d never meet someone for coffee before. I guess he’s not the only one changed by this relationship.
Everything is moving so fast, I’m not sure what to do. I consider my options. My apartment? No. I can’t go back there. The thief has come for me once, and he didn’t get what he came for; he’ll come again. Besides, my place is trashed. He easily destroyed what little I had. And the eviction notice isn’t going anywhere. As of next weekend, I’ll be homeless.
I think about friends I might be able to sponge off for a while. The only one who comes to mind is Sarah, an old high school friend, but she’s living in another state. I can’t move from here. This is my home. Manhattan is … Manhattan. Maybe I could go out to one of the outer boroughs, but that’s it. I’m not leaving New York.
And he’s offering me a job! A real job. Maybe he’d let me work just part time, so I could keep working with Belinda too…
“What are you thinking?” he asks. “Tell me.”
“I was just wondering if this was a full time job or a part time job you’re offering.”
“Full time.”
My face falls.
“Or part time,” he says in a hurry. “Whatever you want. Make it yours.”
I stare at him for a long time.
He laughs, a little self-consciously, maybe.
“You’re making me nervous,” he says.
“I’m just trying to figure out what your motivations are.”
“Haven’t I been pretty clear about that?” he asks.
“What about sex?” The words leave my mouth before I can think about whether it’s a good idea to bring this subject up.
“What about it?”
“Will you expect it of me?”
“No. But I’m not going to lie. I’m going to hope it’ll happen. Eventually. When you trust me. If you like me in that way.”
“Oh, I already like you that way, don’t worry about that. I just don’t want you to think I’m some kind of high class prostitute. Living in Trump Towers in exchange for … you know.”
“I’m not asking for that,” he says, his voice soft. “I don’t see you that way.”
“Even though I’m pretty much dead broke and will not be contributing to the rent money.”
“There is no rent money. I own my condo.”
“Or the monthly charges or whatever. I can’t pay for anything.”
“I wouldn’t let you anyway.”
“Why not?”
“Because. I just wouldn’
t. These are my terms. You come live with me, keep me company, laugh with me, cook with me, take Cassie some weekends with me, and work with me. See what happens.”
“And if I don’t like it?”
“You leave. No questions asked. We say goodbye and we never see each other again.”
I mull it over like I have other options, but eventually I stick my hand out. And not because this feels like a trap or my only way out, but because the idea of being his roommate and possible sex partner is making me want to spin around and sing the theme from The Sound of Music.
“Deal,” I say gripping his hand firmly. “When do we start?”
“We start today,” he says. “Right now.”
Cassie lets out a big diaper boom and the smell hits us both at the same time. James and I frown through the fumes.
“Not a second too soon,” he says to her.
“Oh no,” I say, laughing as I stand up and put my backpack over my shoulder. “Dirty diapers are your domain.”
“Really?” He looks up at me with the most pitiful expression, and I can’t take it.
I sigh in defeat. “Fine. Come on. We’ll do it together.” I turn to face the bathroom at the back of the coffee shop.
He stands next to me and grabs the diaper bag. “You think they have a hose in there?”
I can’t stop laughing, imagining the trouble we’re about to get in together being roommates and co-workers. Belinda is never going to believe me when I tell her everything that’s happened.
Chapter Seventy-Two
MY HEART IS GOING NUTS. I want to yell like a wild man when I step out onto the sidewalk, just to get the pressure out of my system. None of this is real. It can’t be. I think I feel a glimmer of happiness inside me. The emotion is so foreign it almost hurts.
Leah walks out to the curb and throws her arm up. “Taxi!”
I never realized how beautiful hippy girls are until today. Her skirt billows around her. Her bracelets jangle at her wrists. Her hair … it floats around her face like a cloud.
She turns to me all smiles. “Where to now?”
“Home,” I say, my ears burning when I realize it’s home for both of us. I must be crazy, but if I am, I’m not going in for a cure. Crazy feels good. No … crazy feels great.
“James!” says a male voice from off to my left.
I freeze in place. Turning, I see Robinson bearing down on me. My gaze darts from him to Leah and back again.
He notices and looks at her too. As he comes up next to me, he says, “Hey there. Who’s that chick? You know her?” He lifts his chin in her direction, sliding his hands into the pockets of his khaki pants.
A taxi pulls up and stops.
I open my mouth to answer him, but nothing comes out.
Leah turns around and smiles. “You ready?” When she sees Robinson standing there, her grin falters.
“Uhhh … that’s Leah,” I say, my pulse going rapid-fire.
“You’re with her?” Robinson’s tone is full of disbelief.
Leah walks over, her steps hesitant. “Hi,” she says when she’s a few feet away. I pray she didn’t hear what he just said. It’s difficult to tell from her expression whether she did or not.
He holds out a hand in her direction. “Hello, I’m Robinson.” He gestures at me with a tilt of his head. “This guy and I were roommates in college.”
Leah grins big as she shakes his hand. “Oh, that’s nice. He and I are roommates at Trump Towers. I’m Leah.”
“You live there too?” Robinson looks at me and then her again. “On the same floor or something?”
“Yes. And the same apartment too,” she clarifies.
When she says it out loud to someone else other than just the two of us, I realize how nuts it is.
Robinson looks at me, his eyes bugging out. “I guess I’m out of the loop a lot more than I realized.” He laughs. “Anyway, I’m late for a meeting, but maybe you guys can fill me in later? Feel like having drinks sometime?” He addresses Leah with the last part.
She answers before I can decline. “We have the baby tonight, so if you want to have drinks you should probably come over to our place Sunday evening.”
He nods, his lips pursed. “Well then … your place it is. Sunday.” He winks at me and claps me on the back. “I look forward to hearing your good news. See you around eight?”
I nod, not capable of speech at the moment. I watch him go, gripping Cassie to me like a drowning man holding a life preserver.
“You look a little scared right now, Boo. Did that freak you out? Admitting you have a roommate?”
I shake my head, but I don’t yet trust my voice not to betray me. Thankfully, Cassie lets out a whine just in time.
“Shhhhh, shhhhh, shhhhh.” I can manage a shushing without giving away the fact that I’m freaking out. “You’re okay. Let’s get you home.”
Home. Oh my god. I’m sharing my home with a virtual stranger. What was I thinking? Am I insane? Maybe I should have Baker Acted myself instead of Jeremy.
Leah gets into the cab, oblivious to my distress. She buckles Cassie in while I busy myself with making another bottle full of formula. The cab takes off with instructions from Leah to take us to Trump Towers. My hands — the ones that hold a scalpel with infinite precision — are shaking.
Chapter Seventy-Three
CASSIE IS ASLEEP IN HER crib before we speak directly to one another again. James seemed so unapproachable in the cab, I didn’t want to push him. Now I realize as we sit here wallowing in uncomfortable silence that this was all a bad idea. He just felt bad for me when he saw my apartment. He was moved to rescue me without considering what he was actually offering. The poor guy feels trapped.
I get it. I’m not mad at him. I’m a little panicked about where I’m going to live, but I have a few days to figure that out. The last thing I want to do is live in this place when I’m not wanted. It would already be stressful enough being here, knowing I don’t belong, but to feel unwanted … no. I can’t do that. Won’t. Never. Ouch. It hurts. I rub my chest a little to make the pain go away.
We’re sitting on the couch having glasses of water. I can’t remember the last time I felt so awkward about anything. I could probably keep on moving around this condo like a ghost, waiting for him to notice me and finally say something, but then I’ll run out of time to find a new place to live. Nope. I’ve got to take care of this right now. No more messing around. I’ve got to just rip that band-aid off. Bam. Pain. No more arm hair. No more bull.
“So, are you totally regretting asking me to move in?” I put a grin on so he doesn’t think I’m after a fight. I’ll cry later when I’m alone.
He lets out a long breath, like he’s releasing a bunch of pent up emotion in one blow. “Why do you seem so happy about that idea?”
I shrug, playing it cool, even though my heart is aching. “I don’t know. I guess I think it’s kind of funny that you just went with your gut reaction asking me to move in and become your secretary without even really thinking about it. I don’t think you’re a go-with-the-gut kind of guy usually.”
“I can go from the gut.” He’s offended. I can tell from his tone. “I’ve done it before.”
“Oh yeah? When? When was the last time?”
He frowns for a few seconds before answering. “I have before. Lots of times.” He stares at the carpet, his eyebrows scrunched up together. He looks like he’s about to blow a brain gasket trying to think of a single occasion of flight of fancy.
“Sure you have. I can tell by the way you’re coming up with all these examples.” I put my glass on the coffee table, ignoring the pain in my chest. “Listen, I know you were kind of taken away by the Sir Galahad thing when you saw my apartment, but you don’t need to worry. I’m not going to make you stick to your offer.”
I’m on my feet when he grabs my hand. “Don’t go. Sit.”
I look at him, pulling my hand away. “It’s okay. You don’t have to feel bad. I totally get it.”<
br />
He stands up too. “You totally get what?”
I look at the baby for a second, then back at him. “Shhh, you’ll wake her up.”
“You totally get what?” he says in a loud whisper.
I shrug again. It takes some of the edge off my pain to pretend that I’m strong enough to handle this. “I get that you and I are not supposed to be together, that me being here is like aliens landing on our planet, that your people and my people don’t mix. It’s okay. You don’t have to feel bad about that. It’s just the way the world works.”
“Bullshit!”
Cassie squirms and whines in her sleep.
He leans down and talks closer to my face. “That’s not what’s going on here.”
I tilt my head. “Really? Then what is it? Enlighten me.” I know he’s going to try and find some sort of excuse to make me feel better. He should know I’m tougher than that. I don’t need him to candy coat the truth for me. I steel myself for the pain. Give it to me. Lance through the heart. Blood everywhere. I can take it.
Instead of telling me, he leans down and presses his lips against mine.
Whoa nelly. What the hell? Talk about a rush. Talk about confusing. Talk about hot!
He kissed me on the head before, and he talked about sleeping with me over coffee or whatever … but none of it prepared me for what I’m experiencing right now. Sparks are flying out of me. I’m surprised the room isn’t lit up from all of it and the baby isn’t screaming in her crib.
When he pulls away, I feel dazed. Dizzy. Disconnected from reality.
“What was that for?” I ask, a little breathlessly.
“I just needed to see something,” he says, reaching up and cupping the side of my head in his big hand.
“What did you see?” I stare into his gorgeous eyes, searching for the truth, for some shred of hope that all of this isn’t just in my imagination.
“It’s not something I saw. It’s something I felt.”
“Where?” I look down at his waist.
“Not down there,” he says with a laugh, lifting my chin with a finger. “Here.” He releases me to point at his chest. “In my heart.”