by Ines Johnson
Jaspir could hold back no longer. He lifted her from her chair and crushed her to him. She gasped, startled, but slowly relaxed in his embrace. He wanted to be gentle, to seduce her, to show her his skill, but the thirteen year old boy in him held the reins.
He captured both of her lips with his. He clasped his hand around the back of her neck and held her to him, breathing her in, feeling the softness of her lips, her breasts against him. He licked at her lower lip. When she gasped, he invaded. He plunged inside, leaving no part of her untouched.
"Jaspir?"
"Yes, my love?"
"This is all different than I remember."
Jaspir chuckled. "Let me hold you for a moment. Then I'll kiss you until I'm your only memory."
Merlyn's arms came around him and she settled her forehead into the crook of his neck. "This is pleasant. This is what you'd call a lover's embrace?"
"Hmm."
"I like it, especially the transfer of body heat. I typically borough down into my covers in the morning. I suppose it will be nice to have another's body next to me. It would certainly save on heating expenditures."
Jaspir ran a hand down her face, then back up again and through the stray curls on her head. The whimsy of the curls was at odds with the seriousness inside that head. He pulled her closer. "How did you find me?"
"A friend of yours told me where you were a few months ago."
"A friend?" Jaspir's only acquaintances were in this establishment. He felt irked that one of these males would be around Merlyn outside of these walls. Unless she meant one of his brothers from the temple.
Jaspir had trained with three other males around his age. Two of them were out of the temple. Adom owned a dress shop in the city. Emet, his bondmate, worked for the Male Voice in the Sisterhood. But he'd seen them both last month. They'd known how he felt about Merlyn for years. They would have told him.
"His name is Brother Jian," Merlyn said.
"Jian?" Jaspir hadn't seen Jian since the Brother took his vows. Adom and Emet had long since left the temple, but Jian, who had been the most devoted of the four, remained behind.
"He's not a Brother any longer," Merlyn continued. "He bonded with my cousin."
Jian? Bonded? Impossible.
Merlyn pulled away from Jaspir. Her eyes glazed, her lips parted. It was Jaspir's dream come true. He brought his lips to hers.
"I remember that," she said against his lips. "The softness and the warmth. It's coming back to me."
Jaspir shushed her by capturing her bottom lip with his own, sucking and biting.
Merlyn gasped. "Das newb."
Jaspir took advantage of her opened mouth and plunged in once more. Merlyn moaned. He went farther, drunk on her taste. He was losing the battle of keeping his head, hard not to do when blood resources were diverting to his dick. He knew he couldn't take this any farther than a kiss. He was a gigolo, not a hound. He had no license to tamper with an unbonded, virgin female.
Merlyn pulled away. "Wait, wait. This is all new. I need a moment to catalogue these new details."
Jaspir chuckled. When they were children, he delighted in showing her anything new so that he could watch her eyes light and then narrow as she investigated the new wonder from all sides. Merlyn was a curious creature. Even back then, Jaspir had wanted to show her the world. He would begin their global expedition at her mouth with a slow exploration this time.
He prepared to capture her lips again. The sound of a dinging bell broke them apart.
"What's that?"
"Time." His hands struggled with whether to grip her or release her. The journey was over before it ever began. It could never begin. He couldn't keep her. Sooner or later, she'd be snatched from his grip and he'd be tossed aside again.
"Our time is up, Merlyn."
"Should I buy more?"
Jaspir hesitated. He closed his eyes, resting his forehead against hers. She had his heart, but he would never be allowed to possess hers. He set her back on her chair.
"No," he whispered. He lifted his head and looked into her eyes. "No," he said more firmly.
Another hour, another day would change nothing. It had taken years to get over her. Who was he kidding? He'd never gotten over her. He never would.
"My time is up because you have another lover coming?" she asked.
Jaspir pulled away from her, staring into her golden brown eyes. "No. There is no one else."
She cocked her head to the side, the birdlike motion signaling that she was investigating his words. Just as Merlyn only spoke facts, she had a knack for sensing when someone told half-truths.
"I have no other lovers coming today." Something compelled him to go on, to assure her of her place in his heart. "You own my heart, Merlyn. I have loved you, and only you, every day since the first day I met you. I will continue to love you every day of my life."
She searched his eyes, her head cocking the opposite way as she considered every angle of his new statement. "Why is it that I believe you? There is no possible way to prove your declaration. Love isn't a tangible thing that you can point to. It isn't measurable."
Jaspir took her hand and placed it on his heart. "Do you feel that? What reason does a heart have for racing?"
"It's a fight or flight response from the autonomic nervous system."
"Do you think I'm preparing to flee due to fear of you? Or that I'm preparing to harm you?"
Merlyn shook her head.
"Look at me, Merlyn. What do you see?"
"I see that your pupils are dilated." Her eyes dipped lower. "Your nostrils are flaring, and you are panting."
"I can tell you that my stomach aches when I think of you. My palms sweat and I feel light headed. Not to mention what happens in my sex organs. That's nearly every system of the human body engaged at the very thought of you."
"These symptoms happen every time you think of me?"
"Without fail."
"Fascinating," she breathed, eyes bright.
Jaspir grinned at the curious creature before him. She pressed one hand to his heart. The other she ran over his forehead. Her fingers came away with beads of sweat. Her thumb returned and traced his lower eyelid.
"I'd like to study this phenomenon some more." She looked into his eyes. Her own pupils were large, her nostrils flared, her breath came in small pants. "May I return to make more observations?"
"No," he said quietly. The word fell like a heavy weight between them. "Do you have the details of our kiss firmly in your head now?"
"I believe so." Merlyn withdrew her hands from him.
Jaspir had to stop himself from reaching out to her. "Good. Remember them well."
Merlyn gathered the plant. "I'll find a place for it to thrive. I promise."
Merlyn stood and walked the few paces to the door. She turned, and with a lingering glance over her shoulder, she slipped out the door and was gone.
Chapter Six
She walked right by him without taking any notice. The sun was setting, dipping below the horizon. One of its rays shone brightly on his face like a spotlight. Aside from the fact that Liam was outside instead of in the lab, it was typical of his life with his fiancé.
A group of street boys approached him, harassing him for pocket gems. A bird chirped loudly on a branch above his head, its poop just missing Liam's shoulder. All of this cacophony went on around him, but Merlyn walked past him without even raising her head. In her hands, she clutched that blasted plant. Her brown face looked bright as the sun. Her lips swollen. Her eyes alight. The plant clutched tightly to her bosom.
Liam was used to being ignored. Used to not being listened to. It was his childhood on repeat. For years, he'd watched his mother ignore his sole living father, Josef. Liam had always known Josef was not his biological father. The two shared not a single trait. Josef was dark-skinned with curly hair and dark eyes. Liam was pale-skinned with floppy red hair and green eyes. His biological father had died when Liam was barely five. He remembered little
about the man, except that his mother was always in an embrace with him.
The two adults constantly shooed Liam away and into the company of Josef. As a child, Liam hadn't minded. His mother and biological father had always disappeared behind doors and made strange noises. Noises that produced two sisters. As a boy, Liam much preferred to spend his days with Josef, uncovering the magic and mystery of numbers.
Josef was a mathematician. His formulas powered the energy grid that kept the city warm and bright during the winters. It made his family rich. It was the reason his mother had agreed to enter into a bond with the older man.
When Liam's biological father died, Liam had watched Josef try and console his mother, only to be shunned. Josef was then passed over a second time, for one of the manservants. Shoved into his office in the corner. Running numbers and improving the formulas that kept his wife in the lap of luxury while she snuck off with the help. He was left powerless, loveless, and silent in that house.
It was Josef who arranged Liam's bond with Merlyn. He'd done some calculations for Merlyn's Grand Mother. Josef knew that any offspring of the great Lady Regyn must have a practical mind. A mind that might be compatible with his son's. Josef believed that matching Liam with a girl who prized intelligence would give the boy a chance to be valued, to be wanted. If not for his body, than at least for his brain.
Looking down the street as Merlyn glided away, Liam saw more concretely than ever that his father had calculated wrong.
Liam glanced up at the signpost of the building she'd exited. Stallions, it read. Liam knew what the establishment was, a place of pleasure for males and sexually dissatisfied women. He knew who was behind those doors. He thought he'd gotten rid of the boy all those years ago. But it was clear that Jaspir, the outdoor servant, had never left Lady Merlyn's mind.
Liam's shoulders slumped. He was going to spend his life just like his father. Powerless, loveless and silent in his own home while his wife went after the help.
The sun had set. Liam was cast in shadows.
He marched out of the shadows and up to the front doors of the establishment. He walked inside. It wasn't what he expected a pleasure house to look like. The walls were a tasteful cream color. He'd suspected they'd be done in bawdy pinks and reds to mimic the look of a woman's sex organs. Instead, pictures of men on horses adorned the walls. In some portraits men knelt before ladies, in others men held women in a tight clinch. Liam had never seen such erotic art before.
"Can I help you?"
Liam jerked his gaze away from the walls. Behind a large desk sat a caricature of a man. His hair was an unnatural yellow color, it couldn't be called blonde. It was more white than yellow. The man's face looked like plastic had been layered over it, his smile frozen in place. Liam could tell his lashes were painted to achieve a full look, and there was rouge on his cheeks to affect the look of a suntan.
Liam blinked to stop staring. "I'd like to speak with one of your... employees. A male named Jaspir."
The man's brow quirked an infinitesimal amount before his lips slipped an inch in the approximation of a frown. "I'm sorry, sir. But it's Jaspir's day off."
"I'm not seeking his services."
"Well then, if this is a personal call, you can ring him up on his personal line. I'm sure you have his number."
Liam reached into his pocket. This wasn't the first of Jaspir's employers he'd dealt with. "I don't have my communicator with me." Liam reached past the rectangular telephone device for his leather wallet. "You wouldn't mind if I just popped back there for a moment." He pulled out a few jewels.
The man pocketed the stones, his expression never changing. "As I said before, Jaspir has the day off. So, by no means should you visit his room which is down the hall, and to the right; number six." The man rose from the concierge desk. "It's time for my break. You see the exit, I'm sure you can let yourself out." And with that, he disappeared through a back door.
Liam made his way down the hall. He heard sounds of pleasure coming from the walls. The sounds and the closed doors reminded him of his childhood home. He shook off the memory and hung a right, coming to door number six. He raised his hand and knocked.
From within, Liam heard a deep groan approach the door accompanied by heavy footsteps. For a moment, Liam panicked. He had to remind himself that he had seen Merlyn walk out of this place. She was not behind this door making those sounds with Jaspir.
At least not now.
The door wrenched open.
"Merlyn, I told you, we can't delay the inevitable--"
Jaspir came to a halt when he saw who was on the other side of the door. Liam saw that the years had been good to him. Jaspir had filled out in all the right places. His shoulders were broad. His chest was bare. Prominent muscles tapered into a V. The bottom of the V disappeared behind the drawstring of his pants.
After the initial shock must have worn off, Jaspir quirked an eyebrow and then leaned against the doorframe as though he'd expected this visit.
Liam clenched his fists, ready to strike out, but then he sighed. "May I come in, please?"
"Isn't this ironic? You want to come into my home after you had me kicked out of mine."
"You're lucky you were kicked out by the gardener instead of imprisoned by a Peace Officer."
"So, it's a thank you that you're looking for."
"You should be thanking me." Liam had gone to the head gardener, instead of the ladies of the house, for two reasons.
"I'll give you this," Jaspir said. "You are smart. She never suspected it was you who got me kicked out. Am I right?"
That was the first reason he'd sidestepped Lady Angyla and Lady Regyn. The second reason he'd never admit to the man before him.
"Oh, I get it now." Jaspir squared his shoulders, giving Liam a pitiful look. "They wouldn't have listened to you; the females. Merlyn doesn't even know you're alive. That's why she had to come find me all these years later."
Liam did swing his fist this time, but Jaspir deftly sidestepped his punch. Liam stumbled into the room.
"You don't have a future with her," Liam heaved. "I do."
Jaspir closed the door behind him and leaned back against the frame. "I know. That's why I sent her away."
"What does she see in you? I'm her match in every way. Genealogically, mentally, temperamentally. Even physically. Women find men over six feet tall more appealing."
If Liam expected an argument from Jaspir he was sorely disappointed. The other male simply eyed him patiently.
"I'm with her every day, though sometimes she hardly notices. I know everything about her, but I doubt she knows much about me. I can anticipate her every need. I know her mind inside and out. And yet she still chooses you. Why?"
"Because I know her heart," Jaspir said.
"What does that even mean?"
Jaspir crossed the room. "The fact that you don't know worries me. You can't think or reason your way to love. It's something you feel."
Liam shook his head thinking back to his parents, his father alone in the room, the servant smirking behind his back. "You assign duties to the heart that the organ wasn't designed for. It pumps blood, that's all it's good for. The brain is able to process and make connections that last. I'd rather have her think of me as her match than feel it in her heart."
"Interesting theory. Look where it has gotten you. In the bedroom of your betrothed's lover."
Liam hung his head. As he did, a new thought popped into his mind. "You love her." It wasn't a question, so he didn't wait for an answer. "You want her to be happy." He stood and faced Jaspir. This man whose ghost haunted him during each day for the last ten years. "Then teach me."
"I can't teach you to love her."
"No," said Liam. "Teach me to pleasure her. You're trained in the sexual arts. Those are teachable lessons. Teach me. All the benefit will go to her."
A tirade of emotions crossed Jaspir's face.
Liam reached into his pocket for leverage. "Name your price. I'll pa
y anything."
Chapter Seven
Merlyn's lips felt swollen. When she walked down the hall of Stallions towards the exit, she was sure everyone could tell what she and Jaspir had been doing.
When she arrived home, she was certain the manservants stared at her swollen lips. Certain that some passionate color stained her brown cheeks. Confident that they all saw it in her eyes. But no one made any comment.
Luckily, her mother was out at the fertility clinic and her Grand Mother was on social calls. Grand Mother hated social calls, but they were a necessary evil in order to keep the family status. With the house empty of women, Merlyn escaped scrutiny and dashed into her lab. She itched to write down the experience she'd just shared with Jaspir before it began to fade. To record each detail of Jaspir's lips. The pressure, the softness. And the heat--she couldn't forget the heat this time.
Then there were all the new experiences: the feeling of his tongue thrusting in and out and around her mouth, the feeling of his fingers cradling her chin and then capturing her neck. She remembered the way he smelled, the earthy scent of sandalwood. He'd always smelled that way, even as a child. But Grand Mother had had the Sandalwood tree cut down, along with the rest of the flora in the garden. Merlyn hadn't come across the scent in years. She had to record it all precisely before it faded away again.
"I thought you were out with Mother."
Merlyn nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of Alyss' voice. "What are you doing in here?"
Alyss had every right to be in the lab. Technically the room still belonged to both of them.
"I was just looking for something." Alyss shrugged. She stood in the doorway of the closet. In her hands, she clasped a brush, alive with brilliant blue paint. A smear resided on her thumb as well as her chin.
"Did you find it?"
Alyss frowned, her brow pinched in confusion.