She has not yet climaxed. With a purposeful quest, my fingers slip between her legs, right where we are joined, and I find her clitoris, like a pert, prominent button. She gives a little yelp of surprise but doesn't stop moving. If anything, she moves faster.
So I rub her there, and everything shifts and changes again. She feels tighter around me with her own building excitement. And as I focus more on what I'm doing for her, I try to forget--at least just a little bit--what she is doing to me so that this will last longer. It's an interesting challenge, attempting to find that balance, but Jenna is so soft and giving as she envelops me, cushions me. Surrounds me. Owns me.
She's all-powerful. Like a goddess.
My goddess.
She stops moving her hips about a half minute before I come, so I drag her hips over mine and she tightens around me, gripping me with the rippling pulses of her own orgasm. Then she throws her head back and shouts.
We may have been heard, but I don't care. Because right now, my entire world is her. There is no one else in it besides us.
And I'm finally coming, everything straining to an impossible apex. I go completely rigid under her and she keeps moving, but I can't breathe, can't move, can't think as my release shifts everything from unyielding tension to warm, haunting bliss.
I grab her hips and hold them still as I push into her as deep as I can go. Pure pleasure--more forceful than I've ever felt before--consumes me.
My eyes drift to hers and our gazes lock. And I'm not afraid anymore...to look into her soul, to connect with her on that level.
She leans forward, lying across my chest to kiss me. When our mouths connect, I roll us over so that we're lying on our sides, facing each other. Then I smooth my hand over her silky hair, relishing the feel. I love the texture and wish I could do this all night and day. But it's not all I wish I could do all night and day.
I swallow, my eyes drifting to the ceiling. Jenna's sweaty body sticks to mine and suddenly we are cold and she's shivering against me. I reach over and grab the extra blanket, pulling it over us. She's cradled in the crook between my arm and my body, her head resting on my shoulder.
"Well..." she finally says. "That was amazing." She shifts against me to look into my face. "You aren't a virgin anymore. What did you think?"
I lick my lips. "It was good."
She laughs, but I have no idea why.
"Just good, huh?"
I nod. "There's no just about it. It was...not even comparable to anything I've ever experienced before."
She ran a hand over my chest and smiled. "Okay...I'll take it."
I blink, not understanding what that means, but too relaxed to ask her to explain. My arm around her back tightens around her.
"William, I...I think I'm falling for you."
I mull over her words, picturing several different scenarios--tripping over something, slipping off a cliff, frantic, terrified. My heartbeat speeds up. But she's not. "You're not falling. I'm holding on to you."
She laughs again. Clearly, I haven't understood her. But I don't mind it when she laughs. At least I know that she's not laughing at me. Or if she is, it's not in a mocking, derogatory way.
"No, I meant that figuratively. I meant falling as in...falling in love." I frown. She hesitates, scanning every inch of my face. I'm guessing that she's trying to gauge my reaction. But that would be hard, since I don't even know what my reaction is. She clears her throat and continues. "I mean--"
"You think you're falling in love with me?" I ask. They are wonderful words, but I don't want to believe them until I'm sure--until she's sure. She said "I think," which means she's uncertain of it.
And besides, it defies the very own logic. "But that's not possible. You said that wasn't possible."
She opens her mouth to answer and then shuts it again. She's thinking of what to say. Finally, she shakes her head.
"Let me be more clear, then. I love you, Wil. I'm not sure how or why it happened...just that it did."
I love you, Wil. Those words hit me like a forge hammer between the eyes. I know exactly what they mean, but they slip off me, unable to gain purchase--like a climber on an icy cliff. These words are too dangerous.
A spot in my chest tightens and starts to hurt. "What about Brock?"
She frowns. "I'll always love him. But that doesn't mean I can't love you."
I swallow a suddenly large lump in my throat. "You do want to be with me?"
She smoothes a hand across my cheek, smiling. "I told you already that I did. I haven't changed my mind since this afternoon."
My fingers comb idly through her hair as I study the pattern of shadows on the ceiling of the tent, backlit by the moonlight. If I could draw this feeling--this moment--those patterns would be the background.
"And what does that mean? We'll date?"
She hesitates, her finger tracing a light pattern over my chest. The touch distracts me, so I stop her by cupping my hand over hers.
"Sure...like we have been. Even though we haven't been calling it dating."
"I want you to live with me. So we'll see each other all the time."
She's silent for a long time. "Let's just...see what happens."
I turn to look at her. "You don't want to live with me?"
She nestles deeper into my side. "I'm not saying that at all. I'm just saying...one thing at a time, okay? For right now, let's enjoy this. It's been a long time coming."
Yes, it has. But that doesn't mean I don't want her with me all the time. I wonder if this is her way of getting close...but not too close. I shut off that fear. She's here, right? And she's changed her plans so we can be together.
She's right. We should just enjoy this.
But I can't--not just yet. There are still so many unanswered questions, and in order to know what to expect in the immediate future, I need more information. So I ask the next question on my mind. "And what about soul mates? You still believe Brock is yours."
She sighs. "I'm in the process of revising that belief, actually."
I pull away and then run a hand over my jaw, trying to allow this to sink in. My thoughts are racing, full of what ifs and whys. "But I haven't proven myself worthy yet."
She rises up on her elbow to look at me more directly. "Yes, you have. A dozen times over, you have."
I'm silent. I don't believe her.
Her hand caresses my face, my neck, trying to get me to look at her. Finally, she sighs again. "You were my champion, Wil. With Doug. You didn't have to volunteer to fight another duel, but you did. And you've worked so hard to overcome everything that held you back the last time.
"You were my champion at Disneyland when I panicked because of the fireworks. You're--you're just an awesome human being. There is so much about you that is worthy, and I'm pissed that you ever believed you weren't. Because nothing could be further from the truth. You're the worthiest person I've ever had the privilege of knowing, and I believe in you."
There it is again. That phrase, grabbing me like a vise around the throat. I'm in the grip of some complex emotions with no hope of being able to sort them out.
But it was the same exact phrase she'd uttered when she entered the tent. I had been so overwhelmed with the need to have her that I'd grabbed her and hadn't let her say anything else.
Part of me is doubtful, wondering if she's just saying these things now because of what just happened between us. Like she's telling me what she thinks I want to hear. That possibility does not make me happy.
But when I turn to look at her, my eyes catch hers and our gazes tangle together, as if connected by fishing lines that are knotted and twisted round each other. And the more I look into her eyes, the deeper I go. It's like looking into her soul. Now I want to see it all.
After a few minutes, she blinks and draws back, but I put my hand to her head, preventing her from withdrawing from me. "Jenna...you're the most beautiful woman I've ever met. And I'm not just talking about the outside. That's what I noticed first,
of course, but I've seen beautiful women before. And many of them end up not being good people inside. But you..." My voice dies out, so I clear my throat and continue. "You're beautiful in every way...how you act, how you think, how you comprehend the feelings of others, how you help them."
Her eyes become inexplicably round and her lip trembles. She bites it to keep it still. When she says nothing, I continue. "You once said nothing in your life is permanent--that everything becomes temporary. I couldn't stop thinking about those words because of how unfair that is. You deserve permanence, and I want to be the man who gives it to you."
She turns to kiss my shoulder. "I want you to be that man, too."
My heart surges into my throat, buoyed by hope.
"So are you going to get that wander-thing--"
"Wanderlust."
"--and just pack your bags and leave like...like with your other boyfriends?"
She studies my face. Placing a palm along my cheek, she smoothes her fingers over my prickly whiskers. I'm suddenly sorry I didn't have a chance to shave before I kissed her all over her face, her neck, her chest. Maybe it didn't feel pleasant for her, but she didn't want to tell me...
Her lids droop and she leans forward, placing her forehead against mine and looking into my eyes. This time, however, I'm finding it difficult to return her gaze. I'm afraid she's going to see my doubt there.
"Something's different this time, Wil. I never felt for any of them the way I do for you. Is that enough? Can you trust me?"
I slip my arms around her waist and pull her fast against me. She closes her eyes and trembles. A strange feeling comes over me, threatening to smother me like a quilt. It's confusing and thrilling and frightening all at the same time.
"Are you cold?" I ask, already knowing that she isn't.
"No," she whispers. "I'm just...affected."
"By what?"
"By you."
I bury my mouth and nose in her hair, inhaling deeply, savoring her smell. Savoring the feel of her skin pressed to mine. I want to touch and taste, her soft, curvy body again as soon as possible. Even as I'm thinking this, I'm getting hard for her once more. I run my hand down the supple skin between her shoulder blades to the base of her spine and back.
"Jenna, I need to ask you something very important..."
She tilts her head back, pulling that heavenly smell away from my nose. "Yes? What is it?"
"How long should we wait before having sex again?"
Her face breaks into a brilliant smile. "Not another minute longer."
She moves her face to mine, kissing me from above, and as we kiss, she's moving to straddle me again. But that's not how I want it this time.
I grasp her shoulder with one hand, her waist with the other, and roll us completely over so that now I'm on top of her.
Chapter 31
Jenna
It didn't take long to discover that William was a quick learner. Sex was no different. So when he rolled me over and pressed his desperate kisses onto my mouth, I was delighted.
While his tongue tasted liberally, his scruffy jaw was scratching me everywhere--my neck, my chest, my breasts. Though the previous time had been no chore, it felt good to be able to lie back and let him steer this ship. I was anxious to see where he would take us.
And despite the fact that we'd had sex just a half hour before, William was just as driven and deliberate this time. No inch of skin was left uncovered by his hot mouth, no surface left uncaressed by those rough hands. He spent a lot of time lavishing my breasts with special attention--likely having been so desperate the first time to get inside me. As desperate as I had been to have him there.
But these touches were building that urgency anew, like nothing had been satisfied the last time. I arched up to meet him as his mouth slipped slowly over my nipples, his tongue rolling over them, his teeth grazing until I was shivering with anticipation.
"William, I need you now."
He didn't budge, continuing his quest to drive me crazy with his tongue and teeth.
"Wil--"
"I've been dreaming of this since the moment I first laid eyes on you almost two years ago. I'm not going to rush it."
My spine relaxed on the bed and I sighed. He was right. We had all night. And I'd resolved to leave this in his hands--his capable, talented, maddening hands. So despite the fact that I was aching to have him again, I closed my eyes and let him on his course.
"Beautiful, beautiful Jenna," he whispered against the sensitive skin of my belly. It quivered under his warm breath. I licked my lips and swallowed. Everything inside me was throbbing with renewed need.
He ran those working hands from my knees up my thighs, first the outside then along the sensitive inside, before resting at the center of my need for him. His fingers slipped into my wetness, rubbing against my sensitive clit, and everything tightened inside me. In minutes, overwhelming waves of pleasure washed over me. I was shocked with how quickly it had happened.
I lay back, awash and glowing, when he pressed a light touch to my mouth with his warm lips. With slow, deliberate movements, he settled himself between my legs, his chest lying over mine. And in the dim, bluish light under the full Beltane moon, our bodies joined together once again.
As it was our second time, it took William longer to get where he had already taken me in minutes. Therefore, I began to climb that mountain with him again, feeling remarkably spoiled. I ran my hands down his hard chest, smoothing over his nipples, sliding to his back, clasping my legs around him when I needed him to slow down.
But he was having none of that. He pushed through my hold, gently pulling my legs away from his hips, his breath bathing my neck with ragged puffs. I came again just as he pushed in deep and let loose a hoarse moan, my name on his lips.
He surged inside me and, despite his earlier protest, I clamped my legs around him again, pulling him tight against me. He released his breath, resting his sweaty forehead to mine. He careful smoothed back of my hair.
And then..."I love you," he whispered.
Tears sprang to my eyes. Those words I'd never thought I'd hear again brought such joy rushing into my heart that it ached. Soon those tears were streaming down my temples as he rolled to the side, watching me carefully.
"Oh no," he breathed, wiping them away with his hand. "Why are you sad?"
I shook my head and sniffed. "Not sad, Wil. Happy. Very, very happy."
He frowned. Tears of happiness obviously confused him, but I didn't want to explain so I kissed him to stave off the inevitable questions.
Eventually, we drifted off to sleep. The last thing I said to him was that he needed his rest so he'd be ready to kick ass in the morning. And we slept peacefully, wrapped in each other's arms all night, too exhausted to even move.
When I woke up, bright early morning light slanted into the tent, and William was gone. I felt for him first, before even wading through the layers of sleep. When I came up empty, I contemplated how natural it had been for me to reach for him. Like I'd been doing it every morning for months.
And that weird echoing ache when I found him gone--that wasn't lost on me, either. It was scary and thrilling at the same time. I rolled over and buried my face in his pillow, inhaling his scent.
For the first time since I was a teen--a child, really--I'd told a man that I loved him. And I'd meant it. I swallowed in a thickening throat, suddenly terrified of the ramifications of that admission. I was changing my plans to be with William, but it wasn't just about being with him.
I was starting a future, setting down roots. Trusting myself to find happiness again instead of running away from the possibility of it.
I hurriedly got dressed and wove between tents toward the campsite I was supposed to be sharing with the girls. I tried not to focus on the possibility of clan members seeing me in the same dress I'd worn last night, only minimally laced to avoid indecent exposure.
It was my own medieval reenactment of the infamous walk of shame. But I didn't
give a crap who saw me. I was too buzzed by this high. What a night...
The girls practically pounced when I got back. "Ohhh, hmm, well look at that. Her Majesty has just-fucked hair. Her royal dress is rumpled and looks like it's falling off, doesn't it? Ann, what do you think Queen Jenna was doing last night?" Fiona, Caitlyn's BFF said.
I rolled my eyes and dug into my duffel bag to pull out some proper twenty-first century clothing. "The Queen does not have to be accountable for her actions," I sniffed haughtily.
Caitlyn twisted a strand of honey-colored hair around her index finger and studied me. "Girl, I spent a long time on your hair and makeup yesterday. You better spill what's going on with you and Sir Hottie MacFine."
I smiled. "Or else...?"
"Or else I'm going to take your crown, which I picked up off the ground last night when you went running after William, and I'll give it to Doug. I'll tell him you told me to give it to him as a favor."
I raise my brow at her. "I know Roma curses, you know. I can make your toenails ache."
She plopped onto my sleeping bag and lay back, folding her arms under her head. "Spill."
"I don't kiss and tell."
"Do you fuck and tell?" said Fiona.
I rolled my eyes. "Goddess, you are all so crude."
A Cheshire-style grin spread across Caitlyn's face. "Oh, I'm sorry. Should she have asked if you make love and tell?"
My face flamed instantly, and they both shrieked and clapped their hands. Caitlyn sat up. "You did! Jeez, Jenna. People are going to hate you--and by people, I mean me. Do you know how many have been trying to crack that nut over the last two years?"
I raised my brow. "Interesting choice of imagery."
"He's totally going to win your duel for you because you put out," she retorted.
If those words had come from anyone but Caitlyn or Ann, they would have pissed me off. But as I knew they were completely joking and meant nothing untoward, I merely stuck my tongue out at her.
"The duel's in an hour. Are you going to give him your, um, best wishes beforehand?" She added air quotes, just to be extra obnoxious. "And what about a lady's favor? Do you have a scarf or a ribbon or something?"
For The One Page 29