Only time would tell, I guess. Zachariah would be able to tell as easily as I was feeling them.
Chapter 37
Zachariah
Pulling up into the makeshift parking space, I glanced over at Avidya, watching her expression. It turned from one of question to one of amazement. I knew this place would be one of the best places to take her first. Not only would it test one or two of her new-found limits, but also a place that she’d enjoy to make it easier on her.
I didn’t want to push her too hard after her having a panic attack, but for her to be ready for what was to come, she needed a bit of a push.
This piece of land wasn’t all that far from my house, and the age was clearly seen on the lone makeshift playhouse with a swing attached off to the side. The house that once sat on this land was long gone due to lack of upkeep.
The playhouse used to be painted a dark blue, with a window on each side and a tin roof. Growing up as a child it easily fit me and my brother inside, plus a friend or two. It was where I went to hide more often than anywhere else when my parents had company over.
The little awning had two chains that once held a yellow seat for the swing. A cute little place for kids. The grass was more weeds and colorful wildflowers now, but I could still picture how the building had once looked as laughter had once rung out around here.
“I used to live here,” I stated in explanation as I helped Avidya out of the car. “The house was taken down years ago, but the playhouse was left, even though it had certainly seen better days too.”
“I bet it was cute,” Avidya said, a shy smile on her face.
“It was. Mom had painted it and made sure it was kept standing,” I said with a fond smile myself. “Melio and I used to spend hours out here playing, rain or shine.”
I watched as she took in the playhouse with a new look. I could see her mind start wandering with possibilities. Possibilities that she wisely kept to herself. My mom often commented that she’d fix it up again, or come up with a new idea closer to the house if I ever had grandchildren. Children were not in my future, ever. I’d make sure of it.
There was a reason why I wanted Avidya to stay on the depo shot after I found out that she had been given her first dose the night she was brought to me. Of course, she still had another month to go before she needed another depo shot.
“The reason I brought you here was to work on one of the trust scenes. Your panic attack earlier today showed me that only way you will fully trust me is if you can see that you can.”
I paused, watching her reactions. Her eyes lit up a bit, her attention fully on me.
“I won’t push you too hard, not this time,” I went on. “Do you remember the safe words?”
“Yes,” she answered easily. “Red, yellow, and green.”
“Very good,” I praised, seeing instantly how my praise made her shoulders shift back a little.
“I want you to stand, and close your eyes. I want you to concentrate on your senses, one at a time. I’ll ask you to tell me what you feel, hear and smell,” I explained.
“Okay,” she said.
“I will walk around, but I won’t be going very far. You’ll have to talk loud enough that I can hear you from here, to at least the play house,” I said.
“Alright,” she said with a nod, ready to begin.
After she took a deep breath, she closed her eyes and I took a few steps away from her. Our entire relationship would be on our trust for one another, and this was one of the best places to begin at.
“What do you hear?” I asked her, taking a few more steps away from her, trying to step as lightly as possible.
“Birds chirping,” she said instantly. “The hum of the cars on the road.”
“Anything else?” I asked.
“Frogs,” she said after a moment.
“Good. Color?” I asked as I began to walk around her so I was in front of her.
“Green,” she answered instantly.
“Green, what?” I asked out.
“Green, sir,” she instantly replied, a small smile crossing her lips.
“Good girl,” I praised.
“What do you feel?” I asked out next.
“The air,” she said.
“Now?” I asked after picking a long piece of grass and running it down her arm, causing her to slightly twitch at the feeling. If it was anyone else, I’d have used something else to test her senses, but I had promised to not use a whip or cane on her. Not until she asked at least. I didn’t have any doubt that in a year or so, she’d be begging me to use it.
“Grass?” she stated in an answer. “it tickles.”
“When we do a scene, if we ever do with any toys, some of them will be a bit ticklish. Having your eyesight closed off can make it feel differently. It enhances everything,” I said, dropping the grass. “But to ever get to that stage, your trust in me has to be there one hundred percent.”
“I want to trust you,” she said just above a whisper.
“I know you do,” I said, running a hand down the side of her face. She instantly leaned into my touch, keeping her eyes shut. “In time you will.”
“You don’t trust me that much,” she stated, not afraid to tell me.
“More than I should,” I muttered to myself. Louder, “I trust you more each passing day, Avidya. You’re easy to read, and I don’t think you could possibly break my trust that I do have for you. Someday you’ll know more about the inner workings on what I do, but hopefully, you won’t need to.”
“I’m not sure I can handle more than what I know now,” she said.
“Probably not,” I agreed. “I’ve dumped a lot on you the last few weeks. It’ll take the time to grasp everything. And your mother on top of it all doesn’t help.”
“I don’t know what to do about that,” she stated, opening her eyes to look at me.
“That’s up to you,” I said. “You can meet her if she wants to see you. Or you can just write her a letter and Travis can make sure she gets in. Her doctor hasn’t called any of us yet.”
“It hasn’t been all that long,” she stated.
“No, it hasn’t,” I replied. “You’ll figure it out when the time comes. I’ll be there every step of the way.”
Avidya gave me a knowing smile. She knew I’d be there either way. I wouldn’t let her face her mother without me there. Not knowing what would happen, I felt better with planning on going if they wanted to meet face to face.
“So, what was the whole point of coming here?” she asked me as I dropped my hand.
“One of the places that popped into my head,” I shrugged in an answer. “And I hadn’t been here for a while. If you look over there,” I pointed off to the distance, maybe only about a mile where a house could be seen. “That’s where my parents live.”
“Oh, wow,” she said, her eyes widening.
“Close to home still,” I stated. “Plus, I wanted to share a little piece my childhood with you.”
“I never had a playhouse,” she stated. “Cody thought it was a waste of time and space. Of course, he didn’t really want me anywhere that he couldn’t easily see or hear me.”
“Controlling man,” I muttered out.
“Just a bit,” she shrugged like it was nothing new. “I’m surprised he hasn’t come charging down your door yet.”
“He doesn’t know where I live,” I said, giving her a wink as I took her hand and started to lead her up to the playhouse. “Or he would have by now. My father will make sure he doesn’t interfere with our wedding.”
“If he does, I’ll kick him where it hurts,” she mumbled before instantly turning red.
“Same here, honey,” I laughed while pulling her into my side.
“Will anyone in your family be upset about us?” she asked.
“I don’t care what any of them think. You are mine, and that is all that you need to remember,” I stated, pulling her closer to me as I wrapped my arm around her shoulders.
Chapter
38
Avidya
By the time we got back to Zachariah’s house, it was starting to get dark. It was nice to be able to be out somewhere with him, learning about who he was as a person. The little sense test wasn’t all that bad. I wasn’t sure what it was meant to prove to me, but I enjoyed just spending time with him all the same. Was it to test to see if I could handle being able to hear and feel things without knowing it going to happen?
I really liked the little playhouse. I could see Zachariah and his brother running around playing cops and robbers when they were little. It was too bad that he didn’t want any children, for whatever reason that may be. I wasn’t brave enough to ask to find out. Maybe after we had married life figured out, then we could figure something out about plans for children.
When we got back home, Zachariah declared that we’d order Chinese in for dinner, which was fine by me. I didn’t feel like cooking, and neither did he.
Thoughts of my mother were far from my mind as we ate dinner, then sat on the couch and watched Arrow. I was a bit lost on the whole show, but I could certainly see the appeal to it.
“Have you thought of what you’d like to do?” Zachariah asked as I laid my head against his shoulder, his arm across my shoulders and holding me to him.
This was one of the best times of the day. I could easily sit here next to him, soaking up his hold on me. Some days I would lay with my head in his lap and he’d play with my hair.
“Not yet,” I answered after a moment. “I haven’t really thought of it at all with everything going on.” Was he hinting that I needed to figure it out?
“I don’t expect to you to do anything,” he was quick to say. “I’m sure you’ll get bored of being here all day on your own. Next month I have to get back into my work routine, you know.”
“I’ll figure out something,” I shrugged in response. “Right now, I just want to stay right here.”
“Well, if you get tired of being home all day without company, let me know. I’m sure between my mother and sister-in-law, one of them will easily come up with excuses to drag you off with them, or to be here often enough,” he replied with a slight laugh.
“I don’t really mind being here on my own,” I stated.
“I know you don’t,” he responded, running a hand down my hair. “And I don’t have to worry about you going out and spending all my money.”
“Uh, no,” I said, shaking my head with a small smile playing across my lips. “I don’t want anything, as you very well know. I’m good with just right where I am.” I knew that there was going to be more changes in my life soon enough. If I could put them off, I’d happily do so in a heartbeat.
For now, I was happy to just ignore the world as much as I possibly could. Nothing but sitting here next to Zachariah was important.
“Which I couldn’t be happier about,” Zachariah said truthfully. “Other women I have dated, and I use that term loosely, was always after my money in the end. You are so different.”
“Growing up that way I did, I learned that money can’t buy happiness, Zachariah,” I stated. I felt him freeze for just a moment before relaxing again as I said his name. It wasn’t often, as I wasn’t entirely sure what to call him. I didn’t feel comfortable calling him by his nickname like everyone else. “I don’t need, nor want, everything money can buy. I just want to be happy having what I do have.”
“Are you happy?” he asked out.
I could feel his eyes on me as I thought about his question. A question that had come up a few times over the past few weeks.
“I think so,” I replied slowly. “I think I’m as happy as I can be, given everything. I’m nervous for what is to come, but who wouldn’t be. I knew without a doubt that I’d marry, I’d have to. With you, I get that choice, which is more than I could ask for.
“I know you’ll treat me better than anyone else that Cody was wanting to give me off to. You want to do the total opposite of all those other men. So, yes, right now I am happy as I can be. And in time, I’ll be happier, I think.”
“You will be,” Zachariah promised. “Safe, and happy.”
I turned my head upward, giving him a small smile. His brown eyes met my own, captivatingly so. They drew me in as I couldn’t let go. I could see that he really wanted me to be happy; wanted me to trust him to do that part in getting me there.
I could see the desire he held for me. The desire that he had yet to act on. He wanted not only my thoughts, my happiness, and body, but my soul too.
With each passing day, each minute we took to learn one another on the level we have so far, I was slowly falling in love with this man. It didn’t matter to me that he worked in the mafia family, one of many that surely took charge of this world we all lived in.
I was begging to care for him, worry about him when he had to go to leave the house. Did he worry about me? I’m assuming so.
“Avidya,” he whispered just before he quickly moved, pressing his lips to mine in a desperate kiss that made my toes cruel.
I instantly met him push for a push as our tongues tangled without thought.
Somehow, one hand went behind my head, supporting me as he leaned me backward. The other hand went around behind my back, keeping me connected to him, but yet laying me down against the seat of the couch.
My hands went to his hair, pulling and pushing him closer to me. I could never, ever get enough of this man. Not now that I knew he was willing to try. Try to bring me into his life in all ways in time.
He moaned deep in his throat as he laid his body over the top of mine, one leg keeping a part of his weight off by lifting himself off a bit with his foot placed on the floor. His weight and the kiss made my heart stutter out in need as he deepened the kiss even further.
“You're mine,” he growled out against my lips.
“Yours,” I agreed. I’d have agreed to nearly anything right then and there to keep him kissing me forever.
Chapter 39
Avidya
The next morning, I woke up to laying atop Zachariah. His chest was bare, like most mornings. I hadn’t slept in the room that he had proclaimed as mine since that first week I was here. I didn’t mind, of course. Waking up with his arms wrapped around me was a wonderful way to wake up. I felt safer, and not so alone after everything.
Last night when we went to bed after making out for quite a while, he held me tight as I fell asleep in his arms. He didn’t push me for more than what I was willing to give. Although if he had, I wouldn’t have fought against him. There was no way I would have been able to as I was kissed senseless.
The thought of what could come make me blush as deep of red as possible. It was a good thing that Zachariah was unable to see my face from the angle that we were at.
I wasn’t looking forward to later today, though. Julia was determined to introduce me to the rest of the family. It was better than the alternative – engagement party. Even the thought made me want to go hide somewhere no one could ever possibly find me. Too bad I wasn’t able to do that.
Zachariah knew I didn’t want either, but I’d eventually have to meet the rest of the family. Putting it off till the wedding wasn’t the best option for either of us.
“You can’t just hide forever,” he had laughed after he told me what we’d be doing the next day while we got ready for bed. “My grandparents will come here if I don’t properly introduce you, Avidya. I’d prefer to not let that happen, as they’d possibly never leave my house then.”
I wouldn’t mind hiding away, but life wouldn’t let me. After years of being in the background in not only the in school but also at the church, I wasn’t used to so much attention. I didn’t know what to do with it all, nor would I probably figure it out anytime soon.
“Morning,” Zachariah’s raspy voice reached my ears, bringing me out of my thoughts.
“Mornin’,” I yawned back. It was one of those yawns that made my eyes water.
“Sleep well?” he asked.
“H
mm. Yes,” I replied. I slept good in his arms every night.
“Glad to hear it,” he stated with a small laugh. He shifted while pulling me closer to him.
It was then that I felt his . . . hardness . . . press against my outer thigh, demanding attention. Most mornings so far, he kept that part of himself away from me. I had no idea what to do about it, or even how to react.
“Let’s try that hand job?” he asked, watching as I blushed even deeper if it were possible.
“I don’t know how,” I whispered. I wasn’t sure he heard me.
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