“I will find a way to print these off for you to keep,” I said.
“I don’t want them to see me like this,” Karlie confessed.
“You’re making a lot of progress, Karlie. It won’t be long until you will be strong enough to go home,” I said, rubbing my hand on her back.
“No, I won’t ever be the same, Carson.” She pushed her shoulder back as if to knock me off.
I had no words to console her as her feelings of despair drilled into me.
“Every day I am afraid to wake up, afraid I’ll find myself back in my cell.” Her words were suffocated by her sobs. “I look at my hands, and instantly the pain of their torture haunts me! Every day I wanted to die, but even if I tried, I would be tortured and raped further! Those memories won’t go away, Carson! If my family sees me, they will only see a broken version of me. I won’t be theirs anymore and I can’t be. Having to live life after being a toy for malice is sickening hell. You think that I can get better after saving me, but you don’t realize that nothing can save me from those memories.”
Still no words could escape me. Instead, I allowed my tears to fall and pulled her into my arms. Her crying was smothered against my shoulder. We held on to each other, releasing our pain to with our sobs. Even my empathic ability could not stop our grief, but I didn’t try. Even though the torment of her suffering penetrated me like the end of a blade, I knew it was good for her to release her emotions. Out of all the improvement and trials she had passed, her acknowledging her feelings was the most crucial. Feeling anything would give her the momentum to move on one day. Without feelings she would forever live in a void that would not be worth existing in.
After I left Karlie’s center, I waited outside the palace where all of the omnores sat. Jase was due to arrive any minute now. She had been going to stay at the Elaeye welcoming center, a big community bath and sleeping house. But instead I offered to let her stay at the palace. She was one of my closest friends, after all. I wanted Karlie to be a part of it, but she wasn’t ready for that yet. I told Jase about how on Earth there were bridesmaids; she told me that on Amara there was the lady of the bride. I went on to tell her that if the wedding was on Earth she would be a bridesmaid, but Emréiana didn’t have anything like that. I didn’t need my empathy to see her excitement on the screen of the abula.
I sat on a boulder, admiring the sparkling stone as the light hit it just right. As I adjusted my chest piece, I noticed the rising wind beginning to rustle the hem of my skirt, and the noise of an approaching ship. I looked up and saw the onmore arriving, and watched as it slowly lowered to the ground. It hovered evenly over the magnetic strip that kept it up in the air. The door slid open, and the steps slid out, allowing Jase to come down. I ran to the bottom of the steps and hugged her. It was the first time I had seen her in person since taeu annonun.
“Wow!” she said, gazing up at the palace. I looked up with her, admiring the crystal-like marble. It truly was a beauty.
“Just wait until you see the garden,” I told her. It was my favorite view.
“First things first. I need to get my luggage to my room.”
“Don’t worry.” I pointed toward a few palace workers. “Someone is already taking care of that.”
“That is something to get used to.” Jase followed me inside.
I gave her a tour of the palace, starting with the garden and the busy people around it. I introduced her to the library, art room, east wing, west wing, and all the rest. By the time we entered the dining hall Jase was hinting at being hungry.
“So when do they serve dinner around here?”
“We will probably eat in another hour or two.”
Jase nodded glumly and pouted.
“I’m assuming you are hungry.”
Her eyes brightened, and she smiled. “Yes!”
“I’ll ask one of the maids to get you a snack.” I poked my head into the kitchen.
“Can you not go in there and grab something?” she asked.
“Well… I could, but I’m still new to the Emréian food thing. I don’t quite know what is a good snack,” I admitted, spotting a palace maid chopping away at some vegetables. “Anikala,” I called out to her. She looked up at me. After a moment of realization she gave a hasty bow and shuffled over.
“Lenai, what can I get for you?”
“I’m sorry to interrupt, but could you find a snack for my friend?”
“Of course, Lenai,” she said and scurried off toward a pantry. Anikala studied her choices for a moment before picking something out and bringing it back to us.
“This is nanks. It’s a vegetable snack. I see all the young people eating them.” Anikala told me, handing me an aluminum bag. I thanked her.
I realized that this was also a new snack for me to try as well. I opened the bag and found curvy, flat, baked vegetables. I handed the bag to Jase.
“Oh! I’ve had these before!” Jase said, surprising me. She reached into the bag, pulled one out, and ate it. “I got a bag of them one day back on campus.”
Jase held the bag out, offering me a taste. I picked up a piece. Emréian food was hit or miss for me. A lot of it I really liked, but there was plenty that was too foreign. I stuck it in my mouth. The texture was like a potato chip, but it tasted bland. I swallowed hard; it wasn’t terrible, but I didn’t care for it either. It just made me crave Pringles. I passed the bag back over to Jase, disappointed.
A familiar wave of emotion entered the room. I turned around, finding Kyle at the door. “Kyle,” I said. “This is my friend Jase.” Jase stared at me, puzzled, probably because of my sudden change of language.
“Nice to meet you.” Kyle held out his hand while Jase stared blankly at it.
“You’re supposed to shake it,” I told her.
“Ah, I see,” she said, reaching out with the wrong hand and shaking his arm vigorously.
I realized that Kyle’s lack of knowledge in Emréian was going to make this awkward, but as soon as I felt Jase’s emotions as she put the pieces together, I was relieved.
“This is the Morgon boy,” she said.
“That would be him,” I said, hiding my nervousness.
“He isn’t that bad looking.” She stepped closer to inspect him.
“What is she doing?” Kyle asked, raising his eyebrow.
“She’s never seen a morgon before.” I made something up.
“Well so far, I look the same as you guys.” He flinched when she touched his cheek.
“He doesn’t look as attractive as Aaronmon.” Jase snickered.
“What is she saying now?” Kyle asked.
“Nothing,” I said with a smile. “You look great for a Morgon.” I grabbed Jase’s hand. “Let’s go up to my room.”
“Wait!” Jase said snatching her arm away.
“What now? You can’t keep poking my ex-boyfriend; it’s rude.”
“I want you to thank him for me. He brought the antidote, and if it wasn’t for that I would be dead.” Jase gave him a bashful look.
I turned back toward Kyle. “Jase wants to thank you for bringing the antidote.”
“She was one of the sick?” Kyle asked.
“Yes,” I told him. “They had to tweak it a little because she is Amarian, but they couldn’t have done it without a base antidote.”
“Tell her that I’m glad I got it to her in time. I would never want a friend of Carson’s to get hurt.”
I relayed the words to Jase. She walked up to Kyle and reached for his hand. I was afraid she was going to shake his arm off, but she did something even more surprising. She lifted his hand up to her mouth and gave it a light kiss on the palm. Jase had told me that it was the highest respect you could give someone. Kyle’s eyes widened, and he looked at me questioningly.
“It’s their way of showing great gratitude. She is forever in your debt,” I told him. Kyle got his hand back and saw Jase off with an Emréian half bow.
I guided Jase back up to my bedroom, which co
nveniently was also attached to mine. When we got there, Jase took to my bed, dangling her legs off the edge.
“So he seems nice,” Jase said, after the door was shut behind me.
“Yeah?” I raised an eyebrow.
“I can see why you liked him, I mean.” Then she explained. “You still have some work to do with your empathy. You were like a radio channeling his emotions. He still cares a lot for you.”
“I’ve noticed.” I sat next to her on the bed.
“But I still like Aaronmon more.”
“How so?”
“Because even though Kyle still cares for you, you and Aaronmon have this strong pull of passionate emotion around each other. It’s as if when you look into each other’s eyes, there is no one else around you. I don’t need your empathy to tell me that.”
“But is that because of our bond?” I admitted my doubt. “Aaronmon loves me, and yet I can’t seem to differentiate between the two. I know I care for him, but how much?”
Jase shrugged and rested one hand on my shoulder. “Maybe love is about just being and not thinking so much about it.”
I thought about this for a minute, but couldn’t help feeling even more conflicted.
“I don’t even know why I’m worried about it,” I sighed after a moment. “After the bonding ceremony, I won’t have a choice in the matter.”
Jase looked at me sympathetically, but didn’t say a word. She knew I was right. Once we actually made love, there would be no going back, and maybe it was better that way.
After we talked a little longer about the bonding ceremony, I saw Jase to her room. Aaronmon wanted to see me that night, so I went off to find him in the east wing’s living area. He lay comfortably on the couch, resting his legs on one side and his head on the arm rest. I heard his soft snore, and realized that he was asleep. I studied his features. From a glance you would think that he was a classic nerd, but everything about him was defined and strong when you looked closely enough.
I thought back to my conversation with Jase. Everything with Kyle was so easy. I knew that I loved him and never really had to think about it. In Aaronmon’s case, I always second-guessed myself, but when I was around him it became so much easier to let my emotions take over. As I stood over him, I realized that while the bond was present, it wasn’t as strong. The sexual hormones seemed to be at rest themselves. I looked at his face and leaned in closer. When I was mere inches away, I could feel beads of nervous sweat form on the back of my neck. The sound of my heart grew louder in my ears. I leaned in closer, touching his soft lips with mine. A sweet, comforting feeling took over, and I grasped the simplicity of it all. My stomach fluttered softly, and my heart raced.
I took a step back and touched my lips. Before when we kissed, the bond turned everything into a sexual matter, and perhaps that was what confused me the most. But with the tenderness of my emotions, I could not deny what I felt now. I took the seat across from him, half shocked and half astounded at my revelation. Why couldn’t I have noticed it before?
Aaronmon stirred, and my heart skipped a beat. He yawned loudly and sat up. He rubbed his eye sleepily before noticing my presence.
“Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” He rubbed his neck.
“I wasn’t—” I squeaked slightly and cleared my throat. “I wasn’t here long.”
“That’s good. Did Jase make it okay?”
“Yeah, I finished giving her a tour, and she is turning in for the night.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t get to see her. I was finishing up some business with the admiral.”
“So you wanted to see me?” I asked, trying to cover my new-found realization.
“I wanted to see how you were feeling about the ceremony.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you’re not getting nervous are you? I believe on Earth, they called it getting cold feet—although I still don’t get that expression.”
I rolled my eyes. “Trust me, I’m not getting cold feet.”
“The other thing I wanted to ask you was what color are you wearing?”
“Huh?” I said, very earthly.
“The flower-giving ceremony. I’m supposed to give you a single flower in the color of your dress.”
I had nearly forgotten about what my mother had told me about it. I also remembered that they didn’t do the Earth tradition of wearing a white dress. Typically, it was something more natural-toned and delicate. I thought back to the dress that my mother had me try on the day before. It hung loosely off my shoulders and low in the back.
“Pink,” I told him. “The dress is pink.”
Aaronmon smiled, flashing his teeth. Then he leaned forward and gave me a kiss on my cheek. My stomach tensed up, and my heart fluttered. “You will be beautiful.”
My mother also wanted to see me, so I kept the conversation with Aaronmon short and made my way to her room. When she let me in, she walked over to her desk where her abula was on, going through pictures. I watched them as they flipped through images of my mother and a young Aunt Trish, and like a GIF picture, each image moved for a few seconds like a short video.
“I wish she could see you today.” My mother’s words were shaky. I realized that her emotions were shades of gray. Patters of rain started to tap the window outside. I didn’t know if it was cosmic or her Aríenom gifts, but I didn’t ask. “I’m so thankful that she raised you. She did a wonderful job. Everything you are is because of her.”
“Not everything,” I said, pulling a chair up next to her. “She always told me that I looked just like you, and that I had my dad’s willpower.”
She sniffled. “That is true. You act just like him.” She played with my hair and brushed my dark locks to the back. “My baby is growing up and will be participating in the bonding ceremony. It seems as though I just got you back.”
“Maybe because you did just get me back.” I smiled. “But I’m not going anywhere.”
“You haven’t bonded yet,” she said matter-of-factly. She paused just for a second. “I know you have put your foot down, but I want you to know that if you don’t want to completely seal the bond in two nights, you don’t have to. Aaronmon is worried that you are going to do something you don’t want to.”
I bit my lip and looked down. I wanted to ease her fears and Aaronmon’s, too. I wanted to surprise him on the night of the ceremony, but at the least I could put my mother’s to rest.
“You don’t have to worry. I realized not so long ago that Aaronmon means more to me than just the bond.” I watched as her brow furrowed with confusion, and then her eyes widened with realization, and softened with happiness all within a split second.
She pulled me into an embrace. As she held me, her hands ran through my long hair. She whispered, “My daughter, you are truly growing up. I can’t wait to see the gifts the future will bring you.”
“I don’t know what to expect of the future,” I said, “but as long as the people I love are included, it will be brighter.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
I stretched out across my bed, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. I yawned loudly and curled into the pillow. I was surprised I had slept at all last night; every time I had closed my eyes, I would remember the big day ahead of me. I felt like a little kid waiting for Santa Claus. I looked over at my table and found that breakfast had already been brought in. We would not be doing a grand breakfast in the dining hall. I got out of bed and rubbed my neck as the aroma of the Emréian meat filled my nostrils. I was about to take my first bite when I noticed that my abula was lying next to the plate. Had I left it there last night? Seeing the hologram of one message appear, I found my answer.
I opened the message and watched happily as Aaronmon spoke to me on the other side. “Lenai Carsona, I am far too lucky to be bonding to a beautiful Emréian like you. You represent everything that an Emréian should be: strong, caring, and resourceful. You will do anything for Emréiana and Earth. I hope that as a bonding partner I can a
lways be there with you during times of trial. I love you, and I hope that you can truly love me one day.”
The message flickered off. I bit my lip, trying to hide my smile. I had not told him yet that I loved him. I wanted to wait till tonight when we were to seal the bond. I had acknowledged my fluttering and elated feelings for him. And while, for the most part, I kept my empathy to myself, I couldn’t help slowly hinting at my love. It was the little things: during dinner I would take his hand; at the end of the night, I would give him a kiss on the cheek. Everything became much easier after realizing my true feelings for him.
When I finished eating, I changed into a simple long dress. As soon as I left the room, I knew the palace was in an even bigger rush to get things done. The hallways were busy with people decorating and seeing guests to their rooms. Everyone greeted and congratulated me, but they were quick to hurry off to finish their tasks. I found my mother in the main room, talking to some of the guests. I hurried up to her and greeted the couple she was talking to.
“Lenai Carsona,” the middle-aged couple said in unison.
“It’s such a pleasure to be witnessing your bonding,” the woman said.
“I appreciate you coming,” I told her.
“Carson,” my mother said, “this is Janeve and Grawl, Dianie of Borondton. Janeve is your father’s sister.”
“Oh,” I said, a bit surprised. I realized that it meant that they were also Colamous’s parents. “I’m so glad to meet you. I didn’t get a chance to meet my father as his passing was before my arrival.”
“We would have come to visit before, but Colamous has been very busy in Borondton,” Janeve told me. Using my empathy, I searched her feelings quietly and found her to be truthfully fond of me. I felt guilty for a second for using my powers on her, but that feeling was soon replaced once I realized that Grawl was not on the same level as she was. Grawl’s feelings were a tangled mess of uncomfortable and annoyed. But even worse, there was an undefined feeling of satisfaction. It was as if he knew something that no one else did. I looked further, but hit a wall. My empathy only told me what they were feeling; it didn’t give away secrets.
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