“But that’s when all my friends are busy. I shall never be able to see them.And another thing – you owe me a lot of money.”
“I do not,” he snarled with a face of thunder and it was obviously futile to argue with him. The situation was becoming intolerable and I toyed with the idea of returning to England. Only my obsession with Luis and my fondness for Burgos and all my friends prevented me from booking my ticket that very day. I rang Anita and told her that I would not be able to meet her on the Sunday as had been arranged and explained why. I felt near to weeping and Anita was stunned.
“You must leave,” she said, “you can’t stay there under those conditions.”
“I can’t leave. I’ve grown so fond of Burgos. I can’t go home now. Perhaps Don Tomás will relent.”
The following Sunday morning I went to look for Federico to tell him the news but he was not in his academy, nor was he in the Bar Paloma. Since I did not have time to search all the bars in Burgos I started to walk home. Suddenly I heard someone calling me and turning, I saw Raúl, the doctor in whose company I had spent that last evening in Santander.
“Hello!” he said,“How are you getting on? Do you like it here in Burgos?”
“Yes, I like Burgos, but I am not happy inVázquez’s house.” I told him all my grievances: how he didn’t pay me, how he was determined that I should have no free time.“Do you know, – I haven’t told anybody this – but Don Tomás even tries to get into my room at night. I have to lock my door. It’s awful!”
Raúl nodded gravely. He clearly was not very surprised.
“Whatever happens,” he advised, “keep that a secret. If people were to get to know it they would think you were having an affair with him. It would be your reputation, not Tomás’s that would suffer.”
I thought: how unfair! Maybe I had better leave this backward country.
That evening I joined Luis and his brothers in a room above a bar. The older brothers had been out shooting that morning and we were all going to have a feast of roast hare and wine.The brothers were very different from Luis, both in character and appearance. They were sturdy lads, convivial and extrovert almost to the point of being over-bearing. The wine flowed freely and we all became very merry, singing and exchanging jokes. It helped me to forget, for the moment, the unpleasant task which lay ahead: that of telling Luis I would be returning to England shortly. Earlier, at lunch time, I had finally made up my mind that I would go home, bitterly as I regretted having to do so, for it seemed I had no choice.
Luis, after several glasses of wine, had become lively and vociferous. It was hard to believe, looking at him now, that he was the same shy, diffident young man who had walked into Federico’s academy a few weeks ago. With one arm round my neck and the other holding his glass aloft, he cried: “I give you a toast! To the Spanish Republic! Viva La Republica Española!”
I was amazed and startled. Where was all the caution he had shown when telling me about his father?
His brothers, who had stronger heads, leapt to their feet instantly and rushed over to suppress this indiscreet outburst of political fervour.
“You idiot!” snapped Ignacio, a note of panic in his voice.“Do you want us all arrested? Have you been out of circulation so long you’ve forgotten what it’s like in the real world? You’d better get out of here before we all end up in the political prison.”
“What sort of life is this?” demanded Luis angrily, getting to his feet and swaying slightly, his green eyes ablaze. “If I had the chance I would get out of here. I would go anywhere, anywhere rather than stay here.”
Ignacio walked over to me and bent to whisper in my ear. “He’s had too much to drink. He’s always like this when he’s had too many. One day this will happen in a public place, someone will hear and that will be the end of him. For God’s sake get him out into the fresh air and make him sober up!”
“Come on Luis,” I said, gently taking him by the arm,“let’s go for a walk.”
A chilly breeze sent the fallen leaves scurrying along the pavement. Luis shivered and pulled up his collar, his face deathly pale under the dim street lights.We stopped while he lit a cigarette then stood leaning against the parapet gazing down at the river below, watching the shimmering reflections of lights dancing on the dark water.
“What sort of country is this where a man can’t speak his mind without fear of being arrested?” he brooded.“What must you think of us?”
“Let’s forget it,” I suggested.
“Forget it? Forget it? How can one forget it? You don’t know how lucky you are to live in a free country.”
“Oh yes I do. Since living here I really appreciate what we have back home.”
“They rule our lives.” His voice was bitter. “And they killed my father. I can’t forget that.They murdered my father and I want to shout that from the rooftops.”
I looked at him and what I saw in his face frightened me. It was hatred: pure, unashamed, terrifyingly intense hatred and I didn’t like it.
“Luis, Let’s forget politics for a minute. I have something important to tell you.You see, this may be the last time we see each other for a long time because I’ve decided to go home, back to England.”
He stared at me in astonishment and removed the cigarette from his mouth.“You’re not serious?”
“I am.”
“Back to your free country? Has it got you down already, living here? Ay! Dios!” He passed his hand across his face.
“No! No! It has nothing to do with politics. Of course I don’t want to go home yet but I have no alternative. You know how impossible life is becoming at that house and now Vázquez has stopped paying me and he’s not going to allow me any free time. That’s the last straw. I shall have to leave.”
Luis seized my hand. “But you can’t go. You don’t mean it. Please listen to me! I love you.You know that, don’t you? I have loved you since that first day when I saw you at Don Federico’s academy. Remember that silly frog of Paco’s? But I didn’t think I had a chance. I thought you would have a boyfriend in England.”
He clasped me to him and I buried my head in his shoulder not wanting him to see my tears. Perhaps it was the effect of the wine but I had never known him to talk so long without stopping.
“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” he continued breathlessly,“you have restored all my self confidence: all the confidence I lost while I was in the sanatorium and I want you to be with me all the time. Dios mío! How I want you!”
“I can’t bear the thought of leaving you, Luis, but what choice do I have? I can’t work for nothing. I’m not his slave.”
“Listen!” His voice was suddenly calmer. “There is a way out of this.You don’t have to stay in that house.You could easily make a living teaching English. Everybody wants to learn English since the Americans set up their bases in Spain.There are cheap guest houses in Burgos.Why stay withVázquez?”
This was an idea that had not occurred to me. It took a while to sink in but gradually my misery subsided as I realised that Luis really had shown me an escape route. However, I still had lingering doubts.
“Do you really think I could find enough pupils for me to live independently here in Burgos?”
“Why not? I’m sure of it; and later, when I go back to Madrid, I want you to be there with me. There are masses of people in Madrid who want to learn English and we could be so happy there together!”
This all sounded easy and irresistibly tempting. I imagined myself strolling with Luis by the lake in Madrid’s Retiro Park, window-gazing along the smart GranVía or enjoying a drink at the romantic Cuevas de Luis Candelas.Together we would admire the paintings in the Prado Gallery and go dancing at the Casa del Segoviano. It was my idea of heaven and you don’t turn your back on heaven.
“I’ll do it,” I said with determination, straightening myself and drying my eyes. “Tomorrow I shall give in my notice to Vázquez, but I’m staying in Spain whatever happens.”
/> “You promise that?”
“Yes. But you must promise me that there will be no more of this dangerous talk about the Republic. I want you with me in one piece and I want you to be happy.”
He smiled. “There’s only one thing that can make me happy and that’s if you stay here and be my novia.”
My joy knew no bounds now that I could be sure of Luis’s feelings towards me. The sinister spectre of the institute gardener’s daughter had at last been exorcised and he was mine. My head was in the clouds as we walked back along the Espolón and I could never remember feeling so happy.
On that chilly, autumnal night the Espolón was very different from the way it had been a month ago. Gone were the strolling crowds. It was windswept and deserted except for a few people hurrying home. The café owners were stacking away their tables and chairs and the pavements looked bare and forlorn. Nevertheless, that evening I viewed everything through a warm, rosy glow. Everything and everyone seemed wonderful.
Alas, this state of euphoria was short-lived and I was quickly brought down to earth again on arriving back at theVázquez house. As soon as I entered I could sense that something was wrong. Even Rosa was not her usual calm self. She was setting the table in the dining room arranging then re-arranging the cutlery in a flustered way. When she saw me she apologised that dinner would be late. “There’s been a bit of trouble with the cook,” she said.
“Why, what’s happened?”
“Oh… nothing. It’s just that the cook is rather upset, that’s all.”
Her manner was nervous and evasive so I decided to see for myself. In the kitchen I found the cook frying potatoes. Her face was red and swollen and she looked generally ruffled.
“What’s the matter Mercedes?”
She passed her sleeve across her face and sniffed.“I’m leaving,” she announced in a strangled voice.“I’m giving in my notice.”
“Tell me what’s happened!”
Silently she unbuttoned the back of her dress and pulled it down to reveal her bare shoulder and back which were covered with angry red marks. I stared at them in horror.
“You’ve been beaten!” I gasped.“The Mistress?”
The cook nodded. “I’m leaving,” she repeated buttoning up her dress.“I won’t be treated like this. It’s too much.”
“I don’t blame you! And I’ll tell you another thing.You’re not the only one who will be leaving this house.”
I turned and walked out of the kitchen and at that moment the telephone rang.
“It’s for you señorita,” said Rosa.
“Listen!” Anita’s voice sounded excited. “Listen! I’ve been thinking about what you said and I have an idea.You could give English classes here in Burgos and earn a lot of money. I know several people who would be interested. Aunt Domi says you can come and live with us if you like.There’s not a lot of room here but we can squeeze you in. Please say you will!”
I could hardly believe my good fortune. There was now nothing to prevent me leavingVázquez and I went to my room and started to pack determined to do so the very next day.
The following morning dawned fine and sunny.The cold wind had dropped and it was a beautiful, golden day. I had promised Anita that I would arrive on her doorstep complete with my suitcase some time that afternoon. As I did not have to look for accommodation and Vázquez had not paid me for a long time, I could see no reason why I shouldn’t leave immediately without giving notice.
When Rosa came into my room to dust, she stared in amazement at my packed case and empty cupboards.
“Surely you are not going today? What will you do? Where will you go, señorita?” She seemed genuinely concerned.
I laughed. “Don’t you worry about me Rosa! I’ll be alright. Yes, I’ve every intention of leaving today.After what I saw last night I don’t want to stay here another minute.”
Rosa sighed and a strange look came over her face as though she were wishing she too had the freedom to leave. I wondered why she did not. What mystery was this girl hiding? Could it be thatVázquez had forced his attentions on her too, with success, and was now subjecting her to blackmail? I remembered what Raúl had said. A bad reference implying that her morals were loose would be enough to guarantee she would never find employment elsewhere.
Lunchtime arrived. I decided to have a quick meal with the children and then faceVázquez before he left for the clinic. He and Doña Constanza were having their lunch as usual at the end of the vast table in the dining room. They did not even look up when I entered the room but continued stuffing themselves in silence. I summoned up all my courage, took a deep breath and began.
“Don Tomás, I’m sorry I have to disturb you in the middle of a meal but I have something important to say to you and it cannot wait.”
“We are eating,” muttered Vázquez with his mouth full. “Wait till we have finished!”
“There’s no time.You will be leaving the house after lunch and so will I. My bags are packed and there’s nothing to keep me here any longer.”
“What do you mean?” spluttered Vázquez, nearly spilling his wine.“What are you talking about? Get out and leave us in peace!”
“No!You will hear me out!” I could feel my face flushing with anger. “You expect me to work for you for nothing with no free time to see my friends but that is not what we agreed when I first came here.You have gone back on your word and you owe me a lot of money. Since I have been here I have not been happy for a number of reasons of which you, Don Tomás, are only too aware.”
“Get out!” shouted Vázquez wiping his mouth on his napkin. “I don’t know what you are talking about.We are having a meal.”
I looked at Doña Constanza who had been sitting there opening and closing her red mouth like a fish. I decided to take pity on her. I could not tell her what was in my mind!
“Don Tomás, whether you listen to me or not makes no difference.The fact is that my bags are in the hall and I am leaving right now, but before I do so, I would ask you to settle the amount you owe me, my salary for the past two months.”
I handed him a piece of paper on which I had written out an account for my services. He tore it up angrily throwing the pieces on the floor. “I owe you nothing!” he yelled, his face scarlet with rage. “Do you hear me? I owe you nothing – now get out of this room!”
I could see that Vázquez did not think I was serious. He obviously assumed I was bluffing for as I left the room, he picked up his fork and resumed eating as though nothing had happened.
I went into the living room to say goodbye to Tomasín. He was home from school with a cold and was feeling sorry for himself.
“Goodbye,” I said. “I expect Don Federico will be teaching you English as well as Latin from now on. Poor Federico! Anyway, I’m leaving so goodbye. I hope your cold will soon be better.”
“Going somewhere?” he croaked, clearing his throat and spitting enthusiastically on the carpet.
“Yes, I am and I can’t get there quick enough. Incidentally, that’s disgusting. Poor Rosa will have to clear up that mess.”
“So what? That’s her job isn’t it? That’s what she’s paid for. Got to give her something to do.”
“Pig!”
I turned to go, but he leapt to his feet and ran after me.
“Hey, you’re not really going, are you?”
“Watch me!”
I marched into the hall, where I had left my things. Through the half-open dining room door I could see thatVázquez and Doña Constanza were still eating. The servants were all standing in the hall eager to see whether I would be true to my word. I picked up my case and smiled at them.
“Goodbye Rosa, Josefina, Mercedes. I wish you luck because here you’re going to need it!”
I walked out of the flat, making as dignified an exit as I could with my arms full of bags and descended the stairs.At the bottom I looked up and saw three astonished heads leaning over the banisters. I put down one of my cases and gave them a last wave but
they were too dumbfounded to respond.
Out in the sunshine I felt like a released prisoner. My bags were heavy but my heart was light as I walked down the street and through the market on my way to Anita’s house. I pushed through the throng, steering a course between the many stalls laden with scarlet pimientos, heavy bunches of bananas, clusters of grapes and crates of water melons. A man roasting chestnuts and another selling churros competed with each other, shouting out their wares in loud voices. I paused for a moment, putting my luggage down to rest my arms and admire the display of earthenware pots and plates which lay spread out on the pavement. Their owner was sitting propped up against a wall, his head flopped forward on his chest, hat pulled down over his eyes, oblivious to the noisy world around him.There was an empty porrón at his elbow and I marvelled at the trusting nature which allowed him to indulge in drunken slumbers while his wares were on display to the public in such a vulnerable way.
“Señorita!”A voice called behind me and I started, like a hunted animal, fearful that someone from the Vázquez household had been sent to pursue me and was about to drag me kicking and screaming back to the dreadful place. I turned quickly, nearly tripping over some chickens which sat basking at my feet.“Señorita, where are you going with all those things? What has happened?”
To my immense relief, I saw that it was the vegetable seller with whom I was on good terms having bought water melons from her regularly for Mercedes. She came out from behind her stall and peered at me anxiously.
“It’s alright,” I said, “I’ve left the place where I was working but everything’s fine…”
“Madre mía! But where will you go? You are very welcome to stay in my house if you wish.There’s only my son and myself.We could easily find room for one more.”
I was moved by this spontaneous gesture of hospitality: such readiness to accept a virtual stranger into her home. I explained that I was going to friends and thanked her warmly for her offer. But she was still full of motherly concern for my welfare.
“You cannot carry all those heavy things so far. It’s a long way, on the edge of town. Come! Let my son take them for you.”
Mad Dogs and an English Girl Page 7